2021 Eurovision Song Contest
- Måneskin have won the 65th Eurovision Song Contest for Italy. Their song Zitti E Buoni was the first victory for a band since 2006 and they faced stiff competition from the entries from Switzerland, France and Iceland
- The show took place in Rotterdam, in front of a limited capacity of 3,500 fans, and had all the thrills and spills you’d expect. Eurovision was back with a bang.
- The UK’s James Newman finished last, with zero points. It is the second time this has happened to the UK.
- As well as the 26 acts in the competition, there were appearances from former winners, including Finnish rock band Lordi, playing on top of rooftops in Rotterdam.
- Iceland had to appear remotely due to a case of Covid within the band.
- The hosts of the show included Nikkie de Jager, making history as the first openly transgender person to present the show in its history.
- Italy will now host the next 2022 Eurovision song contest. It is the third time they have been winners, and Rome and Naple have previously acted as host cities.
Here’s your winner:
I hope you have enjoyed the show and our live coverage. I thought it was a great Grand Final, with eight or nine songs that could easily have been deserving winners. That’s it from me, thank you so much for joining us. I’ve had so much fun, hope you have too. And now, as Destiny from Malta’s entry would say: Je me casse.
Updated
That’s the image…
Also, you lot below the line, over 3,000 comments! I hope you’ve had fun and you’ve enjoyed the live blog and hanging out together. I’ve had an absolute blast.
What a night though. I genuinely genuinely think tonight had a lot of baggage to carry, but they put on a great show and it was a STRONG selection of songs.
Holy moly, that was tense at the end. Do we think the best song won? It’s like a slightly angry Red Hot Chilli Peppers?
Destiny looked crushed for Malta at the end there, and I thought Russia would do better. The French entry was great – and got douze points from the UK – but maybe was just a bit too dramatic?
I knoew you’ve seen it on the telly already but here’s the first pic dropping on the wires of Maneskin celebrating.
They just said they wanted to tell the whole of Europe and the whole of the world that “Rock’n’roll never dies”.
Absolute scenes here. It’s lovely to see the joy. Not sure it is all Covid safe. But it has been brilliant to have a song contest again.
FORZA ITALIA! etc etc. We are heading to Rome! Or maybe Milan. They’ve held it in Naples before.
Italy win Eurovision
It is metal-mania at Eurovision again
You know my theory, they interviewed France, they interviewed Switzerland…
France get 251 points, can’t overtake Italy.
I’ve got draft posts for all the different winners but it is late and I am confused. Send help.
Malta robbed here, it was much better than 47 points.
Iceland get a darts score. It won’t be enough. Then there’s 380 points for Italy. Is that enough? Is that enough?
100 points from the public for Russia, I thought they would do better. They’ll settle in the top ten.
The public give Portugal 27 points and it is more than I think they deserved.
They won’t hang on, surely. They are my favourites. I love them.
UKRAINE FTW!!!! They go top
Anyone from Iceland up could still win this… Italy, Malta, France, Switzerland. But then Finland score a whopper and jump in the lead. They won’t win. But oh boy this is tense.
Germany, Netherlands and Spain have also scored nothing from the public as well as the UK, there is going to be some soul-searching about what the “Big Five” do now.
Well this is awkward
Europe's message to the UK 😂#Eurovision pic.twitter.com/nb44KY0pWn
— Jono (@jonoread) May 22, 2021
United Kingdom score nul points in the Eurovision Song Contest
Oh.
The last time there was a nul points in the final was in 2015 when both Austria and Germany scored it.
So as we get to the end of the juries, Switzerland lead with 267, and the UK have zero.
Here we are…
Captured (by the mic guy) #Eurovision #OpenUp pic.twitter.com/Szi4QEMDiC
— Eurovision Song Contest (@Eurovision) May 22, 2021
Have we just had a reverse wardrobe malfunction? What went on then? The fleet’s lit up. She’s more drunk than I am.
I was moaning about him playing the new single but it is an awful shame that Duncan Lawrence could only appear on the screen tonight, after waiting two years since winning it.
Note to self: must check with the editor how impartial you have to be on this blog about the Eurovision song contest that Ukraine deserves to win.
12 POINTS TO UKRAINE FINALLY SOMEONE SEES SENSE
I don’t think you can call this - a fifty point spread in the top five could easily be totally shaken up by the public vote.
Here’s Germany’s Jendrik seeing it is still Germany 3-0 UK at the foot of the scoreboard.
10 hours of Jaja Ding Dong
“Incredible show” – that will do. DRINK!!!
France holds narrow early lead in jury votes
After 24 juries:
France - 164
Switzerland - 160
Malta - 138
I don’t believe France will win, because they just interviewed her. It’s like how they never focus on the person who will eventually win in the opening episodes of X-Factor / The Apprentice / The Great British Sewing Bee Of Pottery Can You Ice That Bun? or whatever it is called.
I feel like the equivalent of one of those blokes in the stands bellowing “Why don’t you just score some goals” at your football team, but you do think if like the UK you are going to get nul points but are in the “Big Five”, you might as well go down the Germany route and just send whatever you want. I mean, we couldn’t do worse with a The Fall tribute band than a massive polystyrene hand giving the continent the finger, right?
France goes in front on the jury votes. Oh la la.
Ludicrous instrument and the guy from Moldova said “wonderful show”. DOUBLE DRINK!!!
It’s a nul points to 🇬🇧from 🇮🇪
According to my conspiracy theory, Switzerland is the country that gets about five or six douze points and then drops like a stone.
The 10 year old from Greece can take as long as he wants to give the points to Cyprus.
