Time for a reprise of our Eurovision entry - the nation has spoken, and the UK will be sending SuRie to Lisbon in May.
I’ll be there too, high on custard tarts and vinho verde, so put Saturday 12th May in your diary for the Grand Final liveblog. Thank you all for joining in this evening, and for all your brilliant comments; you can find me on Twitter @heidistephens if you want to say hello, otherwise I’ll see you in May 12th! Cheers, Hx
Come on, let’s announce a winner! It’s quite tense.
And it’s...SURIE! YES! I’m SO happy about this. Absolutely the right decision, and with a bit of remix polish and extra welly the song could do really well.
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We’re all singing along to Waterloo, right? I’m giving it my all here.
Another VT featuring the 1974 Eurovision, which incidentally was the first one I ever watched, aged 11 months. I know this is dull filler, but last year we had a performance from The Vamps - given the choice, I’d rather admire Katie Boyle’s hair helmet and ABBA’s platforms.
If you’re interested, these ABBA outfits are on display in the ABBA museum in Stockholm, which I highly recommend.
The judges are asked for their favourite Eurovision song, and both Tom and Rochelle say ABBA, which is a lazy answer. More fun would have been “can you name any five Eurovision songs?” Tom doesn’t look the type to stick tiny flags in canapes and make his own scoreboard, but I’m happy to be proved wrong.
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The vote is closed! Soon we’ll know who is representing the UK at Eurovision 2018, and I’m very excited about this.
I just heard a little snippet of Poli Genova, who was Bulgaria’s entry in 2016. It was fab, and my Bulgarian dentist plays it for me every time I have a scale and polish.
Only 22 more minutes of filler! Time for a VT of Mans teaching us about Brighton. Love him or hate him, you can’t deny he rocks a turtleneck.
Mans doing a Britishness test actually made me laugh. He can stay. Time for another recap, despite us only having one five minutes ago. Only 11 minutes left to vote!
Time for some Eurovision 2017 highlights, with judging from some random young people.
I had the best time in Kiev - I say this every year, but if you’ve never been to Eurovision and you love the show, you really should - it’s absolute madness but the best party ever.
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If the Brighton Dome crowd is anything to go by, we should be sending SuRie to Lisbon. I really hope they’ve all got their phones and are voting like mad.
So that’s it for the singing, and the voting is open! A much better selection than last year, in my opinion – far fewer dreary ballads and a few potential euro-bangers.
My vote is going to SuRie, just because it’s the one that will do best for the UK in Lisbon. But I’d definitely drag my carcass onto the dancefloor for Asanda and Goldstone, so either of those would also be fine by me.
Rochelle thought Gallstone brought some girl band sparkle, and Rylan thought they were the upgraded OG3’NE from the Netherlands (NO, Rylan, NO). Tom wants to be in Gallstone.
Not sure about the wobble board/didgeridoo opening, but it quickly finds its ‘three quarters of Little Mix’ vibe. It’s an upbeat slice of happy clappy Euro-cheese about how much they feel the love in their city, despite at least one of them coming from Newport.
Despite the heinous fringing and my uncontrollable urge to call them “Gallstone”, I don’t hate this. Ask me again after I’ve heard it 300 times, but for now it definitely has potential.
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And finally it’s girl band Goldstone, singing ‘I Feel The Love’. They spend most of their time laughing and singing. Same.
Tom loved how everyone was singing along by the second chorus, and Rylan thought SuRie absolutely smashed it. Rochelle wants to see SuRie get out from behind the microphone and engage with the crowd in the final chorus. I have a really good feeling about this, but we have one more to go!
So this takes a bit too long to get going, but then it’s an absolute stomper. Eurovision loves a weather metaphor, and Lucie did just fine with a storm-based song last year. My favourite so far.
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My telly has frozen. This is not ideal. Ah, it’s back. Thank goodness.
Only two left! Next up it’s SuRie singing ‘Storm’; SuRie is a Royal Academy of Music graduate and after two outings as a Eurovision backing singer bridesmaid (for Belgium), she’s finally the bride.
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Rylan is worried that Portugal stepped up the ballad thing last year, and he’s worried Jaz would get lost in the inevitable ballad-fest of 2018. Rochelle loved the quality of Jaz’s performance, which you definitely can’t argue with.
So this is a bleak bit of bluesy storytelling about how the woman he’s with isn’t as amazing as his previous girlfriend. “I guess it’s finally time she knew/that she won’t ever be you”. I’m no relationship expert, but maybe try to soften the blow a bit, yeah?
Jaz is a great singer but I do not love this. It’s too sad for Eurovision. It is an anti-banger.
It’s going to win, isn’t it? Oh god it really is.
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We’re half way there. Have we seen our winner yet? Not sure, feel like we need something...bigger.
Next up it’s Jaz Ellington singing ‘You’ – he appeared on The Voice in 2012, apparently, which is a startling reminder that The Voice really has been going for that long and should have been put out of its misery some years ago.
My friend Rob did a quickfire question round at the press launch last week and asked all the contestants who sang “Rise Like A Phoenix”. Jaz was the only one who didn’t know, and for this heinous Eurocrime alone he should be disqualified.
Rochelle thought it was fresh and exciting, and Rylan loved Asanda’s 2004 jungle trousers. Tom thought Asanda looked like a pop star.
I really like this – it’s basically Rihanna accompanied by a brass band and a man in hat, which is a premise that feels delightfully British, somehow. It’s also nice to hear a sixteen-year-old in her satin pyjamas singing normal teen nonsense about how she’s a total legend, rather than mournful ballads of love, loss and regret over terrible life choices.
