Right, that’s all from me. It’s been a thrill. Thanks for being you. Bye!
A couple of proud clubs:
Congratulations to @AnthonyMartial on his senior France debut. Our new no.9 came on as a sub during Les Bleus' 1-0 win in Portugal. #mufc
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) September 4, 2015
Congratulations on the two goals and vital win with @OfficialIrishFA big man @G23mcauley! #Clinical #WBA
— West Bromwich Albion (@WBAFCofficial) September 4, 2015
A final word from Ashley Sharp. “End of the match. Albania have nicked a point without actually doing anything at all. Denmark could do with some practice crossing the ball. Some of the final ball in this match has been nothing short of woeful. Copenhagen is not a happy place.”
Here’s your Gibraltar 0-4 Republic of Ireland match report:
Job done: not particularly impressive but no humiliating slip-up. But enough about my match report ...
— Paul Doyle (@Paul_Doyle) September 4, 2015
Final score Germay 3-1 Poland
Looked a good game, that, and Germany are now all set to wrap up qualification from Group D. “As a final thought, and not at all in an attempt to be funny, it’s very fitting and lovely to see Germany finish the game with three players of Turkish descent, plus Boateng and Bellarabi having played parts, on a day when thousands of refugees are desperately trying to reach Germany by walking from Budapest,” writes Drew Gough. “Germany has been exceptional in its support of refugees, and these players are symbols of how integration and tolerance pay dividends for countries in Europe.” Hang on, this is an international clockwatch. We link to funny 1980s videos and make borderline-xenophobic jokes about foreign people’s names, we don’t make serious points about serious stuff here, however good they are. Surely some mistake. “Sorry that’s not about matching clothing or Emre Can’s positional sense,” he concludes, “which admittedly improved as the game went on.” Ah, that’s better.
Final score: Faroe Islands 1-3 Northern Ireland
Hungary and Romania drew 0-0, so Northern Ireland are up to first place in Group F! If Northern Ireland beat Hungary in Belfast on Monday, they’ll have qualified!
Updated
Final score: Gibraltar 0-4 Republic of Ireland
Job very much done for the Republic, very much as expected. They’re in a fight for third place in Group D, with just the top two to play.
Interesting France statistic:
Great free-kick from Mathieu Valbuena for France - the first goal France have scored direct from a free-kick since Jerome Rothen (Oct. 2007)
— Jerome Pugmire (@jeromepugmire) September 4, 2015
That Valbuena goal in full:
GOAL! Portugal 0-1 France
There’s been a goal in the night’s big friendly, Valbuena scoring from a free kick.
Ooooh! Josh Magennis shoots for Northern Ireland, from 18 yards, and the goalkeeper tips it against the post!
GOAL! Germany 3-1 Poland
Another goal for Götze, extending his side’s lead for the second time in the game. It’s another rebound-snaffling – something of a theme this evening – after Müller’s shot from 20 yards is deflected into the goalkeeper’s legs.
Updated
Ashley Sharp informs me that Bendtner has finally put the ball in the net. But also that he was offside at the time.
“Can we take a moment away from this quite excellent game to comment on the German coaching attire?” wonders Drew Gough. “Surely if the head coach wears a white button-down with the sleeves rolled up and nicely tailored slacks he looks sharp, but the entire coaching staff wearing matching outfits (with sleeves rolled to matching length) looks a bit failed boy band, doesn’t it? That said, I suppose matching outfits is kind of a thing in football.” Germany’s bench is very regularly like this. White shirt, dark trousers, every time (unless it’s raining).
GOAL! Gibraltar 0-4 Republic of Ireland
A nice, chipped cross from the right, and Shane Long is the only person who seems particularly interested in winning the header, running around the static defender in front of him and sending the ball into the corner.
Updated
Another update from Denmark-viewing Ashley Sharp. “Bendtner has missed an absolute sitter. Great low cross in, on the six yard line, get anything on it and it’s a goal. Through his legs, out for a throw. Not mentioned Albania much but Lorik Cana has just saved what must have been* an easy goal. Sliding tackle on the six yard line that was perfect.”
*It was Bendtner with the chance though, so really he could have left it.
Updated
GOAL! Greece 0-1 Finland
Pohjanpalo scored it, following in when Berat Sadik shot and smashing the rebound into the roof of the net! Against the run of play, apparently.
GOAL! Faroe Islands 1-3 Northern Ireland
Lafferty scores! A cut-back from the left, and from there it’s all a bit messy. But Lafferty just refuses to give up on the ball, and he eventually works a shooting chance, and smashes it across goal and in at the back stick!
