The glass of water is …
… half empty, but that’s OK because no one is really expecting anything more and, anyway, this gives us a chance to slowly refill it back to its full potential. Before breaking it under the weight of outrageous expectation in a couple of years.
Add a point in , , A
… an irritation which will have to be drunk before it can be filled up with wine.
Add a point in , B
… precisely half full and precisely half empty, and it would be a shame to take even a drop out of it lest it ruin the perfect symmetry.
Add a point in , C
… incredibly pure but a bit boring and potentially leaky.
Add a point in , D
… just happy to be here.
Add a point in , E
You are lost while driving. What do you do?
Dither uncertainly for an hour or so, before charging forwards at full speed with an equal chance of success or falling off a cliff.
Add a point in , , A
Have a massive row with the rest of the passengers, the aftermath of which will last for several years.
Add a point in , B
Get out a sat nav, coolly program it, and arrive efficiently at your destination with several minutes to spare.
Add a point in , C
Drive around in beautiful circles, taking corners perfectly, elegantly passing wonderful landmarks, before falling asleep at the wheel.
Add a point in , D
Enjoy the ride anyway, no matter where you end up.
Add a point in , E
At a dinner party, you are most likely to …
… half enjoy the starter and main course, before making your excuses and leaving early.
Add a point in , , A
… drink a little too much, become quite argumentative, lose a few friends, then eat too much cheese.
Add a point in , B
… wish you were eating sausages.
Add a point in , C
… push your food endlessly around the plate, thinking about great dinner parties of the recent past.
Add a point in , D
… get stuck in early on, aware that this isn’t for the likes of you so you may as well have your fill before you are booted out.
Add a point in , E
What are your feelings on the EU?
Um, er. Not sure.
Add a point in , , A
We’re stuck with it.
Add a point in , B
It is our plaything to do with as we wish.
Add a point in , C
A useful source of funding.
Add a point in , D
A snazzy looking nightclub with bouncers who won’t let you in.
Add a point in , E
Your favourite type is music is what?
Britpop: once tipped to change the world but never quite managed it. Aged badly.
Add a point in , , A
The 1812 Overture: occasionally transcendent, generally ends in explosions
Add a point in , B
Hardcore techno: there’s something about the relentless 4/4 beat.
Add a point in , C
Post-rock: beautiful, ethereal, technically brilliant, struggles to get to the point.
Add a point in , D
Modern pop: built on solid foundations, but ultimately a bit lightweight and lacking punch.
Add a point in , E
You are caught speeding in your car. The police want to put points on your licence. What do you do?
Howl about the injustice of it, burn effigies of the police officer. Fail to learn lesson.
Add a point in , , A
Shrug, accept that it is part of life, go for a drink.
Add a point in , B
Accept the penalties, obviously.
Add a point in , C
Mount a theatrical argument against the punishment. Fall to the ground.
Add a point in , D
Point out how the world is biased against the little guy.
Add a point in , E
When working in a group, what role do you tend to take?
I make up for a lack of ability by yelling a lot and providing plenty of energy, not all of it perfectly directed.
Add a point in , , A
I avoid teamwork wherever possible.
Add a point in , B
I am undeniably the leader.
Add a point in , C
Everyone is equally important, so everyone must be equally involved.
Add a point in , D
I muck in without much hope of recognition.
Add a point in , E
Which of the following quotes do you most identify with?
“It’s not denial, I’m just very selective about the reality I accept” – Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes.
Add a point in , , A
“It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them” – Pierre Beaumarchais.
Add a point in , B
“Order and simplification are the first steps towards mastery of a subject” – Thomas Mann.
Add a point in , C
“Logic will get you from A to B, imagination will get you everywhere” – Albert Einstein.
Add a point in , D
“Have a good time, all the time” – Viv Savage, Spinal Tap.
Add a point in , E
Which of the following most accurately describes your summer plans?
A last minute holiday when a couple of weeks become unexpectedly clear in early July.
Add a point in , , A
A month-long party followed by a lot of clearing up.
Add a point in , B
The same as every year: a successful month away, meticulously booked and organised ages ago.
Add a point in , C
A walking tour with no particular destination in mind, just lots of nice things to see along the way.
Add a point in , D
Enviously peering at the nicer hotel that the neighbours are staying in.
Add a point in , E
If you are building a piece of flat-pack furniture, how do you go about it?
Ignore the instructions, put key parts in the wrong places, use a few favourite old bits of wood from the shed to round it off. Hope it doesn’t collapse, but deep down know it will.
Add a point in , , A
Get halfway through making it, lose your temper, storm off.
Add a point in , B
Follow the instructions to the letter. End up with a solid piece of furniture.
Add a point in , C
Ignore the instructions, but spend hours meticulously working with each piece until you end up with something beautiful to the eye, a bit pointless, and not what you set out to build.
Add a point in , D
Build a reasonably successful cupboard before being patronised by everyone that sees it for how clever you are.
Add a point in , E
Buckets
Congratulations, you are ENGLAND!
You were once full of confidence and blind optimism but are now more of a realist. Everyone recognises you for your passion and willingness to roll up your sleeves and, though there are still a few ghosts of your cocky past lingering, you have now come to accept that you are probably not destined for great things.
Congratulations, you are FRANCE!
You are fiery, individual and creative – a virtuoso who will not let anyone tell you what to do. You tend to work better alone, can have a few relationship issues, but can be a force to be reckoned with.
Congratulations, you are GERMANY!
You leave nothing to chance and your perfectionism and meticulous planning delivers you relentless success. You are driven, motivated and a winner. Nobody really likes you, but you don’t care.
Congratulations, you are SPAIN!
You realise that beauty, rather than achievements, are the key to life. You have dedicated yourself to art and creation and, because this has delivered you success in the past, you are loath to change. Some say you can be a little tedious, but you can easily block out those who cannot appreciate you for how you truly are.
Congratulations, you are ALBANIA!
You’re happy-go-lucky, never expecting much but determined to enjoy yourself when opportunities come along. You often feel you don’t quite fit in among more well-healed companions, but you’re happy to go toe-to-toe with them and show them just what the little guy can do.
