Match report
Stumps! West Indies 44-1
Play has been abandoned, alas. So West Indies have nine wickets to play with, and they are a mere 470 runs behind. The day belonged to Alastair Cook, who cruised to 243, but Jason Holder deserves some credit too, for somehow concocting five quick wickets to keep England down to the low 500s.
An email comes in from J Sims, entitled Animal. “I can say with some certainty that your occasional OBO contributor and erstwhile Guardian colleague, Dixe Wills, was the Life and Soul of said shenanigans in Bolivia and Peru in 1989.” Not a sentence I’ve ever read before. “Even those of us elsewhere over the continent heard the reports, and believed them all. As confirmation, I’m still at work on the East Coast of the USA, enjoying the same weather forecast (prolonged showers and intermittent thunder storms until 10pm) as my friends and family in Birmingham.
“By the way, the names for the ‘lunch’ and ‘tea’ breaks for Edgbaston have not changed since my school days: ‘pies’ and ‘beer’ (probably ‘pies with beer’ and ‘ginger beer’, mind you.) Then we moved to Leeds, and I believe the Gregsons’-friendly at Headingley is ‘beer’ and ‘more beer’.” The OBO is, as ever, the home of intercontinental playground banter. Time to call it a night. Thanks for your company.
More on the great meal-break debate. “In my (tongue-in-cheek) opinion,” says Graeme Thorn, “the game changed irrevocably when limited-overs games moved from two breaks (lunch/tea) to one between innings.” Say what you like about the single break, it does make it easier for us OBO-ers to split the day in half.
The rain in Birmingham is attracting participles like “pelting” (D Gower) and “minging” (A Miller of Cricinfo). But at least we have a quick response from Phil Sawyer to my query about Friday nights in Lincoln (19:44).
“Well, I can’t speak for the rest of Lincoln, Tim, but for me that’s a pretty wild evening. They don’t call me Phil ‘The Party Animal’ Sawyer for nothing. Actually, they don’t call me Phil ‘The Party Animal’ Sawyer even if I pay them.” Ha. Is there an OBO reader out there who IS known as a party animal?
Cometh the rain, cometh Tom van der Gucht. “Weighing in on the fruit nicknames for the pink ball, perhaps it should be called a peach, as in Anderson just bowled a peach of a delivery - honk honk... I’ll get my coat.”
A confession. “Sorry,” says Phil Sawyer, “that was almost definitely my fault. Have been doing some spring (summer?) cleaning for the last couple of hours. Almost literally the moment I switched the vacuum cleaner off and thought ‘Job done, time for a drink and some cricket’ the rain came down and the players went off. On the other hand, it’s a lovely evening in Lincoln, I have a clean flat, and I’ve also mixed myself a large Moscow Mule, so swings and roundabouts.” Indeed. Is this a typical Friday night in Lincoln?
The forecast is for a longish break, which will at least allow a few plastered people to make it to the front of the pie queue.
On Twitter, Austin Baird has a question. “How common is it for a woman footballer to be represented by Windies batsmen? Hope Powell?” I don’t know, but I’m sure there was once a holding midfielder called Courtney Curtly.
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Rain stops play
16th over: West Indies 44-1 (Powell 18, Hope 25) Broad continues, over-pitches, and hands Powell the chance to cover-drive for four, which he accepts. He adds a two and a single with nudges to leg. These two have done OK, quietly moving through the gears. And the umps are calling for the covers. Shame.
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15th over: West Indies 37-1 (Powell 11, Hope 25) Hope cuts Anderson for four and pushes him for two. Time for Roland-Jones, surely.
“I tried starting the tea debate yesterday,” says Sam Spijkers-Shaw. “I hadn’t come up with a suggestion at the time, but there’s a lot odd about this Test, whether it be for the better or the worse, so changing a name wouldn’t cause the biggest stir.
“I do wonder whether there’ll be a day and age when it’ll be a sponsored ‘pie break’. You could have a claim to some compensation.” Ha.
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14th over: West Indies 31-1 (Powell 11, Hope 19) Hope nudges a single, and Powell keeps Broad out before playing a stylish tuck for four through midwicket. When the camera zooms in on Powell, he has the same look in his eye that Dele Alli has in the box.
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13th over: West Indies 26-1 (Powell 7, Hope 18) Anderson restores order with a fine maiden to Powell. The crowd are singing, in a way that suggests they may have given up on the pie queue but persevered with the one at the bar.
A tweet from Mike Selvey, who was bowling for England against West Indies this time 41 years ago. “Eng, esp Broad, trying too hard with pink ball. Just pretend it’s the red one and revert to normal mode.”
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12th over: West Indies 26-1 (Powell 7, Hope 18) The race for double figures has been a post-modern fable: The Tortoise and the Tortoise. It is won by a tortoise called Hope, with a clip for two off Broad, and suddenly the runs are flowing – a pull for four, an edge for four more. Root has had three slips all innings, when he could easily have five.
