Report and reaction
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43rd over: South Africa 126-8 (Bavuma 34, Morkel 2) The light has dimmed again, so TRJ makes way for Moeen Ali. Bavuma keeps him out, and helps himself to a couple: his spirit has given his team a chance of avoiding the follow-on. And that’s stumps.
It’s been a day of high drama. Ben Stokes was immense, but he had the show stolen from him by a dream debut from Toby Roland-Jones, who destroyed the South African top four with some classic English seam bowling on a juicy surface. The other seamers chipped in, and the consequence was that England’s batsmen looked even better for battling their way to 350.
One last email, from Sachin Paul. “Welcome back Mr. Third seamer, you have been sorely missed from the England team of 8. Now if you can, please find the other missing members - the other opener and the number 3. I think more than TRJ, it is Anderson and Broad who are happy with that performance. Been playing with a dummy third seamer since Finn’s slump. The last Test I remember them having a third seamer is in Durban 2015.” Thanks for this, all the other emails and tweets, and sorry not to be able to use more of them – there was just too much happening.
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42nd over: South Africa 124-8 (Bavuma 32, Morkel 2) Broad thinks he’s got Morkel LBW – but he would, wouldn’t he, and it hit Morkel above the knee-roll, which is like hitting Bavuma on the helmet.
Another email from Andrew Benton. “The new photo begs the question - what are those trousers made of? They’re horribly transparent. Ugh.”
41st over: South Africa 124-8 (Bavuma 32, Morkel 2) TRJ is still getting lift and movement, but the magic just isn’t there. Curiously, Root has only two slips and a gully: Steve Waugh would have had a ring of nine.
40th over: South Africa 123-8 (Bavuma 32, Morkel 1) So another bowling change does the trick. Joe Root’s captaincy has hurtled into its third phase: after the difficult second album, he’s back at No.1. Bavuma, sensing that the innings is on borrowed time, thwacks a couple of fours.
John Starbuck isn’t going to let James Galea (37th over) have the last word. “So far as I know,” says Starbers, “there’s no sex at all in ‘Transformers’, which is why I’ve never bothered with it. There’s plenty of weird amour in ‘Barbarella’, though. Mind you, about the Megatron, I may have been unconsciously coupling the Matmoss and the Positronic Ray.” Something tells me The Guardian didn’t get correspondence like this in Neville Cardus’s day.
WICKET! Rabada b Broad 30 (SA 114-8)
Root sends for Broad, who produces the peach of all peaches – angled in from round the wicket, pitching off, hitting off, and far too good for Rabada. End of a sparky partnership.
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39th over: South Africa 114-7 (Bavuma 24, Rabada 30) An edged boundary for each batsman off Roland-Jones, and that’s the 50 partnership. A fine effort, but have the gods now decided that TRJ has had enough good fortune?
38th over: South Africa 103-7 (Bavuma 19, Rabada 24) Stokes tries a yorker and almost does to Rabada what Rabada did to Malan yesterday. It’s now windy, as well as damp and dark: welcome to England at the height of summer.
37th over: South Africa 100-7 (Bavuma 19, Rabada 21) Roland-Jones returns, a little sheepishly – half yeoman, half superstar. Rabada tries to leave a loosener, fails, and nicks it for four. A single brings up the hundred, which prompts some rueful cheers from the SA fans.
An email about Megatron (35th over). “Is not from Barbarella, as any fule kno, he’s the leader of the evil Deceptions in Transformers. Yours in shame, James Galea.”
36th over: South Africa 95-7 (Bavuma 19, Rabada 16) After batting in the gloaming, these two have their eyes in, and they keep Stokes out with no alarms. We need a bit of TRJ, and he’s limbering up.
35th over: South Africa 94-7 (Bavuma 19, Rabada 15) Moeen continues, bowling nice and slowly, but the batsmen can cope. “Definitely has got lighter out there,” says Shaun Pollock.
An email from our old pal John Starbuck. “I now know that the umpire’s light meter is made by an outfit called Megatron. Sounds like something out of Barbarella.”
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34th over: South Africa 90-7 (Bavuma 17, Rabada 13) A couple of singles off Root. These two have quietly added 29, which speaks well of their temperaments.
An email from Tom Callaghan. “I was just wondering about those scars that du Plessis said SA had opened up in the England side. Perhaps SA are mortally wounded now?”
And one from Nick Lezard. “Forgive me if this has been asked already, but when was the last time we had a sporting hero called Toby?”
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33rd over: South Africa 88-7 (Bavuma 16, Rabada 12) Moeen almost gets one through Rabada’s rather ambitious cut shot.
And here’s an email that is more of an SOS. “My name’s Matt, I’m at the test and I’m supposed to meet my wife for dinner and she’s coming into london from 60 miles away. However no one seems to know if this can finish at 6:30, 7:00 or even 7:30. There’s no way I’m leaving this before the finish, but you could help me smooth my marriage by helping me manage expectations?” As Mike Atherton noted earlier, it’s hard to say. But what I can say is that it’s already been a memorable day, so get thee to thy wife, right now.
32nd over: South Africa 84-7 (Bavuma 15, Rabada 11) Joe Root brings himself on, for the first time, but only to stop the batsmen being offered the light. Or maybe it’s to make Moeen feel that he’s still the second spinner.
