Here’s the full story on the draw, which if you missed it/can’t be bothered to scroll down, saw Liverpool draw FC Sion, Rubin Kazan and Bordeaux, Tottenham get Anderlecht, Monaco and Qarabag while Celtic were drawn with Ajax, Fenerbahce and Molde.
Cheers for reading, and farewell.
Glenn Hoddle, happy that two of his former teams have been drawn against each other, has been speaking to his people...
@lfcal101 @SpursOfficial @AS_Monaco sure is. 😎
— Glenn Hoddle (@GlennHoddle) August 28, 2015
Calling Brighty...
FC Sion, the brief unscheduled stop for Mark Bright's career in 1997 (0 games, 0 goals): pic.twitter.com/srUDxXdVRQ
— Football Clichés (@FootballCliches) August 28, 2015
Those groups in full again...
The Europa League group stage draw in full http://t.co/uXpHJbkCLG #UELdraw pic.twitter.com/qC96cupgob
— Guardian sport (@guardian_sport) August 28, 2015
Liverpool, depending on whether or not they actually want to progress, will be reasonably pleased, you’d imagine. Although they could probably have done without that trip to Kazan.
Well, that probably couldn’t have gone worse for Tottenham, who have two teams that proved ticklish, at best, for Arsenal in the Champions League last season, plus a lovely trip to Azerbaijan to play Qarabag.
London to Baku is a 5,000-mile round trip. On a Thursday night. #COYS
— Dale Johnson (@dalejohnsonESPN) August 28, 2015
The draw for the Europa League group stage is complete...
....and here it is.
Group A
Ajax
Celtic
Fenerbahce
Molde
Group B
Rubin
Liverpool
Bordeaux
Sion
Group C
Dortmund
PAOK
Krasnodar
Qabala
Group D
Napoli
Club Brugge
Legia Warsaw
Midtjylland
Group E
Villarreal
Viktoria Plzen
Rapid Vienna
Dinamo Minsk
Group F
Marseille
Braga
Slovan Liberec
FC Groningen
Group G
Dnipro
Lazio
St Etienne
Rosenborg
Group H
Sporting CP
Besiktas
Lokomotiv Moscow
KF Skenderbeu
Group I
Basel
Fiorentina
Lech Poznan
OS Belenenses
Group J
Tottenham
Anderlecht
Monaco
Qarabag
Group K
Schalke
APOEL
Sparta Prague
Asteras
Group L
Athletic Bilbao
AZ Alkmaar
Augsburg
Partizan
Tottenham drawn with Qarabag...
...from Azerbaijan, to go with Anderlecht and Monaco.
That, friends, is a nasty old draw.
Liverpool drawn with FC Sion...
...along with Rubin Kazan and Bordeaux in Group B.
And that’s Pot Three all sorted. Here’s how it’s all shaping up thus far...
Group A
Ajax
Celtic
Fenerbahce
Group B
Rubin
Liverpool
Bordeaux
Group C
Dortmund
PAOK
Krasnodar
Group D
Napoli
Club Brugge
Legia Warsaw
Group E
Villarreal
Viktoria Plzen
Rapid Vienna
Group F
Marseille
Braga
Slovan Liberec
Group G
Dnipro
Lazio
St Etienne
Group H
Sporting CP
Besiktas
Lokomotiv Moscow
Group I
Basel
Fiorentina
Lech Poznan
Group J
Tottenham
Anderlecht
Monaco
Group K
Schalke
APOEL
Sparta Prague
Group L
Athletic Bilbao
AZ Alkmaar
Augsburg
Tottenham drawn with Monaco...
...as well as Anderlecht.
Looks like a spicy ol’ group, that one.
Liverpool drawn with Bordeaux...
...to go with Rubin.
Updated
The Pot Two clubs have all been drawn, and this is how the draw looks now...
Group A
Ajax
Celtic
Group B
Rubin
Liverpool
Group C
Dortmund
PAOK
Group D
Napoli
Club Brugge
Group E
Villarreal
Viktoria Plzen
Group F
Marseille
Braga
Group G
Dnipro
Lazio
Group H
Sporting CP
Besiktas
Group I
Basel
Fiorentina
Group J
Tottenham
Anderlecht
Group K
Schalke
APOEL
Group L
Athletic Bilbao
AZ Alkmaar
Tottenham drawn with Anderlecht....
...a repeat of the 1984 final, which Anderlecht cheated massively to reach.
Liverpool drawn in Group B...
...with Rubin Kazan.
Celtic drawn in Group A...
...with Ajax.
Juicy.
So Tottenham are in Group J. What does it mean?
Well, absolutely nothing at the moment, obviously.
The Pot One teams are being drawn out in order now. Here’s what we’ve got so far...
Group A
Ajax
Group B
Rubin
Group C
Dortmund
Group D
Napoli
Group E
Villarreal
Group F
Marseille
Group G
Dnipro
Group H
Sporting CP
Group I
Basel
Group J
Tottenham
Group K
Schalke
Group L
Athletic Bilbao
The inimitable Giorgio has informed us that the kick-off times will be decided by a computer. We don’t have long to laugh at this before the machines completely take over.
“Please welcome the inimitable Giorgio Marchetti!” gushes Darren.
This is the bloke who’s going to read out the rules of the draw. The good news is that with every passing moment, we’re a little bit closer to the merciful release of the infinite.