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11th over: West Indies 16-1 (Powell 7, Hope 8) Anderson’s latest grapefruit is well handled by Hope, who tracks the swing and takes a single into the covers. Powell survives another lbw shout, possibly high, possibly pitching outside leg. Definitely high.
10th over: West Indies 14-1 (Powell 6, Hope 7) On come the lights, which is handy as the sky has gone charcoal grey. Broad locates the corridor of uncertainty better than he did before the break. Powell takes another sharp single, and would be gone if the throw had hit.
Is it me, or have they really messed up the meal breaks here? The first one should be tea, 20 minutes, at 4pm, as it has been, more or less, since 1899. And the second, round about now, should be 40 minutes (at least) and called something like supper. The person who made the decision must have forgotten what it’s like to be in a crowd of 20,000, most of whom feel like a pie.
“Looking at your picture of Jimmy Anderson’s quiff,” says Tom van der Gucht, “is a strangely exhilarating experience. Has he styled it like that in memory of Elvis after the anniversary of his death? Or is he aiming for more of a Morrissey look? Either way, it’s impressive stuff and reminds me that I need to book in to have my ears lowered.”
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So West Indies go for a bite 501 runs behind. And an email arrives from Keith Aitchison. “Can we call a pink jaffa by its proper name? A grapefruit me thinks!” I like it.
9th over: West Indies 13-1 (Powell 5, Hope 7) Another quick single from Powell and that’s “tea”. After the clatter in late afternoon, it feels like an age since we had a wicket, but at least Steve Bannon is out – c Press Corps b Kelly, for a long-drawn-out 0.
8th over: West Indies 12-1 (Powell 4, Hope 7) Powell plays a crisp defensive shot and runs a quick single, which gets Mike Atherton purring.
7th over: West Indies 11-1 (Powell 3, Hope 7) Anderson beats Hope, twice: he’s producing two pink jaffas per over. But he also bowls a wide in between, to show that he’s human.
“Perspective?” says Geoff Wignall. “There have been plenty of (occasionally patronising) comments about how bad the Windies were in the field and obviously they weren’t great.
But they did run into history’s highest-scoring Test opener and a possible all-time great, both in form. Only one other batsman reached 20, so were they really all that poor? I’ve only been able to follow by OBO so can’t judge for myself.” Me neither – I came racing back from Edinburgh this morning. What does anyone else reckon?
6th over: West Indies 10-1 (Powell 3, Hope 7) Ian Botham spots that the edge beat Stokes for pace, which may have been because the pitch has been sexed up by the drizzle.
Dropped! Powell on 2
Ben Stokes, at gully, can’t quite hold on to a flashing edge from Powell off Broad.
5th over: West Indies 8-1 (Powell 2, Hope 6) Raindrops are falling, so Anderson finds an even better line and beats Powell twice in a row. Powell fights back with a flick to fine leg, whereupon Anderson has another big shout for lbw, this time against Hope.
“Tim.” Ah, the reassuring sound of John Starbuck, picking up on my remark about the wicket at 18:14. “So what would you mix together to achieve the colour of the pink ball? And would it be drinkable?” For me, the answer is Benylin, and yes, at the risk of contradicting myself.
4th over: West Indies 7-1 (Powell 1, Hope 6) Kieran Powell nudges a single off Broad. And here’s Tom Bowtell, the OBO’s own Bearded Wonder. “Jimmy’s parsimonious summer has seen his average dip below 28 for the first time since Trent Bridge 2003. Could be a fair bit lower by the time the series is out.”
3rd over: West Indies 6-1 (Powell 0, Hope 6) Kyle Hope, making his debut, survives a big lbw shout (a bit high), and immediately plays a handsome clip for four, and then a cover push for two. So he seems to have a good temperament.
An email from Tom Morgan. “These new session intervals would be perfect here in Spain. Lunch at 4 and tea (aka merienda) at 6.30. Just need to popularise the game a bit here...”
Wicket! Brathwaite c Bairstow b Anderson 0 (WI 0-1)
The perfect outswinger. Classic Anderson in every way, except that the ball is the colour of a very nasty drink.
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2nd over: West Indies 0-0 (Brathwaite 0, Powell 0) Stuart Broad’s turn for a pink-cherry debut, and he beats the bat with his first ball as Kieran Powell wafts outside off. “His legs are pumping here, Broad,” Nasser Hussain notes, “he’s fired up.” But then he goes too wide. Save that for when the Windies are 500-7.
“I’m about to fly from Orkney to Aberdeen,” says Andrew Wheeler. “I expect the vast majority of the Windies innings will be over by the time I land!”
1st over: West Indies 0-0 (Brathwaite 0, Powell 0) Jimmy Anderson bowls England’s first over with the pink ball, and like one or two of the West Indians, he gets it swinging too early. Kraigg Brathwaite lets the first four deliveries go by, then blocks one, and leaves the last.