An email arrives from Harry Coleman. “Hi Tim and learned followers of the OBO!” Hi! “It’s an oversight on my part that I haven’t been regularly keeping up with the exploits of the English national cricket team, or cricket in general for the last few years.” Shocking. “Reading the OBO for the last three tests has resolutely changed that.” Ah. “My Dad once said that the best sports journalism in America came from the baseball writers. He made the point so as to hold the writers covering our own batted game in the same regard. I understand what he meant. My ‘main’ sport is rugby, but... it just isn’t cricket (journalism). Cheers to you, Harry (in Amsterdam).” Cheers to you too, Harry.
31st over: South Africa 81-7 (Bavuma 14, Rabada 9) Rabada shapes to flick Stokes to square leg – and succeeds in scoring four in the exact opposite direction, thanks to an extarvagant leading edge. In other circumstances, Stokes would be incandescent.
A tweet from Sumit Rahman. “Re those overthrows by debutant TRJ – if we lose by 3 runs, I insist the young lad gets dropped immediately to learn his craft.”
30th over: South Africa 76-7 (Bavuma 13, Rabada 5) Anderson, like a teenager stuck with the kids at a family gathering, keeps on asking questions that are too deep for Rabada. Root, suddenly sensing that anything could happen with Stokes in charge, comes trotting back on to the field.
29th over: South Africa 75-7 (Bavuma 13, Rabada 5) Rabada, perhaps feeling that he and Stokes need something to talk about, cover-drives for four. But Stokes has other fish to fry: he’s now the captain, as Root is off the field.
28th over: South Africa 68-7 (Bavuma 10, Rabada 1) Rabada does his best to fall to Anderson, but he’s just not good enough.
An email comes in from Emma Hartfield. “My lovely friends bought me tickets to the Oval on Sunday for my 40th birthday present. I’m worried whether I’ll get to use them. What does TRJ think he’s playing at?!
“Btw,” she continues, “you kindly gave me work experience at Wisden very many moons ago. I am now an Editor (although sadly not a cricket one), so belated thanks.” Pleasure. “I owe the years of low pay and frequent redundancies all to you!” Nice one. But can I have some credit for your dry turn of phrase too?
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27th over: South Africa 68-7 (Bavuma 10, Rabada 1) Bavuma, the boy stood on the burning deck, doubles his score yet again with an elegant cover drive off Stokes. At this rate, he’ll have 256 by the close. But then he goes and spoils it with a tuck for two. Mike Atherton makes admiring noises about his calmness – takes one to know one.
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WICKET! Maharaj c Cook b Stokes 5 (SA 61-7)
After a brief lull, the collapse resumes with Maharaj wafting to first slip.
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26th over: South Africa 61-6 (Bavuma 4, Maharaj 5) Bavuma may be warming to the task: he doubles his score again with a push into the covers, his best shot yet.
An email from George Rogers in Cardiff. “I’m practically grinning from ear to ear. I’ve known about Toby for what seems like a lifetime. As an avid purchaser of every iteration of the game series Cricket Captain, he has shown up as one of County Cricket’s most effective operators for years. I kept expecting him to be a name which translated to reality. But year after year, his County average would remain fantastic and his name would never feature in International selection debates. Even the game, which clearly rated him as a spectacular bowler in its partially hidden skill categories, seemed to have it in for his test career. No matter how many times I picked him, he’d never establish himself as a reliable option. Making use of the ‘Can’t translate to test cricket’ function the game has clearly possessed since needing to reflect the qualities of Graeme Hick. So I’m utterly delighted to see him triumph so decisively on his debut. Perhaps it won’t last. But what a moment. What a vindication of persistent excellence and perseverance. I’ve long suspected the English setup has been loath to select those unwilling or unable to add the requisite ‘Yard of pace’ to their bowling, but as we’ve seen time and time again, there’s no substitute for being a Master of one’s craft.”
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25th over: South Africa 59-6 (Bavuma 2, Maharaj 5) If South Africa are going to salvage some respectability from the ruins of this innings, Bavuma will have to get some runs. As he goes from 1 to 2 with an inside-edge off Stokes, it’s not easy to see it happening.
24th over: South Africa 56-6 (Bavuma 1, Maharaj 5) Maharaj starts, naturally, with a play-and-miss, and then takes a quick single which Roland-Jones turns into five by shying at the stumps. He has an electric effect on everything at the moment.
“We’re hearing, says Mike Atherton, “that Vernon Philander won’t bat today.” Hope it’s nothing too serious.
WICKET! Morris c & b Anderson 2 (SA 51-6)
The pressure tells as Morris chips a drive back to Anderson, who is a fine fielder as well as a near-legendary bowler.
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23rd over: South Africa 51-5 (Bavuma 1, Morris 2) TRJ goes off for a well-earned rest and on comes the man whose place in the headlines he just stole – Stokes. Bavuma lives dangerously, taking a lifter on the glove, and that’s another maiden. Apart from anything else, England have been highly economical.
“I know what you mean,” says David Brown, “about Anderson needing to bowl a little worse. If there were a stat for how many balls beat the bat, I’m sure he would be up there with the greatest fast bowlers. I always thought he should shorten his run and bowl a little slower when he’s continually beating the edge.” Yes – go down to Philander’s pace, maybe.
22nd over: South Africa 51-5 (Bavuma 1, Morris 2) Anderson again proves too good for Morris, who is wafting at air but at least protecting Bavuma. One of the balls passing the bat scoots through low, which might lead Root not to enforce the follow-on if he gets the choice.
