So that’s IT for another Eurovision, thank you all so much for joining in and helping me get through it. Huge thanks also to Becks (@beckshumps) for keeping me going and Oliver in Tel Aviv (@olireports) for keeping me posted on the events in the host city - he’s off to Euroclub now to dance the night away.
However you feel about the music or the inevitable politics of Eurovision, it’s still something pretty special and without question my favourite TV event of the year. It’s also the most fun to liveblog, so thank you for joining in.
I’m off to drink some wine and read all your comments - you can find me on Twitter @heidistephens if you want to say hello, otherwise I’ll see you in the Netherlands next year!
Updated
Time for Netta to hand over the trophy to Duncan, who is going to play out the biggest music show on earth with a really bleak ballad. He hasn’t bothered with the piano, and I actually prefer it.
Updated
Goodness, that was tense. The Netherlands won as predicted by the bookies, and the UK came last. A real shame for Michael, but such is the way of Eurovision.
Updated
Sweden only got 93 points from the public, which means the winner of Eurovision 2019 is...NETHERLANDS. John Lundvik looks properly gutted.
Updated
A poor public vote score for North Macedonia, which means it’s between Netherlands and Sweden.
Only The Netherlands, North Macedonia and Sweden to be scored. It’s all quite tense.
261 points for the Netherlands - will it be enough?
Australia didn’t do nearly as well as expected in the public vote, and definitely won’t be winning this evening. Great score for Italy, however - this is going to go down to the wire, I think.
I’m delighted to see that Norway absolutely smashed the public vote - it won’t be enough for a win, but a great result.
In the green room, Iceland are all holding Palestinian flags, and the camera has cut away at high speed. The presenters are very clearly rattled.
Updated
OK, time for the public votes! The UK got a total of THRE points from the public vote, and will come last this year. Not really sure what to say about that.
Updated
In case you haven’t noticed, this show is now officially overrunning. Thank you everyone who is sticking with me, I feel like Madonna was the point at which we all questioned our sanity and we’re still trying to work out what happened.
Updated
Oliver tells me that Madonna’s performance included two dancers wearing Israeli and Palestinian flags on their back. You can see it here.
Madonna’s show @ #EurovisionTelAviv just included dancers with the Israeli & Palestinian flags 🇮🇱 🇵🇸 pic.twitter.com/PFf70ZTg9y
— Noa Landau נעה לנדאו (@noa_landau) May 18, 2019
I’m so tired. My hands hurt. My back is in ruins. I launched this blog over 5 hours ago. I don’t know how to pronounce Skopje.
Can we just take a moment to acknowledge that Germany has more jury votes than the UK. GERMANY.
Updated
Still 19 more juries to vote, then the public, then a reprise from the winner. With the best will in the world, this isn’t going to finish in 8 minutes.
Cyprus have given 12 points to Greece, so all is well in the world.
No jury points for the UK from Ireland, but we got five from Belarus. To be fair, we’re not screwing Belarus over border issues.
Updated
The UK jury gave their 12 points to North Macedonia, which puts them at the top of the table. Will be very interesting to see how the public vote goes. The UK has two jury points!
The juries are NOT keen on Norway and Iceland, and they are all wrong.
We’re eight countries in, and the UK has zero points so far. Russia and Italy and at the top of the table, with the Netherlands close behind.
Italy doing well with the jury vote - would LOVE to see Mahmood win.
VOTING TIME! We’re going to rattle through the Jury votes, and the Netherlands has already got their first 12 points. I’m not going to detail all of these, but I’ll check in periodically.
Oh, it actually finishes in half an hour. I started drinking during Madonna and there’s no going back now.
Updated
This show is supposed to finish in less than 15 minutes, but we haven’t even started the voting yet. How are we going to get through 41 countries? Is there an express voting system this year?
Updated
OK, let’s never speak of that again.
Time for Madonna! It’s Like A Prayer, and she’s brought a choir of monks. Sadly she left the key in her hotel room.