Switzerland, France have a massive gap at the top so far above Malta and Iceland. But remember, these are just the jury points. It is the phoney Eurovision war.
Amanda Holden stop it with your language skills. Oh no. Please stop.
SINGING IS NOT IN THIS JOB DESCRIPTION, I DO NOT CARE IF YOU WON THE COMPETITION. READ THE ROOM.
Switzerland and France have both done well in the first couple of juries. Both very angst-ridden songs.
I do just need to draw your attention to the fitted glove element of the zebra costume.
Israel is the first jury. I’m not going to do a read out of every jury because I’ve live blogged Donald Trump press conferences that made more sense than this process. Poland has come dressed as a zebra though, and I can’t let that pass.
He didn’t quite say “wonderful show” but have a DRINK!!! anyway
Now, again without being a complete cynic about it, if I had possession of the scores from the juries in advance and a spreadsheet, it wouldn’t be beyond my wit to engineer the order of the juries so that there’s a early frontrunner the drops off the pace, another track that surges ahead, a track that doesn’t get any votes until nearly the very last jury, and then two songs that end up very tightly neck-and-neck until right at the end. I’m not saying that the order of the juries is fixed to make that happen, but it definitely makes for better TV.
However, the twist that everyone always forgets these days is that basically at that point they then dump all the points from the public vote on top. Each country actually awards twenty-four points – twelve to the favourite from the jury, and twelve to the one that wins the public vote. So there’s actually a whole another 456 points on offer which means that after watching all 39 juries tell us it has been a wonderful show etc, it is still pretty much anybody’s guess as to who out of the top few songs will have enough points from the public to sweep to victory.
It’s going to take ages, but we’re going to have fun.
Have you voted? Someone in the comments VOTING FOR UKRAINE just reminded me to vote. COUNTDOWN TIME!
None of this “new single” nonsense, mate, that’s like George Michael at the Olympics. We just want the old favourites.
Lordi hit upon the idea that they’ll always look the same when they come back to Eurovision because they looked putrid to begin with. You don’t even need the original line-up. The songs sounds less impressive than I remember it being. Maybe it was just the shock value of it all.
I can’t believe that they made Helena Paparizou wear that same silver dress as well.
By the way, a big shout out to Ewan Spence and Samantha Ross and the rest of the team at the ESC Insight website who provide copious amounts of background coverage of the show which has been simply invaluable in helping me get on the case for this live blog.
I can’t work out whether this rooftop thing is an amazing way to do the performances with very quick changeovers and totally Covid safe, or an unnecessary complication. Ding-a-dong indeed.
One thing I noted in the semi-finals was they kept pairing Nikkie de Jager who is 1.9m (6’2”) with Edsilia Rombley. My research skills have failed me and I haven’t been able to find out exactly how tall Edsilia is, but let me assure you that it is very much not 1.9m (6’2”) which becomes quite apparent on screen as the cameras try to frame them both in the same shot like just now.
Spain in the recap has just reminded that my friend Erica [see 21.18] who was in Rotterdam for the jury show last night was full of praise for the staging of that.
She said: “The moon for the Spain song was super cool - they inflated it as they raised it into place and at the end they unzipped it and about 10 of them squeezed all the air out to get it off stage quickly.”
It is possible we’d have had more fun watching that than listening to the Spanish song, no?
Not sure about the carpool karaoke bit here, it feels like a trailer for a much more fun and extensive extra on the DVD release where you get a lot more context and laughs. There’s plenty of DRINK!!!! potential if you’ve been counting the number of former Eurovision winners appearing and every single time they cut to them. Which I confess I have 100% not been doing. So shall we say three-and-a-half DRINKS!!!!!
Is this you?
#Eurovision
— Solitaire Townsend (@GreenSolitaire) May 22, 2021
Me in my head Me in real life pic.twitter.com/A8RaYgM573
While the voting goes on, don’t forget that Scott Bryan came up with his list of 20 wildest Eurovision performances ever…
I don’t know why she is explaining all this to us, it is the people over-staying their 15 second welcome she needs to speak to.
Now I’ve got to be honest, the voting bit for me is a bit of the show that needs a freshen up and a rethink. I get that in the 1970s and 1980s the ability to put together a broadcast where you had sound and pictures from various European capitals in turn was all about showing off the technical prowess of the European Broadcasting Union. Well done.
But let’s be honest, it is 2021, you can be trekking in Peru or the Himalayas and put a FaceTime call in to your nan. The novelty of actually getting pictures from far-flung Madrid, Paris, Rome and Athens in quick succession on the same show has subsided somewhat. Especially in the show following a global pandemic where there’s a degree of Zoom-fatigue among the chattering work-from-home classes.
We’re gonna get a lot more music and voting recaps before that all starts though.
While this whole bridge/orchestra shebang is going on, I might mention I had another chat with someone with Eurovision connections going way back this week – much further than Andy Abraham [see 20.44].
Jan Pulsford, as well as working with acts in the eighties like Cyndi Lauper and Thompson Twins, was one of the co-writers on the UK’s 1983 entry I’m Never Giving Up by Sweet Dreams.
Jan recalls that in an era of what she describes as hair extensions and deep analogue sounds: “We recorded the demo with my beloved Oberheim System and two session vocalists. As often happens when there is a whiff of success, everything changes and so the song got taken over, re-arranged, and re-recorded and a group was formed to perform at the BBC’s Song for Europe competition.”
She jokes that despite going to Munich for the event, she doesn’t think she ever actually met the trio of Helen Kray, Bobby McVay and none other than Fame Academy’s Carrie Grant who performed her song. She did meet Terry Wogan though, and says “I still have my Eurovision mug.”
