That’s all from me. We’ll be back for more in the morning. Bye!
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STUMPS: West Indies 19-1, trail by 239 runs with 9 wickets remaining
A fine day for West Indies, despite the drops. Root was dropped on eight, Stokes on nine, and they went on to score 159 runs between them. But otherwise their bowling was much improved, their fielding reasonably sharp, and they handled that testy final hour pretty well. Game on!
12th over: West Indies 19-1 (Brathwaite 13, Bishoo 1) Woakes spends most of his one over trying to nail the right line, and Brathwaite spends most of it watching him do it. Finally he sends the ball rolling slowly to deep fine leg, and runs two, opting to face the final delivery himself. If he had then got out he’d have felt pretty foolish, but he didn’t.
11th over: West Indies 17-1 (Brathwaite 11, Bishoo 1) Anderson hurries through his over in an effort to squeeze in a 12th before the night is out. The best way for the tourists to slow him down would be to hit the ball somewhere far away, ideally quite slowly – most of the fielders are within 10 yards of the batsman, so it could pretty much go anywhere. They don’t, though. One more.
10th over: West Indies 17-1 (Brathwaite 11, Bishoo 1) Between overs nine and 10 a drink-carrier/messenger runs onto the field to deliver something to the batsmen. Or perhaps just to waste time, though West Indies have done enough of that, with a tremendously slow over rate. Perhaps just one over left.
9th over: West Indies 14-1 (Brathwaite 9, Bishoo 0) Ooooh! Now that is a cracker! Anderson to Brathwaite, the ball moving off the seam, through the gate and just over the stumps! Phwoar!
8th over: West Indies 12-1 (Brathwaite 7, Bishoo 0) Brathwaite gets a single off the first, leaving Bishoo with five to negotiate and a six-man slip cordon to avoid. Broad’s next three balls are all easy leaves, and the final couple too straight.
7th over: West Indies 11-1 (Brathwaite 6, Bishoo 0) Bishoo comes in as nightwatchman and survives the second half of the over. The delivery that did for Powell got better with repeat viewings, and viewed from behind the stumps it looked a stunner.
Oh Jimmy Jimmy! Wicket number 493 for the legend and it's 11/1. #EngvWI pic.twitter.com/qfDIg3XGFq
— England Cricket (@englandcricket) August 25, 2017
WICKET! Powell c Cook b Anderson 5 (West Indies 11-1)
Again an unleavable delivery, heading straight at Powell, moving slightly away, rising swiftly, taking the edge and flying straight to Cook, who doesn’t drop those!
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6th over: West Indies 11-0 (Brathwaite 6, Powell 4) Powell finally plays a shot, and the ball flies off the splice and straight to the gap where fifth slip might have been! England had four slips and a gully, so it was the only place it could safely have gone. Then Broad bowls a cracker, which heads straight at Powell before swinging away – a little too far away – at the last.
5th over: West Indies 6-0 (Brathwaite 6, Powell 0) Anderson finds a way to stop Brathwaite leaving everything, bowling a yorker that the batsman digs out. Maiden.
4th over: West Indies 6-0 (Brathwaite 6, Powell 0) The tourists are happy to play the long game here, leaving everything they can – and they have been able to leave quite a lot – hoping they don’t meet a miracle ball, and trusting conditions will be more friendly in the morning. Maiden.
3rd over: West Indies 6-0 (Brathwaite 6, Powell 0) Anderson gets the ball to swing away from Brathwaite, who isn’t biting. This next half-hour or so, under grey skies and floodlights, could be a bit tasty.
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2nd over: West Indies 4-0 (Brathwaite 4, Powell 0) Brathwaite gets a couple through midwicket and then sends the ball in a similar direction for one. Broad then has Powell squirming, the final two deliveries moving a touch off the seam. This, nominated by Andy Killeen, is basically a modern cover version of Secret Squirrel, is it not?
1st over: West Indies 1-0 (Brathwaite 1, Powell 0) There’s a loud appeal as the final delivery raps Powell on the pads, but it sounded like there might have been an inside edge on it.
The players are back out, and West Indies’ response is about to get under way.
Not a great total from England, but it would have been considerably worse had the fielders been at all keen on catching.
WICKET! Woakes c Dowrich b Roach 23 – England 258 all out!
Roach bowls shortish and widish and Woakes nicks it through to Dowrich, who has an easy catch and this time takes it.
70th over: England 258-9 (Woakes 23, Broad 0) Well, that was action-packed. Holding, who seems not to be a fan, declares that Holder “has finally decided that Roston Chase isn’t a very good spinner” as Gabriel takes over, and a wicket immediately follows. And so does another hilarious drop! Broad clips the ball behind and the ball bounces out of Dowrich’s gloves! My suspicion is that he deliberately pushed it into the air, rather than immediately pouching it, in order to take a showy fancy catch, but he hopelessly fluffed it and the ball ends up on the ground. Gabriel glares at him, in the manner of someone who has completely forgotten his own remarkable drop but minutes earlier. Still, two balls and no runs later, Broad’s on his way.
WICKET! Broad b Gabriel 0 (England 258-9)
That’s a perfect yorker, and Broad has no answer!
