Match report:
Full time: Everton 2-0 Chelsea
Everton are into the semi-finals! It was a tight and frequently boring game for 76 minutes. Then Romelu Lukaku scored a stunning solo goal that was part Shearer, part Messi. He soon added a second, and then Diego Costa was sent off for almost giving Gareth Barry a hickey. It was indefensible, appalling and very, very funny. Thanks for your company, night!
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90+3 min Romelu Lukaku is taken off so that he can get an ovation. Quite right too. His first goal was magnificent.
90+3 min There is suddenly a weird nervousness around Goodison Park. Only this Everton side could be 2-0 up, against 10 men, at home, with one minute of added time left, and still be nervous.
90+2 min Ross Barkley is replaced by Muhamed Besic.
90 min “Is Costa the only human who looks less scary with a mask on?” says Ian Copestake.
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89 min “*’** **** **** ** *******, *****, ******* *** ***** ****. ** ** ********** ****’* *** ******* ** *** G,” says Justin Brown.
88 min What a weird end to the game. John Stones replaces Aaron Lennon. That’s not the weird bit, obviously.
87 min: BARRY SENT OFF
Gareth Barry gets his second yellow card for a deliberate foul on Fabregas, then has the effrontery to complain. That was an undeniable second yellow.
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86 min It’s all happening: John Terry is not playing centre forward for Chelsea, having come on for, er, someone. Everton are preparing to bring John Stones on. We haven’t seen a replay of that Costa/Barry business from an angle that tells us whether he bit him or not.
84 min Costa was already on a yellow card. Barry niggled him with a bad tackle, at which point Costa got straight up and ran at Barry. First he stuck his head into Barry, then he seemed to be about to bite Barry’s neck (I’m not sure he actually did bite him; the camera angle wasn’t the best), and finally he put his arms round Barry in a loving embrace.
That was thoroughly odd, a yellow card for both, and that meant a red for Costa. It was like he was went through the full range of human emotions in five seconds: I hate you I lust you I love you oh sod it I’m getting sent off anyway, let’s have a hug.
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DIEGO COSTA IS SENT OFF
That’s his first red card as a Chelsea player.
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Chelsea thought Lukaku was offside as he ran onto a short through pass from McCarthy and leathered it through Courtois’s legs with his right foot. It was an emphatic finish. The offside call was really tight; we haven’t seen a decent replay yet.
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GOAL! Everton 2-0 Chelsea (Lukaku 82)
Romelu’s revenge is complete!
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82 min A Chelsea substitution: Matic off, Loic Remy on.
80 min “Lionel Lukaku!” sniffs Gary Naylor. Romelu of the Rovers more like. That was cartoon heroism.
That was a stunning individual goal. It started when Barkley eased a pass into space on the left wing for Lukaku. He picked the ball up and ran infield between two players, using his formidable strength to muscle Azpilicueta aside. Then he slipped past Mikel in the box, which left him with just Cahill and Courtois to beat. He danced in front of the ball for a couple of seconds, jinking right and then left to beat Cahill with sleight of hip before placing a precise finish into the far corner.
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GOAL! Everton 1-0 Chelsea (Lukaku 77)
What a great goal from Romelu Lukaku!
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76 min A draw would make Chelsea strong favourites, though Everton did beat them on penalties at Stamford Bridge in an FA Cup replay five years ago. So there’s that.
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74 min Actually, Courtois didn’t beat Lukaku to that through pass. Lukaku got there first and tried to round Courtois, who as already sliding towards the ball and reacted really well to push it away.
73 min A Chelsea substitution: Willian off, Oscar on.
“I’ve got some thoughts of my own for half time’s Arbiter of Taste, Mr. Watson,” says Mac Millings. “No one gets to spell it “Garry” unless their surname is “Sobers”. Also, asterisks are for ****s.”
Oh, I put the asterisks in.
72 min Courtois flies from his line to just beat Lukaku to Cleverley’s through ball.
71 min A good move involving Lukaku and Lennon ends with Azpilicueta welting the ball clear from inside his own six-yard box. This is Everton’s best spell of the match, by some distance.
69 min “This match is a bit more exciting that the last one at least,” says Ruth Purdue. Indeed. This one’s had three shots on target!
I have turned my back on this poxy game. Though TinTin is keeping me informed. #Ruff #EFCvCFC pic.twitter.com/Sy0kWHAau3
— Danny Baker (@prodnose) March 12, 2016
67 min Moments after Barry takes a shooting chance off Baines’s foot, 20 yards out, Barkley thrashes wide of the near post from a tight angle.
63 min This is a decent game now, and Everton have another corner. It’ll be taken by Baines. See 55min.
62 min Fabregas is booked for leaving an imprint of his studs on Barry’s knee. That wasn’t the finest tackle in the history of football.
