We all know what an obstacle is. According to good ol' Merriam-Webster, an obstacle is, "something that impedes progress or achievement." Now, what if that "something" is you?
In dating, there are so many potential obstacles to that first date:
_ Emailing someone online for too long
_ Talking on the phone
_ Text messaging before the date
Each of the obstacles listed above is a potential rejection point for your date to decide not to go out with you (and vice versa). Now, I know I'm a former economist and all, but you don't need to be a math whiz to know that by removing one of these potential rejection points, your chances of getting to the date are greater.
Let's look at a few scenarios below:
1. Emailing someone online for too long
"Ugh _ we've sent so many emails back and forth, and he hasn't asked me out yet. He must only be looking for a pen pal _ or he's not even a real person. Forget it!"
2. Talking on the phone
"Wow. Did anyone ever teach this woman how to talk on the phone? I don't think I said more than three words to every 200 of hers. Does she even breathe!? She must be shallow. I'm better off not going out on the date."
3. Text messaging before the date
"Would you believe this guy is texting me 10 times a day already? We haven't even met yet! And why is he asking me, 'How's your day going?' when he should be asking when I'm free to meet?! He's either needy or clueless. Maybe it's not worth it."
At each point, the date is presumed to have "messed up" in some way, but there may be an explanation for all of it. For Endless Emailer Eddie, perhaps he just doesn't know how online dating works. Give him the benefit of the doubt and (gasp!) even suggest meeting him yourself. For Chatty Cathy on the phone, perhaps she just gets nervous and talks too much, but as she gets to know you, she'll calm down a bit and breathe between talking about her precious cockatoo and her trip to Iceland last year. And for Texting Tommy, maybe he's just excited to go out with a great catch like you. It's better than the alternative � not contacting you at all. Simply saying, "I'm not a huge texter," should do the trick.
Do Eddie, Cathy, and Tommy hit a bit close to home? Or maybe you've dismissed one of them in your dating days. My advice? Remove the obstacles to the first date. You never know if you'll have chemistry until you meet in person, so don't get in your own way by setting up all of these rejection points. A couple of emails back and forth should do the trick, and then get right to the date. As a client just emailed me once, "What came across in emails was not there in person. I guess that happens quite a bit and the more experience I get at this, the sooner I will try to get to a meeting, so I don't have to (spend) my time emailing." Obviously, this can go either way � better in person or worse � but you have to meet to find out.