Updated
WICKET! Stokes c Dowrich b Gabriel 100 (England 258-8)
A change of bowling, and it brings immediate reward! Stokes gets a tiny nick on the ball, and while the umpire makes up his mind the batsman sets off for the pavilion!
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69th over: England 258-7 (Stokes 100, Woakes 23) Woakes lifts the ball over square leg for four, and then edges the next straight to second slip – but it doesn’t carry! Roach has had to wheel out the full range of disappointed faces today.
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68th over: England 254-7 (Stokes 100, Woakes 19) Woakes hits the first for four, and then he hits the second for four as well! And the fifth! Michael Holding cannot believe that Chase is still bowling, when the wicket-taking specialist spinner Devendra Bishoo is going unused, but after leaking 14 runs in this over he might not be for long. First, though, it’s time for some drinks.
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67th over: England 241-7 (Stokes 100, Woakes 6) Stokes is dropped! How did Shannon Gabriel mess that one up? That is among the very worst, most inexplicable drops I have ever witnessed in Test cricket. Roach bowls wide, and Stokes heaves it straight into the hands of Gabriel at mid-on, from where it plops straight out again! And then he gets his hundred with a couple of runs off the next!
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66th over: England 239-7 (Stokes 98, Woakes 6) “Can I propose a favourite from my youth?” asks John. “He’s got tricks up his sleeve most bad guys won’t believe.” Surely Secret Squirrel didn’t actually exist? “He’s a squirrel of many faces?” He’s what again?
65th over: England 236-7 (Stokes 97, Woakes 6) Stokes stands just three runs away from what will, if completed, be a not-exactly-chanceless but extremely fine all the same century. He might have got them here, too, but he smashed his cover drive straight to the fielder.
64th over: England 233-7 (Stokes 94, Woakes 6) Chase bowls short and wide and Woakes gobbles it up, cutting past backward point for four.
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63rd over: England 229-7 (Stokes 94, Woakes 2) Roach pitches it up, and Stokes works it through midwicket for another delicious four. I’m going to throw in another theme tune here, sent in by George Harvey, which I didn’t recognise but which is really very fine.
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62nd over: England 223-7 (Stokes 88, Woakes 2) Chase bowls, and after Stokes gets a single from the first ball Woakes conservatively negotiates the remainder of the over without scoring.
61st over: England 222-7 (Stokes 87, Woakes 2) That’s actually a fine catch from Chase, which looked straightforward at first glance but was actually low enough to be a test.
Mo goes! Caught at point off Roach for 22. https://t.co/fRy3qe2eXQ pic.twitter.com/yhSezEQOEB
— England Cricket (@englandcricket) August 25, 2017
WICKET! Moeen Ali c Chase b Roach 22 (England 220-7)
Kemar Roach returns to manoeuvre the cosh back on top of England again, as Moeen steers the ball straight to point, where Chase catches the ball at knee height just before it lands!
Updated
60th over: England 220-6 (Stokes 87, Moeen 22) Chase bowls, and Moeen heaves the ball over midwicket for four. That’s 10 boundaries in nine overs since tea, and an England side that was under the cosh not long ago are now wriggling their way out from under the cosh, and at this rate will very shortly be entirely cosh-free.
59th over: England 215-6 (Stokes 87, Moeen 17) Stokes’s highlights reel tonight will make very fine viewing. Here’s another cracker for the compilation, a gorgeous, unstoppable cover drive. Then the last ball is hooked to long leg, where nobody’s around to stop it, for four more. Meanwhile, it looks like journalists at Headingley today are being rewarded with cheese.
Thank you to Club Partner @Wdalecreamery for the media's goody bags today! 🧀 pic.twitter.com/W5NrJ8Z0ia
— Yorkshire CCC (@YorkshireCCC) August 25, 2017
58th over: England 205-6 (Stokes 77, Moeen 17) Chase’s first delivery is lifted down the ground by Moeen, the ball bouncing a foot or two short of the rope. And then he does similar a few balls later, this time over extra cover. England thus stylishly saunter past the 200-mark. “Roston Chase definitely sounds like the local aristocrat who calls Poirot in to help protect him, but ends up getting mysteriously murdered in the drawing room shortly after Hercule arrives,” suggests Nick Miller.
57th over: England 195-6 (Stokes 76, Moeen 8) That’s another beauty from Stokes, to manoeuvre the ball through a vacant midwicket for four, his 14th boundary of the innings. After a single Moeen very nearly chops onto his stumps, but the ball hits his leg instead and the batsmen run a sharp single.
56th over: England 189-6 (Stokes 71, Moeen 7) Oooh! Chase bowls, and Stokes inside-edges across and just wide of the stumps. His has been an innings of great class and considerable fortune.
@Simon_Burnton Roston Chase would make an ideal Toast of London character, alongside likes of Ray Purchase, Susan Random & Cliff Bonanza.
— Mark White (@markwhite1977) August 25, 2017
55th over: England 186-6 (Stokes 68, Moeen 7) There’s a good ball here from Holder, straightening into Moeen, who edges into his pads. Just a single from the over.