Madonna, I love you with all my heart but this is rough as old boots. This following on from three hours of top notch live performances is kind of painful.
Updated
15 minutes left to vote, so it’s time for another recap. Very difficult to call this year, I’m really not sure Netherlands are going to take it, could even be an outlier like Macedonia or Italy.
I’m looking forward to when the recaps end and I never have to see the Slovenian Creepy Twins again.
Tess has got a new dress! And it’s white! DOUBLE DRINK!
Time for Netta’s new single. I think they said it’s called Bananana, but I can’t be sure.
They’ve peeled Dana’s Big Bird roadkill dress off the pavement and popped it on Netta. It’s important to recycle.
If this wasn’t bad enough, the mentalist/mindreader from the semi-finals is back. LOO BREAK.
Updated
Now they’ve wheeled out Quavo, who is performing with Madonna later. He’s very proud to be there, and excited to be part of such a powerful movement.
On Madonna: “My mom grew up listening to her”. The SHADE.
Updated
Can I just put it out there that Madonna doesn’t need Eurovision, and Eurovision definitely doesn’t need Madonna. The stars of the show are the contestants past and present. Having megastars there really doesn’t work. Just sayin’.
Updated
I can’t tell if Tess has changed her dress, if so it looks like a lot like the previous one.
WHOOP, IT’S MADONNA. She’s dressed as a steampunk milkmaid and this whole link is horribly awkward.
Just noticed the presenters have had a change of dress, and Claudia is now wearing a chainmail tabard. DRINK.
Next up, Arlene Philips singing Hallelujah.
Oh it’s fine, Verka is going to sing Netta’s Toy. If anyone ever asks you to capture the spirit of Eurovision on one minute, this is it. Amazing.
My boyfriend has just walked in and asked if this a trailer for Rocket Man.
Here comes Eleni, and she’s going for Verka Serduchka’s Dancing Lasha Tumbai whilst wearing little more than a handful of starfish. Of course she is.
My only worry is that Verka is going to complete the circle by singing Rise Like a Phoenix.
Time for the half time show! Let’s bring people together through the power of music, and celebrate being one big Eurovision family with a bit of ‘mix & switch’. This looks very promising.
Right now Conchita Wurst is singing Måns Zelmerlöw’s Heroes whilst dressed as Kenny Everett, and I am very much here for it. OK I like this better than the Måns version.
And if that wasn’t enough, Måns is now singing Eleni Foureira’s Fuego. This is incredible - what’s Eleni going to sing???
Updated
Worth noting that it’s past midnight in Tel Aviv, and this show still has over an hour to go. Oliver has just taken his first Nurofen, apparently.
Updated
THE VOTING IS OPEN! Time for a very welcome recap (the 18 others will be less so) – who do you think is going to win? My prediction for top six are (in no particularly order, the trophy could go to any one of these):
- Switzerland
- Norway
- Sweden
- Iceland
- Netherlands
- Australia
I’ve just voted for Switzerland, it’s an absolute banger and I quite fancy a long weekend in Zurich next May.
That was QUITE the finish, wasn’t it? What a top year this has been, enjoyed that a lot.
Updated
There’s lots to love about this song – it’s a world cup anthem sung in Spanish by a floppy-haired man who is relentlessly enthusiastic. I spent ages trying to work out where I’d heard this song before, then realised it’s a standard tune at every Zumba class I’ve ever attended – I find myself with an uncontrollable urge to do a side salsa whilst cleaning windows with my hands.
My Spanish is terrible and I have no idea what Miki is singing, but I find that ‘Belinda whack-a-mole’ scans nicely in the chorus. The delirium has set in, and now there’s a wicker man on the stage and everything has taken a sinister turn.
Oliver tells me that even the grumpy journalists at the back of the Press Centre are now dancing.
And FINALLY, it’s SPAIN, with Miki singing La Venda. In his postcard, Miki is showcasing his football skills.
