Full time: Everton 0-0 Liverpool
Peep peep! That wasn’t much of a game, though Everton could have won it during an eventful last five minutes. Both sides will be happy enough with the result. I would say it’s been a worthwhile experience for all concerned, including you and me, but it wasn’t. Bye!
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90 min Three minutes of added time.
89 min Danny Ings is replaced by Trent Alexander-Arnold.
88 min Now Calvert-Lewin has missed a great chance! It came from a right-wing cross by Coleman that was miscontrolled on the edge of the area by Gueye. No matter because the ball fell beautifully for Calvert-Lewin, who opened his body up and then sidefooted it miles wide of the far post.
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87 min Everton should have won it! Walcott beat Klavan with ease - why didn’t he do that an hour ago - and stood up a deep cross to the far post. Tosun wrestled for position with Van Dijk and, though he won that battle, he was off balance when the ball came to him and could only head it back past the far post. There was still a chance for Coleman to turn it in from a couple of yards, but he couldn’t reach the ball on the stretch.
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85 min Both sides will sleep well if the result stays like this. Baines stands up a cross that is well claimed by Karius. Everton have been good in the last 10 minutes.
82 min This is Everton’s best spell of the match. Tosun’s deflected shot looks set to fall perfectly for Walcott at the far post - and then he slips over! Oh, Theo.
81 min “Hi Rob,” says Pat Boivin. “Apropos of nothing, really, but I was reading up on the MLS the other day. Did you know that there’s a Brazilian who plays for Orlando who is simply referred to as ‘PC’? Bet he’d be a dream to MBM about, compared to Wijnaldum anyway. No need to Ctrl+V there! There is also the fabulously named Joe Scally, of NYC FC; and my personal favourite, Shaft Brewer Jr, who plies his trade for LA FC. Maybe we’ll see Rooney cutting his best peripheral figure next to one of those lads next season.”
79 min Everton make their final change, with Tom Davies replaced by Beni Baningime.
78 min “I was thinking more of Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music in terms of quality,” says Mark Grice. “For those who haven’t heard it, imagine every crap pass played by Everton today being accompanied by grinding sounds.”
That sounds quite Mexico to me.
77 min Two sniffs in a minute for Everton! Baines plays a neat give-and-go with Davies and flashes a superb ball across the six-yard area that just - and I mean just - evades the sliding Tosun.
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76 min A sniff of something for Everton. Gueye surges forward and finds Calvert-Lewin, whose deflected cross-shot flashes across the face of goal.
75 min A Liverpool change: Mane off, Firmino on.
74 min Mane finds Solanke, whose shot from 20 yards is blocked by Coleman - as is the follow up. Fine defending.
73 min “Rob, how very dare you!” says Colin Young. “Brian Eno’s music ‘scruffy and uneventful? Not a bit of it. It has rich texture, conceptual freedom, the occasional burst of glory and always ends with a plateau moment. Unlike this game in just about every way. Harrumph.”
Oh, don’t get me wrong. I love his music too. But nothing actually happens, does it.
72 min Unique genius Roberto Firmino is getting ready to come on.
71 min “It’s a Godot of a game, innit,” says Jim Morrish. “Where nothing at all happens….. twice.”
I wish this game was Morrish.
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70 min “Your olfactory powers appear to be waning Bobbie,” says Mac Millings. “Watford-Burnley positively *reeks* of a 3-3 thrilla. You heard it here first, although I am also prepared to deny everything.”
69 min Oxlade-Chamberlain has an instant impact, surging past Schneiderlin before smashing a rising drive just over the bar from 25 yards. Excellent play.
68 min Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain replaces the excellent James Milner, who will be a key player on Tuesday at Manchester City.
67 min Some Everton players have shown a great attitude, particularly Coleman and Baines, but the collective lack of confidence and quality is almost excruciating.
66 min We should have known it would be 0-0. Quasimodo predicted all this.
65 min I honestly don’t know what to say. This has been such a scruffy, uneventful second half - not so much heavy metal football as Brian Eno football.
64 min “At least,” says Michael George, “we know which game will be on last on MOTD tonight!”
I wouldn’t be so sure. I’ve had a vision of the future, and Watford 0-0 Burnley don’t smell too good.
62 min Liverpool are totally dominant in terms of possession, though Pickford has only had two difficult saves to make in the match.
61 min Poor old Yannick Bolasie is replaced by Dominic Calvert-Lewin. It’s a straight swap.
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59 min Coleman and Ings square up to each other over nothing in particular. Ings seemes a bit bemused as to why Coleman had it in for him, but it all ends amicably enough.
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58 min “The game is passing Rooney by,” says Roy Allen. “Last week and this. The only question is which MLS team will he be banging in hat-tricks for by the end of the summer?”
It’s been passing him by for ages, sad to say. By heaven, though, what a player he was from 2002-10.