So, place your bets on how many more wickets will fall tonight. England, from 449-3, lost five for 65. Alastair Cook is back out on the field, with, as ever, not a bead of sweat to show for his immense efforts. And it feels like a good declaration by Root, erring on the side of getting on with the game.
“Hello Tim, hello everybody.” Hello Simon McMahon. “Hope you’re all well. Sad news indeed about Brucie. As for Cook, didn’t he do well? And to the West Indian openers, you get nothing for a pair (not in this game).”
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England 514-8 dec
And so the collapse continued, which was a disappointment for Cook but (whisper it) a relief for the rest of us. Poor old TRJ is left high and dry on 6 not out.
Time to see if the bowlers can dig England out of this hole.
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Wicket! COOK!!! lbw b Chase 243
And England declare on 514-8.
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Review! Cook!!
For lbw, playing across the spinner. Looks outish.
135th over: England 512-7 (Cook 242, Roland-Jones 5) Cummins returns, armed with a 7/2 off-side field, and aiming for about seventh stump. The ump indulges him. Cook squirts a single to third man. And they say the smartphone has made boredom obsolete.
“Afternoon Tim!” says Stuie Neale. “Hope Cookie can get his triple. Or bat till tea & declare.” Hmmmm.
134th over: England 511-7 (Cook 241, Roland-Jones 5) TRJ plays out a maiden from Chase, whose figures (3-111) are now almost respectable.
133rd over: England 511-7 (Cook 241, Roland-Jones 5) Thanks Rob and evening everyone. A shift of Test cricket starting at 5.40pm, but at least we have the reassuring sight of an England collapse. Toby Roland-Jones, gobsmacked at finding himself batting with Alastair Cook, gets off the mark with an edge for four off Holder between keeper and first slip, which wouldn’t have carried anyway.
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132nd over: England 506-7 (Cook 241, Roland-Jones 0) “I have sort of lost track with all this juggling with the lunch, tiffin etc,” says Andy MacInally. “When are we in terms of sessions?”
We’re about halfway through the second session, which means it’s time for me to hand over to Tim de Lisle. You can mail him at tim.delisle.casual@theguardian.com. Thanks for your company, bye.
WICKET! England 506-7 (Moeen Ali c Brathwaite b Chase 0)
Moeen goes for a selfless duck. He tried to launch Chase down the ground for six and sliced the ball high to Brathwaite at point.
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131st over: England 505-6 (Cook 240, Moeen 0) “Hi Rob,” says Derek Fordham. “My mate, an avid Liverpool fan, went to watch them play a pre-season game some years ago and arrived in time to see them get off the team bus 90 mins before kick off. All of the squad entered the ground apart from Julian Dicks who set off in the other direction. My mate followed him to a chip shop where he watched him order pie and chips twice and, with these tucked under his arm, he returned to the ground. History doesn’t record whether they were both for him but I can’t imagine may people would send Julian Dicks out to run errands for them. He played in the game.”
Who are both of the pies, etc.
WICKET! England 505-6 (Bairstow b Holder 18)
Bairstow goes, dragging Holder back onto the stumps. It was a quiet night in at the library for him too, 18 from 32 balls. England’s musketeers haven’t fired as we expected. At least not yet: here comes Moeen Ali.
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130th over: England 503-5 (Cook 240, Bairstow 15) Cook glides Chase to the third-man boundary twice in three balls to take England past 500.
129th over: England 493-5 (Cook 231, Bairstow 15) Cook mistimes a pull shot that goes up in the air and falls tantalisingly short of the bowler Holder as he runs towards midwicket.
“In a more retro cricket/restaurant story,” begins Colin Dean, “my one and only brush with greatness came when I found myself eating on the table next to John Emburey at the Happy Eater on the A303. I’m not sure what he had, but am fairly certain it would have been served with baked beans.”
And Phil Edmonds, presumably.
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128th over: England 489-5 (Cook 228, Bairstow 14) Cook and Bairstow scamper five runs in Chase’s over. It’s all pretty low-key.
127th over: England 484-5 (Cook 227, Bairstow 10) “It pains me to say it, because I don’t want to give him any more publicity, but that Rees-Mogg fellow could be a good costume model for a pedant,” says John Starbuck.
126th over: England 482-5 (Cook 226, Bairstow 9) Bairstow demonstrates the speed of his brain, feet and hands by improvising to steer Chase past short third man for four. A premeditated lap brings a couple more.
“Hi Rob,” says Dan Ebanks. “I’ve been working from home this afternoon - at my mate Will’s house. We’ve been arguing about whether a double century counts as one or two centuries. He thinks one, I think that’s ridiculous. Can you settle this for us please?”
Yep, one. You can take it up with John Wisden if you have access to a time machine.
