I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a Shakespeare buff. Not even close. I vaguely remember reading "Romeo & Juliet" in school, but that's really the extent of my knowledge. (However, I did used to think it was interesting that female parts were played by men for a period of time.) At any rate, there is a quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet that I seem to use over and over again when it comes to online dating (and dating in general): "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
As our good friend Wikipedia shares, this phrase is often used as a figure of speech, to indicate that a person's overly frequent or vehement attempts to convince others of something have ironically helped to convince others that the opposite is true, by making the person look insincere and defensive. For example, if your vegetarian friend says over and over again while the two of you are out to dinner, "Of course I don't care if you want to eat a bacon cheeseburger in front of me," then the number of times he says that often directly correlates to how much he actually does care.
Why the lesson in 17th century literature, you ask? As it relates to dating, people are often very quick to say something about themselves as a defense mechanism, when the reality of it is that without that defense, no one would make the very assumption that this person is denying.
I was perusing Match.com recently, searching for women of interest for a client of mine in North Carolina, and I came across this excerpt from a profile below:
"I like to do things like clean and organize but I'm not OCD."
The first thing I immediately think when reading this line is, "I am telling you that I have OCD, but I'm a bit embarrassed about it, so I'm trying to cover it up." If that weren't the case, then why call attention to it? Saying, "I love coming home to a clean, organized house," gets the same point across without any judgment, from the writer or the reader.
Let's take a look at another excerpt from a Match.com profile:
"No, I'm not full of myself as I know where I came from and 'I'm not a player' and I should say I don't have time for games or flakes as I have a lot to offer the right woman."
Besides being a very poor writer, this gentleman starts out by making two claims: "I'm not full of myself" and "I'm not a player." Most women will read this as, "I'm a player, and I'm full of myself." Next!
In court, you're innocent until proven guilty. It's the same thing with online dating. There's no need to compensate for something that should be considered the baseline, or innocence, if you will. Unless told otherwise, the baseline is that you're honest and nice and everything else good in the world. You're starting at 100 percent. It's when you start to refute things that should be the baseline that people will start to question you.
For example, let's take someone who feels the need to say, "I've never cheated on anyone," since not cheating on a significant other should be the baseline, I now start to wonder why you're telling us. In other words, did you cheat? Will you do it again?
So speak the truth, don't cover things up, and if you're tempted to say something in a defensive manner to dispel someone's thoughts that you're a certain way, it's time to think again. The reader most likely won't notice until it's pointed out.