So this is a hot tip to make the top three this year, not because this dance/opera/house/yodel fusion is particularly good, but because of Kate and her backing dementors swaying above the stage on wobbly poles, like giant mops.
Much as I fully support Australia being in Eurovision and have loved every song they’ve sent for the past four years, I can’t get on board with this one – it just feels a bit…novelty, and I think Australia are better than this. White dress, however, so DRINK.
Brace yourself, it’s AUSTRALIA, with Kate Miller-Heidke singing Zero Gravity. In her postcard, Kate is bopping about in the Tel Aviv neighbourhood of Jaffa, with bonus drumming.
It’s always tough to pick a favourite in the final each year, but this is mine. Switzerland have a lacklustre history at Eurovision in recent years – they tend to send absolute yawns, and as a result have only qualified for the final four times in the past 15 years. But THIS is an absolute banger, and Luca can get me dirty dancing any time he likes*. I love it.
*NB I have children older than Luca and am only here for his dancing skills.
Next up it’s SWITZERLAND, with Luca Hanni singing She Got Me. In his postcard, Luca is dancing at the Israel Philharmonic Orchestra. I only how this because it says so on the screen – there are no musicians in sight and he could be in the local council building for all we know.
This is our final Balkan power ballad of the night, and a classic of the genre. Big hair, leather-look dress (DRINK), ironmongery accessories, angry emoting about love and a bonus Angelina Jolie leg. I particularly love the moment of half-hearted air guitar in the middle. Good work, Nevena.
Updated
Next up it’s SERBIA, with Nevena Božović singing Kruna. In her postcard, Nevena is dancing in a cherry orchard near a wind farm. I’m very much here for wind turbines that look like 1980s bottles of Georgio Beverley Hills.
BREAKING: Oliver has done some digging of Michael’s fake tan - he got a close up look at the British embassy party earlier this week and believes it’s a touch of makeup mixed with a little actual tan from a week on the Med. We are here for your quality journalism.
Updated
This is undoubtedly the coolest song in Eurovision this year – a haunting and hypnotic trap number that fuses Italian and Arabic elements and manages to rhyme ‘Ramadan’ with ‘Jackie Chan’. What’s not to love?
Apparently there are some people in Italy who don’t think this song is Italian enough, and they should feel free to dust off Pavarotti’s Greatest Hits and leave the rest of us to enjoy the kind of performance that rarely graces Eurovision, and is the key to attracting a younger audience and ensuring the future of the competition. You’re welcome.
Next up it’s Italy, with Mahmood singing Soldi. In his postcard, Mahmood is looking moody next to some shipping containers.
Bilal is a huge influencer in France, and this song is an anthem of acceptance and inclusivity sung in a mix of French and English. It’s written by the same people who wrote France’s entry ‘Mercy’ last year, and has a similar empowering spirit. Love Bilal, love the banging white outfit (DRINK), love the ballet dancer, love this song – another one that should do well this year.
It’s time for FRANCE, with Bilal Hassani singing Roi. In his postcard, Bilal is checking out an art museum. DRINK for the white outfit.
I love this song – the futuristic staging and effortless performance Is great, and Chingiz has some captivating (robot) arms and a whiff of Liam Hemsworth about him. Anyone who can make a laser pointer sexy must be worth a few votes. Absolute tune.
Next up it’s AZERBAIJAN, with Chingiz singing Truth. In his postcard, Chingiz is dancing in a ridiculously beautiful river, I missed the name.
Zena is only 16, and clearly having the time of her life despite vertiginous thigh boots (DRINK) that probably should have been left in the dressing-up cupboard. The staging is a hot mess but the song is a Zara Larsson-esque bop that it’s hard not to sofa dance along to.
Are we nearly done with the songs yet? Oh god, there are still another eight or so left. They’re all starting to blend into one another. Stay with me, people.
