In most of the online dating advice I give to both clients and friends, I'm sharing pointers _things to do to attract attention and get a date. But this time, I'd like to shed some light on things not to do when it comes to your online dating photos. Whether you're using a "traditional" site like Match.com or eHarmony, or an app like Tinder or Bumble, you need to make sure that your photos, especially your first one, are showing you in the best light possible.
Here are some photos not to use and the reasons why:
1. No photos more than two years old.
As cute as you were in high school, people are only interested in seeing the person who is actually going to show up on the date. No amount of chemistry can overcome an egregious lie about your looks. Be confident, and show people who you really are. It's better to go on fewer dates but with people who know what you look like than on more dates that were gotten with a false photo.
2. No photos with friends where we can't tell who you are.
If someone can't immediately pick you out from the crowd, he or she is likely to pass you over. Not many people will take the time to weed through the photo to guess which one you are. Plus, you also don't want to be compared to your own friends! That never ends well.
3. No photos where we can't see your face.
Can't see what you look like? Pass! People will go to the next profile where they can see the person's face. While you might be doing something really interesting, like hang-gliding in Timbuktu, if we can't see you, we don't know it's you.
4. No photos that make you look like an alcoholic.
Even if your crazy drinking habits are a once-a-year occurrence, the photos you post are representing you, so people will assume things based on them. If one of four of your photos shows you getting drunk, people will assume that you're drunk a quarter of your waking hours in real life. See the issue there?
5. No photos with really attractive people (often of the opposite sex) surrounding you.
This photo is intimidating. Does he have time for another woman in his life? How do I compare to those hotties? Too much pressure.
6. No photos in the bathroom.
Thinking about a dirty bathroom is about the last thing anyone wants when perusing the online dating sites. Keep it classy, friends.
7. No selfies ... and if you're going to do one, make it flattering.
Ah, selfies. I can't tell you not to use them since they are so ubiquitous, but if you are going to, please do make sure it's clear and flattering ... but people are often skeptical of the "too flattering" angles.
And just as a reminder for what to do:
1. Less is more. I recommend only three to five.
2. Have at least one clear "face" photo, preferably your main one.
3. Be by yourself in the shot.
4. Have one photo where you're doing something interesting, giving people a reason to reach out to you.
5. Be accurate.
Happy posting and happy dating!