Pulsford is still active in the music industry. Through lockdown she’s been broadcasting Radio Mothership which has specialised in ambient music to soothe people during the pandemic, as well as hosting monthly streams on Twitch of an eclectic mix of music, often featuring live sessions. She’s also the driving force behind a series of planned one-day festivals this summer in Suffolk collectively called Spirit of Place.
I keep thinking that the pods the artists are sitting in look like the galactic senate from Star Wars: Phantom Menace but I can’t find a picture where we won’t have to pay Lucasfilm a zillion galactic credits to use it so I can prove it to you. So just imagine that I have.
I’m just taking a breather while they do this recap. After this we are going to get – I believe – loads of performances from former winners on the rooftops of Rotterdam, some weird orchestra/DJ mash-up, and also a spectacular dancing countdown. I mean, why not? It’s Eurovision. I’ve honestly loved it, it has been a really strong final this year so far. I just said in the comments, there’s about eight or nine songs that if they won, you’d think, “Yep, sure, it was always on the cards”.
Ukraine is #19 if you are voting, by the way. Just saying.
Ok, I said to myself that I would not do this, but I’m going to put it on the line. I want Ukraine but I can’t see it happening.
MY TOP FIVE:
- San Marino
- Italy
- Switzerland
- Russia
- Iceland
Put your top five predictions in the comments NOW!!! Before voting starts and there is a prize* for the most accurate.
[*The only prize truly on offer here is a smug sense of self-satisfaction]
I’ve got to be honest this just totally kicks up a gear when Flo Rida appears, doesn’t it? And I reckon with such a great position in the show and fresh in viewers’ minds as the start to vote, this could come close.
They’ve gone a bit over the top with the mask mandate rules here, huh?
26. San Marino
Far be it from me to be cynical, but how incredibly lucky for Eurovision organisers that the draw means the last thing you get in the show is the guest appearance from Flo Rida, eh?
It is hotly tipped SAN MARINO now, with Adrenalina being sung by Senhit featuring a guest appearance from the US rapper. It’s a little bit repetitive for my personal taste, but I think it is very likely to be right, right up there.
I like it better this time round, but there’s stronger songs, aren’t there?
25. Sweden
And now SWEDEN. It is Tusse with Voices. I’m quite fond of the backing vocals “One million voices” chorus refrain in this one, but it feels a bit like a triumph of back-story over melody, and it is sandwiched between two real favourites. Toussin “Tusse’’ Chiza came to Sweden as an unaccompanied child refugee from the Democratic Republic of Congo aged 13. His voice is decent, but the staging is extremely low-key. Pleased to report – despite Rhodri knocking my confidence about declaring these – that it has a CYNICAL KEY CHANGE™ in it towards the end so you can DRINK!!!
To be honest I wasn’t getting “a raw cry from the misfits of this fake society”, more like Royal Blood’s new album.
24. Italy
A lot of people are saying great things about this. ITALY, and Måneskin will perform Zitti e Buoni. They’ve already won something, by the way. The Eurostory website voted this the best lyrics of this year’s competition, beating Russia’s Russian Women by Manizha, and Birth of a New Age by Jeangu Macrooy for the Netherlands.
Of Zitti e Buoni, the judges said: “The metaphors in the lyrics are well-chosen and constantly speak to you. This is not a sweet song, and therefore the imagery isn’t pretty, but purposely disruptive. Zitti e Buoni is a raw cry from the misfits of this fake society.”
Updated
Macrooy’s song addresses issues of colonialism and slavery, and he’s been criticised as a result. He isn’t alone among competitors at this year’s Eurovision in having been a target for racial abuse in the run up to the show. If you fancy a bit of background reading at some point – possibly during the seven hour voting process later on – Sharleen Wright has written this article on the issue of social media bullying at Eurovision, looking at the experiences of Germany’s Jendrik, Russia’s Manizha and Sweden’s Tusse, who have all received abuse.
23. Netherlands
Host nation NETHERLANDS now. Jeangu Macrooy is singing Birth of a New Age. Having had the expense of hosting last year’s special show and this year’s contest, you might be forgiven for thinking that the Netherlands might not fancy winning and going for three in a row. However, this is tipped to do well. I’ve not seen this one because they qualified for the final automatically as hosts, and I was an idiot and I thought it would be “fun” to try and judge and write about the songs instantly. What. A. Big. Chungus.
Rhodri Marsden, who knows more about music than I could ever forget, is claiming this as the first proper genuine key change.
FIRST KEY CHANGE THANK YOU NORWAY #Eurovision
— Rhodri Marsden (@rhodri) May 22, 2021
If it was earlier in the evening I might have managed to work up some erudite Guardian joke about Wim Wenders’ Wings of Desire so you could go “Oooh look at that po-faced guy” but alas no joy, but here’s a picture anyway.
Can you get more Eurovision than this?
22. Norway
And now, unfairly still regarded as kings and queens of the dreaded nul points, which I’ve cruelly just reminded them of, it is NORWAY. Representing them is Tix with Fallen Angel, a title which he has taken somewhat literally in the costume stakes. Left me a bit cold this one but it seemed to land well with the fans in the semi-final. Tix is hugely successful in Norway, and gets his name from reclaiming being bullied over his Tourette syndrome diagnosis and the resultant ‘ticks’. Also comes equipped with a CYNICAL KEY CHANGE™ so DRINK!!!
I’m possibly easily pleased but I really like that – notwithstanding the weird choice of references to the dead First World War spy with the missing head
Ewa is not wrong, is she?