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125th over: England 476-5 (Cook 226, Bairstow 3) Holder beats Bairstow on the inside with a good delivery that bounces over middle stump. That’s it.
“I travelled from Joburg to Potchefstroom at the start of the last England tour to South Africa to watch a warm up match,” says John Bowker. “Not knowing where else to eat, we went to a local Nando’s after the day’s play and were shortly joined by Stokes, Jordan, Moeen, Hales, Buttler and Ballance. I only tell this poor excuse for a story because Jos ordered a full chicken all to himself. A full chicken!”
Cricketers absolutely love Nando’s, don’t they? I suppose it’s the professional sportsman’s equivalent of the guilty 4am kebab.
124th over: England 475-5 (Cook 226, Bairstow 2) Chase skids a nice delivery past Cook’s attempted cut. He has bowled pretty well, the best of the attack apart from Roach.
“I will be attending fancy-dress Saturday at Edgbaston and wondered what a regular OBOer should wear,” says Ian Copestake. “How does one dress as a pedant?”
Whatever you do, don’t start another brawl in the car park.
123rd over: England 471-5 (Cook 223, Bairstow 1) “It’s that time of year again when I ask you if you’ll be kind enough to give the Hampshire Hogs Six-a-side a plug,” says George Browne. “We’re into our fourth year now and it gets better each time! Warnford is a gorgeous ground, and the beer really is excellent. Drinking is very much encouraged, though we had to put a stop to Pimm’s being delivered to players between overs as it was taking up too much time. All the details can be seen here.”
122nd over: England 469-5 (Cook 221, Bairstow 1) Turns out it was a quiet night in at the library for Stokes, yet even that failure (sic) does him some credit. He didn’t play himself in or think about his average, he just tried to score quick runs for the team. That’s one of the best things about England’s three allrounders; they are all so unselfish.
WICKET! England 466-5 (Stokes c Blackwood b Chase 10)
Stokes enlivens proceedings... by getting out. He top-edged a reverse sweep off Chase, and Blackwood took an excellent leaping catch at slip.
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121st over: England 466-4 (Cook 219, Stokes 10) Cook back cuts Holder for a couple, aided and abetted by another misfield. It’s been a slow start to the session, though I suspect Stokes will address that at his earliest convenience.
“My husband has just suggested that the fielders can’t see the ball well (like the spectators can’t) in the outfield hence the misfielding?” says Christine Harrison.
That’s possible I guess, though a lot of the misfields have been because of poor basic technique – not getting your body behind the ball, that sort of thing. I suppose we’ll have a better idea in a day’s time. you know what they say: never judge a pink ball until both sides have fielded it.
120th over: England 462-4 (Cook 214, Stokes 10) Stokes plants the front dog, as I believe it is known, and drags a sweep for four off Chase.
“I need to fess up to the OBO’s mercy for historical opprobrium to Alastair Cook,” says Guy Hornsby. “I can only suggest he bore some brunt of the skillsets-era mess of Andy Flower’s overlording. So he’s not Flintoff or Stokes, but every team would beg to have a player like him. An indefatigable, ice-cool run machine who puts the team above himself. What WAS I thinking? Forgive me!”
Don’t worry, we’ve all done it. It’s not easy for me to admit this publicly, but I didn’t even rate Nando’s the first time I went there.
119th over: England 455-4 (Cook 213, Stokes 5) Always start with a joke, said David Brent, and Holder does just that: his first delivery after lunch is a no-ball half-volley that Stokes rifles whence it came for four. I’m a bit distracted, because I’ve just read about the death of Bruce Forsyth. Ach, that’s really sad. Entertainment just got a bit heavier.
Here’s Brucie at his best during the 1974 FA Cup final.
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118th over: England 450-4 (Cook 213, Stokes 1) Roston Chase, who dismissed Dawid Malan on the stroke of lunch, has four balls remaining. Ben Stokes drives the second of those for a single to get off the mark.
“Cook will never have a better chance to get a triple ton than today,” says James Austin. “But could he go bigger? If he gets to, say, 330 - 350 in the hour after tea would Root hold the declaration to give him a chance of going for 400? Is there any honour in doing that against this West Indies team?”
I’m pretty sure, having never met the man, that Cook wouldn’t want England to delay a declaration for him under any circumstances. To borrow a phrase from soccer, he’s not that kind of player.
The award for tweet of the day goes to...
Ben Stokes coming in after lunch at 449-4 #ENGvWI pic.twitter.com/JGDMsGMmsy
— Will Macpherson (@willis_macp) August 18, 2017
Lunch
117.2 overs: England 449-4 (Cook 213) The wicket means that will be the last ball before lunch. Malan looks pretty down as he walks off; he knows what a great opportunity that was. It was a good delivery from Chase, although Malan’s defensive stroke was a little bit indecisive.
Cook goes to lunch on 213 not out, and will be joined by Ben Stokes after the break. See you then!
