Wow, well this is tantalisingly poised, isn’t it?
England lead by two runs, with seven wickets in hand, Root at the crease, and the best of their batting to come, arguably. Windies had a fine day, but dropped Root and dropped their levels in the last hour as Root and Malan put on 77 in 20 overs. A word for Mark Stoneman, who played a fine, battling maiden Test 5o, but it was a day to forget for Tom Westley, who will nervously await the announcement of the squad for Lord’s.
The OBO will be back tomorrow (and so will the county blog, where I will be hanging out), so get yourselves ready for lots of England are effectively *** for three. FWIW, they are currently effectively two for three. That’s all from me: thanks for your company, emails and tweets. It’s been a hoot.
Brian Withington poses a vital question:
Glorious Bank Holiday OBO Monday in prospect. A full day’s gripping test cricket and the start of Essex’s late season push for the summit in the County Championship. Who needs flavoured drinks?
I will be on the county blog, sipping San Pel no doubt. I’ll be doing it from the Oval, but might go to Chelmsford later in the week if the action there looks a bit tastier.
Tone White is answering the various questions – mainly from Damian Clarke – about his Vodka and Thyme business.
Obviously one doesn’t do the thyme alcohol once! Well, once a week, that way there is always a stock to see through T20, Tests, divorces, PTA meetings anything. It is basically medicinal.
Stumps! England 171-3, lead by 2
59th over: England 171-3 (Root 45, Malan 19) Is this going to be the last over of the day? Probably, because Gabriel starts with a wide over Root’s head. And then another, which runs away for four. Dowrich couldn’t get anywhere near it. England trail by just 2. And now a no-ball, which is squirted away by Root for one! So the scores are level, England already have eight from the over, and that over is yet to produce a legal delivery. Confusing.
The next is legal, and left outside off by Malan. Penultimate ball of the day takes England into the leave, with a straight driven two for Malan. The last ball is a dot, and that is stumps. It all started with two wickets in two balls ends with a 10-run, nine-ball, eight-minute over from Gabriel.
58th over: England 161-3 (Root 44, Malan 19) Bishoo! Be still my beating heart! He got Root in the first innings. Root cover drives for one, then Bishoo drags down and Malan wallops him for four through midwicket.
57th over: England 156-3 (Root 43, Malan 15) Gabriel is coming back for one last burst in the gloaming. Maximum three overs he’ll get, probably just two. Root guides him for four down to third man first ball. Since taking 21 to get off the mark, he has 42 from 53. What a player. Oh, Bishoo is warming up! Root pinches the strike with a single to deep point. Why’s there a deep point? What’s the, err, point?
John Starbuck reads my mind. I was just thinking oof Vodka and Thyme as a detective show involving a Russian woman.
Vodka & Thyme, a new TV detective show, starring a retired (disguised) James Bond and a woman who isn’t twenty years younger. Lots of action in strange bars.
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56th over: England 151-3 (Root 38, Malan 15) Bishoo is getting sledged by the Western Terrace, but he really should be bowling. Just one over for him so far. Holder continues. Root takes one to Bishoo off the inside edge, then Holder drops short, Malan tries to cut but it runs away from him and through the cordon for a bye off Dowrich’s glove and through first slip’s legs. Root drives past gully for one, then Malan tickles fine for two. Good stop on the fence prevents two more.
Writes Damian Clarke, of Vodka and Thyme:
Hi. Sounds nice, but wait three months ? Three ‘kin months?! I’m guessing Tone White is not a fan of T20.
55th over: England 146-3 (Root 36, Malan 13) Chase looks so much better when he bowls straight to Malan. There’s turn out wide but he can leave it. The 50 stand comes up when one pitches in the footmarks, stays down, and nutmegs Dowrich for four byes. 23 behind...
Patrick Nagle has some disgusting suggestions.
Once, many moons ago (circa 1986) I was on the waggon on a Grey Funnel Line ship on route from Gib to Guz. So having tried multiple variations of everything unalcoholic.... There are only two I remember a) Coke and tomato juice. Don’t. Just don’t. Think about it. If you don’t twig then think about it for longer. But trust me. Don’t. b) Coke and Tobasco (you only need two or three drops). When my wife bans me from drinking, that will be my refuge.
54th over: England 142-3 (Root 36, Malan 13) He’s round the wicket to Malan, hits him on the pad but S.Ravi says no. Looks like it’s going down. After a long delay ... he reviews. No bat. It’s hitting the stumps but, inevitably, not by enough, and it’s umpire’s call. There’s a single for each of the batsmen and Holder ends the over bowling over the wicket to Malan again, and there’s another bye. England are 28 behind, and there are 22 minutes left today.
Tone White is a man of simple pleasures. He writes, of drinking:
Very simple. Soak an armful of thyme in a bucket of decent vodka. For three months. Strain well, add cane sugar syrop to taste. Drink cold. Or warm.
53rd over: England 139-3 (Root 35, Malan 13) Chase starts aiming at the stumps to Malan, and that’s just better. Brings so many dismissals into play. Then he goes wider and is punched for one to the man in the deep. Over ends with two byes.
My word.
The Western Terrace in all its glory. #beercomingout #MrRevolting pic.twitter.com/l97uUkp1yh
— Philip Brown (@dudleyplatypus) August 27, 2017
52nd over: England 136-3 (Root 35, Malan 11) Holder, having bowled brilliantly earlier, is looking tired. Malan gets a single, then Root glances fine for four.
But now Root’s been struck on the pad and up goes the finger! Root is gone for 35! Looks out. But he’s reviewed straight away! Has he hit this?! No, he hasn’t, but it’s going down, and Root is reprieved! Holder’s angle wide on the crease what done it. He can’t believe it. The rest of the over is uneventful.
Correct. Test cricket is generally far too expensive, especially in this country, particularly in the Ashes.
Two adults and two kids for £40 at Headingley tomorrow. Sensible pricing a big deal for Test cricket. Deserves a full house!
— Mike Jakeman (@mikejakeman) August 27, 2017
51st over: England 131-3 (Root 31, Malan 10) Just a single from Chase’s over, taken through midwicket by Malan.
Matt Farrow responds to Kimberley Thonger in style...
Interesting factoid from Kimberly, but she’ll have to do better than that to put me off my negroni. If I went on Mastermind it would be my specialist subject, if I wasn’t too pissed to get onto that chair. I had omitted to mention choice of gin (again, your Gordons of this world won’t cut it). May I recommend Tanqueray 10, Geranium, or Warner Edwards (botanical garden)?
50th over: England 130-3 (Root 31, Malan 9) Newsflash: Root is good at the batting. He flicks Holder through square-leg for four, his seventh boundary.
News from #TeamEngland about the injury Stoneman bravely battled through earlier.
The England camp confirm @mark23stone suffered a slight dislocation of the left little finger which has since been 'relocated'.#bbccricket pic.twitter.com/RHjUJvCzFG
— Test Match Special (@bbctms) August 27, 2017
Brian Withington is remembering days of yore.
