A song for anyone who wants to know what Serbian Motown sounds like. Or, to be more precise, what a Serbian rip-off of that time the Spice Girls decided to rip off Motown sounds like. Not completely terrible, in a sort of 'wouldn’t be too offensive if it was used on a commercial for probiotic yoghurt at some point in the future' kind of way Photograph: Sean Gallup/Getty Images
Performed by a Russian X Factor winner and written by Lady Gaga’s producer – cleverly using the template of Every Lady Gaga Song Ever Recorded – this could be the one to beat. It's even better than the last time Russia won Eurovision, largely because Alexej’s performance doesn’t feature any figure skaters skidding around on a ropey-looking bit of tarpaulin Photograph: Wolfgang Rattay/Reuters
Anna Rossinelli is basically the Swiss Jason Mraz, which is both not as bad and several times worse than I've made her sound. On the plus side, the song understands the concept of restraint, and it doesn’t have a meaningless title like Bing Bong or Joopy Joopy Flurp Flurp, so that puts it above about 95% of this year’s entries. However, it does sounds like Jason Mraz, which is basically unforgivable Photograph: Martin Meissner/AP
Singer-songwriter Axel Ehnström’s official biography claims that this is a sarcastic song. Let’s hope so, because otherwise it means that he actually chose that outfit seriously. Also, it’d mean that he wanted to sound a bit like James Blunt. And that he wanted to sing a song with a cack-handed environmental message. Finnish humour is weird Photograph: Sean Gallup/Getty Images
The Georgian Evanescence, featuring a witless verse from the Georgian Fred Durst. Remember Hard Rock Hallelujah by Lordi? This is just like that, only more subversive because instead of some people wearing prosthetic demon masks, it's performed by an attractive girl in a nice dress. The song rhymes 'fire' with 'desire', so 10 points will automatically deducted from its final score on Saturday
Photograph: Patrik Stollarz/AFP/Getty Images
A song with a bittersweet history. Sjonni – the song’s original performer and writer – died unexpectedly earlier this year, so his friends decided to gather together and perform it in his memory. Touching sentiment aside, it’s also a very nice song. Which means that it doesn’t stand a chance of winning, obviously Photograph: Martin Meissner/AP
By far the neediest song of the competition song so far. The lyrics are basically Kati Wolf going 'But what about ME? Why don’t you care how I feel? You’re not going out in those shoes, are you? Do we have to visit your mother AGAIN? I have feelings TOO, you know' over and over. Some are saying that Hungary will win. This might be because they’re scared of Kati Wolf Photograph: Patrik Stollarz/AFP/Getty Images
I didn't bother to translate this title, so I'll assume it’s about how much Evelina likes the letter V. The song is a dreary piano ballad that begins with the line 'Grey is the sorrow' and finishes with about three increasingly infuriating fake endings. This is how much Lithuania hates you, folks Photograph: Wolfgang Rattay/Reuters
A boy/girl duet between Azerbaijan's Jennifer Lopez and three toddlers stacked up inside a normal-sized suit. It's a good job that the song itself is quite good, otherwise you'd all be forced to contemplate the awkward emotional chemistry between Ell and Nikki, and you really wouldn’t want to do that Photograph: Patrik Stollarz/AFP/Getty Images
