I'm addicted to "The Bachelorette," and I'm not afraid to say it. I had never watched the show until this season, but it's like watching a train wreck, so like all rubber-neckers, when Monday evening rolls around, I have to tune into ABC to get my weekly fix. (I don't even like to record it. I prefer to watch live.)
Now, why am I, a dating coach, sharing this personal information with you? Because I had to get it off my chest? Nope. To show that I'm human, too? Not even a little. It's so I can relate JoJo Fletcher's relationship with the bachelors this season to "The 5 Love Languages," created by Gary Chapman.
In case you're not familiar with the five love languages, they are:
1. Words of affirmation
This language uses words to affirm other people.
2. Acts of service
For these people, actions speak louder than words.
3. Receiving gifts
For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.
4. Quality time
This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.
5. Physical touch
To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.
Each is not mutually exclusive, of course, but generally, people tend to gravitate to one as their primary "language." In JoJo's case, it's definitely No. 1: Words of affirmation. She has even used that exact expression on the show.
In almost every episode this season, JoJo essentially holds her breath until she hears certain loving words from each of the bachelors vying for her attention and her heart. Even if one of these guys is doing everything he can to show her that he cares, it's not enough for her without the words she needs to hear to seal the deal.
In the episode on July 18th, Luke seemingly did everything to show JoJo that he cared. The romantic evening ended with a walk through a path made of stones to a big heart outlined in stones. While I'm going to assume it was the producers of the show who thought of this (and likely laid each rock down), it was still a really nice gesture, or an "act of service," according to Chapman. Luke knew, though, that despite his best efforts, she would send him home if he didn't say the magical three words _ I love you. Or, "I'm falling in love," which seems to be the going term on the show. To JoJo, saying, "I'm falling for you," or "My heart is all yours" doesn't cut it. She wants that "L" word, and she wants it badly.
Since I had never watched The Bachelor(ette) until this season, I thought it would be insightful to watch last season's "The Bachelor," where JoJo fell in love with Ben Higgins. (I'll be the first to admit that he seems pretty darn easy to fall in love with!) It took her some time to open up to him, which is understandable given that so many women were in the running, but once she did, she was all in. How did she tell him that? By telling Ben that she loved him. To JoJo, since she needs words of affirmation, she assumed Ben did too. But did he? Maybe he would have been okay with her showing her love in other ways, like physical touch (ahem... Fantasy Suite) or undivided attention. As Chapman says in his book, it's, of course, important to know your own love language, but it's perhaps even more important to know that of your partner. Each of JoJo's partners has now figured out she prefers to be communicated with, and each is trying hard to give her that. I don't know that the opposite is true _ at least yet _ for JoJo with respect to her remaining four suitors.
In any relationship, whether on TV or not, it's important to know two things: your own love language and that of your partner. These men on "The Bachelorette" seem to fit into a few of the other "languages," yet JoJo is consistent in her desire for them to conform to hers. I hope for her that she finds happiness with someone who can verbally express it. Otherwise, no matter how much love is there, they might never be speaking the same language.