Bit before your time, but this innings is reminding me a bit of some of the two runs an over grinds against West Indies in the 1980s. Even when England avoided a clatter of wickets they often seemed to be facing the second new ball with no more than 200 on the scoreboard. And then came the clatter! Of course the excuse then was that you had four superb quicks in rotation bowling no more than half way down the track ...
49th over: England 126-3 (Root 27, Malan 9) It’s a fiver for kids at Headingley tomorrow, says Bumble, As Malan leaves Chase. £15 for adults too. How good! Malan gets a single off what might generously be termed an arm ball, then Root takes one through square-leg. A theoretical 16 overs remain, England are 43 behind.
Simon McMahon is remembering being pissed.
Shout out (Guardian style) to the malt whisky distilleries in Scotland. Most conduct tours and give you a nip at the end. I once leaned over and stuck my head in one of the stills and was nearly knocked out by the fumes. Bartender, I’d like a Manhattan please.
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48th over: England 124-3 (Root 26, Malan 8) Holder brings himself back. Bowled superbly earlier, did Big Jase. He overpitches and Root just leans him through the covers for four of the sexier runs you’re likely to see. Takes the deficit beneath 50. Root waited 21 to get off the marks has 22 in 28 since. That’s him. Oh, and there’s four more. Too wide, a bit short, and cut behind square for four.
Kimberley Thonger’s off on a tangent, and there’s a twist in the tail end of the tale.
Matt Farrow is clearly a man who knows his aperitif from his elbow. So it will be no surprise to him that wormwood is not only a key ingredient but also is the original gin of the word vermouth.
But does he know that Shakespeare had another use for it, entirely unrelated to cricket, which seems to have gone by the wayside anyway.
William Shakespeare referred to Wormwood in Romeo and Juliet: Act 1, Scene 3. Juliet’s childhood nurse said, “For I had then laid wormwood to my dug” meaning that the nurse had weaned Juliet, then aged three, by using the bitter taste of Wormwood on her nipple.
Bet that’s put you off your Negroni.
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47th over: England 116-3 (Root 18, Malan 8) Chase is going over the wicket to Malan, which is curious. Takes out lbw, and brings in the leave, you’d think. Malan gets right across and dinks one down to fine leg for two. Good thinking.
46th over: England 114-3 (Root 18, Malan 6) Roach is haring in and pinging it down from wide on the crease. The only runs from a real effort over come when Root flicks nicely through square leg for four nice runs. Might be the end of Roach. England are 55 behind.
John Withington is fed up with dropped catches, but feeling a bit light-headed.
I’m wondering if this test match has delivered a new high (or low) in dropped catches. Some absolute beauties so far. I’m thinking I could still have bagged most of those, at 50 odd years of age and with several rums, and tings, inside me!
45th over: England 110-3 (Root 14, Malan 6) This over from Chase begins with a delay because Malan has a fly in his eye. There are two slips waiting and the ball is turning. He pulls out of a cut because of turn and bounce, then defends firmly. Another cut finds point, and it’s a maiden.
44th over: England 110-3 (Root 14, Malan 6) Dropped! Oh no. Root fences hard at Roach and gets a thick edge to Kyle Hope in the gully. It’s powerful but straight at him! Straight out, too. Should have been taken. He had 10 then, but 14 by the end of the over. Those four came from a lovely cover drive. Roach didn’t even really overpitch.
43rd over: England 106-3 (Root 10, Malan 6) England will be relieved to see Chase coming on after their drink. Not cos he’s pony, but because the Windies seamers have been quite so good. They’d probably rather face him than Bishoo, too (apparently he has a headache). Malan cuts to the man at point but they scramble one, then Root turns to deep square leg for another. Chase ends the over by hanging it too wide of off-stump to Malan.
Toby Sims is suggesting I drink tequila for fun!
Completely agree with Matt Farrow on Rum and Falernum, a staple. I’m surprised no-one has mentioned Ting and tequila (let’s use something nice like Ocho or Herradura). Great for a sunny day like today....
Given the angle of our conversations on the OBO, it’s probably appropriate that it’s ... drinks.
Both Matt Farrow and John Withington are objecting to Simon McMahon’s Negroni. Writes Matt:
A negroni is equal parts gin, campari and red vermouth (and yes, ice). There is actually a fourth ingredient which is essential: orange peel squeezed on top after it’s mixed. Amateurs use that big bottle of Martini Rosso that’s been at the back of the drinks cabinet for a couple of years. May I recommend Antica Formula Carpano vermouth or Punt e Mes vermouth for a poncey but extremely tasty variation?
And Andrew Benton pays tribute to a trusty friend:
Intermission - Just thought I’d give a shout out to that old stalwart, tap water. Much maligned, often overlooked, but always there when you need it for a fraction of the cost of anything that comes in a bottle. And now back to the Ting....
42nd over: England 104-3 (Root 9, Malan 5) Root handsomely flicks Roach to fine-leg for one, then Malan – with four slips waiting – hooks for one. 100 up! And then more runs! Root guides a backfoot punch, played very late, through backward point. Four. A couple of plays and misses to the moving ball end the over. Careful.
John Withington is now a bit pissed, but he’s still raising good points.
I’m just starting to sense the folly in the plan of t(ry)ing various Caribbean cocktail mixers. So, the Ting, yeah it’s ok. Bit of Lilt thing with less pineapple flavour. Meanwhile .... isn’t the law that part of the foot needs to be behind the line. So, surely the burden of proof lies with the bowling side. There was no proof there of it being a legal delivery surely!
Have to say, wasn’t clear to me what was behind the line for the Stoneman wicket but apparently now the policy is to give the BoD to the bowler.
41st over: England 98-3 (Root 4, Malan 4) Have to say, I love the way DI Gower says Malan. Mulaaaarrrn. Anyway, Dawid is off the mark with a lovely drive through mid-off off Gabriel. Later in the over there’s an appeal for caught behind, but only really from the lads in the cordon. It’s not that convincing, but ultraedge is suggesting there might be something there ...
Matt Farrow is combining the cricket and the cocktails...
I wonder if anyone has mentioned Root beer: it’s alright most of the time, but not very fizzy. Corn ‘n’ oil is a good rum staple, by the way - a simple mix of rum, lime and falernum (which sounds like a victorian poison but is a great rum mixer). Tastes even better with a champagne/prosecco top...
40th over: England 94-3 (Root 4, Malan 0) The man in the gully is doing very nicely. He saves four from Root again and the pressure builds further. It’s been a superb hour or two either side of tea from the Windies, and England can’t wait for the spinners to come on. This is a maiden from Roach...
Simon McMahon has combined cocktails and drink factories. Very clever:
The Spritz is king in Venice, where I was this summer. But if it’s drinks factories you’re after look no further than Campari in Milan and Martini in Turin. Add gin, ice and a wedge of orange and you have the king of cocktails, the Negroni. Joe Root might need one tonight.
39th over: England 94-2 (Root 4, Malan 0) What a ball that was. And what a passage of play from the Windies. England are still 75 behind and have two new batsmen at the crease, one of whom is vulnerable, Malan. Gabriel goes straight back to the yorker for him, but he digs it out. He survives the over.
Christian Miners has a quite superb suggestion, which I will be trying with some (although not too much, I have work to do first) haste.
