THE LATEST NEWS FROM THE EUROPEAN QUALIFIERS (DON’T WORRY, THE PREMIER LEAGUE IS BACK IN A FEW DAYS)
The Euro qualifiers have been a blast for the five teams representing Great Britain and Ireland. Dominant Norn Iron strolled to their first major finals since 1986 with ease. Confident Wales qualified for their first big tournament since 1958 with such insouciance that they could afford to stand around not bothering to react while Bosnia-Herzegovina pinged goals into their net. The Republic O’Ireland beat world champions Germany with a goal that made erstwhile boss Jack Charlton look like Pep Guardiola. And Scotland acquitted themselves well too, conceding just the one against Gibraltar at Hampden, so well done to everyone involved with that.
But everything has been firmly put in the shade by England, who are a mere 90 minutes away from becoming only the fifth country in history to qualify for a Euros with a 100% record, a mighty achievement in a tough group featuring Switzerland, Lithuania, San Marino, Basingstoke Town and a five-a-side team consisting of Eric Pickles, Morrissey, Paul Konchesky, Christian Poulsen and Granny Fiver. Beat Lithuania tonight, and they’ll follow France, the Czech Republic, Germany and Spain into the record books, not for anything as grand as actually winning the actual tournament, as those lads have done nine times between them, but for getting there with a full complement of wins. Woo! Admittedly this is something even notorious CV-buffer Roy Hodgson isn’t that fussed about – he’s left half of his first picks at home – but it is something nevertheless. So well done to etc.
Hodgson, with one eye on selecting his first-choice XI for next month’s “prestige friendly” defeats against Spain and France, has opted to use this here Lithuania fixture to give a few fringe players a run-out instead, on the grounds that while it is technically a competitive match, it isn’t, is it. Phil Jagielka will become the sixth captain of Hodgon’s reign, Jack Butland makes his first start in a big-boy game, Jonjo Shelvey will be the midfield anchor, and Jamie Vardy is expected to feature alongside Danny Ings up front at some point. If Ings and Kyle Walker both get on, Hodgson will have used 33 players in this campaign, the sort of focused big-tournament preparation that’d put Stuart Lancaster to shame. “I am surprised to learn we have used so many,” yawned England’s ever-vigilant and methodical manager, who has presumably delegated the taking of notes just in case any of his favourites get injured in the next eight months and he needs to recall the name of one or two of these lads next summer.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“You can’t have temptation if you’ve got no offers” – Tim Cahill reveals he’s had about the same amount of interest in his flamin’ talent as that of the average Fiver reader on Soulmates since revealing he is soon to be very available when his Shanghai Shenhua contract ends.
FIVER LETTERS
“Know your enemy: the Lithuania manager is so hipster that before his team’s matches he spends more time customising his FC Sankt Pauli fan-shop items rather than managing his team. That explains why we’re so bad” – Loreta Palekytė.
“Following Iain Christie’s query about the ordering of your ‘Bits and Bobs’, on Friday I found myself scrolling up and counting back from the top of the section for a recount. I put it to you that if the West Ham link qualifies as a ‘bit’, then your Simon Cox ‘bob’ is nothing of the sort. What do you take us for?” – Rob Coke.
“In light of the recent correspondence on ‘retail tomfoolery’ (Richard Harris’s phrase from Friday’s Fiver), I was on my guard against such antics at the weekend when I went to a DIY store as part of ongoing renovation of my garden. I approached a member of staff, who asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily, I got the first shot in and hit him square on the nose. An old one, but nonetheless a good one” – Ed Taylor.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Loreta Palekytė.
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RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Raphael Honigstein and Amy Lawrence chew the fat about Rafa’s new book, Das Reboot, the story of Germany’s rise to the top, which culminated in the World Cup win of 2014 and definitely not the 1-0 defeat by Republic O’Ireland the other night.
BITS AND BOBS
Fifa has suspended former ExCo member Worawi Makudi for 90 days because he [SNIP! – Fiver lawyers] with [SNIP! – Fiver lawyers] and the [SNIP SNIPETTY SNIP! – Fiver lawyers].
Today: Jürgen Klopp has taken charge of his first Liverpool training session. Tomorrow: Jürgen Klopp has a cup of tea and a custard cream.
Thomas Müller is seeing pound signs instead of sense. “The wages that are being paid in the Premier League are very tempting,” he come-and-get-me-pleaed. “It can only be a good thing for football when clubs invest so much money.”
Manchester City: Vincent Kompany is a bit injured, don’t you think? Belgium: No, looks fine to us. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
On the subject of scraps, Yaya Touré, Yannick Bolasie, Max Gradel, André Ayew and Sadio Mané will duke it out for Caf’s African player of the year award.
Carlo Ancelotti has his eyes on a Premier League return. “It is the ideal environment not for football, but for the ‘game’ around football,” he cheered.
And Xavi says he would rather have played for Manchester United than Liverpool. Although he doesn’t add that he clearly most wanted to turn out for Al-Sadd.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
It’s Football Weekly. Join AC Jimbo and co for some red-hot international football chat.
STILL WANT MORE?
A team that used to be called Norn Iron Nil in the Fiver deserves greater recognition for reaching France 2016, reckons Paul Campbell. He’s probably right.
Stuart James meets Gareth Bale’s agent, Jonathan Barnett, who reckons there are some ‘second rate’ Mr 15%s out there giving the likes of him a bad name.
There’s more knack in the Newcastle ranks than in a double-bill of Holby City, poor old Second Choice Steve, writes Louise Taylor.
John Ashdown makes a Brian Deane goal sound far more important than the Fiver could ever imagine it to be in our latest Golden Goal article.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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