It’s time for BELARUS, with Zena singing Like It. In her postcard, Zena is dancing in an archaeological museum in Jerusalem. She’s throwing massive shapes despite being surrounded by ancient pots in glass cases, and it’s making me anxious.
Victor can definitely sing, however, and songs about inclement weather historically do quite well at Eurovision. But sadly this one is really quite vanilla and it’s already leaking from my Iceland-battered ears. For fact fans, Victor is actually from Sweden rather than Estonia, because Sweden has such a glut of potential Eurovision finalists it can now export them to other countries.
Updated
Next up it’s ESTONIA, with Victor Crone singing Storm. In his postcard, Victor is dancing on a beach in Tel Aviv. It’s very clear that dancing is not Victor’s forte, as he’s letting everyone else do the heavy lifting.
“Iceland. They do have very long winters”, says Graham. He’s not wrong.
This throbbing electro-BDSM banger features raspy vocals, falsetto bleating, a drumming gimp atop a giant hamster ball and lyrics about how hate will prevail if we don’t all reject capitalism. Apart from that, it’s rainbows and unicorns from start to finish. Drink everything in your immediate vicinity.
I know this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I LOVE it. It’s a piece of performance art and a stand-out act of this year’s competition for me. Also apparently Hatari are the nicest people you’ll ever meet - Oliver did a brilliant interview with them earlier this week, which you can read here.
Hold on to your PVC trousers, It’s time for ICELAND’s Hatari, singing Hatrið Mun Sigra. In their postcard, Hatari are doing hand-clap dancing in some old ruins. The blonde singer is wearing platform boots that must be an absolute hazard on uneven surfaces. Please don’t turn an ankle.
We’re over half way through the first half!
As mentioned earlier, Bigger Than Us was written by lovely John Lundvik from Sweden, so we’re now fielding Sweden’s rejects. In fact this song wasn’t even good enough for Sweden’s selection show, Melodifestivalen, which means it’s also worse than the 27 other songs rejected by Sweden. In many ways, that’s quite the achievement and we should absolutely celebrate it.
Michael is undoubtedly one of the strongest male vocalists in this year’s competition and seems like a lovely guy, but this song is so relentlessly average that I really can’t see it escaping the bottom five, especially as he’s sandwiched between two of the biggest songs in the competition. I’m very happy to be wrong about this, obviously.
Do you think he’s gone for an all-over fake tan or just his face and hands? Oliver, can you find out?
It’s time for the UNITED KINGDOM, with Michael Rice singing Bigger Than Us. In his postcard from Israel, Michael is looking serene in Haifa.
This is one of my absolute faves this evening – mashing up classic EDM with local folk traditions is hard to land in Eurovision, but Norway have absolutely smashed it. It’s a brilliant dancy duet between the two happiest people in Norway, made all the better by Ken from Aqua’s Barbie Girl popping in periodically with a bit of Norwegian Joik, which is a traditional style of Sami singing from the north of Norway. Every ‘He lå e loi la’ makes me ridiculously happy, I love it.
Becks is hearing this for the first time and dancing round my lounge. She’s SO happy right now.
Next up it’s NORWAY, with Keiino singing Spirit In The Sky. In their postcard, Keiino are throwing shapes in the Judean desert, and look like they’re having a lovely time.
As with most host nations, Israel have gone all out to make sure they keep the side up but definitely don’t have to host again next year. Kobi has a great voice and a natty metal bow tie, but I keep wanting the bellowing of ‘SOMEONE’ to morph into West Side Story or Barbra Streisand and it never does.
It’s time for ISRAEL, with Kobi Marimi singing Home. In his postcard, Kobi is ballroom dancing with an aubergine in Jerusalem.
In the Green Room, Claudia is still wearing the same Elastoplast outfit. Disappointing.
Katerine’s vocals are pure Jess Glynne, and the staging is a fairytale/fever dream of flowers and pastels, giant balloons and backing singers dressed as Easter chicks. The whole thing has a whiff of BTEC Performing Arts end-of-year show (theme: fertility), but the song is nice enough and Cyprus will give it 12 points either way.