Ting is nice with rum, but utterly magical with pineapple gin. Turbocharged Lilt for grownups.
John Withington is approving, and back to to the coalface.
Funnily enough I picked up some Ting for the first time today along with the Old Jamaica variants. Give me a minute and I’ll rustle something up. Agreed on the Wray & Nephew. I also have Plantation overproof but you need to use sparingly. I think Myers Jamaican dark rum is the baby for the Ting and will report back shortly. Just need to go behind the bar to the commercial grade Japanese ice machine that’s been wurring away all afternoon!
Wicket! Stoneman b Gabriel 52 (England 94-3)
Gabriel loves a yorker. His first ball to Stoneman for a while is dug out nicely. The next is a no ball! But then he finds a beauty that goes through Stoneman and bowls him! From round the wicket it, angles in, nips away, and takes the top of off. But is this one a no-ball? It’s blooming close. So close. But the finger goes up! That’s seriously close.
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38th over: England 93-2 (Stoneman 52, Root 4) A run! Finally. Stoneman’s pull to fine leg breaks a sequence of five maidens, but just gets him one. So Roach to Root, then. The first beats him for pace and hits the pad but is always too high. But two balls later he’s away with a flick through midwicket for four! Took him 21 balls to get away. Wahoo!
Kimberly Thonger is not happy.
There seems to be a new OBO policy of encouraging groups of siblings (especially those called Withington) to contribute.
I should like to point out this is onlychildist and discriminatory. We siblingly disadvantaged children have rights too. I’m not sure what they are but after another couple of San Pellegrino based cocktails I’m very likely to call my lawyer to see if she knows. If I can remember her number by then. Hic.
Hur hur hur.
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37th over: England 88-2 (Stoneman 51, Root 0) Root is furious with himself. He’s tried to turn his 14th ball from Gabriel through midwicket. Feet don’t move, head’s not there, nor’s the ball, and he gets an edge. It falls just short of second slip. He’s been there half an hour without scoring. Can’t have often happened. A good stop in the gully keeps him on 0, and by the maiden over’s end, it’s 30 balls since a run has been scored. Great stuff from the Windies.
Paul Kavanagh jumps into the soft drink chat with an excellent shout.
Will, if you’re looking at drinking rum, then Ting is another mixer you should consider. Depends on the rum, though - fine for the usual suspects, but I’d avoid such insanity as Wray & Nephew’s Overproof. That’s just excessive.
Ting is lovely stuff. Grapefruity I think. Also a big fan of Rubicon mango.
36th over: England 88-2 (Stoneman 51, Root 0) Here’s another maiden, from Roach. That’s four on the spin. Stoneman being patient, and he found an outstanding leave in there, but had to defend most of them.
35th over: England 88-2 (Stoneman 51, Root 0) Gabriel starts with a belter to Root. There’s nothing for the skipper to hit, and it’s a maiden. By the end of that maiden, Root has faced 12 balls without scoring. The Western Terrace has built a big beer snake.
Peter Salmon is the latest to talk about a visit to a drinks factory. A lovely yarrrrn.
I grew up in Melbourne. When I was 13 I remember spending a week on a student exchange programme in a place called Cobram in northern Victoria, Australia. The father of the family I was staying with worked at an orange juice factory, as did most of the population of Cobram. I remember to this day him explain that the pith was removed from the juice as part of the juicing process, and then put back at the end, because ‘Australians like the pith in their juice’.
‘In England, however,’ he said soberly, ‘they leave it out, as the English prefer it that way.’ I remember the stunned silence of all the boys at this news. It was, I think, our first true encounter with practical cultural differences, and the strange ways of the Other... I still use it when trying to explain cultural relativity.
34th over: England 88-2 (Stoneman 51, Root 0) So England have indeed seen off Holder. His spell either side of tea was a quite brilliant 12-4-21-2. Roach replaces him. His is a tidy first over, but Stoneman is allowed to leave plenty, and it’s a maiden. The last is a bit of a brute, which he plays nicely to gully.
Brian’s brother John Withington is, unsurprisingly, extolling the virtues of a fine partner for rum.
Yep, San Pele make a fine range of grown up “sodas”. But for pure filth in a tin, look no further than the Old Jamaica selection of sugary treats. To be found in the Caribbean section of your local Sainsbury. Pineapple soda is the stand out, excellent with any rum, but also the “fruit punch”. Memories for me of a fortnight in Tobago a few years back with BBQs on deserted beaches. The Cream soda and Grape soda trot in a distant but still respectable place. I tried the grape with some spiced rum today. Dirty but acceptable.
I’m aware of their ginger beer, but might need to explore.
33rd over: England 88-2 (Stoneman 51, Root 0) Root’s had to wait a while to face a ball, and his first is a yorker from Gabriel that he digs out. It’s a maiden, and an uneventful one otherwise.
Brian Withington’s brother has made a Caribbean cocktail! Here’s the link to it. Writes Brian: “A Caribbean Zombie based special, aka “Back from the Dead”, in honour of the miraculous revival of West Indian test cricket. Shame that he couldn’t work a San Pellegrino flavour into the mix but he always was a purist (apart from when opening the batting with me for the inappropriately named Hornchurch Athletic)“
32nd over: England 88-2 (Stoneman 51, Root 0) I’m not convinced I’ll type this that often, but England are trying to see off Holder here. Five good balls to Stoneman, but the sixth is too straight and Stoneman helps it down to fine leg for four! That takes him to his first Test half-century! 107 balls, and that’s his seventh four.
Anto Griffin with a wonderful revelation!
If you go to the San Pellegrino website, not only do you discover some bizarre flavour options that immediately become must-drinks, but also they have a web cam broadcasting live citrus groves in Sicily. For those who care, it seems like a lovely day on the slopes of Etna.
Scenes! If I didn’t have to, you know, watch the cricket, I’d maybe just watch that.
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31st over: England 84-2 (Stoneman 47, Root 0) That might be the last we see of Westley for a little while. It was a skittish innings, at least since tea. Big drives, bad running. I love the guy, but that’s not a good look. Bishoo just gets one over. Gabriel back.
Gabriel bowls a wide one that Stoneman leaves, then a full toss that he flicks through midwicket for two. He pinches the strike at the end of the over, with a turn to long-leg for one.
Kim Thonger is picking a fight with Jesse linklater via my inbox.
Jesse’s knowledge of sugar related science is obviously sketchy. Every PROPER scientist knows that vodka neutralises sugar COMPLETELY. It’s like Rock Paper Scissors only with vodka and sugar instead of two of those items. I’m not sure what replaces the third item. Possibly ice, or perhaps just extra vodka.
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Wicket! Westley c Dowrich b Holder 8 (England 81-2)
30th over: England 81-2 (Stoneman 44) Having received one of the great let-offs, Westley gets two off Holder by guiding him through gully. There’s a misfield there too, and some dodgy communication from the batsmen. Calm down, lads.
Westley doesn’t calm down, though. He lets a couple go, then chases a wide one and nicks off! Holder has his second, and Westley is gone...
Miranda Jollie writes with a very good point.