54th over: England 185-6 (Stokes 67, Moeen 7) Chase is back, and Stokes shows he’s got silk as well as steel by paddling the ball to the fine leg boundary. “I think Roston Chase sounds more like a new suburb of Royston Vasey, possibly accessible via the new road,” suggests Rob Wolf Petersen.
53rd over: England 178-6 (Stokes 62, Moeen 7) Stokes is purring today! Holder bowls, and Stokes pulls it between mid-on and midwicket. He hit that really hard. He edges the next, but it’s low, wouldn’t have reached the cordon and bisects them anyway.
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52nd over: England 171-6 (Stokes 55, Moeen 7) And he gets there with a beauty! Gabriel’s first delivery is beautifully drive wide of extra cover for four! And then he pushes one down the ground for another! A single later, Moeen drives past point for four of his own, and that’s a 13-run over. Ouch.
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51st over: England 158-6 (Stokes 46, Moeen 3) The session, like the last, starts with a no-ball. A single from the last leaves Stokes one four from a 50. “There is only one theme music of class: that to Dick Barton, special agent, also known as the Devil’s Gallop,” writes Tone White. “If this doesn’t put you on the edge of your seat you’re probably Mike Pence.”
The players are back out. England need a good session here.
50th over: England 156-6 (Stokes 45, Moeen 3) There’s a lovely delivery here from Gabriel, sliding across Moeen, just past the bat. He does well to avoid that one, and when the bowler sends one down too straight Moeen flicks it off his pads for a couple. And that’s the last ball before tea, which I’ll usher in with one of my favourite more recent cartoon themes, a lovely, gentle lullaby of a tune. Enjoy, and I’ll be back shortly.
49th over: England 153-6 (Stokes 44, Moeen 1) A fourth over of the innings for Roston Chase, and it’s a maiden. Talking of theme tunes, does Roston Chase not sound like a TV programme?
48th over: England 152-6 (Stokes 44, Moeen 1) In comes Moeen Ali at No8, and he’s swiftly off the mark with a single. Now, before I move on, I think you deserve a bonus bit of Keith Mansfield.
WICKET! Bairstow c Holder b Gabriel 2 (England 152-6)
This, though, is an excellent catch in the slips. The ball flies low to second slip, where it’s caught just before it lands. It’s referred to the TV umpire, but very many replays provide a bit of doubt but nothing that can possibly overturn the on-field umpires’ soft signal – which was out!
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47th over: England 152-5 (Stokes 44, Bairstow 2) And Bishoo’s straight back after a change of ends, conceding but a single. “Brett Domino has a slightly more auto-tuney poptastic version of Grandstand,” suggests Ben Parker, “complete with lyrics!” This is execrable and inexcusable, and I beseech you not to play it.
46th over: England 151-5 (Stokes 44, Bairstow 1) Gabriel replaces Bishoo and Bairstow gets off the mark with a single, allowing Stokes to grab another boundary, chopping the ball past point. “If we’re expanding the theme song … uh … theme to more than just cartoons then please may I put forward Howard Goodall,” suggests Michael Avery. “He’s responsible for all the Blackadders, Red Dwarf (both versions of the intro and outro), as well as 2.4 Children. That’s a world class record right there.” The Blackadder theme suits is programme perfectly, but for me 2.4 Children lacks a little pizzazz. Which is another way of calling it boring, I suppose.
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45th over: England 146-5 (Stokes 40, Bairstow 0) There’s no slowing Stokes, though, who thwumps the ball past point for four more. He has faced a mere 51 deliveries.
Root caught at slip for 59. England are 140/5. LIVE: https://t.co/fRy3qe2eXQ pic.twitter.com/pBYrcWhXGB
— England Cricket (@englandcricket) August 25, 2017
44th over: England 140-5 (Stokes 34, Bairstow 0) It’s fair to say that Headingley is a much quieter place now than it was five minutes ago.
WICKET! Root c Blackwood b Bishoo 59 (England 140-5)
There’s no dropping that one! Root tries to sweep but the ball flicks off the toe of his bat and loops straight to slip!
Updated
43rd over: England 137-4 (Root 57, Stokes 33) Since drinks: five overs, seven boundaries (with at least one per over) and two missed chances. Stokes slaps another through the covers.
42nd over: England 132-4 (Root 57, Stokes 29) Another Root boundary, Bishoo’s final delivery swept away. Gareth Johnson emailed a link to a live rendition of Keith Mansfield’s Grandstand theme, so most of the over disappeared for me in a wistful haze.
41st over: England 124-4 (Root 50, Stokes 28) In which Stokes stands still and just flays the ball through the covers for four. There are some delicious strokes being played at the moment, but the batsmen are also getting away with a few loose strokes. Another chance goes a-begging here, Stokes edging straight to where third slip would have been if there was a third slip. Four.