This also very much passes my “will I want to dance to this at 4am in the Lisbon Euroclub?” test with flying colours. Bit pitchy in places and there’s a LOT going on, but nothing she can’t fix by May. I am nothing if not optimistic.
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It’s time for Asanda Jezile singing ‘Legends’ – she is only 16, but is no novice at this game – she made the final of Britain’s Got Talent when she was only 11.
Rylan thought it was brilliant and amazing, particularly in the second half. Tom thought Liam did a great job with a technically challenging song, and Rochelle wanted Liam to work the stage more - there will be no LED screens in Lisbon (oh thank goodness), so he needs to own the stage.
Which reminds me, Rochelle is running the London Marathon for Teenage Cancer Trust’s #TeamLegend this year, and you can sponsor her here. It’s a great charity and she’s an absolute trouper.
I love Liam, but this is kind of sketchy guff that Eurovision loves and I can’t be doing with. Sorry, it’s a no from me.
So Liam’s song is about how he could be your astronaut when you’re feeling a bit low, possibly because gravity is pulling you down and you can’t breathe. I’d argue that this person needs an asthma inhaler, not an astronaut, but what do I know. I work in marketing and liveblog on the side.
Next up it’s Liam Tamne (from Coventy) singing ‘Astronaut’ – he has a background in musical theatre, appearing in Hairspray, Wicked and The Phantom of the Opera. He’s now ready to smash Eurovision.
Tom liked the live performance, and thought RAYA smashed it. Rochelle loved the energy, and Rylan loved the sweaty backing mechanics - a great start to the show.
This has a definitely Dua Lipa vibe going on, and I quite like it – it’s a bit light on lyrics (somebody on RAYA’s mind is making her crazy, probably ought to try some mindfulness) but it’s got serious drums and my foot is a-tapping.
Her vocal is a bit shaky, sadly, but I would not be ashamed to wave the flag for this in Lisbon.
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Right, let’s get on with some singing.
First up it’s RAYA (her capitals, not mine) singing ‘Crazy’- she’s a singer, dancer and DJ who has danced for Little Mix. She used to listen to her dad singing to Celine Dion in the car, which made her want to be a singer. Same, but alas my dream was thwarted by my lack of discernible talent.
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Time to meet our judges! Actually they’re panellists rather than judges, because we don’t judge at Eurovision (unless you’re Scooch). This year it’s Tom off McFly/McBusted, Rochelle from The Saturdays and Rylan, who is a Eurovision superfan and has also done the rounds of X Factor/Celebrity Big Brother/This Morning and a load of other stuff. Terrible TV track record aside, I’ve got a soft spot for Rylan, and to bastardise a phrase from the late Bruce Forsyth (RIP), on paper this panel is SO much better than last year.
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“You have to vote. If you don’t vote, you can’t complain about the result afterwards” says Mans, with an added *cough* BREXIT *cough*. Well, quite.
So let’s meet this year’s contestants! Last year they were all off X Factor, but we’ve got a wider range this year, which on paper sounds very promising – one from The Voice, one Britain’s Got Talent, one girl group who (as far as I can tell) have never darkened a TV talent show, one musical theatre star, one former backing singer and one combo singer, dancer and DJ. All we need now is for some decent songs, how hard can it be?
That said, for me there is only one ABBA medley.
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Time for an ABBA tribute, because we’re in the venue they won in in 1974, and also this show needs acres of filler. Mans is being a constipated Bjorn/Benny, duetting with the fabulous Lucie Jones, who sang her heart out for the UK last year. The dress makes her look a bit oven ready, but you can’t beat a medley.
I’m done with the awkward teleprompter reading now. Can we do some singing?
Co-hosting with Mel is the lovely Mans. I love him, but Mans without Petra is like Mel without Sue. It’s just not right.
Out comes Mel Giedroyc. Start drinking as soon as she says “Eurovish”.
Are we ready to choose a Song For Europe? I love hearing the Eurovision anthem, ‘Te Deum’ - always gives me a small frisson.
Just me? FINE.
Word from the Brighton Dome is that the crowd have been asked to stop waving their EU flags as they’re obscuring the cameras. LOL.
If you’re killing time waiting for back-to-back Euro-bangers, there’s a really good documentary on BBC2 right now about BBC wildlife cameramen. You’re welcome.
Evening all, and welcome to 2018’s Eurovision: You Decide liveblog! Last year Lucie Jones came 15th out of 26 in Kiev with her soaring power ballad ‘Never Give Up On You’ (I still sing this in the shower) – a result that was within sniffing distance of the top half of the table, which by UK standards is pretty much a win. Tonight the gods of Eurovision are once again putting our nation’s musical fate in the hands of the British public – which act will wave the flag for Binfire Brexit Britain in Lisbon in May?
Tonight’s show is live from the Brighton Dome, scene of Abba’s 1974 win with ‘Waterloo’ (my my). The show kicks off at 7.30pm, when we’ll hear all six shortlisted acts perform live - then it’s time to cast our vote by phone or online, with the results announced by 9pm. This is the kind of Euro efficiency I can definitely get behind – Sweden’s Melodifestivalen goes on for six weeks.
Talking of Sweden, 2015 winner Mans Zelmerlow is presenting tonight, alongside UK Queen of Eurovision Mel Giedroyc. It might be Wednesday, but there’s never been a better time to crack open that bottle of Mateus Rose you’ve been saving for an emergency. See you at 7.30!