Roston Chase sounds like it should be a stately home in a Barbara Cartland novel, as in, e.g. “She trembled in anticipation as the Master of Roston Chase galloped his muscular stallion alongside her delicate palfrey...”
Reminds me a little bit of the old game, West Indian cricket or village in Devon...
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29th over: England 79-1 (Stoneman 44, Westley 6) Now then, time for the leggie. Devendra Bishoo comes on for the first time this innings, and he’s going round the wicket. Stoneman starts with a nice drive for two through point. He has five in two balls since hurting his pinkie. After a dot he cuts late for a fairly tight two, then edges short of slip with soft hands. He looks in some pain.
OH MY WORD HOW IS THIS NOT A RUN OUT? Stoneman cuts, and calls for two. It goes to Gabriel, who launches to the bowler’s end, but Westley hasn’t set off!!!!! Bishoo gathers near the stumps and has time to run to it and take the bails off but decides to shy, and misses! Westley gets home, but would have been out by a mile.
Steve Hudson follows up on Brian Withington’s brother’s rums:
I think if I’d had 22 rums I’d be more than ready for an honorarium offering. Stand well clear, in fact.
28th over: England 73-1 (Stoneman 38, Westley 6) There’s more seam movement for Holder, and a gentle outside edge to gully from Stoneman encourages the skipper to put a second man in that region.
The next ball jags back and raps him on the left hand. Nearly plays on actually. It’s a brute and it looks like it might have broken Stoneman’s pinkie. Swelling straight away, and the physio is out there. Looks like he won’t retire hurt but is being taped up. He’s hard as nails, Stoneman. Off the physio goes after five mins or so, and Stoneman flicks Holder away for three through square leg. Well played. Westley leaves one, then off-drives nicely for two to finish a very long over.
While we wait for him to get some attention, John Starbuck is recalling visits to liquid factories.
I remember very clearly a visit to the Black Sheep Brewery in Masham, where the story was as much about the family rivalry as the beer itself. I also recall a trip to the Talisker Distillery on Skye. At the end of the tour, with the selection of different samples, my wife first learnt how to distinguish various single malts by taste alone. A happy day.
What a delight Skye is.
Holder, who has bowled a spell of 9-4-10-1 to get us underway. He’s going round the wicket to Stoneman.
No! No! No! Not six in a day, I have just purchased a six pack to be consumed over the course of, say, a week. My actual mum is a dentist, who would murder me if I had six whole San Pels in a day...
@willis_macp 6 San Pellegrino's in a day? That's 190-ish grams of sugar. I'm technically not your mom, but someone has to step in here
— Jesse Linklater (@jesselinklater) August 27, 2017
Anyway, the cricketers are on their way out...
So we are not far off getting going again. Expecting some Bishoo soon, perhaps in tandem with Gabriel. England are still 101 behind. What a game it’ll be if they are, say, three down by the time they pass the Windies.
Brian Withington’s making me thirsty again by talking about his brother’s cocktail shed.
Talking of Men of Essex and drinks, my brother John (featured last week as co-scourge of the 1980s Essex League) does a very fine line in cocktails from his garden shed/shack. Indeed, you previously kindly linked to his commemorative “Basil Dolly” during the SA Lord’s Test. Apparently he has 22 Caribbean rums (enough for both teams) in said shack, and would take very little encouragement to produce another in honorarium offering. Any takers?
22! Here’s the link for this joint. Sounds a delight.
David Brown is questioning my powers of recall.
How can you ‘have a vague memory of going to the Perrier factory’? I have a vague memory of going to the Moss Side Brewery in the late 80s but as there was a free bar after the tour I think that is understandable.
I reckon I was nine or 10 at the time. I don’t remember every second of that stage of my life. I remember going, but I’m don’t remember much about it....
As I crack open the first of my six San Pel Limone e Menta, I’m wondering something: is there a correlation between my relentless plugging of the sickly sweet Italian softies and them suddenly being available by the half-dozen in supermarkets? Almost definitely not, but I might try to get sponsored by them. I could be addicted.
A couple of emails suggesting they be mixed with booze...
From Simon McMahon: “San Pellegrino Limonata is the one for me. But it’s their sparkling mineral water today. In an Aperol Spritz of course. Cocktails on me if England win this Test.”
And from Kim Thonger: “I must point out that scientists have conclusively proven that it’s unsafe to drink ANY flavour of San Pellegrino WITHOUT a splash of Stoly. Also, my preferred recipe is: 1/3 Blood Orange, 1/3 Grapefruit, 1/3 Stoly. Sprig of mint”
Wowzer. Both sound magnificent.
Indeed! What a fascinating final session we have.
Well, cometh the hour @willis_macp cometh, well, these two, if they want some Ashes. They could take a leaf out of Windies book, frankly.
— Guy Hornsby (@GuyHornsby) August 27, 2017
Tea! England 68-1!
27th over: England 68-1 (Stoneman 35, Westley 4) Gabriel does return, over the wicket to the leftie Stoneman. And the first ball is edged in the gap for four! Lovely ball, but there was some element of control. The next ball is much straighter and hits the pad. Umpire says no. Pitched outside, surely? Holder reviews! There’s no bat, it’s hitting, but does indeed pitch outside. Stoneman survives.
Gabriel then bowls a wide, which persuades him to swap and bowl round the wicket. He’s right on the money from there, and Stoneman defends, then negotiates a decent 89mph yorker with a nudge to the legside. Westley leaves the last.
And that’s tea! With that, Andrew Benton offers me an alternative to San Pellegrino.
I do half and half Perrier and fruit juice, with ice - totally excellent for OBO following. They should try it at drinks. Zings you up no end.
Sounds lovely, actually. I have a vague memory of going to the Perrier factory on a French holiday about 15 years ago.
26th over: England 62-1 (Stoneman 30, Westley 4) Holder to Westley, then, as Gabriel warms up. It’s a good over, and a maiden. Westley misses a pull and one come back at him and just misses off-stump as he leaves. The last is far more convincingly defended.
I was more talking about length than girth, but Chris Anderson raises a good point re the biggest first slip chat: “Didn’t Dwayne Leverock field at first slip for Bermuda?” He did. Of course he did.
25th over: England 62-1 (Stoneman 30, Westley 4) Chase goes over the wicket to the rightie Westley, who starts by turning a straight ball to leg for two. There’s a slip and a shirt leg but another catcher would be nice. Westley gets himself off strike by turning to leg, and Stoneman sees out the over.
24th over: England 59-1 (Stoneman 30, Westley 1) Holder now has every ball doing a bit. A few were questioning his place in the side going into this game, but he’s had a belting Test match. There’s a few leaves, and a couple of firm defences from Westley, who gets off the mark with a clothed turn to leg for one off the final ball.
More from Brian Withington:
The blood orange San Pellegrino is very popular in this household. If I had been drinking today, it would have been rather sobering to realise that you are younger than my eldest son! I think he was on my knee for much of the Gooch 1991 innings - it was indeed one of the truly great knocks in adversity. And distracted mid-sentence I see that Alastair sadly won’t be matching him this time. Maybe “young” Westley can step up to the great Men of Essex pantheon.