WICKET! England 449-4 (Malan c b Chase 65)
There will be no Test hundred for Dawid Malan, at least not yet. He pushes defensively at a good delivery from Chase that turns to take the edge, and Blackwood at slip takes a good catch.
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117th over: England 449-3 (Cook 213, Malan 65) Cook slams a pull stroke for four off Holder. He’ll probably never get a better chance of scoring a Test triple-hundred than today.
“Dear Rob,” says Sara Torvalds. “I stopped reading about the atrocities in Spain yesterday and Turku, Finland, today - which may yet prove to be a madman rather than a terrorist, but is nonetheless depressing) and turned to the OBO, expecting to find sane and peaceful people who settle their differences by playing cricket, discussing cricket, perhaps e-mailing you or TMS on a point of contention - only to be further saddened that there are people who can’t hold their liquor at the cricket (103rd over). I doubt a tequila breakfast is to blame, it’s just a lack of manners.”
Let’s talk about something else. Any ideas? Celebrity Masterchef is back?????
116th over: England 443-3 (Cook 207, Malan 65) Cook drives Chase pleasantly for a couple and then cracks a cut to the cover sweeper. We’re a few minutes away from lunch
“Currently in the wilds of Oregon aiming to watch the eclipse,” says Kevin Rodgers. “Day/night timings (although clearly weird in the UK) are perfect to catch OBO out here ‘cos we’re eight hours behind you. Fitting, given why I’m here (day/night, eclipse? Oh, please yourselves.)”
115th over: England 440-3 (Cook 204, Malan 65) The admirable Roach seams a cracking delivery past Cook’s outside edge, and responds by striking the FML pose for a few seconds.
114th over: England 439-3 (Cook 203, Malan 65) Chase bowls a maiden to Malan. What more can I say?
Here’s Ian Copestake. “Can I reassure those distraught at the fall of civilised society (again) that the worst crowd aggro I witnessed was at Headingley in 1997, when an Aussie fan and a Brit went at it in the middle of the road forcing hordes of fans to stand and stare and wait for the whole thing to blow over (into a nearby carpark).”
Did you sort the Aussie fella or what?
ALASTAIR COOK GETS HIS FOURTH TEST DOUBLE CENTURY!
113th over: England 439-3 (Cook 203, Malan 65) Cook edges Roach to third man, where a ludicrous misfield turns one run into four - and takes Cook to 200! It’s his fourth in Tests. Brisbane 2010, Edgbaston 2011, Abu Dhabi 2015 and now Edgbaston 2017. Only Len Hutton (4) and Wally Hammond (7) have made as many in Tests for England. He’s a national treasure, in his own modest way, and there is a lot of love for him from the crowd as he raises his bat.
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112th over: England 433-3 (Cook 198, Malan 64) Malan swipes Chase over mid-off for four. He didn’t quite get hold of it but it had enough on it to clear Cummins. He gets another boundary two balls later with a classy inside-out drive between extra cover and mid-off. That was lovely. These are heady moments in life of Dawid Malan. A few weeks ago he assumed he’d never play Test cricket; now he has a massive chance of a Test hundred.
“I’ll just leave this here...” says Phil Russell.
Heh, it’s a nice idea but it’s not in Root’s nature. They’ll be bowling tonight.
111th over: England 422-3 (Cook 197, Malan 54) Kemar Roach returns, the poor chap, and zips a good delivery past the outside edge of Malan. He has bowled well in this innings and deserves better than a score of 422 for three.
“Dear Rob,” says Alasdair MacDonald. “On the subject of drunkenness at cricket matches, I and a number of London-based friends spent the 1980s getting very, very, drunk at cricket matches. Our nadir, as I can just about recall, was spending the MCC Bicentenary match (a couple of days off thirty years ago) urging Sunil Gavaskar to ‘hit out or get out’ during his masterly 188 in the Rest of the World’s first innings. Times? We’ve ‘ad ‘em (I think)…”
110th over: England 421-3 (Cook 196, Malan 54) The offspinner Roston Chase comes into the attack, or should I say the defence. Cook cuts a single to move to 196; Malan chases a wide one and is beaten.
“An update,” says our weatherman Paul Kavanagh. “The skies are darkening and there are spots of rain on the office windows.”
109th over: England 420-3 (Cook 195, Malan 54) “I’m wfh today and my nine-year-old son Noah wants to know when England should declare?” says Peter Lovell. “I’ve told him you’re my mate so you’ll definitely reply - Don’t let me down. Twilight surely?”
Yeah, either half an hour before or half an hour after tea. I’d set the middle-order musketeers a target of 700 by 7pm, mate.
108th over: England 417-3 (Cook 192, Malan 54) Malan pulls Cummins for two to reach his first Test fifty! Well played youngish man. Whatever happens, that’s in Wisden forever. You can’t become a former Test half-centurion. He’ll fancy his chances of becoming a Test centurion today, and he moves to 54 by pinging a low full toss past backward point for four.
