If you're Jewish, like I am, then you know that the most sacred time of the year, the High Holidays, is right around the corner. (It's a bit later than usual this year because of the extra month added to the calendar this year. It's somewhat like our Leap Year but more intense!) And if you're not Jewish, the advice I'm about to give applies to you, too, of course ... and you don't even have to fast on Yom Kippur!
The high holidays are all about welcoming in a sweet new year and then repenting for our sins, eating apples and honey and then fasting for a day. It's about starting on a new foot and then casting our bad deeds in the water at Tashlich, one small piece of stale rye crust at a time. What does this have to do with dating? I'd venture to say that those of us who are on the market have committed a sin or two in the field of dating. True _ the Ten Commandments don't discuss the ethics of ending a bad date I do, of course), but in this day and age, we're more likely to commit a dating sin than bear false witness against our neighbor ... whatever that even means. Am I right?
So, let's really think about it this year. What dating sins have we committed, and can we rectify them? Some common sins (this seems too strong of a word _ let's call them "dins" for dating + sins) are:
Din No. 1: The last-minute cancel and never reschedule
You have a date planned that you're just feeling "meh" about. You're tired. The last thing you want is to change out of your too-loose-to-show-other-people sweatpants. So, you cancel. Do you propose another date? No. Next time, cancel with the truth, or schedule another date at the same time you're canceling.
Din No. 2: Last-minute canceling via text
This is an addendum to Din No. 1. Text is never an appropriate way to cancel a date within, say, four hours of the date itself. Please have the courtesy to call and make sure the person you're canceling on gets the message. Your time is not more valuable than someone else's. Please remember this.
Din No. 3: The no interest make-out
Have you ever been on a date and made out with someone at the end "just to see if there was chemistry" and there was, in fact, none? And then, you never contacted him/her again? The make-out receiver thinks you're interested. If this happens, at least give some variation of, "I'm sorry. I just didn't feel the spark that I would have wanted. But I think you're great, and I definitely hope we run into each other soon." At least no one is left out there wondering.
Din No. 4: Deciding you're not interested and never telling the other person (aka ghosting)
It's okay if you're not interested in someone anymore after a few dates. It happens. That's what dating is all about. But if you've gone on more than one date with a person and decided that he or she isn't for you, dropping off the face of the earth is one big din. It doesn't require much, just a simple email or text saying something similar to the response in No. 3. It's not a crime to lose interest in someone. But the mature thing to do is to end it on a positive note. Plus, if you run into this person later, she won't have to whisper behind your back that you're the guy or gal who snubbed her.
No one's perfect, and I'm sure we've all committed one or more of these dins. I'm a culprit, too. But in the year ahead, while we are first celebrating and then repenting, let's think about how we can improve the dating world this year, one "din" at a time.