These are a lot of Ariana Grandes in one place #Azerbaijan #Eurovision
— Comedy of Ewas (@EwaSR) May 22, 2021
She name-drops Cleopatra in this song, and her 2020 entry would have been about Cleopatra had the contest gone ahead…
Weird trivia corner: after her death the head of Mata Hari, whose birthname was Margaretha Geertruida Zelle, was embalmed and kept in a museum in Paris, but it went missing in the 1950s…*cue spooky mystery music*
21. Azerbaijan
It takes some nerve to rock up to Rotterdam with a song about a Dutch woman who was executed by the French for collaborating with the Germans during the First World War but it is Eurovision and here we are. Mata Hari by Efendi is representing AZERBAIJAN and it is what I would classify as “a Eurovision banger”. I mostly listen to Joy Division and The Fall in my spare time, mind you, so my views on pop music may not be definitive. However my colleague Ben has also described it as “the propulsively brilliant banger you’re most likely to Shazam after a pitcher of sangria in whichever Mediterranean resort you’ve been allowed on holiday to this summer” which sounds good to me.
This is very French, isn’t it?
20. France
Et Voilà. C’est Barbara Pravi avec Voilà pour la FRANCE. Bon chance! That’s about the extent of the GCSE French that I can type at speed at this time of night. I haven’t seen this one either. Merde.
I absolutely love that.
UNEXPECTED DANCERS DOING GOATSE KLAXON!!!!!!!!!
[A safe for work and pleasant Saturday evening explanation of goatse.cx is here]
I’m not gonna lie it is annoying me that Graham Norton gets to make the jokes but doesn’t have to put in the legwork to make the photo composite, does he?
This will 100% be getting my vote later in the evening while my editor is shouting at me to get off the phone to Graham Norton and keep live blogging. It also has some kind of whistle/flute type affair – Ludicrous musical instruments! DRINK!!!!!
19. Ukraine
I mentioned earlier the joy of Eurovision sometimes being someone turning up with a nose-flute, a live sheep and a folk costume, and I think this is the closest we are going to get to that tonight. I absolutely love this. Go_A is singing Shum (Шум) for UKRAINE and they are going for it. It is techno-folk that builds and builds and Kateryna Pavlenko is going to be *checks notes* using the ancient folklore technique of “white voice” throat-singing. Me either.
Jack Whitehall is on board
STOP THE COUNT #Lithuania #Eurovision
— Jack Whitehall (@jackwhitehall) May 22, 2021
On the long shots I can’t help thinking that they’ve “Roop”ed in Jurgen Klopp on the drums and James Corden as the dancer on the left, which is off-putting. Surely the Friends Reunion is enough for Corden, without gatecrashing Eurovision?
18. Lithuania
Next up is LITHUANIA, with Discoteque by The Roop. It’s not the U2 song, no. That’s not how Eurovision works. It’s very, very yellow, this. Very yellow indeed. Look out for the finger dance, I can guarantee you will spend the rest of the evening intermittently looking down at your hands and wondering if you too can do it. On semi-final night singer Vaidotas explained that one gesture is an ‘e’ and the Spock gesture is a ‘v’ so it makes ‘e-v’ for Eurovision. I wasn’t really any the wiser to be honest.
I wasn’t impressed with this at the semi-final but it has grown on me during this performance. And not just because I feel bad about the joke. She’s young but it is a mature performance, especially holding that little bit of acappella at the end in front of a Eurovision-sized audience. Oooof.
THE FLOOR IS LAVA!
Oh no I feel bad because I was rude about this song’s theme then it turns out there’s a heart-breaking story behind it. My turn to DRINK!!!
17. Bulgaria
Cheerfully titled Growing Up Is Getting Old, this is Victoria next for BULGARIA.
I can 100% guarantee that if you had told nine year old me watching Bucks Fizz win Eurovision that I would grow up to be live blogging the contest for a newspaper in 2021, nine year old me would have said “What is a live blog and are there flying cars yet?”
If you are watching this on the BBC then that Danish guy basically just said “wonderful show” didn’t he? DRINK!!!!
Oh, by the way, Erica also said that last night they did the technical run-through of the points announcements, and the guy who was standing in for the announcer from Iceland insisted that he would only give his douze points to Jaja Ding Dong, and much hilarity ensued.
Regulars will know that sometimes we double-hand these blogs with someone at the venue and someone at mission control. With Covid and all that, this hasn’t been possible this year, however, I did actually have a spy in the camp last night. As luck would have it, one of my longest-standing friends, Erica Gray, was at the jury show/technical/dress rehearsal extravaganza with her husband.
Erica, who is British but has lived in the Netherlands for ages and is a citizen there now, told me about the atmosphere that “What the Dutch really do well is vocal and physical appreciation of live performances. Loads of clapping, whooping and standing ovations. The staging, lighting and production are incredible. The crew are working their arses off. The Greece effects were very cool to watch on stage. The dancers were running behind the green screen stairs to get changed.”
And of my favourite? Erica said: “When the Ukrainian techno beat started the crowd went mental.”
What else went down well?
“Lithuania went down better live than I expected. Everyone loves Iceland. France is getting a lot of love. San Marino went a bit flat in the arena. Sweden has a good backstory that might bring in the votes. Plus of course the geopolitical voting tendencies. Ukraine really got the Dutch crowd going but I’m not sure about the audience vote.”
On whether it felt safe being at the event, Erica said they “had a test in the morning. Results back in 20 minutes. Then showed a QR code on entrance to show we were negative. We had our face masks on when we were walking around the arena. Since everyone had been tested it felt a lot safer than going to the supermarket.”