“How uncanny!” says Robert Wilson. “You mean to tell me that adding immoderate amounts of alcohol to large numbers of people tightly packed in a small space provokes a degree disobliging behaviour! What next? Tigers don’t make good domestic pets and plutonium is bad for you? In other news, it’s good to see some much-too-rare Cook-love. He’s a definitive mensch. If you can’t abide Alistair Cook, you are quite simply not having enough fun in showbusiness.”
We're delighted to have @westindies great Winston Davis and @Trotty with us in the PCA office at @edgbaston today pic.twitter.com/62nqfEZqKN
— The PCA (@PCA) August 18, 2017
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107th over: England 408-3 (Cook 189, Malan 48) Joseph overpitches to Malan, who laces a beautiful extra-cover drive for four. He plays that shot with such elegance. That’s the 62nd boundary of the innings. After a good start to the day, West Indies are starting to put the ‘pathetic’ in apathetic once again. Their fielding in particular has been atrocious.
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106th over: England 403-3 (Cook 188, Malan 44) Cook brings up the 400 with a beautiful straight drive for four off Cummins. The words ‘classical’ and ‘Alastair Cook’ don’t go together often, at least not since his choirboy days, but that was straight from the MCC coaching manual.
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105th over: England 397-3 (Cook 183, Malan 44) Too straight again for Joseph, and Malan clips it for four. He is six away from a beautiful, beautiful thing: a first Test fifty. It’s too easy to forget just how much these individual achievements mean, particularly to players at the start of their career.
“Further to Susan Perry’s email (over 103) I was at a Surrey vs Kent T20 last year when two groups started laying into each other at the end of the game,” says Adam Williamson. “Sadly, the stewards clearly had no idea what to do and it was down to the rest of us to placate all concerned. A sad development in the normally genteel world of willow and leather.”
Indeed. In the old days, the only reason anyone went tooled up to the cricket was so they’d have a corkscrew for the Merlot.
104th over: England 390-3 (Cook 182, Malan 39) Cummins is too full and too straight to Cook, who punishes him to the midwicket boundary. A single brings up a century partnership that he has dominated. Cook almost falls to the final ball of the over, checking a cut that loops just over the man at backward point.
“How good (or bad) is the West Indies batting?” says Robin Hazlehurst. “Because resilient and aggressive batting from them combined with iffy weather could keep this match and series live and interesting. But if they bat like they have bowled it could all be a bit cringe-inducing.”
The bowling is their strongest suit. I wouldn’t be surprised if the scorecard was something like this.
Meanwhile, for those who need their TMS fix, here you are.
#ENGvWI
— Test Match Special (@bbctms) August 18, 2017
📻 @5liveSport & @BBCRadio4 LW
💻 https://t.co/hkWFhobwI5
📱 @BBCSport App
🌎 https://t.co/OflNGyho4h
🎥 In-play highlights pic.twitter.com/pweOEk9aoC
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103rd over: England 382-3 (Cook 175, Malan 38) Joseph has found his line after that poor start. He slips a good on past Malan’s outside edge, then brings one back to hit him amidships. Malan has played watchfully and has 38 from 96 balls. Cook has 175 from 313.
“Hi Rob,” says Susan Perry. “I was at Edgbaston yesterday and left early - not to get a train as I was lucky enough to be staying over (in the same hotel as Beefy it turns out). The reason I left was that despite stewards stepping in to stop various altercations, it felt like it was all about to kick off in the Eric Holies Stand and that it might turn into an enormous punch up. Not something I wanted to be anywhere near.”
Crikey, I had no idea it was that extreme. You’d expect this to be a recurring problem with day/night cricket, given that England has a higher percentage of semi-functioning alcoholics than anywhere else in the world.
102nd over: England 379-3 (Cook 175, Malan 37) A good delivery from the new bowler Cummins turns Cook round and takes a very thick edge that goes for a single.
“I also found some of the abuse Cook took quite extraordinary,” says Dave Brown. “One of the greatest batsmen and a wonderful chap. KP criticised him by saying that he tried to be friends with everyone! Is that really such a bad thing? Perhaps KP should have tried it.”
Now now, let’s be nice to Kevin Peter Pietersen. He gave us some of the happier moments of our lives.
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101st over: England 378-3 (Cook 174, Malan 37) Alzarri Joseph replaces Kemar Roach. He starts abysmally, with two leg-stump half-volleys that are put away for four by Cook. It wouldn’t be remotely surprising if Cook made 300 today.
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100th over: England 369-3 (Cook 165, Malan 37) Holder strays onto the hip of Cook, who does the necessary to the fine-leg boundary. It’s been a slow start for England, with 21 runs from the first 10 overs, but that’s fine - by seeing off the new ball, these two are building a perfect platform for the three musketeers in the lower middle-order.