Roooooootttt! He has scored 50s in his last 12 Tests. See how he got there: https://t.co/fRy3qejQmq pic.twitter.com/WqeltO4BlD
— England Cricket (@englandcricket) August 25, 2017
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39th over: England 114-4 (Root 50, Stokes 18) Root completes his 50 with a lovely shot through midwicket for four. That’s 12 consecutive Tests in which he has scored at least a half-century, a feat equalled by AB de Villiers and never beaten. Meanwhile, I can’t believe there has been a lengthy discussion of theme tunes without mention of the Mozart of the genre (these things are subjective, but still), Keith Mansfield. Yes, Grandstand wasn’t a cartoon, but this is just beautiful.
39th over: England 108-4 (Root 45, Stokes 17) Hello OBO world! And I’m greeted with a drop! Roach bowls to Stokes, and it flies off the edge, zipping just wide of the right shoulder of Brathwaite at second slip, where the fielder gets fingers to it but no more. The ball keeps going on its merry way to the boundary, and just to rub it in the next is clobbered through cover.
38th over: England 100-4 (Root 45, Stokes 9) Bishoo getting some good turn – beating Root on the outside edge – before the skipper drops to one knee and sweeps hard and square. Shannon Gabriel, full of overs, doesn’t bother dipping down to use his hands. Instead, he sticks out one of those size 14s, stops the ball dead and fields at his leisure. And with that, I’m off. Simon Burnton takes over with the players away for drinks and the hundred up for England. Thanks for your company.
37th over: England 98-4 (Root 43, Stokes 9) An eventful over, that. Stokes powers Roach down the ground on one knee for four. A few balls later, Stokes chases a very wide ball and someone nails the ground just as the ball is passing the bat. The West Indies appeal but with no great vigour. Ultra Edge shows a loud noise which no doubt features a bit of willow on dirt. But what of leather?
The lack of hotspot showing up the deficiencies of DRS this summer... #engvwi
— Innocent Bystander (@InnoBystander) August 25, 2017
36th over: England 93-4 (Root 42, Stokes 5) Our first sighting of the leg spin of Devendra Bishoo. Root plays him like they’ve been sparring for years: on the front foot, timing him through midwicket for four.
Some tragic news from Effingham Cricket Club. Last Saturday, they lost one of their senior players Mark Colin, who was taken ill during 1st XI match. Mark sadly passed away later that afternoon at Kings College Hospital, London.
Given the generosity of the OBO, I thought I would share the page his club have set-up for donations for the benefit of Mark’s family and to his commemoration. Details of how you might be able to help can be found here.
Details of how to donate to the family of Mark Collin are on our website. #AlwaysOurNumber4 https://t.co/aIhg5RxEwL
— EffinghamCC est.1853 (@EffinghamCC) August 25, 2017
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35th over: England 86-4 (Root 36, Stokes 4) Just two from the over but both are wides from Holder. Seems to be a bit out of sorts since the wicket of Malan.
34th over: England 84-4 (Root 36, Stokes 4) Gorgeous from Root. Gabriel’s tail is up, digging one in just back of a length. Root, casual as you like, rocks forward, back and pirouettes into a pull behind square for four.
“If we’re going all sci-fi, writes Bob O’Hara, “why not just clone Sir Geoffrey, with promotors to increase expression of extra melanin in his skin? It’ll
make everybody happy.”
33rd over: England 80-4 (Root 32, Stokes 4) Stokes off the mark in vintage Stokes fashion. Holder’s full, Stokes is at him, lashing him in the air through midwicket. Might have been caught by the fielder there, sure. Might also be hit by a bus when he crosses the street later today.
32nd over: England 76-4 (Root 32, Stokes 0) Gabriel beats Root gloriously first ball but, three deliveries later, the bowler over steps and serves a full toss that is guided through the covers for four.
James Walsh writes in with some high concept sci-fi hi-jinks regarding Ian Bell: “I know he’s struggled all season and has just quit the Warwickshire captaincy, but could we recall 2013 era Ian Bell to the number 5 spot and the summer 2011 era Ian Bell to number 3 please? This complicated high-concept sci fi gambit, along with recalling Hameed to open, will see us very much sorted out for the Ashes, though there could be complications involving team spirit and whether the current Ian Bell would be happy to be 12th man.”
Could get 2005 Ian Bell too – he was a dab hand at short leg.
31st over: England 72-4 (Root 28, Stokes 0) After all that, one from the over, and it’s a wide. Stokes gets one drive away but too square and right to point.
SIGHTSCREEN MALFUNCTION!!!
A break for some nonsense as the screen behind the bowler refuses to turn all white, instead staying fixed on the sponsor’s logo. Ben Stokes isn’t impressed. An old bloke nearly does himself a mischief trying to fix it. The crowd laugh and then boo as the minutes drift away. Nick Cook, fourth umpire, steps out and sorts it straight away.
Not a problem in English cricket NGB Cook can't solve
— Alex Klymyszyn (@AlexKlymyszyn) August 25, 2017
30th over: England 71-4 (Root 28, Stokes 0) Gabriel backs up Holder’s work in the previous with a maiden to Joe Root. It probably shouldn’t have been one, to be fair: a full toss was skewed into the shins of second slip when it could have been slapped into the rugby ground.
@Vitu_E It would appear that reports of the death of West Indian cricket have been greatly exaggerated...