21st over: South Africa 51-5 (Bavuma 1, Morris 2) To the plays-and-misses, the batsmen are now adding panicky singles, but they get through an over from Roland-Jones without a wicket, which counts as a tiny triumph.
“Hello fellow Tim.” Hello Tim Sanders. “Can I pick up the baton from Stephen Cooper (4th over)?” You may. “I was at the second day of the 1973 Oval Test v the West Indies. As he says, the first day belonged to Clive Lloyd, who was LBW to Geoff Arnold from the first ball the next morning - it looked plumb even from long-leg. I was delighted as an Essex boy to see Keith Boyce, an undervalued and insufficiently remembered cricketer, hit a very quick 72 including a massive straight six off Tony Greig. Like Stephen, I can say I saw Garry Sobers on his last tour of England.
“My dad was with me that day, he took me everywhere around London and Essex to play and watch cricket. He died just last week, and it’s lovely to have the OBO helping to jog this memory.” Ah, very sorry to hear it. “Now, can we find anyone who was there on day three?”
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20th over: South Africa 49-5 (Bavuma 0, Morris 1) Anderson, who lives for conditions like these, elicits another play-and-miss from Morris, and another. If he wants a second wicket, he needs to bowl a little worse.
19th over: South Africa 49-5 (Bavuma 0, Morris 1) Morris keeps TRJ at bay, helped by an air shot. England’s lead, by the way, is still over 300, so the follow-on will be a possibility for some time.
An email from Brian Whittington. “What a bloody marvellous game this Test cricket is? I think others have more eloquently described the ebb and narrative flow over the course of a session, match and series. DRS adds another twist to the mix of this most multi-faceted of team sports. I shall lie down now.” Yes, DRS + TRJ = OMG.
18th over: South Africa 48-5 (Bavuma 0, Morris 1) So Anderson joins the party and cruelly shatters Roland-Jones’s dreams of taking all ten. Morris, looking more confident than anyone has since Elgar, gets off the mark with a push to third man.
WICKET! du Plessis LBW b Anderson 1 (SA 47-5)
It was hitting the bails. So the minute Anderson is recalled from a rather puzzling exile, he gets a wicket. And SA have no reviews left, and not many batters, as Philander is in hospital, having tests on his upset stomach.
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REVIEW! du Plessis LBW b Anderson 1?
Looks out...
17th over: South Africa 47-4 (du Plessis 1, Bavuma 0) First TRJ took out both openers. Then he took out both of SA’s best batsmen. And now he has a big appeal against Bavuma, first ball, for LBW, but it was probably missing leg. This is like watching Angus Fraser, Roland-Jones’s boss and mentor, at his very best. Riveting stuff.
WICKET! de Kock c Stokes b Roland-Jones 17 (SA 47-4)
And it’s another one for TRJ, who persuades de Kock to slash to gully. TRJ has 4 for 20. He looks so grounded, but he must be in dreamland.
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16th over: South Africa 44-3 (de Kock 15, du Plessis 0) A maiden from Broad to de Kock, mainly consisting of innocuous deliveries angled towards the slips.
“All the readers writing in about previous Oval tests,” mutters Matthew Doherty. “This one seems weather-wise more like 1986 vs New Zealand.” Ah yes, the one when Ian Botham came back from a drugs ban to break the world Test wickets record and Graham Gooch allegedly said, “Who writes your scripts?” Answer: the same person who is now writing Roland-Jones’s.
15th over: South Africa 44-3 (de Kock 15, du Plessis 0) de Kock leg-glances Roland-Jones for four, before taking yet another straightish delivery on the pad. England appeal and think about reviewing, but it pitched outside leg; de Kock, who has a fine temperament, then plays a straight drive for four.
An email from Mick Collins. “How easy is Test cricket, thinks Toby Roland-Jones, as he wonders how it will feel to take all 10 in this innings.”
14th over: South Africa 35-3 (de Kock 6, du Plessis 0) A good shot, for a change, as de Kock cuts Broad for four. Time for Anderson, surely.
13th over: South Africa 30-3 (de Kock 1, du Plessis 0) Roland-Jones has yet another appeal, for LBW against de Kock, but it’s both too high and pitching outside leg, so not even England review it. Then de Kock decides it’s time he got off the mark, and tucks a single off his pads. Amal pushes into the covers again, in a bid to wreck TRJ’s figures – which rather backfires when TRJ gets him with a wicked lifter.
An email arrives from Jeremy Bunting. “Hi Tim, I hope I find you well.” You do, Jeremy. “In response to Matt Potter’s wise comments regarding Freddie, my best advice would be, ‘Stokes. Don’t get in a Pedalo when you are drunk.’”
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WICKET! Amla c Barstow b Roland-Jones 6 (SA 30-3)
Another one for TRJ! A snorter, which only a good player would get a touch to. Amla is a good player. TRJ has 3 for 8. This is like Ian Botham’s debut, 40 years ago today.
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12th over: South Africa 27-2 (Amla 4, de Kock 0) It’s still Broad, which may be making Anderson wonder what he has done to irritate Root. Amla gets off the mark with a classy cover push for four – a gentle reminder that last time he played a Test here, he made 311 not out.
11th over: South Africa 23-2 (Amla 0, de Kock 0) A wicket-maiden for Roland-Jones, who now has a Test bowling average of 2.5 – and more wickets in three overs than the man he replaced, Mark Wood, managed in two Tests. South Africa’s two best players are at the crease already, both on 0, which is tough on de Kock, so soon after a long stint behind the stumps.