She said: “We both said that we’d be very happy to keep events like this from now on. Smaller crowds. Much better organised entry and exit. Loads of staff and volunteers to help and guide you, and a similar atmosphere to an Olympics among police, volunteers and staff.”
I’ve got questions about the social distancing here but I admire the cheekiness of the request
@MartinBelam I'm at uni, love the guardian. Can we be on the live?? pic.twitter.com/W7asLVTqXH
— LloydJWB (@BickhamLJW) May 22, 2021
16. Finland
Linkin Park Blind Channel are here for FINLAND, and their song is Dark Side. There’s not much to say about this – it’s no Lordi. It’s perfectly competent at what it does, I just don’t think it’s what Europe is going to be voting for this year. Maybe in 2001 it would have done better?
I don’t even know. That little bit where it slightly changes time signature or they play triplets or whatever makes it slightly worse somehow?
That’s also clearly a ludicrous instrument – DRINK!!!
Hahahahaha wow WTF? I’m glad I left this as a surprise. Oh my days. It’s like It’s A Knockout/Jeux Sans Frontières never went away. Oh my dear lord, I’m howling.
15. Germany
I Don’t Feel Hate here from Jendrik representing GERMANY. This is another one of the “Big Five” that didn’t appear in the semi-finals so has the element of total surprise on this live blogger. I’ve learnt never to do that again if I’m ever allowed to cover the show again.
She can hold that note, eh?
This has made me laugh – it’s basically saying all the women singers at Eurovision when they see their costumes. There’s a lot of silver dresses, eh?
Le cantanti all’#Eurovision che si incontrano per la prima volta indossando tutte lo stesso body pic.twitter.com/c8ksoDL1sW
— Silvia; (@pauliemacca_) May 22, 2021
During the semi-final Scott Mills kept banging on about how the staging was nowhere near as good as the official video for this song, which promised us giant floating ice creams, it’s much better. Watch the video instead.
14. MOLDOVA
MOLDOVA are our next act. Natalia Gordienko will try and sweeten her path to victory with a song called Sugar. I know these puns are bad but it is getting late and I didn’t follow the late great Sir Terry Wogan’s advice about the alcohol, did I? This is sort of a low-energy Kylie Minogue disco song, if you can imagine such a thing.
That’s no moon, but that was surely a DISGUISED BUT NEVERTHELESS CYNICAL KEY CHANGE™ – DRINK!!!
13. Spain
This is a new one on me. I watched the semi-finals but in order to save some surprises for the night I’ve avoided the songs that had pre-qualified from the so-called Big Five. Here is Blas Cantó from SPAIN with Voy a quedarme. Now I’ve seen how fast you have to be at live blogging to do this I bitterly bitterly regret it.
Damn, should have had DELAYED PYROTECHNICS in the drinking game. DRINK!!!
Important pundit news: my sister has just texted me to say “Iceland FTW 👍”
It’s the keytar circle of life! Ludicrous musical instruments! DRINK!!!
I mean, she’d know…
Why am I thinking that this would not be out of place at a Star Trek convention? 😂 #ISL #Eurovision
— Marina Sirtis (@Marina_Sirtis) May 22, 2021
12. Iceland
You may have read that Daði og Gagnamagnið from ICELAND has had to pull out of the live show due to a positive Covid test within the band. There was always a back-up plan for this, so we’ll be seeing some rehearsal footage. The song is called 10 Years.
Is it twice as good as David Bowie’s 5 Years?
Frankly, no.
Is it as good as their viral hit Think About Things which would have been last year’s entry and very possibly won it.
Also, frankly, no.
Is it good enough to do well though? Very much so – it’s in a similar ballpark to Think About Things, they’ve still got the whole kooky look and dance thing going on. Everyone remembers and loves them from last year. So a cheeky outsider maybe?
This has improved every single time I’ve heard it – I don’t think this is going to trouble the scorers much but I’ve spent plenty of worse three minutes and that’s an impressive note hold at the end. Could have maybe done without the sudden outburst of unexpected interpretive dance in the bagging area – DRINK!!!
Call The Midwife’s Stephen McGann was definitely giving the dancing nul points.
His dance routine is basically me trying to find my way from Monument to Bank on the Underground. #Eurovision
— Stephen McGann💙 (@StephenMcGann) May 22, 2021
You don’t see Thom Yorke doing that, do you? Or do you?
I’m getting strong Spandau Ballet feels from the costume and hair here
11. Switzerland
Gjon’s Tears appearing for SWITZERLAND next with Tout l’Univers. It’s got a bit of the moody piano-driven Radioheads about it, and I could easily imagine this playing over the closing montage sequence of a really harrowing noir drama. The detective has solved the case, but been irrevocably damaged by the pursuit.
Was that a CYNICAL KEY CHANGE™ at the end then? Have a drink anyway just in case.
Sorry for shattering the illusion but here’s how that bit on the step bit works if you are in the arena
10. Greece
With twelve points from Cyprus already in the bag, here comes GREECE. This year they are being represented by Stefania singing Last Dance and the performance incorporates some special visual effects in the form of live green-screening which I can only describe as very 1980s Rentaghost. It looks clever on your tellybox, but I’m not sure how well it comes across in the arena.
I noticed someone in the comments suggested I should have added Graham Norton downplays UK expectations to the drinking game. So DRINK!!!!!
Insert your own “big horn” punchline here – ludicrous musical instruments! DRINK!!!
Give us the clap with our app doesn’t come across in the UK maybe how it did in the script room in the Netherlands, eh?
