As I've mentioned in previous articles, COVID-19 isolation, or social distancing, has two conflicting impacts on the dating world: 1) People are using the online dating sites more, and many sites have reported the surge in usage (Bumble reported a 21% increase in sent messages in Seattle, a 23% increase in New York City, and a 26% increase in San Francisco from March 12-22), because they are stuck at home and likely feeling lonely, but 2) people cannot go on actual, in-person dates right now. So how do you reconcile these two opposite things?
You have two options:
1) Put your dating life on hold until you can meet people again OR 2) continue using the dating apps with a "date" culminating in a phone or video call.
If 1), then try to actually put your phone away and not collect matches just for the sake of an ego boost or boredom. Take this time to work on yourself, your interests, and being a better person for when you are ready to date.
If 2), then enter dating with the goal of getting to a "date" sooner rather than later. Normally this would mean meeting in person, but now it may mean a video or phone date. Just try not to turn all matches into pen pals. They should still be leading somewhere ... even if that somewhere is a video chat on your couch with a nice shirt on top and sweatpants on the bottom. At least you don't have to worry about who pays!
If you are, in fact, going brave the video date world, please remember these pointers:
_ Dress for a first date (clothing, hair, makeup, etc.). Dating from home is not an excuse to make a sloppy first impression.
_ Clean up your house. People notice EVERYTHING _ especially when there is a mess.
_ Make sure you are well-lit. The light should be coming from in front of you, not behind you.
_ Work your angles. People look much better looking slightly up than slightly down.
_ Practice, practice, practice. Is Zoom better on your phone or laptop? Should you use a headset or not? Try all of this with friends or family so you don't have to troubleshoot on a date. (For me anyway, I look a bit pixelated when using Zoom or Skype from my laptop, so I often opt to use them from my phone. Then I can also take it with me if I need to move around a bit.)
As a note, whether on the app or on the phone/video, don't only talk about coronavirus. Touch on it, of course, make your joke about toilet paper and Lysol, but then move on to the "date" part. Talking about this pandemic the whole time will get a bit depressing and won't set you apart from anyone else.
About 75% of my clients have put their dating lives on hold, and the rest are amenable to phone or video dates. I foresee a shift to more phone and video dates the longer the isolation lasts because people, especially those working with me who are truly seeking a partner, crave human connection. And a few clients (less than a handful) are still meeting their dates in person, likely outdoors, with 6 feet separating them. Can't get much more romantic than that!
The shift has certainly impacted what I do in that, like I mentioned, most clients have opted to go "on hold" for now since they know they can't meet people face to face. I do, however, encourage people, even if not using the dating sites actively right now, to at least use this time to clean up the profile and pictures so everything is ready to go when the time is right. But, when this pandemic is past us, I see things picking up very quickly to essentially make up for lost time. Also, for the people who have been doing phone dates, they'll (hopefully) have a roster of dates once they can meet in person again.
Only time will tell in how people's behaviors may change in the long-term once this pandemic ends. I do believe that, as bad as things are now, just like with the news, people have shorter and shorter attention spans, and they will likely go back to dating as before. Yet, the idea of a video/Facetime chat won't seem quite as crazy if they can't coordinate meeting in a timely fashion. What are your thoughts on how this might change things in the long run?