99th over: England 364-3 (Cook 160, Malan 37) Roach shrieks an LBW appeal when Cook flicks around the front pad. Not out. I suspect it was going down, with Roach bowling around the wicket. Replays confirm that was indeed the case.
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98th over: England 363-3 (Cook 159, Malan 37) “Interesting looking at the list of highest runscorers,” says Jonny Wilkins. “Cook is the highest opener on the list (which I image contributes to his lower average). All those above batted No3 or below for most of their career? He also has fewer ducks than most. We will miss him dearly when he does go....”
Yes, he’s scored more Test runs than any other opener (though he had a summer at No3 himself). He’s a beautiful freak. What I like most about him are his dignity and decency. The way he dealt with a never-ending crisis in 2014, and some despicable abuse from posturing non-achievers, was beyond admirable.
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97th over: England 361-3 (Cook 158, Malan 36) Cook has gone into his shell - or, rather, is yet to emerge from his shell today. He is declining to attack anything pitched up because of the new-ball movement; even in the seventh hour of his innings, he has the patience to play the long game. The reverse of that, as Beefy says on Sky, is that Roach hasn’t made him play nearly enough. There is nice shape but his line is too wide.
“One of the virtues of the new mobile usage in Europe rules is that I can listen to the TMS commentary with impunity while travelling at “faster than Holder” pace towards Paris on the TGV,” says Simon Ward. “What’s also good is how the delay is almost equivalent to the appearance of your over by over summaries… Hoping to coincide my time under the Channel with one of these newfangled pauses in the action.”
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96th over: England 361-3 (Cook 158, Malan 36) Holder snaps a fantastic delivery past Malan’s defensive grope. West Indies have been much better this morning, with the newish ball doing enough to make life tricky for the batsmen.
“Hi Rob,” says Tom Atkins. “On the subject of drunken oafish behaviour at Tests, something I’ve wanted to get off my chest for a while now. In 2002 a group of us dressed up as Richie Benaud and went to the Lord’s Test against Sri Lanka. We got leathered on smuggled-in booze and thought we were hilarious. We weren’t, we were a bunch of noisy, obnoxious berks who probably ruined a day out for a lot of the people around us. If anyone reading this was there, I’m really sorry. I can’t see the day-night experiment going well in this country. On the plus side, we got to meet Going For Gold’s Henry Kelly outside the ground; he was as plastered as we were.”
Were you shouting “no-ball!” at Ruchira Perera? I suspect most people have a story of drunken oafishness like yours; I sure do. And it was bloomin’ great. (At the time.)
95th over: England 359-3 (Cook 158, Malan 34) A wide half-volley from Roach is driven emphatically for four by Malan, down on one knee. That was a beautiful stroke. Cook then feels for a good awayswinger, aborting his stroke just before it whistles through to the keeper.
“Someone elsewhere has mentioned that the reason why there were fewer people in the ground last night is that train timetables haven’t been changed,” says Richard O’Hagan, “so for some people the only option was to leave at 8 or they wouldn’t have made it home.”
I thought they didn’t want to be taken home?
94th over: England 354-3 (Cook 158, Malan 29) Cook inside-edges Holder into the leg side for the first run of the day, and then gets a thick edge along the ground for the first boundary of the day.
“After yesterday’s OBO and the comments from colour-blind people, like me, I was keen to see the Channel 5 highlights (memo to your sports desk, the highlights are at midnight, not 7pm - someone forgot to tell the people who do the Big Paper layout),” begins John Starbuck. “There were times when I could infer where the ball was but not actually see it, especially when it went out to the deep, where a fielder picked it up and threw it back. All very like the tennis game towards the end of Blow Up. Maybe it heralds a new kind of Virtual Cricket?”
I’d be like that, especially after the exquisite counter-attacking century I scored in front of the mirror this morning. The pink ball isn’t perfect but, like vegan burgers, non-alcoholic booze and inflatable companions, it’ll improve over time.
93rd over: England 348-3 (Cook 153, Malan 28) Roach continues to tempt Malan with full deliveries angled across him. Malan ignores those, but is hit on the arm when he tries to pull a surprise bouncer later in the over. He was through the shot too early. Another maiden, the third in a row. This is much better from the West Indies.
“PS: They’re not showing the cricket in Australia at the moment because the darts is running late,” says Phil Withall. “This isn’t helping.”
I see Corey Cadby beat Barney. He is going to provide magnificent entertainment in the next few years. I love him. He is absurdly talented, and he could not give a solitary one what anyone thinks.
92nd over: England 348-3 (Cook 153, Malan 28) The captain Jason Holder will start at the other end. He was carrying a few injuries yesterday, and wasn’t as accurate as usual, but he starts here with a good maiden to Cook.
“That ‘Don’t Take Me Home’ song is sooooooo annoying,” says Simon. “Was annoying in the Euros last summer and is still annoying now. Not quite on a par with the Toure chant but it does feel like the crowd is more a footie/darts crowd than cricket.”