9. UK
It’s time to get out your flag emojis if you are supporting the UK. James Newman here with Embers. He’s another of those participants who would have been here last year if the show had gone ahead.
And perfect timing for a toast to Sir Terry Wogan who always suggested you needed a drink to get through broadcasting Eurovision but not to start until the ninth song.
He didn’t, to my knowledge, specify any rules for live bloggers so I started my Eurovision “celebration” a bit earlier.
Douze points for the cheesy publicity pose in this one, Mr Newman
THREE FORMER EUROVISION WINNERS KLAXON!!! THREE DRINKS!!!
While they are wittering on, Andy Abraham was actually a really lovely guy to chat to, and has been making post-pandemic plans. He’s been working with coffee retailer CoffeeFriend, and he’s looking to make a new album and go out on the road again. At the moment, however, he’s back on the bins. You may recall that when he was on X-Factor in 2005 he was nicknamed “The singing bin-man”.
He told me that during the pandemic, with music work drying up, he’s got a job as a refuse collector again. Not just because of the money, he said, but also because “my own mental state and self worth. To show that no matter what the situation that arises, whatever the environment throws, you know I’m always going to be out there trying to keep my family safe and working hard for them.”
We spoke about the impact the pandemic has had on the creative arts, and he echoed a theme I’ve heard in a lot of interviews I’ve done over the last few months, that it isn’t just the impact on the main performers, as Andy put it, it is “the interns, the freelancers, the lighting, the stage hands, all those type of people who this is all they know, and this is all they ever wanted to do. And that’s just been cut dead.”
He didn’t say “the live bloggers” but without being too mawkish about it, I think that’s why I’ve found myself getting emotional tonight doing this – it’s just such a relief to have a fun show that so many people have worked hard to put on, and that hopefully you are all enjoying at home. Anyway, I digress…
Before we get to the UK, I had a chat earlier this week with Andy Abraham, who you may recall was the UK’s entry in 2008, with a pretty straight down the line soul tune called Even If
It didn’t go so well – he laughed when he said he still thanked Ireland and Malta for their support which hauled in all fourteen points that he scored. But he said being on Eurovision is something that can never be taken away, and that he still watches it today, viewing it as an iconic music programme just like Top of the Pops was.
I asked him what his favourite Eurovision memory was, and he said it was the feeling when you come off stage doing the performance. He recalled “Backstage, especially all the cast and crew, they were all clapping like crazy. We love that song, it’s absolutely great. Even the head guy in control of the whole thing, backstage he was like ‘I love it, I love that song’. And I’m like, OK, you got some soul. Terry Wogan said ‘Great, loved your performance.’ So that’s my abiding memory of it. Once it got to the second vote, we just got hammered because we know exactly what was going to happen!”
They snuck a CYNICAL KEY CHANGE™ into that at the end too. DRINK!!!!
A full set of thigh-high boots here. DRINK!!! DRINK!!! DRINK!!!
8. Serbia
Hurricane are now doing the Loco Loco for us. They are representing SERBIA, and they have definitely been re-watching their old Destiny’s Child DVDs.
What do I know, eh?
I love Portugal #Eurovision
— michelle visage (@michellevisage) May 22, 2021
EXCRUCIATING GUITAR SOLO KLAXON!!! DRINK!!!
Black and white footage doesn’t make the tune any better, mate, trust me.
7. Portugal
Newly beloved by people in the UK as one of the few places we are allowed to visit at the moment – PORTUGAL are on the way. The Black Mamba will be signing Love Is on My Side. I’m definitely not on their side – I get a real Simply Red / Toploader b-side feeling about this one and there’s something about it that rubs me up the wrong way. You may feel differently about white-boy-faux-soul. Let me know in the comments how wrong I am. I know I said “no curmudgeons” below the line, but that doesn’t stop me having a moan up here, does it?
Malta have been in Eurovision 34 times and their best showings have been two second place finishes. Could this be their year? Will we be heading to Valletta in 2022? If we are, will I be allowed to travel there? All this and more to be answered in the next couple of hours…
6. Malta
Viewers in the UK might recognise Destiny from Britain’s Got Talent, but tonight she is waving the flag for MALTA with Je Me Casse which everyone on the BBC keeps politely saying is French slang for “I’m leaving” or “I’m done” but I think the phrase has a bit more of a “…and fuck you tosspot” sub-plot to it. Or I want to believe that anyway. It has got a LOT of energy and I think it could score very highly. Honestly this is a good Eurovision night already isn’t it?
We are going to VAR as to whether stepping out of the big dress while wearing the boilersuit is technically a costume change – and the result has just come in.
DRINK!!!
I desperately want the abandoned dress to drive itself off stage.
On the face of it, this is a rousing feminist anthem, though an interesting choice to target the empowering lyrics specifically at Russian women, and not at “Eurovision women” or, more generally, the women of the world. My colleague Ben described it as “the kind of demented musical trifle for which Eurovision is justly famed”. I fancy it to do well.
It’s no grannies from 2012, is it? I love it.
5. Russia
RUSSIA! This from Manizha is called Russian Woman and really is a lot of fun. She’s eating pizza in her postcard, and when you see her costume you might think she’s been stuffing her face with a little too much pizza. Not so – [SPOILERS!] there’s a dramatic metamorphosis ahead of us.
I’m not sure, but I’m getting the researchers to check whether this is the first time that Johnny Cash has featured in the lyrics at Eurovision.