I agree entirely that blood orange is the king of the San Pels. And there’s a long way to go for Westley, but he’s off the globe.
23rd over: England 58-1 (Stoneman 30, Westley 0) More Chase. I suggested that Holder is the biggest first slip I’ve seen. Richard Dennis suggests Freddie, but Holder is even larger than him. Chase’s over is good, with men round the bat. The first one is left by Stoneman but stays a bit low, and the second beats the bat. There’s turn! He’s leaving everything he can, and Dowrich is battling a bit behind the stumps. He drives the last, but straight to cover, and it’s another maiden.
22nd over: England 58-1 (Stoneman 30, Westley 0) Right, Wes, what you made of? Huge moment for him. He’s got one ball of a brilliant Holder over to survive. Three slips, gully. Left. Wicket maiden.
Should say, Bank Holiday Monday has so much cricket for you, all across the land. There’s this, for those near Headingley. Heaps of tickets available. But there’s also Champo cricket in London, Manchester and more! I’ll be helming county cricket - live! in the morning and for the next four days, so do join.
Wicket! Cook c Dowrich b Holder 23 (England 58-1)
Careful, Alastair. Holder is round the wicket to him now too. He fences at one which he shouldn’t and very nearly nicks it. The next is a beauty that beats him all ends up outside off. But now he has his man! It’s a combo of those two earlier ones and he nicks through to Dowrich! It’s not a thick one, but he’s got to go! Big breakthrough for the Windies.
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21st over: England 58-0 (Cook 23, Stoneman 30) Chase continues. Holder’s at first slip. Biggest first slip ever? Cook gets one off the inside edge, then Stoneman moves to 30 with a feathered turn down to fine leg for four. England trail by 111 at over’s end.
20th over: England 53-0 (Cook 22, Stoneman 26) Holder gets a look at Stoneman, then. He’s round the wicket, and making him play. It’s a maiden.
Good afternoon Brian Withington! He’s picking up a conversation we had on these pages last week.
After the surreal distractions of carefree Edgbaston evenings this match is proving to be a more serious challenge. No Sauvignon Blanc or Malbec guzzling for me today. Instead I’m nervously sipping a DC and willing our openers to channel the spirit of Graham Gooch’s glorious Headingley second innings against WI in 1991 ...
I was just nine months old then, so my memory of it is, err, limited. But what a knock. For me today, it’s San pellegrino again. They were selling them by the half-dozen in Waitrose now, so I won’t for a new flavour today: the lemon-and-mint number. Lovely coloured can, which is good enough for me.
19th over: England 53-0 (Cook 22, Stoneman 26) Chase finds a beauty first. On off stump and rags past Stoneman’s outside edge. He gets himself off strike with a nudge to leg when the line straightens. Cook’s standing in front of the stumps and getting his bat right forward. But then Chase bowls a half-volley which he just caresses for two to the man on the fence at deep cover.
18th over: England 50-0 (Cook 20, Stoneman 25) Holder is dangling and angling it across Cook. More fifth or sixth than fourth stump line for the first ball. The fifth is on off stump and a thick inside edge goes into the legside for two to bring up the 50 stand! This pair’s first, and England’s second of the summer for the first wicket.
17th over: England 48-0 (Cook 18, Stoneman 25) Chase is into a pretty nice groove from round the wicket to the lefties. Cook gets four when he prods forward, opens the face it runs away through the gully. Fielder tries, and fails, to keep it in. He’s cutting next, but just for one. Two slips and a silly-point for Stoneman, who leaves one – his 24th dot on the spin – then drives for four past gully (bit edgy) to end that scoreless run.
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16th over: England 39-0 (Cook 13, Stoneman 21) Just one from Holder’s over, and it’s Cook again, turning a single behind square when he strays on to his hip. Heard that one before.
Sidebar: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – if you don’t follow Worcestershire CCC on twitter, you should. Two zingers today:
Read all the latest news from New Road on Worcs CCC website in either the 'Home' or 'News' sections (click onto Menu for 'News')
— Worcestershire CCC (@WorcsCCC) August 27, 2017
New Worcs overseas signing Ravichandran Ashwin has 5.46 million twitter followers!
— Worcestershire CCC (@WorcsCCC) August 27, 2017
15th over: England 38-0 (Cook 12, Stoneman 21) Oh, Alastair. Be careful. Chase bowls a good over here, and it starts with a one that turns and takes Cook’s leading edge as he tries to turns through midwicket. Squirts in the air through cover and they run one. There’s another that turns on Stoneman later. If Chase is having fun, might not be far off a wee bitta Bishoo.
“Afternoon Will,” writes Simon McMahon. “Flicking through back issues of The Nightwatchman, as you do, on a Sunday, and found an article by some guy called Rob Smyth on the art of stonewalling. Excellent it was too. Still a long way to go, but I hope this Test goes the distance and the West Indies draw nine down.”
Wouldn’t that be magnificent? Will take some doing for England, mind.
14th over: England 37-0 (Cook 11, Stoneman 21) Holder’s starting off against Cook. First three harmlessly drift outside off stump, and Cook’s not for nibbling. The fourth’s a touch shorter, though, and he drills it on the cut through backward point for four. Do not bowl there to A. Nathan Cook. Back to leaving thereafter, before he pinches the strike with a single into the legside off the last.
And like that, Smyth has a lovely bank holiday Sunday to enjoy! Will here, stepping into the chair (not the same chair) to guide you through the rest of the third day of what is shaping up to be an enthralling Test match. Rob mentioned this earlier, but it’s reminding me a fair bit of this one.
They’re having a drink at the moment, with England 137 behind. You can contact me! I’m emailable at the very long will.macpherson.freelance@theguardian.com, or tweetable at @willis_macp.
Anyway, Holder to get us underway again...
13th over: England 32-0 (Cook 6, Stoneman 21) Cook’s dead bat must look reasonably ominous to West Indies fans. He’s made six from 32 balls, with every defensive stroke and leave signalling his intention to go the distance. At the other end, Stoneman is beaten by a vicious delivery from Chase that spits out of the footmarks. It’s time for drinks, and for me to hand over to Will Macpherson. Thanks for your company, bye!
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12th over: England 31-0 (Cook 5, Stoneman 21) This is a fairly dull passage of play, with each side waiting for the other to blink. England have reduced the deficit to 138.
11th over: England 30-0 (Cook 4, Stoneman 21) The offspinner Roston Chase comes on before Devendra Bishoo, perhaps with the two left-handers in mind. Cook drives to deep point for a single in an otherwise uneventful over.
10th over: England 29-0 (Cook 3, Stoneman 21) Jason Holder replaces Roach, who bowled a meh opening spell of 4-2-15-0. He beats Stoneman with consecutive deliveries, the first a beauty that swerves past the edge, and it’s a maiden. West Indies haven’t bowled that well but they at least have control of the scoreboard.
9th over: England 29-0 (Cook 3, Stoneman 21) Stoneman is very good on the drive and he produces another off Gabriel that goes through extra cover for three runs. He’s playing nicely and is into the twenties for the first time in his Test career. Cook then digs out a yorker. He has no interest in chasing runs at the moment.
