As a dating coach, I get a lot of interesting questions, of course, but some of them happen to come up more often than others. For that reason, I wanted to share a "Q&A with Erika" on two of my clients' most common questions:
Q: I forgot to ask you about this ... I was with a friend tonight who recommended I fudge my age on these sites. I know, it's not the most honest thing to do, but she said she would have never met her husband if she didn't. A lot of guys do the cut-off of 35 or 40, so me being 41 will automatically rule a lot of guys out in the age range I'm looking for. The moment she started emailing with her now husband, she told him right away, so she wasn't being dishonest or misrepresenting herself.
Thoughts? Or you can just say you can't answer this if it's something you won't want to direct me on. Thank you!!
_ Maggie, 41, Los Angeles, Calif.
A: I can't say this strongly enough: Do not lie about your age. Will lying attract more people? Sure. Will you feel good about it? No. Will you anger a lot of people in the process? Yes.
While I'm certainly glad it worked out for your friend, she is one person. You don't know all the times (a lot!) when it doesn't. Lying about anything is not a good way to start a relationship. It leads people to wonder what else you're lying about. Think how you would feel if he lied about his age, or height, or anything else for that matter. The right man will want you just as you are _ a smart, beautiful 41-year-old catch!
Q: I have a question about these people who seem to want to "keep in touch"/text with you without setting up a date to actually meet, which I do not like. I've never met him, so I don't want to be rude over text.
I started communicating with a guy on Match last week, with notes back-and-forth. I'm very interested in him, and, according to his first email to me, he thinks we would be a great match and he seemed very interested also. Recently, we turned to texting, (reluctantly on my part since I always fear texts won't turn into an actual date). Many back-and-forth all day, getting to know each other a bit more. Then he sent me a text yesterday and then today _ very generic, "hope you're having a great day" type of texts. I find these very annoying. Do you want to talk or meet up or not?! I don't want to send a rude text, but I'm wondering what a reasonable expectation is here? And I'm not sure what exactly to say to him. I can't stand these random, checking-in texts that are not really about anything or moving us forward.
_ Stacy, 39, Washington, DC
A: Give this a read: http://bit.ly/2oqeCc9
The best advice I can give is not to exchange numbers before you have the date planned because, as you can see, it almost always devolves into a text relationship that way. I call texting "the death of the first date" for this reason. Once it's planned, exchange numbers a day before in case someone is running late or needs to cancel, not to chit chat.
Okay ... now that you know that for next time, what do you do with this guy? Text him this: "Hey there! I'm still interested in getting to know you in person versus over text. Looking forward to it." It's a little curt, yes, but it gets the point across. No one has time for this. I will say, though, that a guy who wants to see you will schedule a date, so it's already a bit telling.
Do you have a burning dating question you'd like answered in a future article? Email info@alittlenudge.com and mention where you read this column.