— Richard (@theskiver) August 25, 2017
29th over: England 71-4 (Root 28, Stokes 0) Shape for Holder – West Indies have been working on this ball well – and reward for their diligence. Not really sure what Malan was trying to do other than survive for most of his innings. Undone by movement off the pitch but, still, it was a slack drive. Failures for all three of England’s new picks.
WICKET! Malan b Holder 8 (England 71-4)
Not good, that. Holder comes around the wicket and entices Malan into a drive. The issue is the angle, as the ball comes in to the left-hander as he is playing the shot. It nips in a touch and takes the inside edge onto the off stump. All in all, a grim innings from the Middlesex man.
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28th over: England 71-3 (Root 28, Malan 8) A loosener to start for Shannon Gabriel, too. Malan throws his hands at it to dismiss it firmly through point.
“So it seems this one is not a day/night Test!” Slept in, Ian Copestake? “Just when I welcome change into my bed as the new norm it turns out change was just a tease and we are back to absurdly early 11am starts on a Friday! Some consistency would be nice to alleviate the numbing pain of confusion currently twisting my melon.”
27th over: England 66-1 (Root 28, Malan 3) Start as they mean to go on? Jason Holder gets the second session underway with a front foot no ball that Root smashes through square cover. Tom v d Gucht is back with some cartoon chat (sorry, David Keech):
“Having had a quick glance at Wikipedia, the source of most of my limited knowledge, I spotted that the composer of Battle of the Planets was as productive a composer as Levi, writing the tunes for: the Flintstones, Top Cat and the Smurfs. Wasn’t there a rumour that Pigeon Street had its theme written and performed by Paul McCartney?” OBO world, help a brother out.
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Right all - just back from lunch to another load of emails. David Keech up first.
“Sorry but cartoon music leaves me as cold as an overly frigid brass monkey in the depths of Siberia so here’s a cricket related email.”
“The Sky commentary team are pointing out how incredibly often England are two or more down in their first innings before reaching 50. They are saying they don’t know why. In my opinion its not as simple as poor players or bad batting. Use modern data mining to really analyze. If the opposition bowl properly, the new ball attack is at its most threatening at the start of an innings. How often are they out to a really good ball vs. bad shot / technical weakness? How many play and misses, drops etc.? The later order has it much easier against an older ball not doing as much against, in the absence of a Shane Warne class spinner, second string bowlers. Its maybe not surprising that, Root and Cook aside, England batting strength is Stokes to Woakes.”
LUNCH
26th over: England 61-3 (Root 24, Malan 3) Class from Root. No matter that it’s the last over before lunch. There are runs to be had. Chase tempts him with two full balls. The first is punched into the covers for two. The second is driven purposefully down the ground, full face of the bat, for four.
@Vitu_E I remember Swann saying he and Prior spent many hours behind the stumps discussing cartoons, so I feel like a test cricketer now.
— Mojo Wellington (@MojoWellington) August 25, 2017
We’ve made a few Test cricketers in that session – one that belongs to West Indies. That being said, the one error they made was a doozy: Root dropped at slip when on eight. He’s looked class ever since. I’m off to forage. Simon Burnton will be back to start the session after lunch. I leave you with this from James Blake: “These days, I often can’t remember where I left my keys but can still somehow recite almost all of the uplifting Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers theme tune and, perhaps more worryingly, often do so...”
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25th over: England 54-3 (Root 17, Malan 3) Holder to Malan. You know what happened. Malan’s faced 30 balls for that three. Is he still awake?
I’m not sure if David Mills, Chris Monks of David Hindle are friends, but they’ve all dropped into my inbox in the last two minutes to suggest Star Fleet. And with good reason:
24th over: England 54-3 (Root 17, Malan 3) Another maiden has Root tries, twice, to beat midwicket with a whip off an off-stump ball from Chase (free-ish hit what with the lack of turn). Finds the fielder on both occasions.
Apologies to Joseph Surtees for the delay (and others on Twitter – I’m a bit behind on there). But this is a heck of a shout:
@Vitu_E The best cartoon theme tune is obviously Pinky & the Brain. It also sounds superb in Russian -- https://t.co/HvAKJ6dX68
— Joseph Surtees (@JosephSurtees) August 25, 2017
23rd over: England 52-3 (Root 15, Malan 3) Bit of shape into the left-hander from Holder. Certainly something for Malan to cover as he makes a move across his stumps to play forward. Are either/both getting paid by the maiden? That’s another one these two have played out.
“My favourite cartoon was Count Duckula,” writes Robin Hazlehurst, “though not necessarily for the theme tune (get those 80s synths!). Very funny as I remember it, and voiced by David Jason, so classes as proper serious light entertainment too.”
22nd over: England 52-3 (Root 15, Malan 3) Seam doing the business so Roston Chase, part-time off spinner comes into the attack. I don’t get it. A full toss is swept around the corner by Root for four through fine leg. I just don’t get it.
21st over: England 44-3 (Root 8, Malan 2) More of Malan’s possum act as he plays out another six dots.