8th over: England 25-0 (Cook 2, Stoneman 18) This has been a scruffy start from Gabriel and Roach, with no consistency of line or length. Roach switches over the wicket to Stoneman, only to spray the ball hither and thither. A maiden.
7th over: England 25-0 (Cook 2, Stoneman 18) Gabriel has started to bowl a few no-balls - or, rather, the umpire has started calling them after getting a tip-off from the third umpire. There were two in that over, both effort balls to Stoneman, who then plays an unwitting Natmeg for a single. He has 18 from 26 balls; Cook, who has his eyes on bed and breakfast, has two from 19.
6th over: England 22-0 (Cook 2, Stoneman 17) Roach, from around the wicket, tries to tempt Cook with a series of wide, full deliveries. Cook ignores them with something resembling disdain. It’s a maiden, but not a good one.
5th over: England 22-0 (Cook 2, Stoneman 17) Stoneman’s natural aggression should allow Cook to bat in a bubble, and at the moment he looks happy to just see off Gabriel and Roach’s new-ball spells.
“Isn’t this in fact an ideal situation for the three problem batsmen?” says David Hopkins. “There was talk before the series that runs would give a false sense of security. Well now they have a chance to make runs under pressure when the team needs it. Succeed and they’re on the plane.”
Yes, that’s an excellent point.
4th over: England 20-0 (Cook 2, Stoneman 17) Stoneman gets a bit of width for Roach and punches a confident drive to the cover boundary. The next ball also invites the drive, and Stoneman accepts with another good shot through mid-off for four. It’s been a peaceful start to the innings for England, and Stoneman completes an excellent over with his third boundary. He has 17 from 17 balls.
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3rd over: England 6-0 (Cook 2, Stoneman 3) “Since you asked, the other classic drop was in a school first team match in 1976,” says Brian Withington. “The game was petering out towards a draw until late wickets brought us to the last over with three still needed. To mounting excitement we then reduced the opposition to nine down with one ball to face. With everyone round the bat, number 11 popped it up gently to silly mid on. At which point our otherwise heroic opening bowler contrived to fumble it three or four times. I swear that the ball hit the ground at the same time as the rest of us collapsed crying with laughter. We were still whimpering with mirth all the way back on the coach. Happy days.”
2nd over: England 3-0 (Cook 2, Stoneman 1) Roach spears a yorker down the leg side to Stoneman, and Dowrich flies to his right like a superhero to save four byes. Great work. A quiet start to the innings, with no real swing or seam movement so far.
“That Stoneman spill sent me to check the fielding in this summer’s Tests,” writes our own Tim de Lisle. “The fringe batsmen aren’t even taking many catches – four between them in 16 appearances, the same as Moeen and far fewer than Stokes, Cook or Root. England really are an eight-man team at the moment.”
I can’t recall an England team with such a strange balance. The tail starts at No2 and stops at No6.
1st over: England 2-0 (Cook 2, Stoneman 0) Shannon Gabriel charges into Alastair Cook, who walks a long way across to his first ball and is hit on the pad. There’s a token appeal for LBW but everybody knew it had pitched outside leg. Cook then gets off the mark with a clip for two. He made a mighty 162 in not dissimilar circumstances against New Zealand at Lord’s in 2015, and England surely need a significant score from him if they are to win this match.
“This run of new and failing batsman takes me back to the dark days of the 80s & 90s,” says David Brown. “We tried Roland Butcher, Geoff Cook, Chris Smith, Andy Lloyd, Paul Terry, Wilf Slack, Tim Curtis, Hugh Morris, Mark Lathwell and loads of others without success. I feel the introduction of Trescothick and Vaughan stopped this rot. Maybe Haseeb Hameed could be like them, unexceptional county batting but a stellar Test career.”
If Hameed doesn’t score 10,000 Test runs, I’ll eat a pork pie hat. It does feel very 80s, and though it’s clearly not a good thing, it’s kind of guiltily exciting to have such uncertainty and such scope for pub conversations about the XI for Brisbane. Weird that nobody has mentioned Eoin Morgan; he’d be my No5.
Lunch
That wicket means the end of the session. West Indies have a very good lead of 169, having recovered admirably from the shock of losing wickets to the first two balls of the day. England have only ever won four Test matches after conceding such a big first-innings deficit, so this is going to be a fascinating afternoon. See you in half an hour.
WICKET! West Indies 427 all out (Gabriel LBW b Stokes 10)
Gabriel is out this time, trapped in front by Stokes. He reviewed it, purely because he was the last man, but replays showed it was hitting the top of leg stump.
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REVIEW! West Indies 427-9 (Gabriel not out 10)
Shannon Gabriel is given not out on review. He was given out, caught in the gully fencing at a Stokes bouncer, but replays showed it hit him straight on the shoulder.
126th over: West Indies 427-9 (Roach 6, Gabriel 10) Woakes continues, to no great effect, with one delivery slipping down the leg side for four byes. I’m pretty surprised Jimmy Anderson hasn’t been brought back to end the nonsense.
“OBO writers sign a pledge of civic and cricketing responsibility, do they not?” says Robert Wilson. “If you’re not careful, you’ll end up standing dejected in a square of disapproving colleagues as they nip off your buttons and turn their disappointed backs. You have lost your way. ‘Maybe he could swear at an old lady in the queue at Waitrose.’ (110th Over). Oh yeah? A high-risk hostage to fortune, that. No word of a lie, I once saw that very gambit played out by a tipsy cloud of bad boys in a supey queue in Dublin, irritated by the dilatory old biddy in front of them. So they said something unforgiveable. General unease, some fear and utter silence. Until said dame turned to them and said ‘Why don’t you go suck a bag of dicks?’. It’s not every old lady who has got that kinda game but there’s NO comeback to that one. It’s life-changing.”
And I thought Mrs Brown was a fictional creation.
125th over: West Indies 423-9 (Roach 6, Gabriel 10) Gabriel has a comical, muscle-busting mow at Stokes and is through his shot before the ball snakes under his bat. Lunch is due in a couple of minutes but I assume play will continue as West Indies are nine down.
124th over: West Indies 422-9 (Roach 6, Gabriel 10) Roach gloves a bit of nastiness from Woakes through the vacant short-leg area. In a strange way, he will have enjoyed that in a strange way. Not because he’s into the whole masochism thing, but because he knows there is enough pace and bounce in this pitch for him and Gabriel when they bowl.
“Would normal English for a “demerit” point be a penalty point, or are “demerit” points special in some way?” says Andrew Benton. “They’re not allowed to swear on the spur of the moment, but some sledging’s fine (and premeditated)?”
Don’t even go there. Forget it, Jake, it’s the ICC.
123rd over: West Indies 422-9 (Roach 6, Gabriel 10) I’ve missed an over somewhere. So sue me! Ben Stokes, so often a surprising afterthought with the ball, is coming into the attack for the first time today. Gabriel, who gave Stokes a send-off without punishment on day one, fences off a @!*!$& short ball, is beaten flapping at another, ducks under a $%^&*! bouncer and then clunks Stokes back over his “!*%ing head for a couple.