WICKET!? Kuhn LBW b Roland-Jones 15 (SA 23-2)
The story book is doing its stuff. TRJ pins Kuhn back and, after a nailbiter over whether it was a no-ball, he gets the thumbs-up from the third umpire. TRJ has 2 for 5. Piece of cake.
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10th over: South Africa 23-1 (Kuhn 15, Amla 0) Kuhn square-drives for four off Broad, who then comes close to disturbing Amla’s off stump with a big inswinger. Broad is either going to get a hatful of wickets here, or he’s going to get acutely frustrated.
Neville, on Twitter, joins the conversation about Stokes. “Not sure how Flintoff’s figures stack up, but his brilliance was doing it at key times. Stokes will be judged on that in the end.” Very true.
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9th over: South Africa 18-1 (Kuhn 10, Amla 0) That’s a superb over from Roland-Jones, who very nearly had wickets off successive balls, separated only by a sandwich and a cup of English breakfast.
Not out!
Umpire’s call, even though it was hitting the leg bail. Well bowled, but not so well reviewed.
Review! For LBW against Amla
It’s TRJ again. Could be story-book stuff...
An Oval memory from Mark Burgess, who is probably not the former New Zealand captain. “Was at the Oval on the Saturday in 1994. Devon Malcolm was magnificent, and as the wickets began to fall he seemed to be gliding in rather than running. There was something close to delirium, even my mother was jumping up and down.” Ah, those mum-related memories. Mine used to take my brother Charlie and me to Trent Bridge, and she would sit there with the Basildon Bond, catching up on her correspondence. May explain why Charlie and I became cricket writers.
A plea from my colleague Tom Davies. “Tim, could you plug The Recap at some point?” Of course. Here goes, with apologies for the old-school link: https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/may/15/the-recap-sign-up-for-the-best-of-the-guardians-sport-coverage
Lots of chat about Stokes’s all-round stats, but let’s not neglect Roland-Jones’s. He has a Test average of 25 with the bat and 5 with the ball. That’s what you get by mixing beginner’s luck with an old pro’s know-how.
WICKET! Elgar c Bairstow b Roland-Jones 8 (SA 18-1)
Roland-Jones’s first Test wicket is a classic seamer’s dismissal, taking the edge, nestling in the keeper’s gloves – and even better, using up a review. TRJ was smiling when he hit that six earlier, and he’s smiling even more broadly now as he heads for his cup of tea. England have their noses in front, and Joe Root can congratulate himself on bringing Roland-Jones on, when most captains would have waited.
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Review! Elgar caught behind?
Off Roland-Jones, whose celebrations are in the hands of the ump. Looks out.
8th over: South Africa 18-0 (Elgar 8, Kuhn 10) Broad is running in hard and grunting, a sure sign that he can smell a wicket. He gets a jaffa past Elgar, swinging it late and beating a tentative bat. Shane Warne calls tea, but he’s jumped the gun. “Hours of play,” says Mike Atherton, generously, “are all over the place.”
7th over: South Africa 17-0 (Elgar 7, Kuhn 10) An early bowling change: Anderson comes off, which may be a Brearley-style ploy to fire him up, and Toby Roland-Jones gets his first go with the ball in Tests, following a cracking start with the bat. He hits the spot straight away and almost persuades Elgar to waft to Westley at a deepish gully. Then he blots his copybook with a long-hop, which Kuhn cuts for four. We have a Toby bowling to a Heino: if only Fred Trueman were here to give us his thoughts on the matter.
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6th over: South Africa 12-0 (Elgar 6, Kuhn 6) Kuhn sees Elgar’s crabby nudge for four and decides he can do that too. Broad then thinks he’s strangled Kuhn down the leg side, but the umpire isn’t interested and Root, who knows Broad is a dodgy reviewer, opts not to indulge him this time.
Meanwhile, everybody’s thinking about Stokes. “What will it take for Stokes to become a better allrounder than Flintoff was, in terms of his peak?” wonders Matt Potter. “Does he simply need to take more wickets? Is his batting already as good as/better than Freddie’s? Or does he need more consistency?”
5th over: South Africa 8-0 (Elgar 6, Kuhn 2) Elgar nudges Anderson for four off his pads. He’s always ungainly, and sometimes highly effective.
And here’s Tom Bowtell. “Rob mentioned Stokes’ figures (34 with both bat and ball), not quite living up to his ability, so where can/should we expect him to end up? A Tony Greigish 40 and 32?” Good questions. “Since the start of 2016 he’s averaging a world-class 44 with bat and 27 with ball, but this does include that slightly ridiculous 258.”
4th over: South Africa 3-0 (Elgar 2, Kuhn 1) Broad induces the first false stroke of the innings, from Dean Elgar, who chases a wide full one in a way that leaves Broad with plenty to say. Next ball, same again.
Stephen Cooper is back for more. “Having mentioned passing on my 1994 Oval ticket to a friend earlier today, I should say that I still have strong memories of my first ever Test, the first day against the West Indies in 1973. I’d been invited to take up a spare ticket by an Indian friend who loved her cricket, and who insisted that I get to see Garry Sobers in action. Clive Lloyd was the star that day but it was a terrific atmosphere, with a lot of West Indian fans in the crowd and a very Caribbean atmosphere as a consequence.