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57 min An Everton substitution: Idrissa Gueye replaces Wayne Rooney, who is not remotely enamoured of the decision. “Bullshit!” he announces to everyone and no one.
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55 min Schneiderlin wins possession smartly, looks forward ... and sees absolutely nothing, so goes back to Baines. This is hard to watch. Everton are dreadful.
54 min There are more jeers as Bolasie is robbed by Ings. The poor bloke is having a beast and looks desperately low on confidence. I doubt he’ll be on much longer.
53 min See 49 min.
50 min Milner, who was one of the stars of that awesome win over Manchester City on Tuesday, has been excellent again both with and without the ball. He is bang in form at the moment.
49 min Liverpool have started the second half as they ended the first, with an indecent amount of possession. This is ominous for Everton.
47 min There’s an increasingly funereal atmosphere at Goodison Park. Wimbledon 94 it ain’t.
46 min Peep peep!
Half-time reading
Half time: Everton 0-0 Liverpool
Peep peep! A slow, forgettable half comes to an end. Both keepers made fine saves - Karius’s was a beauty - but otherwise there was little to report. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.
45 min “Is that the Midsomer Murders episode where Mino Raiola throws Paul Pogba under the bus?” sniffs Cian O’Mahony.
44 min Mane whips a curling shot over the bar from 25 yards. Everton have moved deeper and deeper as the half has progressed. I’m not sure they can get away with approach for another 45 minutes.
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42 min Ings is in pain after wearing Bolasie’s studs on his ankle. I don’t think there was any naughty intent from Bolasie.
41 min Bolasie is jeered after a hideous square pass that goes straight to Ings. Everton are so low on confidence, and the discontent of the crowd is exacerbating that.
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39 min FYI: Midsomer Murders is on ITV.
38 min This is rapidly becoming a very dull match.
35 min Van Dijk’s long-range free kick is well held at ankle height by Pickford.
32 min Liverpool are starting to dominate possession. It’s not a great game, in truth, with both sides not at their best in attack. What do you mean this is Everton’s best?
29 min Another good save from Pickford, who flies to his left to palm an ambitious curling shot from Milner behind for a corner. It was a really good effort, curled towards the far post from the left side of the box.
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25 min Remember how horrible it was to play Bolton away when Sam Allardyce was in charge? There is little of that fibrous menace, or the oft-forgotten Okochian quality in this Everton team. They don’t look like a Sam Allardyce side.
23 min What a save from Karius! Bolasie moved the ball onto his right foot and set a beautiful long-range curler outside the far post that shaped back in and would have sneaked into the net off the post. Karius flew across his line, leapt to his left and just brushed it round the post with his fingertips. He gets plenty of stick but that was spectacularly good.
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22 min Replays confirm it definitely wasn’t a penalty.
19 min Everton appeal for a penalty when Tosun goes over in the box after a challenge from Van Dijk. Michael Oliver isn’t interested. They were trying to get to a low cross from Bolasie that eventually ran through to Karius. We haven’t seen a replay yet but I don’t think there was much in it.
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18 min A long free-kick bounces up in the Liverpool box and is shanked just wide of his own goal by Klavan.
17 min Although it was a brilliant save by Pickford, Solanke should probably have scored. Had he put it anywhere near the corner, Pickford would have had no chance.
16 min That’s a brilliant save from Pickford. A cross from the right by Clyne bounced off an unsighted defender and came straight to Solanke, who swept it instinctively towards goal from six yards. Pickford showed superb reactions to dive to his right and push it away.
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13 min Tosun turns on a bouncing ball and tries a snapshot from 20 yards that flies over the bar. It was a decent effort, vaguely reminiscent of Graeme Sharp’s legendary goal in 1984, but it didn’t dip enough.
12 min Liverpool are stealthily starting to dominate this game. Ings’ stabbed pass finds its way through to Milner on the left of the box. He stands up a cross that is headed wide from 10 yards by Solanke. That was a decent chance, though there wasn’t any pace on the cross for him to work with.
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10 min “I guess I’m not alone amongst Bluenoses in liking Jurgen Klopp and really hoping that Rafa Benitez can see out the relegation battle for Newcastle,” says Gary Naylor. “When it comes to managers, it’s a reversal of that old joke about children and farts - it’s just our own that we can’t stand.”
That is so modern football.
9 min Wijnaldu marches confidently onto a loose ball, 30 yards out. Goal kick to Everton.
6 min It’s all pretty frantic at the moment. Everton are certainly having a go, albeit without much quality so far.
4 min It has been hooting down in Liverpool and the pitch is pretty wet as a result. Coleman visits the canvas after slipping.