“West Indies have won seven sessions in a row now,” says Romeo, “and this one hasn’t even finished.”
121st over: West Indies 420-9 (Roach 6, Gabriel 8) There’s a lot of time left in the match, eight and a bit sessions, so England’s aim will be to bat for five sessions and make 500-odd - a bit like the Durban Test of 2004, which they would probably have won but for bad light. Alastair Cook will be so important; he’s the rug who ties the innings together.
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120th over: West Indies 419-9 (Roach 6, Gabriel 7) Gabriel gets off the mark maximumly, pumping Moeen down the ground for six, and then Roach smears a boundary to midwicket. Twelve from the over. England are thigh deep in the malodorous stuff.
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In other news, I suspect most of you will enjoy the latest from Mirpur.
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119th over: West Indies 407-9 (Roach 1, Gabriel 0) A short ball from Woakes follows Roach, slams into the glove and drops wide of the slips for a single. West Indies lead by 149. I think I’m right in saying that, excluding oddities like the Pakistan forfeiture in 2006 and Hansie Cronje’s contrivance in 2000, England have won only four Tests after conceding a first-innings deficit of this size: Sydney 1894-95, Lord’s 1955, Headingley 1981 and Old Trafford 2008.
118th over: West Indies 406-9 (Roach 0, Gabriel 0) Moeen has Gabriel put down by Stoneman at short leg. That was a fairly straightforward chance.
WICKET! West Indies 406-9 (Blackwood run out 49)
Great work from Jonny Bairstow! Blackwood tries to steal a third leg bye and is just short when Bairstow takes Stokes’s fast throw in front of the stumps and spins round to dislodge the bails
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117th over: West Indies 404-8 (Blackwood 49, Roach 0) West Indies lead by 146. Since you asked, the last time England won a game with a first-innings deficit of this size was against New Zealand in 2008.
“Nasser Hussain sounds more and more cockney on days when Arsenal are playing,” says Ian Copestake. “He drops more consonants than Ray Winstone trying out for Iago.”
WICKET! West Indies 404-8 (Holder c Moeen b Woakes 43)
England have gone into defensive mode, bowling for unforced errors - and it has worked. Holder clouts Woakes high in the air, and Moeen runs back from mid-off to take a good catch. It’s an even better catch when you consider his drop earlier in the day. Holder played a fine counter-attacking innings of 43 from 54 balls.
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116th over: West Indies 403-7 (Blackwood 48, Holder 43) “Is it unfair to think we look like we thought we could just turn up here and skittle the Windies again?” says Guy Hornsby. “We’ve (Jimmy) bowled some great balls, but as a unit we’ve not really hit the straps, and you can only applaud the turnaround here, especially their application of concentration at the crease, something we’ll need next up. Every run is another small cut, but we’ve hardly helped ourselves. Hmpf.”
There was probably some unconscious complacency, but you can’t blame them after Edgbaston. The problem with the attack in this game is that Broad is out of form, Stokes and Moeen are batsmen who bowl inconsistently and Woakes isn’t match fit. And West Indies have batted bloody well. I’m sure if England had their time again they’d pick Roland-Jones.
115th over: West Indies 401-7 (Blackwood 47, Holder 42) Holder works Woakes to third man to bring up the 400. Woakes’ pace has been down in this match, as you’d expect after such a nasty injury, and he’s been unusually expensive too. He ends this over well, beating Blackwood with consecutive deliveries.
“Rob dearest,” writes Mac Millings. “As a teacher, I know how hard it is to manage one’s language in a public setting - at any given moment, I’m only four letters away from parental fury/the sack/giving an impromptu Anglo-Saxon vocabulary lesson. Stokes could learn a thing or two from a visit to my classroom. I am always unfailingly polite to my students, but my tone makes it absolutely clear that I think they’re all c- [that’ll do – ed].”
114th over: West Indies 396-7 (Blackwood 44, Holder 41) Moeen Ali comes into the attack, with the chance to atone for that desperate dropped catch earlier in the day. There’s some sharp spin and bounce into Holder, who is hit high on the pad. That will interest Devendra Bishoo, West Indies’ legspinner.
“Morning Rob,” says Brian Withington. “As you say, context is everything with a really bad drop. Best one (of two) I recall was on tour in late 70s. Leg spinner bowled wide of off stump, turning more, and the umpire pre-emptively signalled a (very) wide. Meanwhile back at the business end the batsman chased after the ball and planked it off the toe straight to cover in the gentlest of parabolas. So slowly that we all had time to wonder about the legal paradox of being caught off a wide until the almost inevitable shelling ruined the prospect of an urgent call to MCC. I should clarify that “on tour” was in fact the annual Gidea Park & Romford club jaunt towards the South Coast...”
114th over: West Indies 393-7 (Blackwood 43, Holder 41) Holder hammers Woakes through extra cover for another four. This has been a very modern captain’s innings, a saucy counter-attack at a key moment rather than an over-my-dead-body epic. The bigger West Indies’ lead gets, the more important Alastair Cook becomes. This skittish England batting line-up take their lead from him when things get tough, and if he goes early West Indies will be big favourites. It’s time for drinks.
113th over: West Indies 386-7 (Blackwood 42, Holder 35) Holder, on the drive, snicks Anderson right through the vacant third-slip area for four. The next ball is in the slot, and Holder misses an attempt to belt it towards Harrogate. “Woah!” says Nasser Hussain, surprised by the extent of Holder’s intent.
“There is nothing sadder than watching the demise of a once-proud team demise,” says Ian Copestake, “so it is good to see England managing to make a game of this.”
112th over: West Indies 380-7 (Blackwood 42, Holder 29) Woakes replaces Broad, whose relatively poor summer - 41 wickets at 31 - continues. Holder pulls consecutive twos to bring up a rapid fifty partnership from 55 balls, an take West Indies’ lead to 122. That’s a hugely impressive response to the mayhem of the first few overs, during which it would have been easy for them embrace the collapse.
“Totally agree with what they said on TMS re: Broad being smarter in his swearing than Stokes,” says Nick Cooke. “In his first over of the second innings at Edgbaston, one of the Windies openers snicked him through the slips for four. From the centre of the ptich he made a comment which you did not need to be a professional lipreader to establish as ‘Fucking wanker’. Clearly out of umpires’ earshot and stump mic range. Maybe when he feels an outburst coming on, Stokes should try to locate himself in a ‘safe swearing’ zone...”
That shows how cosmetic it is. Perhaps they could mark out an official ICC-approved cussing circle at short cover, sponsored by Listerine.
111th over: West Indies 375-7 (Blackwood 42, Holder 24) Blackwood slams a pull for four off Anderson. Have some of that! This is some counter-attack, with 35 runs from the last four overs.
“Speculating on how Stokes might earn his last demerit point to get a ban out the way before the Ashes,” says Pete Salmon. “Is it like football, where you can be penalised for taking your shirt off? Perhaps next time he gets a wicket he could wheel down to the Kirkstall Lane end naked from the waist up, beating his chest and yelling at the crowd? Or if no more wickets, just come out to bat topless? Any other suggestions for getting him across the line?”
