Eurovision Dance Contest: like a cross between Strictly Come Dancing and the Eurovision Song Contest. Photograph: PA/Getty
The summer, almost uniformly drab and grey and miserable, has offered much the same flavours of fare in terms of television, and even worse, the TV forecast has seemed as vague as the weather one ... "Well, yes, there WILL be sunny patches and inventive programming, we're just not sure WHEN."
But with one remembering of a long-promised event, all is forgiven. Frankly I don't care about the trials and tribulations of the UK drama industry, because just when I thought nothing could beat the camp pomposity of the Song Contest - they announced the Eurovision Dance Contest. Dancers from 16 countries will battle it out, with a mixture of ballroom and dances "with a regional flavour".
It's like a dream come true - the high passion and technical ability of Strictly Come Dancing exploding in sequined ecstasy upon collision with the dedicated high camp of the Eurovision Song Contest.
It's all live, so the 16 TV companies involved will, we presume, all be showing it at exactly the same time (8pm UK time on Saturday September 1, the United Kingdom being the lucky host of the first ever EDC) enabling the public to have their say.
Therefore, we must assume that voting will be partly based on the quality of the gravy browning used in the tanning agents, partly on the gravitational improbability of the glitter-gelled quiffs (male AND female), partly on the exquisite hoof-control of the veteran dancers ... and mainly on the geo-socio-cultural-political affiliations that these things are always based on.
Having had no choice in the matter, the British public will be represented by Camilla and Brendan of Strictly Come Dancing season one, the tensions of which, of course, led them to split up. Presented as their "last dance", you have to wonder if a pair of professional dancers are merely returning to the partner that showcases them the best. Or whether it's a condition of the separation: individual score from the lawyers will decide which of them gets the Breville sandwich toaster.
But I'm stuck when thinking what the regional speciality dance of the UK will be ... Yes, we do have our own beautiful traditional and folk dances, but not nearly so many - or so well-preserved in modern culture - as some of the other countries taking part.
Assuming they're not going to be raising a pole, or donning bells, having a crowd dancalong of Agadoo or sitting on the floor to do the "sit down" dance to James' Sit Down (or is that just an Iona Village Hall thing? Have I lost you?), what might the UK-flavoured second dance be? Will it be nothing more than a variation on a traditional ballroom dance - except in a Union Flag tights?
There are so many questions. How will the voting work? What will the structure be like? Where the hell are Norway in this list of countries? How can you have a Eurovision event without Norway? How do the Norwegian people feel about this? I've just asked our office Norwegian, and she's confused and angry, and a little sad.
Still, whatever the details, it's the whole glorious thing that I'm excited by. And just in case you are too, here's where you can apply for tickets. Wahey!