3 min “Well, Rob,” says Matt Dony. “I am a Liverpool fan, and I was already concerned about Tuesday. (We know better than most that a 3-0 half time lead is fragile.) Yes, Liverpool completely did a number on City, but they are the best team in the country, and they are capable of replying in kind. If it had been 2-2, I’d have thought we were in with a chance, but I’d have sportingly accepted a loss. As it is, if City do pull it off, it’s going to hurt. A lot. Looking for today to be some kind of relief. A couple of early goals will settle the nerves.”
Yes, I think it’ll be really close, but if Salah is fit I can’t see you not scoring. And you’d never concede five at City.
2 min It’s the usual fast start in a Liverpool match - but this time it’s from Everton. Van Dijk, who plays elite football with a resting heart rate, calmly heads away Coleman’s cross.
1 min After a minute’s applause for Ray Wilkins, whose death this week hit everyone so hard, Everton get the match under way.
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Plug plug plug
There are also episodes devoted to the Spice Boys and Everton’s 1984-85 champions, it says here.
If I was a Liverpool fan, and thank goodness I’m not, I’d be slightly concerned about Tuesday. They’re dropping like flies. I know it’s only Alberto Moreno but if Andy Roberts- actually, no, I’ve defeated my own argument with the words ‘Alberto Moreno’. As you were.
SOMEBODY FIRE UP THE BLOODY BREAKING NEWS TICKER PRONTO
🔄 There's been a late change to our team...
— Liverpool FC (@LFC) April 7, 2018
Rafa Camacho is now on the bench, with Alberto Moreno dropping out due to a thigh injury.https://t.co/QquZcN8ZnT pic.twitter.com/i3NKHVtiYg
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“Hi Rob,” says Aaron Alexander. “Can you possibly confirm if this would be a first team debut for 19-yr-old Irish centre half Conor Masterson, who joined Liverpool at the age of 13? Cheers.”
What’s it worth?
(Yes, it would.)
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Matt Loten’s got beef about teef “How could Simon possibly leave out Suarez when talking about Liverpool and significant sets of teeth? He may not be the hipster’s choice but when it comes to Mersey-based, headline-grabbing chompers, Suarez surely can’t be beat.”
Tacticswatch “Any chance that Liverpool 4-3-3 is actually a 3-4-3 with Clyne and Milner as wing backs?” asks Neil Creasey. “I think I’d rather play it that way than have Klavan at left back.”
Oh darling, there’s always a chance. But I doubt it.
“Greetings Rob,” says Simon McMahon Klopp really does have the most magnificent set of gnashers. Possibly the finest since Frank McAvennie. Or, for slightly different reasons, Joe Jordan.”
Tell it to Kenny Burns. I wish there was footage of this.
Jurgen Klopp speaks! “Mo is injured, but hopefully he’ll be available for Tuesday. It’s the same with Robbo (Andy Robertson). We need fresh legs so that’s why we’ve made changes, I don’t know exactly how many we’ve made. Everton deserve all our respect and we know it will be a tough game.”
Pre-match reading
Team news
Liverpool make five changes, though they still have a pretty strong side. Roberto Firmino is on the bench; Mo Salah is not. Everton bring in Tom Davies for Dominic Calvert-Lewin.
Everton (4-3-3) Pickford; Coleman, Jagielka, Keane, Baines; Rooney, Schneiderlin, Davies; Walcott, Tosun, Bolasie.
Substitutes: Robles, Martina, Gueye, Niasse, Funes Mori, Calvert-Lewin, Baningime.
Liverpool (4-3-3) Karius; Clyne, Lovren, Van Dijk, Klavan; Milner, Henderson, Wijnaldum; Ings, Solanke, Mane.
Substitutes: Mignolet, Firmino, Camacho, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Masterson, Alexander-Arnold, Jones.
Referee Michael Oliver.
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Preamble
Morning! The Merseyside derby is often the most important game of the season for those involved. This time, it’s not even the biggest game of the week. Liverpool go to Manchester City in the Champions League on Tuesday while Everton have a six-pointer against Swansea in seven days’ time .
If Liverpool rest players – and Jurgen Klopp would be a damn gegenpressing fool to not do so – Everton will have a decent chance of their first derby win since 2010. A victory would give their supporters banter rights for a few months, and might even improve Poor Old Sam’s popularity rating by 0.00001 per cent. The alternative scenario, of being embarrassed by Liverpool Reserves, can be filed under unthinkable.
We know Sam Allardyce is probably done at Everton. Some tides can’t be turned. If he found a way to create an economic boom and bring back world peace, some supporters would still accuse him of a being a dinosaur who is out of touch with modern life. But he can still be a hero today.
The Everton fans’ complaints have been more about style than results but this is one day when they won’t care if their team has 2.4 per cent possession and scores the winning goal from a long goalkick that bounces in off Wayne Rooney’s appreciable derriere.
It’s been far too long since Everton beat Liverpool, and the bigger picture can wait till next week. For them, this really is the most important game of the season.
Kick off is at 12.30pm.
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