There’s a reason the start of the new year goes hand in hand with creating resolutions and setting goals. Something about tossing out an old calendar and writing a new number every day feels like a clean slate, especially for those in the dating pool. Maybe you didn’t start 2023 off with a meaningful kiss at midnight — but that doesn’t mean this can’t be your best dating year ever.
I asked my Instagram followers what their 2023 dating mantras and goals were, and I was impressed with their pointed answers. If you haven’t set your dating-related resolution yet, feel free to “borrow” from these ideas.
1. Date NATO
I was excited to see a number of people mention they were going to implement the “dating NATO” strategy, inspired by the Amazon Prime show "Transparent." NATO stands for “not attached to outcome,” and it sums up so much of the advice I give to clients about not viewing a relationship that doesn’t lead to marriage/a long-term commitment as a failure. Instead of approaching each first date as the first step leading to your ultimate relationship goal, start at the beginning — meeting a new person — and be receptive to wherever it leads.
2. Go with the flow
It’s difficult to go into a relationship with zero expectations, but it always helps to keep an open mind. Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or seeing someone for a few months, try not to be constantly thinking about the next step. (Are we exclusive? When will I meet their family? Is it too early to discuss kids?) Don’t overthink. Instead, let the relationship progress naturally … and enjoy every step of the process of getting to know someone.
3. Don’t chase
A healthy relationship takes two. When you find yourself always being the first to initiate a conversation, constantly being the one to set up plans or generally feeling like you’re putting in much more effort than your partner, it may be time to move on. Attracting is not the same as chasing.
4. Take breaks when necessary
Dating can become overwhelming, especially when you’re trying to balance it with work, family, friends and all the other responsibilities that come with being a functioning adult. But your own well-being should always come first, even if that means taking a few weeks off the dating apps and sites here and there. It can be hard to not feel a sense of FOMO during these breaks, but don’t worry — Bumble isn’t going anywhere.
5. Learn from the bad
Not every date is going to leave you feeling butterflies and seeing fireworks. And that’s OK. Instead of looking at these situations as a waste of your time, approach them as a learning experience. Each time you meet someone, you find out a bit more about what you are (and are not) looking for in a partner, which is valuable information.
6. Recognize your value
… and don’t settle for those who don’t. You may not find someone who checks every single box on your “dream partner” list, but there’s a big difference between opening your mind to, say, different physical traits and finding someone who honors your core beliefs. Know yourself well, so you can find a partner who complements you.
7. Get out there
After all, it’s going to be hard to meet someone special when you’re not trying to find them. Put up a profile on another dating app, ask your friends if they know anyone who is single, and don’t be afraid to approach a person who is sitting alone at the bar. Who knows what spark lights the flame?
8. Be present
While many people have an idea in their heads — such as “I want to get married by a certain age” or “I hope to be in a steady relationship by summer” — it’s important to have a “here and now” attitude when dating. No one can predict the future, but we can all be aware of (and enjoy) the present.
9. Follow your intuition
A gut feeling, a hunch, an inexplicable internal sense — whatever you want to call it, there’s a reason for that funny feeling: It’s usually right. Even when a partner seems great on paper, sometimes you just don’t click, or something makes you uneasy. Listen to that, even if you can’t fully explain it.
10. Have fun
At the end of the day, dating is a roller coaster … and roller coasters can be a great time! Keeping with the analogy, not every ride will be enjoyable (and some may even make you sick), but for the most part, you should be able to put your hands up and enjoy the journey.