Well, you can get a demerit point for conducting yourself “improperly” off the field as well, so a bit of road rage should do the job. Maybe he could swear at an old lady in the queue at Waitrose. What a pitiful façade.
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110th over: West Indies 373-7 (Blackwood 37, Holder 24) Holder hits Broad for three consecutive boundaries: a pull, a back-foot square drive and then most glorious extra-cover drive. He held the pose afterwards, and quite right too. This is a fine cameo, 24 from 25 balls, and West Indies lead by 113.
109th over: West Indies 356-7 (Blackwood 37, Holder 10) Blackwood is starting to look dangerous, if still pretty sketchy. He has a huge drive at Anderson, slicing the ball over backward point for a couple, and then Holder swings a golf shot over mid-on for a couple more.
“The stump microphone is the most absurd thing,” says Dave Brown. “What is its purpose apart from picking up the odd cuss? Do you get demerit points if you swear in French let’s say?”
Yes, they should let the commentators listen to it but not those watching at home. Better still, give the viewer the option to watch with or without the stump mic, via the blue button.
108th over: West Indies 351-7 (Blackwood 34, Holder 8) Blackwood ducks under a Broad bouncer, leaves his bat sticking up and gets four to third man without knowing a solitary thing about it. Holder survives a run-out referral after a bit of a mix-up.
“As you know, not a fan of Stokes but agree it’s absurd,” says Andrew Hurley. “Cricket can occasionally go too far but leeway has to be made for some ‘verbals’, especially when they’re as harmless as that. On the contrary, Sterling yesterday for Man City 100 per cent deserved his second yellow - everyone knows you can’t run into the crowd, he did it (narcissistically) and deserves his punishment. Stokes doesn’t.”
These weren’t even verbals, not really. He swore in frustration, not at anybody. This ongoing initiative to completely sanitise elite sport is doing far more damage than the odd bit of industrial language.
107th over: West Indies 350-7 (Blackwood 29, Holder 8) Anderson has a hopeful LBW appeal against Blackwood turned down. Too high, and maybe going down. Holder drags the last ball over mid-on for four.
“Just trying to think if I’ve ever seen an easier drop in top level cricket than that from Moeen,” says Phil Harrison. “All I could come up with was that brilliant Gatting clanger at silly point in India. Any more?”
That Gatting one is the ultimate. The umpire even raised the finger. We tend to remember dropped catches for their significance rather than their ease, though Monty, Devon Malcolm and Phil Tufnell had a few gems down the years.
106th over: West Indies 340-7 (Blackwood 28, Holder 4) Holder is beaten, driving at a full delivery from Broad. It’s vital that England strike before these batsmen get their eye in, because we know how quickly the mood of a match can change at Headingley - especially if a dangerous hitter like Blackwood gets going. At the moment the lead is a manageable 82.
105th over: West Indies 339-7 (Blackwood 27, Holder 4) Jimmy Anderson is 35 years old, yet his numbers are getting better. Since the start of the 2015 Ashes he has taken 94 wickets in 24 Tests at an average of 19.45. He could have had another one there. Blckwood, trying to turn a shortish delivery to leg, got a leading edge that whistled just over the leaping Stokes at gully and away for four. Blackwood is beaten by the next two deliveries. He is all over the place this morning, with almost every stroke a false one.
“Ben Stokes is clearly a naughty boy but doesn’t that reflect passion and aggression?” says Jeremy Bunting. “Without these components how can England be successful?”
It’s absurd. Asking elite sportsmen to give their souls for six hours and then respond to a key moment of bad luck by saying, “Darn and blast, that capricious mistress Dame Fortune is not on my side today” is an insult to everyone’s intelligence.
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104th over: West Indies 334-7 (Blackwood 22, Holder 4) It’ll be Stuart Broad from the Kirkstall Lane End. England will now be thinking that they can restrict West Indies’ lead to double figures and take control of the match by the close. And they would have been in an even better position but for that pesky Moeen Ali drop! Blackwood dragged Broad to mid-on, where Moeen put down an absolute sitter. How did he drop that? That was almost weird. Blackwood has a filthy heave at the next ball, edging it short of slip, and then flaps an excellent bouncer through to the vacant short-leg area. Some start, this.
103rd over: West Indies 333-7 (Blackwood 21, Holder 4) Anderson has an ODI hat-trick, taken 14 years ago, but nothing in Tests. There are six slips for the hat-trick ball, which Jason Holder defends carefully. That Dowrich dismissal gave Anderson his 23rd Test five-for, and takes him up to 497 Test wickets.
WICKET! West Indies 329-7 (c Root b Anderson 0)
Dowrich has gone first ball! Jimmy Anderson is on a hat-trick after two balls of the third day! Dowrich didn’t need to play at that, but he was drawn towards it in the moth/flame style and edged straight to Root at second slip.
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WICKET! West Indies 329-6 (S Hope c Bairstow b Anderson 147)
Jimmy Anderson doesn’t do looseners: he has struck with the first ball of the day! It was a good delivery, just back of a length and on a tempting fifth-stump line. Shai Hope felt for it and thin-edged through to Bairstow.
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ICYMI department
Darren Gough’s masterclass on Sky yesterday morning was just brilliant. Do yourself a solid and watch it.
As you’ve probably heard, Ben Stokes has been given a demerit point for swearing in frustration when Shai Hope edged him for four. It’s entirely ridiculous, a lamentable indictment of a world in which being seen to do the right thing is far more important than actually doing it.
This reprimand takes Stokes to three demerit points, and if he gets one more he’ll be suspended. I’d say it’s odds-on that he’ll be suspended for one of the Ashes Tests this winter. It won’t happen, but he should do the old Denis Law trick and deliberately get himself suspended from the final Test against West Indies.
Play starts at 11am here. While you wait, why not follow Australia’s first Test in Bangladesh?
Preamble
Morning. You’ve probably seen the pilot episode of Peep Show. Mark Corrigan, the character based on you and me, fantasises about being left alone at a house party with Toni, his sexually competent next-door neighbour. Then it actually happens, and his internal monologue kicks in as he processes the terrifying reality of being alone with a desirable member of the opposite sex. “Okay Mark, you asked for it and now you’ve got it.”
This being Peep Show, the whole thing descends into farce until he goes running after a group of kids armed with a steel bar. That’s not the point. The point is that we all craved a contest between England and West Indies, and by heaven we’ve got one at Headingley. West Indies will resume on 329 for five, a lead of 71, after outstanding centuries from Kraigg Brathwaite and Shai Hope. If England have another bad day, they face a defeat that would sit somewhere between embarrassing and humiliating.
In the last 20 years, West Indies have played 88 Tests away to countries other than Zimbabwe and Bangladesh. They’ve won three of them. It would be a monumental upset, particularly after the first Test fiasco.
This England team aren’t great at coming from behind – Lord’s 2015 and Edgbaston 2016 were stirring exceptions – and at times they look like good-time Charlies. With the Ashes to come, this is a timely and unexpected test of character. Adversity is usually an opportunity. If England turn this round, it would do so much more for their development than another easy win.
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