Updated
It’s time for GREECE, with Katerine Duska singing Better Love. With all of Israel to choose from, Katerine’s postcard features her dancing in what appears to be a municipal library. In other news, this song was co-written by David Sneddon, who won Fame Academy back in 2002.
This is currently the bookie’s favourite to win this year – it’s a stripped-back ballad about lost love that gives me goosebumps on the recorded version, but loses some of its haunting qualities with all the cheering in the arena.
Much as I would love a Netherlands Eurovision next year (Eurostar ahoy), I’m just not sure this is going to win. But then I said the same think about Salvador from Portugal a couple of years back and he romped it, so what do I know.
It’s time for the NETHERLANDS, with Duncan Laurence singing Arcade. In his postcard, Duncan appears to be doing the Macarena on Mount Arbel.
Cyprus came second with uber-banger Fuego last year, and this is pretty much the same song, by the same writer, repackaged and given another spin on the Eurovision stage. Sadly Tamta doesn’t have Eleni Foureira’s vocals, hairography or sparkly catsuit, although I am quite taken with the sweaty fishing waders (DRINK) and chandelier knickers.
Incidentally, Tamta is Greek/Georgian which might give their points a boost. Greece is guaranteed for 12 points anyway, but bonus ones from Georgia might not go amiss.
I’m off to Cyprus in a few weeks and fully expect to hear this on…well, replay. Clothing removal! DRINK.
Updated
Next up it’s CYPRUS, with Tamta singing Replay. In her postcard, Tamta is dancing around Eilat, which appears to have a lovely aquarium.
Oliver has discovered the joys of the Eurovision Press Room. It’s great, unless you’re trying to liveblog in the chaos.
“The media room has descended into a party. Some people at the back trying to work on laptops but most just screaming, clapping and singing. I wish more press conferences I went to were like this.”
How to describe this? Essentially it’s two thirds of The xx singing an electro ballad whilst standing uncomfortably close to each other. I really like the song, but the whole thing is super-intense and weirdly intimate, like some kind of tantric staring contest.
These two are definitely doing it. Not on stage right NOW, obviously, but almost certainly as soon as this song is finished. They’re singing in Slovenian, but the way he’s dry humping that guitar suggests the lyrics are absolute smut. Get a room, Slovenia.
Also, scruffy white outfits. DRINK.
It’s time for SLOVENIA, with Zala Kralj & Gašper Šantl singing Sebi. In their postcard, Zala and Gašper are country dancing in a field, in a region called the ‘Ruhama Badlands’. If you want tourists to go there, you might want to consider a rebrand. Just a suggestion.
This song is the level of fabulous we’ve come to expect from Sweden – a perfect pop song with great vocals and a polished performance. If that wasn’t enough, John has silky trousers and lovely arms, and this performance also includes The Mamas, his brilliant backing singers. John also co-wrote the UK’s entry this year, so enjoy this performance, and then imagine a version that’s significantly less good. You’ll see that later.
Also on a lyrical point of order, I’ve been to Eurovision several times and I can confirm that it’s NEVER too late for love.
Next up it’s SWEDEN, with John Lundvik singing Too Late For Love. In his postcard, John has ditched dancing in favour of rollerskating around the port of Tel Aviv. Are there are no end to Sweden’s talents?
Also SONG NINE! Start drinking.
Updated
My son has just messaged to say “theme of Eurovision this year seems to be ‘look at the back of my outfit’”.
I didn’t even know he was watching. Have taught my kids well.
This is the second of the Balkan power ballads tonight, sung by Denise Van Outen in a huge green dress. It’s got a Bond theme vibe going on, and reminds me a bit of Conchita’s Rise Like a Phoenix. Anyway it’s great and deserves to do well.
Next up it’s NORTH MACEDONIA, which is the new name for the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. Their song is performed by Tamara Todevska, and is called Proud. In her postcard, Tamara is dancing around the Carmel Forest, including a brief paddle in a river. Refreshing.