Updated
Germany incredibly fail to score! First Özil’s shot is parried, a pile of players descends on the loose ball and it ends up behind for a corner. From which, Hummels powers a header low towards goal, but it’s stopped on the line!
GOAL! Faroe Islands 1-2 Northern Ireland
A second goal from McAuley! He dives to head in from five yards, from Brunt’s excellent right-wing, left-foot free kick, and Northern Ireland lead by a goal and a man!
GOAL!!! That man pops up again Gareth McAuley!! #DareToDream #GAWA #FROvNIR pic.twitter.com/3wbF9I42s8
— Official Irish FA (@OfficialIrishFA) September 4, 2015
Updated
“Denmark must have had at least three shredded wheat at half time,” writes Ashley Sharp. “They’re attacking like Vikings in Lindisfarne.” Evocative stuff. Yet still Albania hold on. It would be a great result for them in their search for second place. After tonight Albania play at home twice, against Portugal and Serbia, while Denmark play away twice, against Armenia and Portugal.
RED CARD! Faroe Islands go down to 10 men!
Edmundsson, the Faroes’ goalscorer, already on a yellow card, goes into a challenge incredibly late. What was he thinking? Advantage Northern Ireland!
Nearly 20 minutes into the second half, and the defences are on top in the Faroe Islands, where not an awful lot of attacking action has happened.
Another great save from Neuer! A fine move from Poland, a powerful shot to the goalkeeper’s right, and he palms it out into Grosicki, off whom it bounces back towards goal but just wide! (though, to be fair, he was surely offside)
Updated
GOAL! Serbia 2-0 Armenia
A low shot across the goalkeeper, a feeble half-push away from goal rolls straight to Ljajic, and Serbia have a two-goal lead.
In a pleasing and unusual twist, the three games I’m watching have featured eight goals, and the three games (plus a friendly) I’m not watching have featured one. Meanwhile in the Faroes, the hosts get a fine shooting chance on the edge of the area, but Player A underhits his set-up tap-back, and Player B runs into him.
GOAL! Gibraltar 0-3 Republic of Ireland
Robbie Keane passes the ball low to his right, sending the goalkeeper the wrong way, and Ireland’s victory is surely boxed, wrapped and ribbon-festooned.
Updated
Penalty to Republic of Ireland!
Walters goes down the right this time, cuts back to Hoolahan, who tumbles over a defender’s leg – a rank dive, I think – and the referee blows his whistle.
GOAL! Gibraltar 0-2 Republic of Ireland
Walters runs into the area on the left, underhits a hopeless low cross, and a defender sticks out a leg, deflects it into his post, it bounces back into the goalkeeper, off his back and across to Robbie Keane, who taps in from a yard!
Updated
Peeeeeep!
Various second halves have now started, though they’re yet to kick off again in Germany.
“I’m an Ireland supporter,” writes JR in Illinois. “I am accepting any and all words of encouragement at this time.” Well, they’re winning and they’ve got third place in their sights. On the down side, they’ve been outplayed by Gibraltar for the last 10 minutes, and they’ve still got to play Germany (h) and Poland (a).
The Serbia goal I so inefficiently mentioned earlier has been reclassified as an own goal, Levon Hayrapetyan getting the credit.
“I think this confusion comes from a particularly splendid episode of Phoenix From The Flames during a Skinner/Baddiel Fantasy Football show,” writes Thom Harris. “If memory serves, it featured the Faroes goalie, something-something Knudsen, who wore a particularly noticeable white bobble hat during some world cup qualifying draw.”
That’ll be this one, then:
Half time: Denmark 0-0 Albania
“Reminds me a lot of Raheem Stirling this Sisto kid,” continues Ashley Sharp, our Denmark v Albania correspondent. “He’s got tricks, he’s got stepovers, he’s got talent … he’s got absolutely no crossing ability. All square still, Albania occasionally looking dangerous on the break, Denmark have been robust without much to show for it.”
Updated
“That photo of the two Polish fans [scan down a bit] is quite obviously a textbook illustration called ‘stages of inebriation nos. 4 and 16’,” suggests Dave. “The bloke on the left being at ‘maudlin and wishing everything would stand still’, several quantities of vodka further down the road than the bloke on the right, who is just getting going at ‘very happy’.”
Half time: Faroe Islands 1-1 Northern Ireland
Another good late chance here, Kyle Lafferty missing it.
Half-time: Germany 2-1 Poland
Poland could so easily have gone in level! First Neuer saves brilliantly from Lewandowski, then the same player heads the corner goalwards, but Götze clears off the line!