“A rather unfortunate drop there,” writes Romeo. “But I wouldn’t have done any better.” I don’t know - it couldn’t have been easier. “A theme tune for the ages, and the aged: Bill and Ben, the Flowerpot Men...”
20th over: England 44-3 (Root 8, Malan 2) Umpire Ravi threatens not to wide an atrocious delivery down the leg side from Gabriel. Thankfully, sense returns to him in time to streth out those arms. Just as the over looks to be dying down, Root is put down at first slip by Kieron Powell! What an awful, awful, awful, awful, awful awful drop. Finally, Root makes a mistake but all the hard work and pressure West Indies have built up has disappeared. Just like that. Root was walking off...
Simon - you’re a man after my own heart...
@Vitu_E got to vote Cap. Bucky O'Hare for best cartoon theme song https://t.co/DtxS9V7h6Q He goes where an ordinary rabbit wouldn't dare
— Simon F. Davies (@SFD85) August 25, 2017
19th over: England 43-3 (Root 8, Malan 2) Malan looking to learn from the mistakes of fellow newbies Stoneman and Westley. He’s not driving. No sir. Not before lunch. It’s a maiden to Holder, who replaces Roach this time.
Chris Goater emails in, straight to the point: “All your readers are wrong. The greatest cartoon theme tune is this one.
“And incidentally, ‘always five, always one’ might be a useful guide to the sum two-innings score of most of Cook’s opening partners…”
18th over: England 43-3 (Root 8, Malan 2) Root grafting, but still managing to get the ball into gaps. A deflect off the back foot to third man, as Gabriel ticks over the 85mph mark, should only be one, but good running from Malan and Root ensure there’s a second run.
Luke Davies from Vietnam – full disclousre, we used to go to school together – might have won this round: “Don’t have twitter but you’ve surely got to get a mention of The Poddington Peas theme tune in the OBO at some point! Had it as a ringtone on my phone as a hoodied teenager...”
17th over: England 41-3 (Root 6, Malan 2) Roach, steady as, almost forces Root into a misjudgement. Luckily, the awry drive goes between cover and point. Things happening for the West Indies. Tom v d Gucht emails in with the subject Shuki Levi – the John Lennon of kids TV themes
“Ulysses 31 was a cracking theme tune - bombastic, forceful and full of 80s synth and guitar.” He’s right, you know:
There’s more: “Amazingly, one man called Shuki Levi was responsible for this and many of the top tunes in the 80s including: Magnificent Cities of Gold, Willy Fogg, He Man and Inspector Gadget. That’s a body of work comparable with anything Abba, Elton John or the Beatles produced. He deserves far more recognition than he receives...”
Tom also passes on this articile on Shuki Levi. I’ve just had a skim but it’s which is absolutely fascinating.
16th over: England 40-3 (Root 5, Malan 2) With wickets to be had, Holder takes himself off and brings Gabriel back and five men waiting in the cordon. Bat pad, too. A short-ish ball to Dawid Malan allows him to skew one into the leg side and take two. Meanwhile, thank you to Richard Morris for bringing this to my attention: the trailer for the live-action remark of The Tick...
15th over: England 37-3 (Root 4) Fair play to Kemar Roach, who is into the eighth over of his opening spell and still causing trouble. Stoneman’s doughty innings is over. Don’t adjust your sets – the West Indies are on top.
WICKET! Stoneman c Dowrich b Road 19 (England 37-3)
Class from Roach and England are three down. Roach gets one through Stoneman, taking the inside edge on its way to the keeper.
14th over: England 37-2 (Stoneman 19, Root 4) Despite bowling a few junk balls, it looks like Jason Holder is going to get away with a maiden. Stoneman has other ideas, working a ball on middle stump through midwicket for three.
Steven Kelk joins us from the Netherlands: “I loved MASK as an impressionable young child. The trouble is, my attempts to convince people that it was all real were consistently undermined by the fact that the ‘K’ stood for ‘Kommand’. Deep in my heart I knew that a real mobile armoured strike command would never make such a fundamental spelling error, and that hurt. I’m not sure the people who thought up the cartoon realised the damage they were inflicting on young minds.
“Ah, I hear that Kook has just been caught at slip...”
13th over: England 34-2 (Stoneman 16, Root 4) Joe Root gets off the mark after drinks with a glorious drive through extra cover. So crisp, so clean. An email from Jeff Livingstone, of the excellent In Bed With Maradona: “Like many on the OBO carousel I’m all for a bit of retro cartoon nostalgia, but failing to recognise the magnificence of current staples such as Adventure Time, Regular Show and Gumball ignores the fact that we are very much in a golden era of animation.” I can’t wait to have kids.
12th over: England 30-2 (Stoneman 16, Root 0) A change in the bowling as Jason Holder brings himself on to give Gabriel a rest. Stoneman drives uppishly through backward point and lives to tell the tale. Four more to him. Speaking of whom...
“Can I propose a future cartoon super-hero?” starts Pete Salmon. “Name of StoneMan – a redoubtable figure who is able to hang around with the gnarled old, yet baby-faced, character known as The Cook for more than three test matches, and is able to ascend to the dizzy heights of a test average somewhere north of 35? Its what the people are crying out for, after the dull adventures of Jennings.”
