Every year, online dating becomes more and more mainstream. In fact, if you know someone single who isn't on an online dating site, then that person is in the minority. In many ways, when it comes to dating in 2019, we've come a long way from the personal ad. While most of the changes are for the better, and the ability to adapt to the changing times is necessary, it's also important to remember that a few things can still be made sacred and be left how they are, even if the world is changing around us:
THE PHONE CALL
If you have children, when's the last time your son or daughter called you? I don't mean texted, Instagrammed, Facebooked or Snapchatted you ... I mean called. On the phone. I'm guessing perhaps not very recently?
Unfortunately, the art of the phone call is slowly becoming a thing of the past for many, especially millennials and young adults. I even know some people who get confused when they see a friend's or date's name pop up on their phone, thinking something must be wrong or even considering it intrusive. Why else would they actually call? And I know others who don't listen to their voicemails. Ever.
Let's not lose this dying art. A phone call is still best to 1) tell someone (and apologize that) you're running more than about five minutes late, 2) figure out plans quickly without waiting for a text back, and 3) have a disagreement. (No good comes out of fighting over text, in any context.)
Don't let new technology dictate your communication style. Of course, use texting to your advantage, but if you want to talk to someone in real time, go ahead and pick up the phone. The worst that happens is you leave a voicemail.
CHIVALRY
I saw a question on the dating site OkCupid recently that read:
When men show extra courtesy toward women (opening doors, pulling out chairs, etc.), this is:
a. Admirable and desirable. Chivalry's not dead.
b. Unnecessary but appreciated.
c. Sexist and insulting; women are perfectly capable.
I chose the first option. While it's true that women are perfectly capable, that doesn't mean that it's not nice to be made to feel special once in a while. Some women, of course, would choose b or c. (I know these women.) Until someone explicitly shares how she does or does not want to be treated, err on the side of chivalry.
I once dated someone who told me that his previous girlfriend grew up in a culture where women were made to feel inferior, so it was important to her to do everything _ including opening doors and paying her share _ herself. No help needed. So, when he and I started dating, he asked me every time something new came up. "Do you like the car door opened for you?" Yes. "Do you want me to pull out your chair for you?" I'd love that! Just ask if you're not sure.
COMMUNICATION
When people are allowed to hide behind technology, they often do, meaning that it makes it much easier to "confront" someone over text than in person. Sadly, these confrontations may consist of actual fights and even break-ups. Worse, though, is not notifying someone at all, aka ghosting, when you're no longer interested. Like our mothers taught us, use your words. The problem will not just go away if you ignore it. It will only get worse _ for both of you.
DRESSING FOR THE OCCASION
I'm embarrassed to say that I bought my first pair of pre-ripped jeans last year. The concept still baffles me. And recently, when I was in New York City to see a Broadway show on a Saturday night, I saw people show up to the theater in similar ripped jeans. That, to me, is unacceptable. You get one chance to make a first impression. Use it.
While millennials may be better at typing with their thumbs and religiously bringing their yoga mats with them, sometimes it's best to stick to the good old-fashioned things that will stand up to the test of time.