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61 min Coleman and Costa go for a high ball, and Coleman ends up on the floor. It was just a clash of heads, nothing more – not even Diego Costa loves aggro enough to have an ‘accidental’ clash of heads. It was, however, a brilliant defensive header from Coleman.
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58 min Diego Costa almost scores from an absurd angle. He was put through on goal by a lovely pass from Fabregas, with Funes Mori tracking him all the way. Funes Mori’s sliding tackle pushed the ball past the advancing Joel and allowed Costa a shot at goal. The ball was almost on the touchline, so he had no angle to work with, and his shot rolled all the way along the goalline.
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57 min The game has livened up a little. Pedro dupes Coleman before his cross is cleared by Barry.
55 min Everton are wrongly awarded a corner on the right, to be taken by Baines. Nothing happens. If I had my time again I wouldn’t bother with this entry.
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54 min An appeal for handball against Cahill when Funes Mori’s header hits him in the face. Michael Oliver rightly gives offside. Confused? Splendid, now lie down on the couch and tell me your hopes and fears.
52 min Costa tries to wriggle away from Coleman, who first outmuscles and then outmanoeuvres him. Terrific defending, and even better defending from Cahill at the other end a moment later, a storming last-man tackle on Lukaku 30 yards from goal.
50 min Everton started this game really aggressively, for about three minutes. Since then, they have been weirdly cautious. But they have a corner now thanks to the ineptitude of Ivanovic. Cleverley swings it deep towards the far post, where Funes Mori leaps superbly and loops a header onto the roof of the net. That was a chance, in the context of this match anyway. In fact in the context of this match it was an open goal from 0.00001 yard.
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49 min A detailed summary of all the excitement in this match thus far:
48 min “Half-time thoughts from Gary Naylor,” writes Gary Naylor. “Please remember to focus on the comments and spare us the dull non-events at the match. If you want to do all the football stuff, get a job at the BBC’s website but don’t do it on the G!!”
47 min “Guus wouldn’t be broken hearted taking this tie back to the Bridge,” says Art Durbano. “The FA Cup is his only route of any kind into Europe, and the replay couldn’t be staged until 5-6 April at the earliest. By then, he should have some old dependables back: Hazard, John Terry, Drogba, maybe Zola, Damien Duff, Frank Sinclair ...”
46 min Everton kick off from left to right. Dear everyone, please do something in this half.
Half-time thoughts from Garry Watson
“Please remember to focus on the match and spare us all the other ****. If you want to do all the other **** get your own website but don’t do it on the G!!”
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Half time: Everton 0-0 Chelsea
There are some halves of football that take out a lease in the memory bank; that, when you reflect on them years later, act as instant serotonin; that make you break into an uncontrollable smile at the sheer wonder of this marvellous game we love.
This was not one of those halves.
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45+1 min Willian goes down in a heap after a tackle from Baines. Nothing is given by the referee, and Willian eventually gets to his feet. Meanwhile Baines cuts the ball back to Cleverley, whose left-foot shot across goal is comfortably held by the diving Courtois.
44 min The resulting free-kick is taken by Willian, and Joel leaps to flick it over the bar. It was a dramatic but ultimately straightforward save.
42 min Jagielka is booked for an inept hack at Fabregas, 25 yards from goal.
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41 min CAN SOMEONE PLEASE AT LEAST HAVE A SHOT ON TARGET?
39 min This is an excellent spell for Chelsea, even if, as Martin Keown says on the BBC, they have been extremely indirect in their attacking.
37 min Costa tricks Cleverley in the box but Baines comes round to cover and welt the ball into touch.
34 min A marvellous angled pass from Fabregas puts Pedro clear of the defence on the right corner of the six-yard box. He goes round the advancing Joel but overruns the ball out of play. You could see his leg almost twitch as he went past Joel, as if he was waiting for contact, but he stayed on his feet and it was a goalkick.
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33 min Chelsea have a series of throw-ins deep in Everton’s half. That’s the extent of the excitementin the last five minutes.
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29 min Kenedy zooms forward from left-back and goes flying after a collision with Jagielka 35 yards from goal. Michael Oliver gives nothing. At first it seemed like a clear foul and a booking, but replays were less clear. Jagielka seemed to be trying to get out of the way, though it might have been a good piece of acting.
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28 min This game is, in the nicest possible way, not very good.
27 min Ivanovic, on the stretch, shanks a clearance behind for a corner. Baines’ inswinger is headed away at the near post. Moments later, Coleman’s deep, driven cross skims off the head of Lukaku at the far post and goes out for a goalkick. It was a fine spot from Coleman but just slightly overhit.