Half time: Gibraltar 0-1 Republic of Ireland
Derby’s Cyrus Christie is the surprise scorer of the only goal of the first half, but the Irish haven’t had it all their own way.
I can find a 2008 article in the Sunday Times that begins: “A Scotland player, so the story goes, packed beach shorts and sunglasses for a trip to the Faroe Islands. He thought, at his destination, there would be pyramids, a sphinx and desert sands.” Still, no name.
@D_JamesW @Simon_Burnton I can't remember, but it was a story that did the rounds in the 90s.
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) September 4, 2015
I’m disappointed not to have an answer, but encouraged that “it didn’t actually happen” remains possible.
“A relatively unknown player has a good performance in a Germany jersey? Cue the sound of fingers snapping followed by the slow opening of a vault in the bank of an oil-rich country, followed by a truckload of cash being wheeled off ahead of a 100 squillion-quid offer for FC Cologne’s Jonas Hector,” writes Peter Oh. Indeed, international-quality players don’t hang around at the likes of Köln, though I don’t think Germany are enormously blessed in the left-back department.
In further comeback news, Gibraltar have had a couple of shots in the last few minutes.
Updated
GOAL! Germany 2-1 Poland
From nothing, nowhere, Germany concede. Emre Can is caught in midfield, Poland work the ball down his vacant flank and then cross for Lewandowski, who heads in!
Updated
GOAL! Faroe Islands 1-1 Northern Ireland
An equaliser for the Faroes! A corner is half-cleared to Dallas, who faffs about with it on the edge of the area, loses it, and then has his head in his hands as Edmundsson scores. That’s gotta hurt.
Updated
@Simon_Burnton Which footballer packed shorts / sandals for a trip to The Faroes also claiming to be looking forward to seeing The Pyramids?
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) September 4, 2015
Surely, surely this didn’t happen. This cannot have happened.
Here, judge for yourself:
And then a minute later Walters nearly scores with a lob from 35 yards, which is tipped over the post!
GOAL! Gibraltar 0-1 Republic of Ireland
Gibraltar’s resolve lasts until the 27th minute, when Christie executes a one-two with Hoolahan on the right wing, juggles the ball past a couple of defenders, runs into the area and then shoots with the outside of his right foot, across goal and in at the far post.
Updated
GOAL! Serbia 1-0 Armenia
I can tell you literally nothing about this goal, except that a few people on Twitter are saying bravo, which suggests it wasn’t entirely humdrum.
andrija zivkovic!! bravo grobare
— Zizou (@BogdanCeha) September 4, 2015
Northern Ireland’s Conor McLaughlin has been booked. “Is it a sign of the shift in the balance in power in Ireland that NI have scored first against their more daunting patsies?” wonders Simon McGrother. Surely the Republic can afford to be patient tonight. Surely.
21 minutes played in Faro, Ireland have been attacking for approximately 19 of them, and the score remains 0-0.
GOAL! Germany 2-0 Poland
And that’s No2 for Germany, and another assist for Hector. This time he passes to Götze, who runs into the penalty area, cuts onto his right foot and then shoots low in at the near post.
@Simon_Burnton THE player to watch in the Germany team is Hector - in all the games he played so far he was impressive. Now with the assist.
— Lindan (@Cthuloid) September 4, 2015
Ripe for some Premier League
Updated
“Reading through the blog, the one thing that stands out is that Jonny Evans get his full name on the Northern Ireland teamsheet. Is there a rule?” No rule, but there is another Evans on the Northern Ireland bench in the shape of Blackburn midfielder Corry. Really a J would do, though.
GOAL! Germany 1-0 Poland
And a goal for Germany as well! A nice one-two involving the left-back Hector, who cuts back to Müller, whose job is straightforward.
Updated
GOAL! Faroe Islands 0-1 Northern Ireland
GOAL! Northern Ireland have the lead in the Faroes! And it’s Gareth McAuley, crouching to head in Norwood’s free kick from the right.
Updated
Ireland still haven’t scored against Gibraltar, though they have now hit the bar, with a header that beat Perez pretty emphatically. They’re getting closer.
Another booking, for Rybus of Poland for a rough tackle on Muller. Gibraltar’s Casciaro has got one too.
An early yellow card in the Faroes, for the home side’s Edmundsson. Meanwhile in Faro, the Gibraltar goalkeeper Jordan Perez makes his first key save of the night, and surely not his last.
“I feel a little badly for Emre Can, making his debut tonight for Germany in arguably his worst position,” writes Drew Gough. “It’s not long from the nightmare he had at Stoke, when he was playing right back. Very composed young player, but could be a confidence shaker tonight. GULP.” Poland are indeed on the attack at the moment, but down Germany’s left. If you’re in the UK, not near a TV but on a computer, you can watch the game here.