“Went to the Lord’s Test later that tour, where Sobers was hammering the ball round the ground. The West Indies’ 652 for 8 declared at that match utterly destroyed England.”
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3rd over: South Africa 3-0 (Elgar 2, Kuhn 1) Anderson asks a few questions, and Kuhn decides the answer is an old-school forward defensive, and the odd decisive leave.
“Afternoon Tim.” Afternoon Simon McMahon. “Cameo have always had a good name in my eyes. She’s Strange is one of the great soul/funk albums. Let’s see if Anderson and Broad can get a groove on with the new ball.”
2nd over: South Africa 3-0 (Elgar 2, Kuhn 1) Stuart Broad goes round the wicket to Dean Elgar, searching for some of that old Flintoff-to-Gilchrist magic. He finds the shape away instantly, and gradually adds the accuracy, but Elgar keeps him out.
“Stokes,” says another email, from Toby Sims. “I’m a huge fan of him as a player - I’m musing whether this was his most complete innings. It’s almost like he had a point to prove to himself, to go with his comments earlier this week. To have that amount of ballistics in the tank when Anderson came in shows a lot of mental strength, in my opinion. Couldn’t agree more with Jonathan Salisbury, you know what Freddie was like after the high of a good innings...
“Great OBO coverage by the way!” Thanks – the credit is nearly all Rob’s.
1st over: South Africa 3-0 (Elgar 2, Kuhn 1) Jimmy Anderson, still glowing from his crowd-pleasing 1*, opens the proceedings in conditions that should be made for him – clouds overhead, runs in the bank, Duke ball swinging. But he offers no immediate threat, and the openers help themselves to three singles. In the crowd, the cameras alight on a young woman in a leather jacket who, on closer inspection, turns out to be a World Cup-winning England captain: Heather Knight.
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England had to bat for a decent length of time, and they did – more overs in one innings than they managed in two at Trent Bridge. More than that, they managed to find a balance between the demands of Test cricket and their natural urge to have a go. Cook set the tone, Stokes showed maturity, and Joe Root, Tom Westley, Jonny Bairstow and Toby Roland-Jones all chipped in: between them, they could give a cameo a good name.
“Stokes,” says the subject line of an email from Jonathan Salisbury, which continues, in its entirety: “Give him the new ball.”
WICKET! England 353 all out (Stokes c Rabada b Morkel 112)
Stokes plays one mow too many, but that is a memorable vice-captain’s innings, to go with a classic ex-captain’s innings from Alastair Cook.
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103rd over: England 351-9 (Stokes 110, Anderson 1) Anderson’s first run gets almost as big a cheer as Stokes’s 100th. Only in England. And the 350 has been reached, which is a handy morale boost for England, and a much-needed dose of self-respect after the debacle at Trent Bridge.
“Toby-Roland-Jones would do well here in Turkey,” says Rob Lewis. “His name fits the rule of vowel harmony, which means that you have the same sound in the vowels of both first name and surname. Of course poor old Vernon Philander would appreciate some harmony in his own vowels this week.” As runs puns go, that’s a good one.
102nd over: England 349-9 (Stokes 109, Anderson 0) Stokes adds a third successive six, just for a laugh – whereupon Maharaj hits back with a couple of wily near-wides. It’s been a fascinating innings from Stokes, alternately dour and expansive.
HUNDRED! For Stokes
Stokes gets to 97 with a six! And then to 103 with six more!! Sensational stuff. The first one needed a hand from du Plessis, who caught it but fell on to the rope. The second was immaculate.
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101st over: England 331-9 (Stokes 91, Anderson 0) So Rabada sees off Broad, and Anderson sees out the over. Over to you, Ben.
WICKET! Broad c Amla b Rabada 3 (England 331-9)
The commentators have just been showing how Broad can now fend off the short stuff, but then gets out to the one that’s pitched up. And so it comes to pass, with a tame snick to first slip. Can Jimmy Anderson see Stokes to his hundred?
100th over: England 329-8 (Stokes 90, Broad 2) Broad survives an appeal from Maharaj and takes a single. And Stokes smites a six! Walloped over mid-on, and dropped by the bloke in the crowd with a navy sweatshirt and thick specs.
Afternoon everyone and thanks Rob. That man is a hard act to follow but an easy act to work with. I’ve been reading him with pleasure today, waiting for my turn. It’s a bit like having an exam in the afternoon – in your favourite subject.
That’s drinks. The great Tim de Lisle will be with you for the rest of the day. You can email him on tim.delisle.casual@theguardian.com or tweet @TimdeLisle.
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99th over: England 322-8 (Stokes 84, Broad 1) Stokes does go into one-day mode - but only the middle overs of an ODI, with a no-risk single off Rabada’s first ball. That’s not quite what I was expecting. He gets back on strike for the last delivery and hooks it round the corner for four. It’s a reflection of how devastating Stokes can be that he’s made a cautious 85 from 140 balls. A barnstorming 85 from Chris Tavare would have taken 240 balls.
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98th over: England 316-8 (Stokes 79, Broad 0) Stokes has scored 22 from his last 59 deliveries. I suspect he’ll go into one-day/Cape Town Test mode now that we are down to the tail. Broad is dangerous but he’s not somebody you’d trust to hang around while you get to your century in singles.