Alexander Frei is the ‘ambassador for the 2016 Europa League final’, and he’s on stage. The final is in Basel/Basle/Baaarrrllllll this season, so they’ve got a home town boy in to hand out the Ferrero Rocher.
“You have every right to dream of a successful adventure,” says Gianni. Now they’ve got permission, feel free to dream, football clubs.
“Welcome the one and only Gianni Infantino!” announces Darren.
And here Gianni is. I can scarcely contain myself.
Darren has got former Sevilla defender Ivica Dragutinović on stage to help out, who of course won this whole shooting match a couple times. Thing is we now have one of those curious things were Darren asks him a question in English, Ivica answers in Not English, then Darren translates for him.
Here’s Darren. Ask him about the best way to convert a run-down two-bed semi in Stoke into a desirable property for the sale or rental market.
Kenny Rodgers doing the Europa League draw. pic.twitter.com/xL1aqeeX38
— Dale Johnson (@dalejohnsonESPN) August 28, 2015
We’re now being treated to an inspirational montage about the Europa League that seems like an ersatz version of that Sky ad with Sean Bean from 1996. Be as cynical as you like, if you don’t get a bit giddy and have a little heart-swell watching this one, you’re cold inside.
‘PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR YOUR HOST, DARREN TULETT,’ bellows the announcement. Tulett looks a little like he would be more comfortable hosting ‘Homes Under The Hammer’. Perhaps he was beaten to that gig by Dion Dublin.
This draw is being held at the Grimaldi Forum in Monaco, which in the coming weeks and months will also host ‘the world’s favourite family musical’ Annie, an exhibition called ‘From Chagall To Malevich, The Revolution Of The Avant-Garde’, and ‘Strategies for Coach’, a coaching course that is oddly non-specific about what exactly it is supposed to be coaching. Your guess is as good as mine.
Liverpool are currently second favourites with the bookies (behind Dortmund), to win the whole shebang, but is there a bigger mug bet in football than a wager on who will win the Europa League at this stage? Why on earth would you bet on the outcome of a tournament that you don’t know all the participants in yet? Particularly given that a number of those unknown participants are likely to be pretty good.
There is this...
Spurs could get "group of death" - Fiorentina, Monaco and Groningen -says @NickMiller79. I'd love that - proper matches, short distances
— David Stimson (@boyinthebush) August 28, 2015
This one should* be relatively straightforward - four pots containing 12 teams each, one team from each pot goes into each of the 12 groups. Teams from the same country can’t play each other, neither can Russian teams face Ukrainian ones.
*Of course, you never can tell with UEFA.
Shall we do some potential group o’ deaths? Tottenham could get Fiorentina, Monaco and Groningen, while Liverpool might find themselves drawn with Borussia Dortmund, Fenerbahçe and Partizan.
And how about a group of...erm...life? Mauricio Pochettino probably won’t cry himself to sleep should they get Celtic (sorry), Augsburg and Qarabag, while Brendan Rodgers should smile and crack out those absurdly white teeth should Liverpool be drawn with Rubin Kazan, Sloven Liberec and Asteras Tripolis. Thoughts?
This is all very exciting, isn’t it? Well, quite exciting. Exciting? Interesting? Mildly diverting? Better than work? Better than staring into the abyss of misery that is day-to-day existence? Anyway, stick with it - some UEFA wonks are about to delve into some bowls to retrieve some balls, in which will be the names of football teams.
Meanwhile, let’s have a think about how this whole draw process could be improved. Filling those bowls with Angel Delight, perhaps? Or making the little balls edible, and the specific wonk has to eat through it to discover the name? Not having it in public and just getting UEFA to quietly release a list so we can all get on with our lives? Email Nick.Miller@theguardian.com or tweet @NickMiller79.
Updated
Nick will be here shortly. Meanwhile, familiarise yourselves with the pots the teams will be in for the Europa League group stage draw:
Pot 1
Schalke (GER)
Borussia Dortmund (GER)
FC Basel (SUI)
Napoli (ITA)
Tottenham (ENG)
Ajax (NED)
Villarreal (ESP)
Rubin Kazan (RUS)
Athletic Club (ESP)
Sporting CP (POR)
Marseille (FRA)
Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk (UKR)
Pot 2
Braga (POR)
Fiorentina (ITA)
Lazio (ITA)
Anderlecht (BEL)
Liverpool (ENG)
AZ Alkmaar (NED)
Viktoria Plzeň (CZE)
Club Brugge (BEL)
PAOK (GRE)
Celtic (SCO)
Beşiktaş (TUR)
APOEL (CYP)
Pot 3
Monaco (FRA)
Sparta Praha (CZE)
Fenerbahçe (TUR)
Legia Warszawa (POL)
Bordeaux (FRA)
Lokomotiv Moskva (RUS)
Lech Poznań (POL)
Saint-Étienne (FRA)
Slovan Liberec (CZE)
Augsburg (GER)
Rapid Wien (AUT)
Krasnodar (RUS)
Pot 4
Partizan (SRB)
Asteras Tripolis (GRE)
Belenenses (POR)
Rosenborg (NOR)
Qarabağ (AZE)
Molde (NOR)
Dinamo Minsk (BLR)
Groningen (NED)
Sion (SUI)
Midtjylland (DEN)
Skënderbeu (ALB)
Qäbälä (AZE)