26 min “Also on the subject of retro, the Adebayor sprint must be one of the four football videos to feature a really good song,” says Phil Podolsky. “That Supremes-channeling Lenny Kravitz-penned Vanessa Paradis album is solid gold.”
25 min Cleverley’s cross-shot from 18 yards goes well wide.
24 min Kenedy fouls Lennon on the halfway line and receives a last warning from Michael Oliver. The Everton fans aren’t entirely enamoured with that.
22 min Actually, Jagielka did put hands on Costa’s chest. Probably not enough for him to go down, but it’s a risky thing to do in your own penalty area.
21 min Fabregas plays one of his cute little through balls towards Costa, who falls over in the area under pressure from Jagielka. We haven’t seen a replay, but it looked like a dive.
20 min After a flying start from Everton, Chelsea are starting to control possession.
17 min Pedro has limped back on. Kenedy runs through Coleman, and is a bit lucky not to be booked in the current climate. That said, I’m with Martin Keown: it’s nice to see a few zealous challenges.
“Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “I like retro. Retro is good. That’s why I’m drinking Campari and soda, smoking a cigar and wearing a fedora whilst typing this email.” Gotta love those retro, er, emails.
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14 min Coleman clatters Pedro, an old-fashioned man-and-ball challenge that leaves Pedro on the floor holding his shin. It was a thrilling tackle, although Pedro would not agree: he is limping to the touchline to receive more treatment.
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13 min Costa has single-handedly turned the atmosphere from partisan to poisonous. Actually that’s not fair: he used both hands to make contact with Barry’s face and head.
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9 min It’s kicking off here, and – yep – Diego Costa is involved. He was fouled a few moments earlier, and when play restarted he went straight for Gareth Barry. Barry ended up on the floor holding his face, and Costa was eventually booked by Michael Oliver. Costa is excellent at disguising his fouls, and it’s very hard to tell whether that was deliberate or an accidental follow-through as he went for the ball.
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7 min Everton have had most of the ball so far. You’re welcome.
4 min This, already, feels like a cup tie. And not just because it is a cup tie. It has a primal, retro feel to it.
3 min This has been a cracking start. Kenedy gets down the left, plays a one-two with Pedro and then smashes the bouncing ball high over the bar from the left side of the box.
2 min Everton’s formation is more of a 4-2-3-1, with Barkley playing off Lukaku and Cleverley plans a kind of false inverted eleven.
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1 min Chelsea, in white, kick off from left to right. There’s a cracking atmosphere at Goodison, even more so when Cleverley, on the edge of the area, shoots straight at Courtois after 40 seconds.
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“Given the high turnover of managers in this day and age, how much pressure will Martinez be under if Everton go out here, leaving their season to peter out?” asks Shaun Wlikinson. “He must be the most underachieving manager out there now bearing in mind the favourable conditions around him in terms of squad and set-up, and it seems like people are starting to see through his smoke and mirrors. What do you reckon, am I being too harsh?”
I see your point, and I think there has been a slight cultural cringe in the way he has been portrayed for a long time, but I’d give him another season. I’m not sure he’ll get it, mind you.
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An email!
“Will Lukaku go wild when he scores today?” says Ezra Finkelstein. “I think he will.”
Let’s hope so. That phony nonsense does nobody any favours. Up with this sort of thing:
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Team news
Everton (4-3-3) Joel; Coleman, Jagielka, Funes Mori, Baines; McCarthy, Cleverley, Barry; Lennon, Lukaku, Barkley.
Substitutes Howard, Stones, Kone, Niasse, Besic, Deulofeu, Osman.
Chelsea (4-2-3-1) Courtois; Azpilicueta, Cahill, Ivanovic, Kenedy; Mikel, Matic; Willian, Fabregas, Pedro; Diego Costa.
Substitutes: Begovic, Baba Rahman, Terry, Loftus-Cheek, Oscar, Traore, Remy.
Referee Michael Oliver (Northumberland)
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Preamble
Hello. This game needs no introduction, and not only because I’m feeling indolent after overdoing it on the protein bars at lunchtime. An FA Cup quarter-final, at Goodison Park, between Everton and Chelsea, with both looking to salvage disappointing seasons. This will be a cracker, or your money back.
Chelsea redeemed a frustrating campaign in 2008-09 when they beat Everton in the FA Cup final, and Guus Hiddink celebrated in appropriate style: by lighting an almighty cigar and offering a stiff two-fingered salute to Brent Council. They expected more this season, but a fifth FA Cup triumph in a decade would not be the worst consolation.
A glory day at Wembley would be even more important for Everton and Roberto Martinez. Winning the FA Cup helped Martinez get the Everton job; some ne’er-do-wells reckon he might need to win it again to stay in the job.
Kick off is at 5.30pm.
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