BIG VASE! BIG CUP!
With the preliminary rounds of next season’s men’s Big Cup and Big Vase competitions already under way, now seems as good a time as any for European football to hop in the official Uefa-branded DeLorean, fire up the flux capacitor and travel back in time to play this season’s continental finals over … er, the coming weekend. On Friday night in the famously sweet-smelling German city of Cologne, an even longer Big Vase campaign than usual will come to an end when either Inter or Sevilla emerge triumphant from a European skirmish that vanquished semi-finalists Manchester United will hope takes the heat off an alleged headline-stealing equivalent in Mykonos. The Italians go into the final as lukewarm favourites against Spanish rivals who should really have been declared winners in perpetuity and got to keep the famous old trophy after winning it three times on the bounce from 2014.
“We have to play with the desire to win and bring the trophy back to Italy – and to bring a trophy back to Inter,” chirped Antonio Conte, when asked to provide some obligatory pre-match banalities. “Inter are equipped to compete in [Big Cup] given the extraordinary calibre of players they have and a very experienced manager,” tooted his Sevilla counterpart, Julen Lopetegui, when it was his turn to rock the Uefa-approved mic. “That will require us to be at our limit in every respect, and to be able to put in a great performance in all aspects of the game to compete with them. It is a daunting challenge.”
Far more daunting is the challenge facing Bayern Munich, who surf into Sunday’s Big Cup final against Paris Saint-Germain on a tidal wave of bonhomie, basking in a warm glow of public popularity not normally afforded to German football’s equivalent of the fierce playground bully. Carrying the hopes of all right-thinking folk who have no desire to see the PSG-owning, migrant worker-exploiting, human rights-ignoring sportswashers of Qatar getting their mitts on the famous old trophy in the culmination of a grand plan to make their state look good, Bayern almost certainly want to win for more selfish reasons.
Specifically, to close out a treble under Hansi Flick. And yes, of course The Fiver is painfully aware the German champions have links to Qatar, but it’s Friday, our head hurts and … well, at least they’re not actually owned by them. With so much to find distasteful about this strange season’s Big Cup final, we can but hope the superstars of both sides will at least put on the kind of scintillating footballing show that will live long in the memory before Manuel Neuer hoists Big Cup towards the heavens.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The club is aware of an alleged incident involving Harry Maguire in Mykonos last night. Contact has been made with Harry, and he is fully co-operating with the Greek authorities. At this time we will be making no further comment” – Manchester United issue a statement after reports in Greece alleged the England defender was part of an altercation outside a trendy island nightspot.
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: the Team Formerly Known as Nasty Leeds (yesterday’s Fiver). Bitter Sheffield Wednesday fan here. Can I suggest you drop the leading ‘the’ from your new name and abbreviate it (using the traditional Yorkshire accent, of course) to T’FKN Leeds?” – James Bollington.
“Is it just me or does the Action Man cartoon-style poster of Ronald Koeman (yesterday’s Quote of the Day) appear to show blood spatter due to him being either shot, or (more probably) stabbed in the back? If so, the artist who created it is probably the most far-sighted Barça employee in recent history” – Christopher.
“Re: the opportunity to present Football Weekly (yesterday’s last line). Can you just save everyone the trouble and let Noble Francis do it? It’s what it’s all been building to and would really top off 2020 perfectly” – Kenny Munro.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … James Bollington.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Charlton’s home game against Doncaster on 19 September could be used as a test event for supporters to return to English football grounds, with up to 8,500 fans potentially being allowed into The Valley. Cambridge’s Abbey Stadium is also in line to host pilot schemes with socially-distanced supporters.
Tottenham are back in training, but Harry Kane is staying at home. The forward is seeing out 14 days in quarantine after a break in the Bahamas, but should return to Hotspur Way next week.
Chelsea are in talks to sign Thiago Silva on a free transfer, which means the PSG stroller will presumably pen a three-year deal at Arsenal come 2023.
Former Barcelona forward Henrik Larsson is back off to Camp Nou as one of new head coach Ronald Koeman’s assistants.
The Football League supercomputer has spat out this season’s fixtures. Championship highlights on the opening weekend including Bournemouth v Blackburn and Watford v Middlesbrough. In League Two, newcomers Barrow and Harrogate face Stevenage and Southend, respectively.
Pope’s Newc O’Rangers manager $tevie Mbe has confirmed that a £10m offer from T’FKN Leeds for winger Ryan Kent has been knocked back. “An opening bid has been really strongly rejected … the message for sure is hands off,” he sniffed.
And Spezia will play in Serie A for the first time in their history, after edging past Frosinone in the promotion play-offs.
STILL WANT MORE?
In 2018, Juan Bernat was bundled through the door marked Do One at Bayern Munich, Uli Hoeness’s hot funk still ringing in his ears. Now, he could deny them Big Cup with PSG, writes Paul Doyle.
Romelu Lukaku did not deliver at Manchester United but he has carried Internazionale to Big Vase final, notes Nicky Bandini.
Sid Lowe looks at how Sevilla have made themselves into an unlikely European powerhouse.
Will anyone stop Lyon winning Women’s Big Cup this time? Tim Stillman looks at a French football dynasty. And you can catch up with our team guides right here.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