Just to note as well, this Belgium entry is a song about a one-night stand gone wrong. If you are planning to have a one-night stand go wrong in the post-vax horny summer we are being promised, then Zoe Williams has got you covered for safer sex tips…
Talking of look-a-likes, an unexpected career change for dear old Dr Steve Brule on the drums there.
Probably the most distinctive thing about this is that lead singer Geike Arnaert looks like Lulu. Or Shirley Carter from EastEnders if you are feeling particularly unkind. Thigh-high boots though so DRINK!!!
4. Belgium
This band have been going since the 1990s and have got ten albums behind them. Do they have winning Eurovision ahead of them? I wouldn’t think so. Slightly surprising they emerged from the semi-finals to be honest, this is BELGIUM being represented by Hooverphonic with a song called The Wrong Place. It is very bland.
It’s all glamour at home here by the way. I’ve even set up my Eurovision lava lamp.
Live blogging #Eurovision tonight for the @guardian is very much a three screen operation pic.twitter.com/DH2pugEZiC
— Martin Belam (@MartinBelam) May 22, 2021
Costume change drink? I think so. DRINK!!!
What are we making of the postcards? It is the one bit of the show I think where the limitations of filming under Covid restrictions shows a bit. It’s a nice idea, but not all of them work without actually dragging the artists all around the host country.
3. Israel
ISRAEL next, with Eden Alene singing Set Me Free. Most of the pre-publicity around this song has been about whether she will successfully hit the highest note in Eurovision history as per her recorded version.
I imagine this bit in rehearsal was like the SNL Cowbell sketch except Christopher Walken is at the side bellowing “I gotta have more dry ice!”
Actor Chris Addison isn’t the only person to pick out that she looks a bit like Carol Vorderman
This feels like a Carol Vorderman fever dream. #Eurovision
— Chris Addison💙 (@mrchrisaddison) May 22, 2021
2. Albania
ALBANIA will be blessing your screens next as Anxhela Peristeri sings Karma. No chameleons involved. If Cyprus had the James Bond costumes, then Anxhela Peristeri has bought a bit of the James Bond theme music vibe – a very dramatic opening to this track, then it sort of meanders off a bit in a pleasing but mostly ineffective manner.
UNEXPECTED CHILDREN SUDDENLY SINGING ABOUT THE DEVIL AS IF IT WAS A NURSERY RHYME KLAXON
It is a good chorus, right? However, this song loses marks for me because one of the writers is called Jimmy “Joker” Thornfeldt. I always feel like you have to be a bit of a funsponge to insist that people call you by the inevitably “wacky” nickname you’ve surely given yourself.
1. Cyprus
We are going to get off to a cracking start here with CYPRUS and Elena Tsagrinou who is singing El Diablo. Somewhere in the 1970s there’s a James Bond producer wondering where they’ve put the costumes for the women in the opening sequence. In the semi-final I wasn’t convinced her voice was powerful enough to carry the song, but it is a solid pop effort and will immediately get the arena going tonight.
If you are in the UK I reckon by the end of the night the phrase “But you cannot vote by text” is going to be one of your pet hates.
There’s been something of an arms race with the number of hosts the show has in recent years, and the Netherlands have opted for four. At this rate of host inflation by the time we get to the 2050 contest there will be more hosts than competing acts.
Tonight you will be seeing (L-R):
Edsilia Rombley who competed in Eurovision in 1998 and 2007 and has an impressive music career.
Chantal Janzen is an experienced television presenter in the Netherlands.
Jan Smit who is a musician and who has also done live commentary on Eurovision for a decade.
Nikkie de Jager, who is also known by her YouTuber name NikkieTutorials and is making history as the first transgender host of the competition. Her coming out video has over 37 million views on YouTube.
What you haven’t seen yet – the fans!!!
I’ve just realised that this new flag parade artist entry format means you are basically going to be plastered with the thigh high boots drinking game rule right from the off. Literally all the boots revealed in one go. DRINK!!!
Graham Norton on the BBC sounds quite emotional already. At least you can’t hear me sobbing, and I can assure you that there will be no repetitive flashing images on this blog.
[EUROPEAN BROADCASTING UNION THEME INTENSIFIES]
Are you ready?
I hope I am.
One thing I was going to say that also made me love Eurovision more was that I lived in Greece for a couple of years, and as an outsider looking in at how they viewed the competition it was a fascinating contrast with the slightly awkward relationship we have tended to have with it in the UK.
For a start, you genuinely heard tracks from the show in cafés and on the radio, and the kids who lived in the apartment across the road from ours had the CD and used to spend ages making dance routines to the songs in the street. It was lovely and made it feel much more than a one-off night.
And just a warning as well, if you didn’t watch the semi-finals. Prepare yourself. I actually found it quite emotional when they struck up the band on Tuesday night. Eurovision genuinely feels like a bit of light after a very dark winter.
It will be interesting to see how the main show treads the line between full on glitzy excitement at being there, and some recognition that across Europe there has been, and still will be, a lot of grief. I’m not convinced that the Brit awards or the Oscars trod that line terribly deftly. I think this probably will.
The BBC have put tonight’s running order into a Twitter card so I don’t have to type it all out. Personally, this is genuinely worth the licence fee alone.