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11th over: England 26-2 (Stoneman 12, Root 0) Here comes Joe Root. I was going to say “earlier than expected” but he’s probably used to it by now. Since the start of 2015, 33 times the fall of the second wicket has come with England less than fifty. Not goo (24 times above, by the way). “Don’t forget Captain Planet,” urges Ian Palmer. “Because he is a hero, and he will take pollution down to zero.”
“Sadly I always remember thinking ‘Is Captain Planet going to stop my Dad from driving me anywhere?’ And not liking him for it. I had cricket to get to and I didn’t fancy lugging my pads all the way because there was no car any more.”
WICKET! Westley LBW Roach 3 (England 26-2)
Oh Thomas, don’t do that. Roach, wider on the crease, gets the ball to spear into the pads of Westley. TW is sizing up a drive down the ground, but the angle of the ball meant his margin for error was very small indeed.
Westley is trapped by Roach for 3 - the fourth time in six Test innings he has been out aiming in the vague direction of mid-on.
— Lawrence Booth (@the_topspin) August 25, 2017
10th over: England 24-1 (Stoneman 12, Westley 1) Gabriel doing work now. He’s beaten Westley for pace and then found his edge, which falls just short of Jason Holder at second slip. A bit of movement into Westley allows the right-hander to push beyond short leg for a single to get him off the mark.
“Surely Mysterious Cities of Gold was the 80s theme tune to end all theme tunes?” asks Gareth Fitzgerald. There have been a few shouts for this on Twitter, too:
9th over: England 21-0 (Stoneman 10, Westley 0) Nicely done by Stoneman, who times a drive through the covers for two, as Kemar Roach changes to around the wicket because of the lack of movement on offer. By the way – the West Indies players are wearing black armbands after the mother of their bowling coach, Rod Estwick, passed away yesterday.
8th over: England 19-1 (Stoneman 8, Westley 0) Now with a right-hander, Gabriel pulls out a few tricks. A couple of defensive shots from Tom Westley aren’t totally comfortable. The change-up – a bouncer – has Westley ducking though not keeping his eye on the ball. Had no idea Oliver Reed was involved with this:
@Vitu_E link manga animé to Oliver Reed's rare proper acting? dogtanian. Late 30s boys / girls will remember. #obo https://t.co/gajGwHMuCH
— Paddy Blewer (@Padsky) August 25, 2017
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WICKET! Cook c K Hope b Gabriel 11 (England 19-1)
That’s more like it, Shannon! A probing line from over the wicket has Cook edging once more. This time, the ball rises a touch and takes a healthy edge to Kyle Hope, who takes a sharp low catch to his right at third slip.
7th over: England 18-0 (Cook 11, Stoneman 7) Just as Nasser Hussain maligns the fact that West Indies have a fine leg instead of a third man, Cook edges low through the latter for four runs. He’s good, Nas. David Wall submits Captain Scarlet. Great show (again). I had the figurine as a kid. I’d say it was worth something but it’s almost certainly missing a limb. I was reckless like that.
6th over: England 14-0 (Cook 7, Stoneman 7) Another maiden but not quite as threatening as it could have been from Gabriel.
@Vitu_E Cartoon theme tunes you say?
— YummyBear (@Beardo7) August 25, 2017
Look no further than this master piece https://t.co/8cIwJwFCfN
I’ll be honest – never heard of this one but that theme tune is so 80s I can almost taste the spandex.
5th over: England 14-0 (Cook 7, Stoneman 7) Roach tests out Alastair Cook wide, outside off stump. Rather than cut, Cook decides to work on his back foot punch, timing the ball away through point for his first boundary of the day. Like all good OBOers, David Pearce corrects my earlier comment on Arthur:
Hi Vish. Just to answer your question. Arthur was an aardvark. He'd also probably outbat the bulk of the WI top six at the moment!
— david pearce (@davidgpearce) August 25, 2017
4th over: England 10-0 (Cook 3, Stoneman 7) A maiden for Shannon Gabriel. Ball isn’t doing too much through the air. Back to pink, lads? Meanwhile, news from Matt Crocker on Twitter that Ducktales is getting a reboot... starring David Tennant!
3rd over: England 10-0 (Cook 3, Stoneman 7) Chef and Rocky exchange the strike this over. James Walsh rides into town with this pearler of a contribution: “I see Phil Sawyer’s Earthworm Jim and raise him The Tick. Glorious parody of the superhero genre and has aged much better than I have. Is on its way back as a live-action remake with Peter ‘you shot me in the bollocks Tim’ Serafinowicz apparently.” Oh that really couldn’t be more up my street.
2nd over: England 8-0 (Cook 2, Stoneman 6) A promising start from Shannon Gabriel, despite starting like a bloke who needs a long, deep soak in WD40. Finds the edge of Mark Stoneman’s bat with a bit of movement away from the leftie. Stoneman’s sharp, though: refusing to follow the ball and keep his hands soft hands to guide it into the ground in front of second slip and through the cordon for four to get off the mark.
