Believe it or not, Thanksgiving is almost here! (I feel like I blinked, and all of a sudden it was November.) That means it's time to, at least momentarily, put aside our differences and our grudges (and the election?) and simply be thankful for the blessings we have in life: our health, our support systems ... and online dating??
These days, technology essentially runs our lives. We can "read" a book during our commute to work, have dinner delivered with the click of a button, chat with our relatives on the other side of the world at a moment's notice, stalk our ex's Instagram pictures (wait a minute... don't do that!) ... and find a date.
As Aziz Ansari wrote in his book "Modern Romance," one-third of married couples _ based on a 1932 study _ lived within a five-block radius of each other when they met. Case in point: My parents were next-door neighbors, and they celebrated their 36th anniversary this year.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, in addition to being thankful for my wonderful friends and family, my health, and the success of my business and my clients' relationships, I'd also like to share five reasons we should be thankful this year, as it relates to dating:
1. We have options.
Arranged marriages were the norm until the 18th century. Today, we live in a time when, for most of us, the choice of the person we date and/or marry is up to us. Of course, family may have some influence, but we ultimately get to choose the person who makes us the happiest, regardless of whether we have official approval.
2. Online dating exists and is now mostly stigma-free.
Do you think the Pilgrims had a way of meeting people across the Mayflower, let alone across the world? They probably had to flirt in the fields over a husk of wheat or a stalk of corn! Now, we can sit on our couch in our pajamas or at our desk late at night to "meet" people. Swipe, text, meet ... easy as pumpkin pie.
3. There is more gender equality, especially with online dating.
While I am, and always will be, a proponent of chivalry when it comes to men opening doors and paying on a first date (let the debate begin), I also strongly encourage women to reach out first online with a short and sweet message if someone strikes their fancy. Many women think that emailing a potential partner will make them lose the upper hand at the get-go or seem less feminine. I disagree wholeheartedly. We need to go for what we want in life, and it starts here. Often, if you don't send that first email, your perfect match may never find you.
4. Same-sex, interracial, and interfaith couples are more widely accepted.
A study published by Kevin Lewis, a UC San Diego sociologist, suggests that racial barriers to romance are slowly going away. He analyzed over 100,000 users of an online dating site in a two-and-a-half month period and found that, while people often still mainly reach out to others of their own race, they are more likely to return a cross-race email. And, once they have replied to someone from a different race, people are then themselves more likely to initiate interracial contact in the future. Not too shabby.
One site in particular also now has so many additional choices for sexual orientation, ranging from sapiosexual (someone who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature ... guilty as charged) to heteroflexible. We've come such a long way, which is absolutely wonderful. The rest is just gravy.
5. Dating can be fun!
Of course it's sometimes draining after a long day of work to motivate yourself to meet someone new, especially when you just want to be a couch (mashed?) potato. But, it's also exciting to think that someone you meet _ maybe the next date _ could alter the rest of your life. Maybe you'll get butterflies, maybe you'll learn a new card game, or maybe you'll simply hone your conversation skills. Regardless of the outcome, take advantage of the fact that you get to meet new and interesting people, which many take for granted.
And remember that, in addition to your partner, the most important person this holiday season, the one you need to remember to take care of, is YOU!