We are so EXCITED for tonight! We've waited so long for this, we're gonna enjoy every second 🤩 #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/nbQVuT0YF6
— BBC Eurovision🇬🇧 (@bbceurovision) May 22, 2021
Stuck for what to do while you are waiting? There’s always our Eurovision quiz if you missed it yesterday…
The UK’s entry – James Newman – has already had his hands on the coveted trophy. Just for a publicity still, mind you. He tweeted earlier asking people for their support and to help by visualising him winning. You never, ever know…
The Law of attraction! It works! That’s the reason im here today about to perform in front of 180 million people! If everyone does it tonight and visualizes the win, who knows what could happen! Also tell your friends family and anyone you know who isn’t in Uk to vote for Us! X pic.twitter.com/ODCIkZJ9nf
— James Newman (@JamesNewmanUk) May 22, 2021
We’re also missing out on seeing IRELAND, which is a shame. Lesley Roy and her song Maps had a unique staging where she appeared to be running through books and trapped in an origami forest with forced perspective making her part of the scene. It was very effective.
Well, very effective on TV.
In the arena … hmm … perhaps less so …
Towards the end, the pullback revealed that if you were in the hall, she’d just basically been running around some very, very, very small boxes while a massive camera on a crane obscured your view.
The song was alright though, and I am still surprised it didn’t squeeze in. The video is worth three minutes of your time though as a warm-up.
So talking of cracking songs we’ve missed out on, we have been robbed – ROBBED I TELL YOU – of seeing NORTH MACEDONIA. I’ve no idea why it didn’t get through.
Singer Vasil is openly gay which is a big deal in a very conservative country which legalised same-sex sexual activity in 1996 but has a poor record on LGBT rights.
He told Attitude magazine: “I was born and raised in (North) Macedonia where it is definitely not OK to be gay, or any of that. Every time I came back home to the Balkans, to (North) Macedonia, you feel this need to put on a mask. I sympathise so much with everybody here that lives in fear of judgement, discrimination, injustice, bullying.”
Here I Stand managed to mix the feel of something from near the climax of Act I of a decent musical, with a touch of Queen. But most importantly, halfway through the song, Vasil pulled open his costume to reveal that he was only a goddamned HUMAN GLITTERBALL!!!
How people did not vote for this on Tuesday I will never, ever know. Heathens!
I don’t know how many of you will have watched the semi-finals? I must confess I used to be a semi-final refusnik because I thought it rather spoiled the effect of seeing everything for the first time on the big night, never knowing if somebody was about to pitch up in folk costumes with a live sheep* and a rustic nose-flute or something.
However I’ve been converted in recent years into watching all the shows because sometimes there are cracking songs that don’t make it through, and also, surely, in the true spirit of the contest, you want to also actually see the very worst that Eurovision has to offer.
[*I’m told live animals are not permitted on stage during the show by the rules.]
I know former hosts of this live blog – waves to Heidi and Stuart – have often suggested some kind of drinking game to go with the show.
Personally, the drinking game for me is to find out whether I can still live blog and co-ordinate a snap breaking news story while drunk at the end of the night.
You don’t have to worry about that however, so if you do want to take part, I’d like to suggest these rules. A drink when you spot:
- Someone says “it’s great to be back”!
- Someone says “a wonderful show”!
- A former winner of Eurovision appears!
- A costume change!
- A cynical key change!
- Ludicrous musical instruments!
- Thigh-high boots!
- An excruciating guitar solo!
- Unexpected interpretative dance in the bagging area!
- A guest appearance by a well known US rapper that just co-incidentally and luckily for the organisers due to the genuinely random nature of the draw ends up finishing the whole show (NOTE TO EDITOR: is this too obvious here that I know this is going to happen and also am a bit suspicious of how convenient it is?)
Please drink responsibly. Non-alcoholic beverages are also available. When the fun stops, stop. No, hang on, that’s gambling, isn’t it?
I absolutely love this from musician Mary Epworth just now, who has succinctly hit the nail on the head about what for me is one of the real joys of Eurovision.
You get a bit of the musical language of each country, but also mixed in is what each country thinks all the others will like.
— The Wicker Marv (@maryepworth) May 22, 2021
You’ll notice I’m new here, by the way. Just so you know where we are coming from, I unashamedly love Eurovision, watched it as a kid, watched it with ironic post-modern detachment when I was a pretentious twentysomething, and then have grown to truly love it and introduce it to my own kids as the wonderful, glorious and absolutely ridiculous celebration of music that it is.
But I don’t take it too seriously, so if you are here for the latest betting tips and an accurate inside track on what is going to win, I’m not your man.
If, on the other hand, you are here for stupid jokes, instant social media reaction, and me occasionally getting over-enthusiastic about things and SHOUTING ABOUT THEM IN ALL CAPITALS BRIAN BLESSED STYLE then we are going to get along famously.
If you want to get in touch you can find @-me on Twitter at @MartinBelam. Or you can email me at martin.belam@theguardian.com with EUROVISION at the start of the subject line. That way I’ll find it in my inbox, which is otherwise mostly full of unread urgent pleas from my editors to actually meet my deadlines.
Welcome to the 2021 Eurovision song contest
Bienvenue! Välkommen! Witaj! Добро пожаловать! Welcome! Do come in and settle down for our live coverage of the 2021 Eurovision Song Contest, which gets underway on the hour in Rotterdam in the Netherlands. 🇳🇱🇳🇱🇳🇱🇳🇱
Yes, after last year’s enjoyable Eurovision: Shine A Light show replaced the cancelled contest, we are back with a competitive tussle again. 26 songs, one winner, and several hours of biting nails as the votes seemingly come in from 1,057 different countries.
I feel a bit emotional already to be honest.
Lots of the artists who should have had their moment of Eurovision glory last year are back for another bite, including the UK’s James Newman and Iceland’s Daði og Gagnamagnið, who may well feel that they would have won with Think About Things in 2020, and that we should be in Reykjavík tonight, not Rotterdam. That’s all in the past though, and there is plenty to look forward to.
