Charlie Kirk is dead. An assassin’s bullet hit him in the neck on the first stop of his “American Comeback” tour, midway through an argument with a college student about gun violence. MAGA is vengeful and demanding blood, and liberals are in a tough spot.
Kirk intentionally provoked liberals and leftists into bitter and emotional arguments (the whole point of his “Prove Me Wrong” thing), meaning there’s a heck of a lot of bad blood out there towards him.
Prominent liberals have resorted to “thoughts and prayers to his family” type posts, but anyone who dares to find some dark humor in this online right now is putting a target on their back for MAGA to come at them.
But it’s safe to say nobody is feeling the heat like venerable feminist humor site Jezebel. On Monday they posted an article titled: “We Paid Some Etsy Witches to Curse Charlie Kirk” and said they were “more than happy to be the hag of his nightmares.”
We Paid Some Etsy Witches to Curse Charlie Kirk https://t.co/1zjr6QycWd
— Jezebel (@Jezebel) September 8, 2025
The anonymous writer goes on to detail how they got in touch with a witch on Etsy, paying them to put the “MAKE EVERYONE HATE HIM” and “POWERFUL HEX” spells on Kirk. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t put much stock in occult rituals via Etsy, but, as the article concludes:
“So, did my Etsy curses work? Time will tell. The forces move in mysterious ways, and as the Priestess reminded me, “Spellwork is a collaboration between the caster, the client, and the universe itself.” For now, we can only trust in the timing of the great unknown.”
Seems like the “great unknown” was unnervingly quick to deliver.
This aged well
The editors have bravely left the article up, albeit with a note at the top reading:
This story was published on September 8. Jezebel condemns the shooting of Charlie Kirk in the strongest possible terms. We do not endorse, encourage, or excuse political violence of any kind.
Conservatives are furious at the witches themselves, with some arguing America is due for a rerun of Salem. There’s talk of a boycott of Etsy, with people urging the FBI and other government agencies to get involved in tracking down this magical scourge:
Charlie Kirk was shot by someone with a gun, not killed by a curse. Even so, these Etsy witches would probably do well to keep a low profile for the next few weeks as, like anyone even tangentially connected to his death, they’re about to feel a lot of heat from revenge-crazed conservatives.
