Easter is coming. So is Passover. This is a time for food and drinks... and nosy friends and relatives?
It's funny how things can change so quickly. We all have that friend who is perpetually single, and then one day he or she meets the new love of his or her life, and the next thing you know _ boom _ they become a "we" rather than an "I" plus "I." And so many times, these newly coupled friends forget what it's like to be on the other end _ single and looking.
This spring holiday season, wherever you are in your relationship, it's important to remember that everyone is on his or her own journey, and some people spend more time in certain stages of their lives than others. In addition, there isn't one "right" path to choose. I'm here to remind the happy couples that there are certain things you can say or ask your single friends that will likely rub them the wrong way. I want to share the top five things that you should not ask your single friends, lest you be stuck cleaning the ham trimmings:
1. Why are you still single?
Adding the word "still" makes this question sound like there is only one thing in life that people aspire to _ not being single. Perhaps someone is making the conscious choice to be single. Or, maybe someone broke up with a significant other last month, or last year, and is taking the necessary time to heal. Does that mean this person is "still" single? Of course not. Let's remove the word "still" from single. Everyone has his or her own story.
2. How hasn't anyone snatched you up yet?
As my lovely friend Lisa walked into a bar recently (to meet a date, mind you), this older man who knew nothing about her said, "You're too beautiful to be single." While on the surface this may seem like a compliment (she said a polite "thanks"), the actual implication is, "What's wrong with you?" No one likes being put on the defensive. If you want to give a real compliment, instead say a simple, "You're beautiful."
3. Do you think you're too picky?
Everyone has different standards. Period.
4. Do you think you're afraid of commitment?
If the answer is "yes," then what do you say next? Do you have a solution? And if it's "no," then it just makes the person feel worse. Plus, the question may bring up painful issues from the past. In the end, that's for someone and a therapist to discuss _ not a well-meaning friend.
5. Maybe love will come when you least expect it?
I have to refute this one. Dating takes work. When it comes to online dating, many people think they can just throw a mediocre profile and pictures up there and just wait. Nope. Most things that matter in life _ jobs, fitness, and the pursuit of love _ take time, energy, and work. It's always worth it to give something a real try.
So, if you're in coupled bliss, enjoy it! But when it comes to your friends and loved ones, remember that everyone moves at a different pace, and everyone makes different decisions about how to spend their lives. There's no one "right" choice. You simply make the choice that's best for you. Respect that in others, and hopefully they'll do the same for you.