The funny thing about that chant is that the majority of people singing it were probably so leathered that they needed somebody to take them home at the close of play.
91st over: England 348-3 (Cook 153, Malan 28) Kemar Roach begins the day’s play, and slips a full-length tempter past Dawid Malan’s attempted drive. Roach is a good bowler; it’s odd that he hasn’t played a Test for 18 months.
“Evening Rob,” says Phil Withall. “I’m not a fan of the whole day/night test thing. It’s nearly 11 at night, I’ve been up since four this morning and will be lucky to see two overs before I fall asleep. I understand the reasoning behind the experiment and that it has probably increased ticket sales for what, more than likely, would have been a tough series to sell. However I will miss a lot of cricket and this is not good for my peace of mind. (Bugger you lot that pay and support it at the ground.)”
After a minute’s silence for the victims of the Barcelona terror attacks, the players get ready for action. It’s a lovely sunny afternoon in Birmingham.
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“Afternoon Rob,” says Matt Potter. “How long do we realistically think Cook has left of his Test career? I’d just love him to knock Ponting off second spot but there’s a fair way left to go!”
This is the list of the highest runscorers in Tests. He’ll almost certainly go past Ricky Ponting, and I think he’ll overtake Sachin Tendulkar as well. He should be able to play for at least another five years, maybe longer; he’s very fit and looks so relaxed since giving up the captaincy. The only problem would be if his eyes go, as can suddenly happen to a batsman in his mid-30s. But I have a feeling he will follow his mentor Graham Gooch and score Test hundreds in his forties.
Make it a Daddy #ENGvWI pic.twitter.com/oM4eBenOHH
— Andrew Miller (@miller_cricket) August 18, 2017
Latest from @bbcweather suggests we'll get a bit of everything.
— Test Match Special (@bbctms) August 18, 2017
Sunny spells, hail, showers, thunderstorms & then longer spells of rain pic.twitter.com/Mja1WstTeA
Possible future statgasm If England win this series 3-0, as most people expect, they will have won more than five Tests in one summer for only the second time in their history. The first was, of course, the summer of Rob Key: 2004, when England won seven out of seven against New Zealand and West Indies.
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Weather watch “Morning Rob,” says Paul Kavanagh. “It feels like the morning. Still not over the jet lag of starting at 2pm. Gorgeous weather after thunder and lightning an hour ago. Looks like we might get some play.”
If the weather holds, England’s plan is simple: bat until just after tea, then give Jimmy Anderson a new pink ball under lights.
The first email of the day
“Am I the only one whose enjoyment of day-night Test cricket was ruined by the incesssant, moronic chanting coming from the stands during the last hour or so yesterday?” says Richard O’Hagan. “There used to be a convention that you at least shut up when the ball was about to be delivered (see footage of Botham’s 5-1 in ‘81, for example), but not any more apparently. It does render the argument over whether Edgbaston should name an end after Ian Bell otiose, though. There were quite enough of those there last night as it was.”
Yeah I thought something similar, and it’ll be worse tonight. It’s a fine line because you want a good atmosphere. I suppose it was harmless enough, but my worry would be that it’s the thin end of the wedge and you end up with a darts crowd. Another concern was how many people left well before the close.
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“Remember when is the lowest form of conversation” - Tony Soprano.
So here’s a piece about when the West Indies were the scariest and most brilliant team in the world. If you’re not into the whole words thing, please click it anyway: the pictures are glorious.
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Preamble
Hello there. At the start of play yesterday, everyone was talking about day/night Test cricket. By the close of play, the conversation had switched to the fact that, when it comes to Test cricket, England and West Indies are like night and day. This wasn’t the mismatch we expected; it was worse.
West Indies’ quick bowling is supposed to be their strength, yet Alastair Cook and Joe Root scored probably the easiest centuries of their international careers. Kemar Roach bowled bloody well at times. The rest, not so much. There were 53 boundaries in the day, which is more than England have scored in many full Test matches against West Indies. And not just in 20th century.
In the last hour, the Windies went from the supine to the ridiculous. They waited all day for the last 10 overs, when the second new ball was going to do all sorts under lights, and then spent those precious overs killing time. The day finished with two offspinners using the new ball. West Indies didn’t even look a gift horse in the mouth. They started inspecting the wrong bloody horse!
England will resume on 348 for three, with Cook on 153 and Dawid Malan on 28. It’s a big day for Malan. If he gets his eye in this afternoon, he has a great chance of a first Test fifty and a decent one of a first Test hundred. Cook is odds-on to get a fourth double-century, and might even threaten the record for the highest score in a Test at Edgbaston: 294, made by Alastair Nathan Cook against India in 2011.
Here’s Vic Marks’ report from the first day’s play:
Here’s Ali Martin on Joe Root:
And here’s Andy Bull describing all the fun of the day-night fair:
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