I went to my high school reunion last year (remember when there were in-person events?). At the reunion, I ran into a friend whom I hadn't seen, well, since high school. Out of the blue, he started telling me about a woman he was seeing _ and whom he had brought as his date. (Because of my job as a dating coach, people tend to open up to me quickly.) When his partner went to get a drink, my friend looked at me with mischievous eyes and asked, "So, what are some of the dating questions men ask you anyway?" I laughed because the questions run the gamut from things about texting all the way to sex... and everything in between. A few of the memorable ones are below, with my responses. (Please note that the last two were written pre-COVID.)
The Flummoxed Texter
Flummoxed Texter: How many days should I wait before I text my date to tell her I had a good time and want to see her again?
Erika: Text her the next day saying you had a great time and that you'll call the following day to set up plans... and then actually call! Bonus points. (Double bonus points if you text her right after the date making sure she got home okay.)
Flummoxed Texter: What if she doesn't respond to the text?
Erika: I'd still call as planned.
Flummoxed Texter: And if she doesn't return the phone call?
Erika: Barring some unforeseen circumstances, she's not interested. Move on.
Note: Women, if you are not interested, please do respond saying that you didn't feel a connection or some variant of that. No one likes to be ignored. The same goes for men.
The Shorts-lover
Shorts-lover: Do I have to wear pants on my second date?
Erika: What?!
Shorts-lover: No, I mean, can I wear shorts, or do I have to wear pants?
Erika: Are you going out to dinner?
Shorts-lover: Yes.
Erika: Then yes. Wear pants even if it's a hot day. It takes the same effort as the shorts, but it looks like you tried harder. Points for you.
The Questioner
Clueless: Where do I take someone on a first date?
Erika: Coffee or a drink. Remember, you can always add dinner, but you can't take it back.
Clueless: Okay, but where specifically?
Erika: Ask what part of town is convenient for her, and then choose something around there. Let her know through your actions that chivalry isn't completely dead.
The Second Dateless
Dateless: I don't understand why I can't get a second date.
Erika: How does the date usually end?
Dateless: Sometimes a handshake, sometimes a little hug.
Erika: Do you ever offer to walk her home or wherever she's going?
Dateless: You're supposed to do that?!
Erika: Try this on for size... When the date is over, give her a little hug (handshakes are for business meetings) and ask if she'd like you to walk her where she's going. Whether she accepts will be a good indicator of whether she likes you. And if you'd like to see her again, follow the advice for Flummoxed Texter. (I'm also not against kissing on a first date if the moment strikes!)
In all of the scenarios, it's the little confident touch at the end that makes the difference. Whether that confidence is real or you're just "talking the talk," it shows that you know how to take control of a situation, not in a rude way, but in a decisive way. If she is not receptive to you, she can decide that on her own, but you'll know you've put your best foot forward by calling when you say you will, wearing pants, choosing a date place around her, and offering to walk her where she's going. None of these things takes very much time or thought, but the effects are huge.
After I told my friend all of this, he looked at me and said, "I had no idea! I guess I'm lucky my girlfriend's been with me for so long!" Don't leave your relationship up to luck. It's the little things in life that go a long way.