And we have the day’s first controversy, as Romanians get riled:
Incredible. The Hungarians couldn't even get our national anthem right. The music wasn't totally ours, they remastered it apparently.
— Emanuel Roşu (@Emishor) September 4, 2015
We're off!
The referee’s whistles are blown, and we have action!
The referee’s microphone is turned on while he conducts the coin toss ahead of Faroe Islands v Northern Ireland. “Respect each other, respect the game and respect us,” he instructs the captains.
Here, by the way, are the teams for the night’s big friendly:
Portugal: Rui Patricio, Vieirinha, Carvalho, Pepe, Eliseu, Danilo Pereira, Adrien Silva, Joao Mario, Nani, Ronaldo, Eder. Subs: Lopes, Bruno Alves, Veloso, Guerreiro, Andre Andre, Danny, Fonte, Bernardo Silva, Varela, Quaresma, Cedric Soares, Beto.
France: Lloris, Sagna, Koscielny, Varane, Evra, Matuidi, Sissoko, Fekir, Cabaye, Pogba, Benzema. Subs: Mandanda, Debuchy, Zouma, Valbuena, Giroud, Griezmann, Kondogbia, Mangala, Tremoulinas, Martial, Schneiderlin, Costil.
Referee: Danny Makkelie (Nederland).
So tonight I will mainly be watching the Republic tot up a cricket score against Gibraltar, Northern Ireland’s clash with the Faroes, and Germany v Poland, while keeping an eye out for goalflashes, or indeed keyincidentflashes, from the rest. Anyone up for becoming one-off special correspondents for, say, Denmark v Albania?
@Simon_Burnton I highly recommend the #Germany game to all #Arsenal supporters: same style of play and (since WC) same amount of frustration
— Lindan (@Cthuloid) September 4, 2015
Well kick off is fast approaching, so the pre-frustration frustration is all but over. The teams are walking out of the tunnel as I type.
Has the bloke on the right just made a joke at the expense of the chap on the left? I’ve never seen such a sour/delirious expression-dichotomy.
Talking of (vague) soundalikes, the Scottish referee Willie Collum, who will take charge of Denmark v Albania tonight, always makes me think of this little number:
This one’s for Finland’s substitute goalkeeper, Niki Mäenpää.
Updated
Final score: Scotland have lost 1-0 in Georgia, Kazaishvili scoring the only goal in the 38th minute.
The teams!
I’m going to put all the teams here as I get them, but you may need to manually refresh in order to see the latest. Anyway, here goes:
Denmark: Schmeichel, Jacobsen, Kjaer, Agger, Durmisi, Hojbjerg, Kvist Jorgensen, Sisto, Krohn-Dehli, Jorgensen, Bendtner. Subs: Andersen, Wass, Braithwaite, Sviatchenko, Hansen, Delaney, Christensen, Rasmussen, Jakob Poulsen, Yussuf Poulsen, Vibe, Lossl.
Albania: Berisha, Xhimshiti, Cana, Ajeti, Agolli, Kukeli, Gashi, Xhaka, Abrashi, Lenjani, Cikalleshi. Subs: Shehi, Lila, Rrahmani, Basha, Memushaj, Sadiku, Aliji, Salihi, Balaj, Kace, Roshi, Hoxha.
Referee: William Collum (Scotland).
Faroe Islands: Nielsen, Naes, Nattestad, Faero, Sorensen, Benjaminsen, Vatnhamar, Henriksen, Hansson, Holst, Edmundsson. Subs: Gestsson, Frederiksberg, Pol Justinussen, Bartalstovu, Baldvinsson, Jakobsen, Olsen, Joensen, Finnur Justinussen, Erling Jacobsen, Thomsen.
Northern Ireland: McGovern, McLaughlin, Jonny Evans, McAuley, Brunt, Davis, Baird, Norwood, Dallas, McGinn, Lafferty. Subs: Mannus, Ferguson, Grigg, Corry Evans, McCourt, McNair, Hughes, McKay, Cathcart, Magennis, Boyce, Carroll.
Referee: Felix Zwayer (Germany).
Germany: Neuer, Can, Boateng, Hummels, Hector, Schweinsteiger, Kroos, Muller, Ozil, Bellarabi, Gotze. Subs: Zieler, Mustafi, Rudy, Ginter, Schurrle, Podolski, Volland, Kramer, Gundogan, Kruse, ter Stegen.