WICKET! England 316-8 (Roland-Jones b Maharaj 25)
I doubt Faf du Plessis wanted to go to spin after only 17 overs with the new ball, but Philander’s dodgy tummy and Morris’s dodgy radar have given him no choice. And the change has worked straight away. Maharaj skids one on to trap Roland-Jones LBW and end a jaunty debut innings of 25 from 25 balls. He discussed a review with Stokes, who gave him the honest answer: it was plumb.
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97th over: England 315-7 (Stokes 77, Roland-Jones 25) Rabada replaces the weary, wonderful Morkel. Roland-Jones does very well to dig out a blistering yorker; the next ball is the bouncer, and Roland-Jones clouts it for four! He has raced merrily to 25 from 24 balls.
“Afternoon Smyth,” says Neil Taylor. “Very much enjoying the memories being offered up today. My first two cricketing experiences were being taken by my grandfather to see Notts/Sussex and seeing Tim Robinson just wandering round the ground. I couldn’t believe a star like him would be just sauntering by! My second experience was sitting in the front row of the Pavilion at the Oval. I vividly remember Robin Smith walking past me to bat and thinking his forearms were bigger than my thighs!”
96th over: England 310-7 (Stokes 77, Roland-Jones 21) Morris swings a full-length delivery onto the pads of Stokes, who flicks him round the corner for four. Roland-Jones then flicks crisply to the square-leg boundary and top-edges a pulls for six to make it 17 from the over. Morris is
haemmorhaging
WHY CAN’T I SPELL THAT BLOODY WORD haemorrhaging runs.
“I hear Philander unlikely to return to the field today,” says Patrick Brennan, trying not to giggle as he lovingly lines up his pay-off. “Not to worry SA, when you bat, he’s sure to get the runs.”
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95th over: England 293-7 (Stokes 70, Roland-Jones 11) Roland-Jones demonstrates his batting ability with a confident drive for four off Morkel. South Africa seem to be focussing only on dismissing Roland-Jones, which is surely a mistake. If he was the No11 I’d get it but he’s the No9, and a good one.
“Hi Rob, long time listener, first time caller,” says Colin Walker. “Can I do the customary shameless charity fundraiser plug? I’m doing the RideLondon event this weekend for War Child, who work with children whose lives have been torn apart by conflict. To make it interesting, I’m doing it on a fat bike – basically built with five inch tires for use on snow and sand, certainly not tarmac. I hope the certainty of pain and misery might encourage some OBOers to take pity and make a small contribution. Many thanks!”
But will you have a couple of pints beforehand, like Harold Larwood? If you’d like to sponsor Colin, and it’s a better cause than the one you were planning to spend a tenner on tonight, you can do so here.
94th over: England 289-7 (Stokes 70, Roland-Jones 7) Morris replaces Rabada (22-4-70-2). Stokes tries to pull, is beaten for pace and ends up lobbing a single towards mid-off off the toe end of the bat. Roland-Jones then tucks a loose delivery for fine leg for his first boundary in Test cricket. Morris has been loose in this game, as figures of 16-1-74-1 would suggest.
“Hi Rob,” says Stephen Cooper. “The offer yesterday from Simon Thomas of spare tickets for today reminded me of August 1994, when I had a ticket for the Oval but was unwell and travelling down from Norwich felt beyond me. On the off-chance, I posted the ticket down to a friend in Cambridge, one Ian Alister. Ian didn’t quite make the start of play, but joined my friends and what a day he had. That was the day Devon Malcolm took 9 for 57 against South Africa! I’ve a feeling that was Ian’s first experience of live test cricket and it scarcely comes better than that, does it?”
93rd over: England 283-7 (Stokes 69, Roland-Jones 2) Stokes hasn’t hit a boundary in ages. What does he think this is, a Champions Trophy semi-final? I jest; he has played a smart, admirably disciplined innings - and he’s still scoring at a strike rate of 54.
“I only had the pleasure of seeing Sylvester Clarke once,” says Kevin Ryan. “Surrey v Kent late afternoon. Sylvester opens the bowling with a loosener which pitched halfway down the pitch and cleared Jack Richards who must have been standing at least 30 yards back. A memory that has stuck with me was the sight of certain Kent batsmen pacing up and down in their quarters like expectant fathers and at least one who shall remain nameless puffing furiously on a fag. All awaiting their unfortunate and predictable fate.”
92nd over: England 282-7 (Stokes 68, Roland-Jones 2) Rabada again surprises his mate Stokes with a bit of extra bounce. Stokes has been largely strokeless since around midday, scoring 11 from his last 47 deliveries.
“Thanks for opening up the ‘Bowlers who didn’t play many Tests’ rabbit hole!” says Elliot Carr-Barnsley “Colin Croft must be up there, only 27 Tests, yielding 122 wickets at 23, including a 9-for. Bruce Reid, 27 matches, 113 at 24. Let us not forget Mohammed Asif either, what he might have become. 106 scalps in 23 matches at 24. And Michael Bevan. Yes. 18 tests, 29 wickets at 24 at a strike rate of 44 including a ten-for.”
Despite the 1990-91 Ashes, I had never realised quite how good Bruce Reid was until I read this fine piece from Dan Brettig a few years back. Imagine if they’d had Reid and McDermott in 1989 and 1993. We might have lost both series 6-0!
91st over: England 279-7 (Stokes 68, Roland-Jones 0) The debutant Toby Roland-Jones is a useful batsman. He has a first-class hundred and made 37 not out against South Africa on his ODI debut. Moeen might be unlucky to have been given out. Mike Atherton has pointed out that the spike on Ultra Edge may well have been bat on pad, rather than inside edge on ball, and that it’s debatable whether there was definitive evidence to overturn the decision. Oh well, it’s done now.