Bit of insight on the pre-performance postcards from Oliver:
The postcards (the pre-recorded mini-videos showed before each act) have attracted controversy as several are filmed in territory that Israel conquered in war. Albania, Serbia and Romania filmed their postcards in the Golan Heights, which Israel captured from Syria and still occupies. And the Russian and Belarus ones were filmed in the old city and east Jerusalem, which Israel captured in the same war and later annexed to Palestinian and international condemnation.
Serhat is a Eurovision legend, and he’s giving this ridiculous party anthem both barrels. He can’t sing, he can’t dance, he looks like Pitbull’s dad and the song is objectively terrible, but I absolutely LOVE it. Serhat is the spirit of Eurovision and the epitome of Dare To Dream - be a hero, be the rainbow, say NA NA NA.
I’m very aware that dismissing a perfectly serviceable pop song from Denmark and loving this cheesy guff from San Marino makes no sense, but that’s just the way it is. I like what I like, don’t @ me.
OK we’re getting to the good stuff now – brace yourself for SAN MARINO, and Serhat singing Say Na Na Na. In his postcard, Serhat is visiting a solar thermal power station. He’s far too cool to dance, so he just wanders around adjusting his sunglasses like Don Johnson in Miami Vice.
See, this is why Denmark is the happiest country on earth. This insufferably twee sway-along ditty is so sugary it makes my teeth hurt, and Leonora is the human embodiment of hygge. It’s like Jack Johnson’s ‘Banana Pancakes’ being sung to a basket of kittens. Let’s all squeeze into Sergey’s shower cubicle and have a good scream.
It’s time for DENMARK, and Leonora singing Love Is Forever. In her postcard, Leonora is in Jerusalem doing a spot of ballet.
Jean-Paul Gaultier is in the studio! Any minute now a bunch of people are going to take their clothes off and Eurotrash will be back.
If Sergey looks familiar, it’s because he represented Russia in 2016 with the song that went ‘thunder and lightning is getting exciting’. This year’s performance involves a good deal more emoting, which beautifully showcases Sergey’s incredible voice and strong jawline. If one Sergey wasn’t enough, the backing screens give another us eight versions of him, in various states of angst.
Ellie in my Eurovision WhatsApp group (everyone should have one) described this as “smell-the-fart acting in a fogged-up shower cubicle”. Still an absolute tune, mind, even though it does start to feel a bit Christmassy towards the end; would be lovely on hand bells. AND a bonus white outfit. DRINK.
It’s time for RUSSIA, with Sergey Lazarev singing Scream. In his postcard, Sergey is doing some parkour on the Tower Of David in Jerusalem. Either that’s a body double, or Sergey is a very gymnastic man.
Annoyingly these two aren’t actually related, despite having a band called S!sters and singing a song called ‘Sister’. It’s probably just as well – I suspect repeatedly yelling ‘SISTER’ into your sister’s face might create tension at Christmas.
Germany rallied into the Top 10 last year after two last placings and a second last, but this has bottom of the pile written all over it. Its dreadful, and only qualified because Germany are in the Big 5 and automatically make the Grand Final every year.
Next up it’s GERMANY, with S!sters singing Sister. In their postcard, S!sters are fishing in the Sea of Galilee with some synchronised swimmers.
We get it, smiley Lake Malawi guy, SHE’S ONLY A FRIEND. She used to be a neighbour, then moved out, then moved back in again but you’re definitely not doing it. Anyone else think he might be protesting too much? The guitar player won’t stop smiling, it’s all very suspicious.
Detailed domestic arrangements and random mockney talking aside, it’s a poppy little number which would get plenty of votes were it not in the Slot Of Death . COS SHE WAS MY NAAAY-BAH, WHEN WE WERE FIRTEEN.