Poland: Fabianski, Piszczek, Szukala, Glik, Rybus, Maczynski, Jodlowiec, Krychowiak, Grosicki, Milik, Lewandowski. Subs: Szczesny, Cionek, Jedrzejczyk, Linetty, Olkowski, Blaszczykowski, Peszko, Mila, Zielinski, Wilczek, Borysiuk, Boruc.
Referee: Nicola Rizzoli (Italy).
Gibraltar: J Perez, J Chipolina, Sergeant, R Chipolina, Barnett, Garcia, K Casciaro, Walker, Bardon, L Casciaro, Duarte. Subs: Robba, Neale, Bosio, R Casciaro, Mascarenhas-Olivero, Rovegno, Guilling, Gosling, Lopez, Victory, Coombes, Yome.
Republic of Ireland: Given, O’Shea, Clark, Christie, Whelan, McCarthy, Brady, Hoolahan, Hendrick, Keane, Walters. Subs: Forde, Randolph, Coleman, Wilson, Ward, Keogh, McGeady, McClean, Meyler, Quinn, Long, Doyle.
Greece: Karneis, Vyntra, Papadopoulos, Papastathopoulos, Holebas, Tziolis, Fortounis, Aravidis, Samaris, Mitroglou, Karelis. Subs: Kapino, Vellidis, Giannoulis, Manolas, Moras, Kitsiou, Kone, Tachtsidis, Fetfatzidis, Platellas, Fountas.
Finland: Hradecky, Arajuuri, Arkivuo, Uronen, Toivio, P Hetermaj, Sparv, Halsti, Ring, Hamalainen, Pukki. Subs: Maenpaa, Joronen, Jalasto, Moren, Lam, Raitala, Mattila, Kauko, Sadik, Riski, Pohjanpalo.
Referee: Serhiy Boiko (Ukraine).
Hungary: Kiraly, Fiola, Juhasz, Kadar, Leandro, Stieber, Elek, Tozser, Dzsudzsak, Szalai, Nikolic. Subs: Dibusz, Lang, Bodi, Nemeth, Kalmar, Lovrencsics, Bosnjak, Nagy, Priskin, Guzmics, Vanczak, Bogdan.
Romania: Tatarusanu, Papp, Grigore, Chiriches, Rat, Popa, Prepelita, Sanmartean, Hoban, Torje, Keseru. Subs: Pantilimon, Moti, Chipciu, Bumba, Alibec, Maxim, Latovlevici, Goian, Matel, Andone, Budescu, Lung Jr.
Referee: Felix Brych (Germany).
Serbia: Stojkovic, Tomovic, Ivanovic, Spajic, Kolarov, Brasanac, Matic, Zivkovic, Ljajic, Kostic, Mitrovic. Subs: Rajkovic, Obradovic, Kosanovic, Gudelj, Tosic, Petrovic, Tadic, Milivojevic, Fejsa, Skuletic, Markovic, Brkic.
Armenia: Kasparov, Mkoyan, Arzumanyan, Andonian, Hayrapetyan, Mkhitaryan, Mkrtchyan, Ozbiliz, Pizzelli, Ghazaryan, Movsisyan. Subs: Beglaryan, Haroyan, Voskanyan, Grigoryan, Korian, Simonyan, Hovhannisyan, Aslanyan-Mamedov, Yuspashyan, Hambartsumyan, Pogosyan, Pazyan.
Referee: Miroslav Zelinka (Czech Republic).
Updated
Of which, the big ones:
Germany v Poland
First against second in Group D as matchday dawned (though Scotland will have overtaken the Germans before kick-off if they win in Georgia. Germany have teetered at times in this qualifying campaign without ever looking like they might fail to qualify automatically, but defeat here would put a large, hungry feline among the flock of common columbidae.
Denmark v Albania
Albania will leap from third to top of group I if they win this, which explains why they’ve not only sold out their 2,150 allocation for the Parken Stadium, but have apparently snapped up any number of tickets in the rest of the ground. “We could find ourselves in the infuriating and regrettable situation where we have to turn away many hundreds of Albanian fans at the entrance, while hundreds of Danes are currently on a waiting list to buy tickets,” fumed someone from the Danish FA.
Hungary v Romania
Third hosts first in Group F’s Danube Derby. Romania are the seventh best international team in the entire world (say Fifa, though not their manager Anghel Iordanescu, or the Guardian’s own Jonathan Wilson). Hungary have the edge on the head-to-head, but they haven’t beaten Romania for 34 long, sad years. They then play Northern Ireland on Monday, fixture fans.
Updated
Simon will be here shortly.