“Just to clarify,” says Tom Hopkins. what are the circumstances when human beings wouldn’t choose to postpone the moment of performance?”
When they are born in Australia?
WICKET! England 279-7 (Moeen Ali c de Kock b Morkel 16)
Moeen has gone! He inside-edged Morkel onto the pad, with the ball deflecting through to de Kock. Ultra Edge did the necessary, and the original on-field decision was overturned.
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REVIEW! 90.3 overs: England 279-6 (Stokes 68, Moeen 16) Morkel, from around the wicket, rips one back to hit Moeen in the locale of the unmentionables. It has the desired effect: Moeen is beaten, his feet stuck in cement, and then there’s a review from South Africa. I’m not sure whether this is for LBW or caught behind. I suspect it’s for both. I think he might be out here.
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90th over: England 279-6 (Stokes 68, Moeen 16) Rabada has got some sharp lift today, and that’s another example: a delivery that surprises Stokes, who had shaped to attack, and hits high on the bat before dribbling into the off side for a single. Rabada is barely 22 yet bowls with such wisdom.
“I’ve just finished your piece on Duncan Spencer and went looking in vain for clips of him bowling on the WACA pitch,” says Eamonn Maloney. “Channel 9 used to broadcast Shield games and I vaguely remember Spencer roughing up 9 alumnus James Brayshaw, a Redback batsman of Gowerian elegance whose post-cricket career has at times seemed exclusively dedicated to destroying the reserves of admiration his batting built up, in me at least.”
I saw him a few times at Kent but would love to have seen him on the Perth trampoline. Apparently his pace was volcanic against England A in 1992-93. There isn’t much of him on YouTube, though it does have highlights of that famous contest with Viv in 1993. I’d be surprised if he didn’t bowl 100mph at times.
89th over: England 275-6 (Stokes 66, Moeen 14) There’s a bit of mizzle at the Oval. When does mizzle become drizzle? Or is mizzle drizzle? Can you measure it with data, like a batting average, or do you have to trust your expert eye? Another quiet over from Morkel to the hitherto watchful pair of Stokes and Moeen. The possibility of going off for rain in the next few minutes gives England even more incentive to dig in. Preserve your wickets; they’re all that’s left you.
“Are we still doing Sylvester Clarke stories?” says Phil Harison. “My friend Neil - who was an average club batsman at best - faced him in the Lancashire League. He said the first ball hit him on the thigh without him having been aware of Clarke having let go of it. They scrambled a painful leg-bye and Neil chipped one up in the air at the other end rather than face him again. When he got back to the pavilion, he discovered the the whole top half of his left leg had gone purple. The Lancashire Leagues sound nuts - clubbies facing Test bowlers without helmets. How did no one die?”
There’s a great story about when David Gower was Leicestershire captain, and they needed 20-odd to avoid the follow-on. Clarke took the ninth wicket, at which point Les Taylor – the rabbit of all rabbits – walked to the crease. Before Taylor faced his first ball Gower had a moment of clarity and declared. When asked what the eff he was doing, he said: “I just can’t do it.”
88th over: England 274-6 (Stokes 65, Moeen 14) Philander is still off the field with a bad stomach, perhaps refusing to move from his seat for something other than superstitious reasons. That gives England an even greater incentive to see off these two and go after Morris, who has had a poor game so far, and Maharaj, who is good but not as threatening as the others on day two. At the moment that’s what they are doing, which has made for a low-key start to the afternoon session.
“So,” says Andrew Benton, “if not Stokes, Moeen and Bairstow, which three all-rounders would you have in their places, Rob?”
Three all-rounders is too many unless they are world-class. I’d have Stokes, the keeper-batsman at No7 (Bairstow, or Buttler with Bairstow at No5) and the best spin bowler in England, whoever that may be.
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87th over: England 270-6 (Stokes 64, Moeen 11) Morkel starts after lunch with an uneventful over to Moeen. In an ideal world Moeen would bat at No7 - he is far too good to be at No8 - but England need all the extra batting they can get at the moment.
“Why do batsmen “play for lunch” (or tea, or bad light) when a wicket is frequently lost at the resumption of play?” says Tone White. “Habit?”
Mike Brearley put this beautifully: human beings will almost always postpone the moment of performance when possible.
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Ach! I posted the wrong link for the Dan Lucas fundraiser early. Thanks to Huw Swanborough for pointing it out. Here’s the correct link.
“Hi Rob,” says Gareth Wilson. “Really interested by your comment on Bairstow’s propensity to make nothing scores, so I statsguru’d a little, and found this. If you take a nothing score for a batsman to be between 20 and 49 (maybe harsh), then Bairstow hits this in 36 per cent of his innings. Root’s figures is 21 per cent, Cook 26, Alec Stewart 30 and Gilchrist 27.
“Interestingly, or not, Bairstow’s average in those innings is almost identical to his career average (40.27 v 40.51), and Stewart is similar (39.7 v 39.54). All the others have a much higher overall average (Root: 37.66 v 53.3; Cook: 35.85 v 46.34, Gilchrist: 37.39 v 47.6) which just goes to show, I guess, that Bairstow will give you 40 runs per innings and never much more, which is potentially a reason to bat him at 7 rather than 6. I think this makes some sense.”
