People have been asking me about trends I'm seeing in dating while coronavirus is going on, and I thought my readers might be interested in the responses:
Question: Do you see any trends in who's been amenable to switching to FaceTime/video dates versus who's decided to postpone things? Does it seem generational, or gendered?
Answer: It's actually the opposite of what I would have thought. My older clients _ mostly in their 60s _ are open to at least phone dates, and some are willing to try video dates. For those clients, the phone is a more natural thing since texting wasn't always available to them (and some have always preferred to have a call in advance of the date to feel safer), whereas my younger clients have grown up attached to their phones ... and not for making calls. I've found that my younger clients are more inclined to do video dates only if they've already met someone in person (with exceptions of course).
But for every person who says, "I'd like to continue ... let's talk, and start me up ... " (sent to me today by a 69-year-old female client in NYC), I also get a "I'll work with you, but I have zero desire to video date. When I can meet people, I'm in" (sent to me today from a 66-year-old male in Phoenix).
If you are going to try a video date, please remember the following pointers:
- Dress for a first date (clothing, hair, makeup, etc.). Dating from home is not an excuse to make a sloppy first impression.
- Clean up your house. People notice EVERYTHING _ especially when there is a mess.
- Make sure you are well-lit. The light should be coming from in front of you, not behind you.
- Work your angles. People look much better looking slightly up than slightly down.
- Practice, practice, practice. Is Zoom better on your phone or laptop? Should you use a headset or not? Try all of this with friends or family so you don't have to troubleshoot on a date.
- Don't only talk about coronavirus. Touch on it, of course, make your joke about toilet paper and Lysol, but then move on to the "date" part.
Question: Do you think things are lost in the video chatting process, or does it seem like just as good of a first way to do a first date?
Answer: Nothing replaces an in-person meeting, whether for work purposes or for dating. A video chat is a great proxy _ in fact, the closest proxy _ we have for meeting someone in person, but chemistry and attraction may still be hard to assess (it's generally only from your neck up, after all). Also, since these "video dates" are so new to people, they might be nervous and act differently than they would in person, so I encourage everyone to keep that in mind. Video chats, on the other hand, can be more intimate, though, since you're in your own home, on your home turf, if you will. Heck, you can even introduce your dates to your pets!
Question: I'm curious if you think people will be more likely to add in the video chat step once this is all over _ sort of as a lower-bandwidth weed out step.
Answer: I do believe that if people are far apart or cannot meet in a timely fashion, they will be more open to video dating after this pandemic is past us. Bumble already incorporates a video function into its app, and I've read that the other apps are not far behind. I believe it will become the industry standard to allow people to connect via video without having to reveal their phone numbers.
Have other questions about dating during the pandemic? Email date411@alittlenudge.com.