@Vitu_E Duck Tales? Raccoons? Bow down to the majesty of Arthur! https://t.co/EgXB4wgth0 Best theme tune for a kids cartoon ever!
— david pearce (@davidgpearce) August 25, 2017
Question: what sort of animal was Arthur meant to be? I want to say capybara.
1st over: England 2-0 (Cook 2, Stoneman 0) Back to the red ball we go, in the hand of Kemar Roach who gives us a quirky start from around the wicket to Alastair Cook. Presumably, he’ll be over the wicket as per for Mark Stoneman after seeing him off with a pealer in the first Test. The first runs of the day come through backward point, as Cook jabs away through the off side to get going.
“Cartoons, eh?” starts Phil Sawyer. “Now there’s a riff I can get into. For sheer bonkersness, you just can’t beat a bit of Earthworm Jim. I actually used to get up early on a Sunday morning in my student days just to watch it. And it took a lot to get me out of bed back then. Still does, if I’m honest.” What a show and a pretty decent game on the SNES, if I remember correctly...
Before we get underway, Tim Maitland emails in with “a quick social media etiquette/OBO delusions question:
“Someone called Sarfraz Nawaz has liked a comment I made on a Facebook group called Hong Kong Snakes.” I mean, that’s definitely going to need context. Nevertheless, on we go: “Is it totally reasonable to assume that it is the Pakistan and Northamptonshire legend? I only ask, because questioning him further could lead to disappointment.” Yes, I think you’re safe to assume that. Now, about those snakes...
“DuckTales was good, but it was no Racoons,” writes Stephen Brown. Great shout. “I hope Stoneman can bag a hatful of runs here—just to slow down the number of questions about the batsman who are going to go to the Ashes.”
ENGLAND WIN THE TOSS AND WILL BAT FIRST
“We’ve got to put up a bigger fight,” says Jason Holder. He also says he’s not heard any of the criticisms from former players. Looks well sunned for a man who has spent the last week under a rock.
Joe Root, chipper, captaining at home, didn’t hesitate when asked what he was going to do. One change for England, as mentioned – two for West Indies, with Shannon Gabriel and Devendra Bishoo coming in for Miguel Cummins and Alzarri Joseph.
ENGLAND: Alastair Cook, Mark Stoneman, Tom Westley, Joe Root (C), Dawid Malan, Ben Stokes, Jonny Bairstow (WK), Moeen Ali, Chris Woakes, Stuart Broad, James Anderson
WEST INDIES: Kraigg Brathwaite, Kieran Powell, Kyle Hope, Shai Hope, Roston Chase, Jermaine Blackwood, Shane Dowrich (WK), Jason Holder (C), Kemar Roach, Devendra Bishoo, Shannon Gabriel
Just had a glimpse of the deck and it looks prime for batting. Runs and lots of them the order of the day. However, there’s a bit of doubt as to what Joe Root will do. Might be tempted to stick the West Indies in to rattle them out sharpish…
In other news –the world keeps spinning as Tres signs on for one more year. Hero.
BREAKING: Marcus Trescothick has signed a one-year contract extension!
— Somerset Cricket 🏏 (@SomersetCCC) August 25, 2017
➡️ https://t.co/bloRWepRmf#WeAreSomerset pic.twitter.com/nE3EF7AkVz
You can get in touch with the OBO as per: drop into my inbox by hitting me up on vithushan.ehantharajah.casual@theguardian.com or on Twitter with the handle @Vitu_E, just like Andy...
Damn that's some good hot 🔥. WI can't do anything w/out someone rattling off names of 80s greats. Bit like having Superman as an older bro.
— Andy Cumella (@acumella) August 25, 2017
PREAMBLE
Hearty good mornings to ya and welcome to OBO coverage of Day one of the second Test between England and West Indies. I, Vithushan Ehantharajah (Vish will do), will be your guide through this fine Headingley morning, hoping the weather stays fair and willing West Indies to far greater heights.
A lot has been made of just how meekly the tourists folded under the Edgbaston lights. The pink ball took some of the heat but most of the intended targets were scorched after an innings-and-209-run-shellacking. You could not move for takes on the decline of cricket in the Caribbean, Test cricket as a whole and the wider world at large (mercifully, it was just an eclipse). You have to feel for the players under the maroon flag. Everything they do is scrutinised beyond recognition: at worst, drawing lazy, borderline offensive stereotypes around lethargy – at best, compared exhaustingly to That Great West Indian Side of The EightiesTM. Jermaine Blackwood could save a family of five from a burning building and some nostalgia junkie would still moan about how Gordon Greenidge would have done it in one trip.
Stuart Law has punched back accordingly, acknowledging their shortcomings along the way. Welcoming back Shannon Gabriel will give the attack a bit of oomph, while leggie Devendra Bishoo offers Jason Holder a different line of attack. The ball remainsth.eir best hope
As for England, like Scrooge McDuck high-diving into a vat of gold coins, they’re flexing their wealth by bringing back Chris Woakes and “dropping” Toby Roland-Jones. While I’ve dragged us there, we might as well follow-through: how good was DuckTales??
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Vish will be here shortly. In the meantime you can enjoy Vic Marks’s preview of the second Test …
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