Time for the CZECH REPUBLIC, with Lake Malawi singing Friend Of A Friend. In their postcard, Lake Malawi are in an amphitheatre having a dance-off with some women dressed as deckchairs. As you do.
This is the first of three female-led Balkan power ballads this evening, and Albania isn’t here to play. Jonida is essentially Nancy Dell’Olio dressed as a Tudor wench/flamenco queen, with lyrics that translate as “One day you live/the next you die/so much nostalgia/so little hope/alone, no identity”. So it’s all a bit bleak, but the song builds like Ravel’s Bolero into something pulsing and hypnotic. I love it.
Updated
Next up it’s ALBANIA, with Jonida Maliqi singing Ktheju Tokës, which means ‘Return To Your Land’. In her postcard, Jonida is doing some interpretive dance in the Banias Nature Reserve.
This is a very decent opener for tonight’s show – a fun bit of pop/reggaeton that I actually quite like. It’s one of a few songs this year that sound a bit like Fuego from last year, which can never be bad thing.
Michela is definitely singing ‘Chama-Chameleon’ and not ‘Karma Chameleon’, because the latter might send Boy George straight to the plagiarism lawyers. Not that it matters, because performing first is a guaranteed trip to the bottom third of the table, after which we’ll never hear this again. Nice work Michela, liked that a lot.
Updated
Time for some singing! The first few songs are a gentle warm-up for the really good stuff – it’s important we don’t peak too early.
First up in this year’s Grand Final is MALTA, with Michela singing Chameleon. This year’s pre-song postcards feature each act doing a little dance somewhere in Israel. Michela opts to do a bit of half-hearted vogue-ing in Timna Park. This is going to be a very long night, isn’t it?
OK, can we get on with it now?
Time to meet our hosts! There are four this year – Bar Refaeli (international supermodel and TV presenter, so beautiful it should be illegal), Erez Tal (TV presenter, notably ten years of Israeli Big Brother, the sensible one holding proceedings together), Assi Azar (presents Israel’s Eurovision selection show, Rising Star, featured in OUT magazine’s global 100 most influential gay people, unfeasibly handsome), and Lucy Ayoub (Israeli influencer and YouTube star, looks like a young Anne Hathaway). It was clear from the semi-finals that these guys are absolute pros, so expect fewer clunky links and less awkward flirting than usual.
If it makes life easier, let’s just call these four Tess, Claudia, Craig and Bruno.
The flag parade is a stark reminder of how many entries we’ve got to get through this evening. TWENTY SIX. Don’t leave me.
Updated
Out comes Dana International, dressed as a roadkill version of Big Bird. VIVA LA DIVA.
Time for the Flag Parade! This is always Olympic-grade ridiculous, and I love it. Each contestant is disembarking from a huge plane, like some kind of Scooch tribute. Need anything to suck on for landing?
Updated
This year’s Eurovision theme is ‘Dare To Dream’, which is the kind of meaningless guff a nation picks when they’re geo-politically problematic and want to project an air of whimsy.
The show opens with Netta flying a plane, and Jon Ola Sand in air traffic control. I’d forgotten about Graham Norton’s commentary, I’m usually in the host city so I never get to hear him.
John Ola isn’t following flight protocol at ALL. BRACE BRACE.
Updated
It’s time! Te Deum plays, and the Eurovision Song Contest 2019 is ON.
Update from Oliver on the vibe in the press centre:
The last time I was at this venue in Tel Aviv was in April for an election-night rally.
Very different feel tonight at the Eurovision press centre: One man is wearing a golden blow-up crown and another is covered in what looks like a pink lace wedding veil. There are multi-coloured deckchairs and parasols for journalists to relax in. It seems like half the reporters have facepaint of different countries’ flags. Pop music is blaring into the room. And I just overheard someone whisper hysterically: “Jean-Paul Gaultier is outside.”
Only 20 minutes to go! Time to charge your glasses, have a bottle on standby, gather some snacks and settle in.
