Butcher Steve Barnett calls it a "monster rissole".
Steve, who's working at Farnham's at Fletcher, created the five-kilogram monster. It's a work of art, don't you think?
It all began when we ran a story a couple of weeks back about a giant lemon grown in a Telarah backyard.
New Lambton's Ross Greig responded by recounting a story of a two-kilogram rissole forming in his freezer. It started as two kilograms of mince, but ended up at the back of the freezer where the forces of nature fused it into a ripper rissole.
In response, rissole raconteur Steve shared a yarn about a Shoal Bay Fishing Club raffle that was held at "the old country club when nobody wore shoes and the barnacle-encrusted locals ruled the roost".
"We supplied the raffle trays every Thursday night. My colleagues at the butcher shop were members of the fishing club and loved having a few drinks with everyone at the raffle," he said.
One night, though, "all hell broke loose".
"We put rissoles on the raffle trays instead of snags. Top Gun Ted, who ran the show, wasn't having it," he said.
The raffle trays had featured snags for 20 years, so Top Gun Ted wouldn't accept "bloody rissoles".
Steve recalled that Top Gun Ted issued his anti-rissole stance, while "sipping his beer with a stare like a mother-in-law".
"So the next week, the two raffle trays each had a single rissole weighing exactly five kilograms."
They were "nicely crumbed with parsley" and kind of looked "like a cake".
"Top Gun Ted was in shock, but had to draw the raffle as tickets were already sold," Steve said.
"Our dear old mate Doug the Egg Man, who sadly is in fishing heaven, won both rissoles."
Doug's reaction to the rissoles, Steve said, was "unprintable". Nevertheless, a barbecue after a fishing event on the Sunday was cooked by "club member Osama bin Fishin," who resembled his late namesake.
"Doug the Egg Man launched the two monster rissoles onto the hot plate. Mr bin Fishin started pounding them flat with a shovel," Steve said.
"A few beers later they were ready and sliced like a pizza. Everyone thought they were great, even Top Gun Ted."
The following week, the raffle returned to normal after Osama bin Fishin threatened to hang up his tongs."
We asked Steve if he had a photo of these monster rissoles. He didn't. However, he was delighted to make a replica.
"Our apprentice Andre the giant or Bubba, as he is affectionately known, reckons he is capable of devouring that meat ball for morning tea, no drama," said Steve, who's also known as "butcher extraordinaire, thrill seeker and rissole guru".
Non-Viral Joke
Where do hamburgers go to dance? The meat ball.