Obviously I’m off the booze until later. Tonight’s liveblog is a marathon, not a race.
Here’s a few kick-off thoughts from Oliver in Tel Aviv:
It was a balmy, blue-skied day here in Tel Aviv, with the beaches packed and world flags hanging throughout the city.
I just sat down with Eurovision expert and journalist William Adams Lee outside the concert hall. Ten years ago he founded Wiwiblogs, a website that ONLY reports on the music competition. Now it’s got a cult following, with 83,000 followers on YouTube and dozens of contributors around the world.
He thinks the Netherlands did extremely well with the jury vote (which was last night) but that doesn’t necessarily win the hearts of the voting public. “It’s by far the most polished and radio-friendly,” he said. “However, it’s very paired back and very sober. And if you’re at a party in Peckham drinking alcohol, you wanna have some fun.”
Australia’s “popera” act is one to watch for big public appeal, he says. “It’s a woman on a massive pogo stick that swings ... it’ll appeal to children, it’ll appeal to their parents.”
Finally, his curveball bet would be on Switzerland, which he says sounds like a “global hit”. I asked if it was original enough – the music video feels very Justin Timberlake.
“I think generic is actually a good thing,” he said. “If you’re middle of the road, you appeal to more people. This is not about breaking boundaries, this is getting people to pick up the phone and vote.”
Updated
At home, I’m accompanied this evening by my friend Becks (experiencing this year’s entries for the first time), my boyfriend Pip (bemused by the whole business, unlikely to go the distance), and my elderly labrador Henry (profoundly and blessedly deaf). We have enough hummus and falafel to see us through the evening – let me know in the comment box where you are, who you’re with and what’s on the snack/booze table.
Updated
It wouldn’t be Eurovision without a drinking game, so charge your glass and take a slug for any occurrence of the following (I’ve gone for a wardrobe special this year):
- Presenters changing outfits
- White suits
- Thigh boots
- Mid-performance clothing removal
- Leather/PVC/gimp masks
Evening all, and welcome to this year’s Eurovision song contest grand final liveblog! After a few years of liveblogging from the host city, I’m in front of the TV at home this year; however the Guardian’s Jerusalem correspondent, Oliver Holmes, is in Tel Aviv and will be my eyes and ears in the host city.
This year’s contest may be the most controversial in the event’s history, with campaigners accusing Israel of exploiting the light-hearted fluff of Eurovision to distract attention from its treatment of Palestinians – millions of whom live under military rule in the West Bank or are blockaded in Gaza and prevented from attending. Meanwhile, earlier this month, Israel and Palestinian militants in Gaza fought an intense three-day battle that killed 23 Palestinians and four Israelis, leading to fears of another full-blown conflict. Oliver wrote a great Observer dispatch about Eurovision in Israel last weekend; it’s well worth a read while we’re waiting for the show to start.
Tonight’s show will kick off at 8pm – for the first half of the evening, we’ll enjoy all 26 songs that have qualified for the grand final. Then there’ll be a half-time show (featuring pop legend Madonna), followed by an interminable period of complex scoring and the big reveal of this year’s winner and next year’s host nation. With any luck, we’ll all be in bed before 11.30pm, but it’s live TV and anything could happen.
If you’re planning comfort breaks/trips to the fridge ahead of time, you definitely won’t want to miss the bookies’ favourites, as well as the weird and wonderful highlights that only Eurovision can deliver. My don’t-miss tips for this evening are San Marino (performing 7th) Sweden (9th), Netherlands (12th), Norway (15th), Iceland (17th), Italy (22nd), Switzerland (24th) and Australia (25th). The UK’s Michael Rice will sing Bigger Than Us 16th this year, sandwiched firmly between two of the biggest songs in the competition. This does not bode well.
The comment box is open, so feel free to add your wit and wisdom on the presenters, the songs, the costumes and the staging. There’s plenty of good stuff coming up tonight, so settle in for an 8pm kick-off. See you then!
Updated