That’s some good geekery. Bairstow is a brilliant player, don’t get me wrong. I just think that – like Stokes and Moeen – his numbers aren’t commensurate with how good he looks at the crease. They’re the opposite of Gary Ballance. In Bairstow’s case that is partly because he keeps wicket. I like the idea of giving him a choice: specialist batsman at No5 or keeper-batsman at No7.
Lunchtime viewing
Lunch
86th over: England 269-6 (Stokes 64, Moeen 10) Moeen tries to pull his bat away from a delivery from Rabada that pings off the face of the bat to the third-man boundary. Moeen is so talented that he can leave you for four. A pleasant square-drive for three ends another excellent session in this rough, tough arm-wrestle of a Test. England lost Cook and Bairstow; South Africa lost Philander, who is off the field with diarrhoea and vomiting. Ben Stokes played two innings in one, a scorching counter-attack followed by some diligent defence to ensure England went to lunch only six down. See you in half an hour for the afternoon session.
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85th over: England 262-6 (Stokes 64, Moeen 3) Morkel begins the process of working Moeen over. He rips a bouncer past his nose and then jags one back to hit high on the pad. Moeen does the sensible thing and gets off strike, at which point Morkel bursts another beauty past Stokes’s defensive stroke. That was a brilliant over.
“Michael Cross’s tale of Sylvester Clarke mentioned Wayne Daniel en passant (well, in the bar) and reminded me of a visit to Enfield CC circa 1980,” says Brian Withington. “Apparently Wayne had been stood down by Middlesex and was free to play for the club that weekend - but arrived too late for the 1st team’s away trip. Undeterred (and possibly not in the best of humour) he turned out for the Saturday 2nds! An hour later he had to be “rested” after hospitalising the opposition upper order - I think the lower order were threatening a mutiny. Fortunately he didn’t show up for our game on the Sunday ...”
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84th over: England 261-6 (Stokes 64, Moeen 2) Another good over from Rabada, who kicks an excellent delivery past Stokes’s defensive stroke. England are playing for lunch, which is two overs away.
83rd over: England 260-6 (Stokes 64, Moeen 1) One more wicket before lunch would put South Africa well on top. Stokes, after that thrilling counter-attack earlier in the day, seems to have shut up shop until lunch.
“As a long-suffering fan of the South Australian Redbacks I can confirm Ryan Harris was a bit crap before moving to Queensland, where it suddenly occurred to him to bowl 10kph faster,” says Eamonn Maloney. “He was even thought of as an allrounder in Adelaide - preposterous in retrospect.”
82nd over: England 258-6 (Stokes 63, Moeen 0) “Casually watching the Test with my nine year old daughter,” says Phil Withall. “She’s not overly interested but I try talking up the quality of the South African bowling, Bairstow’s heritage and the fact that the reaction time of a batsman is really rather impressive. There is a lull then she pipes up with ‘What age do you reach puberty>’ I mumbled a reply and handed her a copy of The Dandy before exiting stage left. Never watch cricket with children or animals...”
WICKET! England 258-6 (Bairstow c Elgar b Rabada 36)
Terrific bowling from Rabada. He made Bairstow play at everything, including a fine delivery that kicked and straightened to hit high on the bat, and du Plessis at second slip took a smart catch to his left. It’s another nothing score for Bairstow. He gets a lot of those, though in this case he fell to an excellent delivery.
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81st over: England 256-5 (Stokes 63, Bairstow 34) Morne Morkel takes the second new ball. His first over is not the best, a bit too wide to Stokes, who leaves most of the deliveries. A maiden.
“Gary Naylor, my old friend, makes a good point about the way England approach their batting,” writes Dileep Premachandran. “With respect to your response, Waugh’s Aussies had Hayden, Langer, Ponting, Martyn, Gilchrist...bit harder to pull it off with the likes of Dawid Malan and Gary Ballance!”
Ha. Oh I completely agree; they were just the first team who came to mind, with Hayden smashing the ball over the bowler’s head with the score on 0 for 0/100 for 0. That said, the four who really bat that way for England are Root, Bairstow, Stokes and Moeen rather than the newcomers.
80th over: England 256-5 (Stokes 63, Bairstow 34) Right, enough of that filler: it’s time for the second new-ball, and some assertions of masculinity.
“While we’re reminiscing, I have very fond memories of the Oval,” says Guy Hornsby. “Was a junior member with my twin brother back in the 80s as a pair of nippers, and spent many a Saturday/Sunday in the Pavilion staring at Honours Boards, in my C&A anorak and green flash (I KNOW). My first ever Test match was in August 1989, when the Aussies came for revenge, bringing a certain Terry Alderman with them. On day 2, Dean Jones smashed 122, and we watched aghast as our great hope Gooch was LBW 3rd ball. We went autograph hunting, wide-eyed and fearless, and bagged many legends that we’d only first seen that day. And Nick Cook. I found the programme clearing my spare room this year, and I’ll cherish it forever. I think I fell in love with the game that day.”
It shows how bad things were that summer that, even though England were 4-0 down in a series most expected them to win, it felt like a significant moral victory when Gladstone Small and Nick Cook dug in to avoid the follow-on.
79th over: England 255-5 (Stokes 62, Bairstow 34) Philander is still off the field with his stomach bug, so he won’t be able to take the second new ball. That’ll mean Rabada v Stokes and Bairstow with the hard new cherry, a contest that is incapable of producing dull cricket. At the moment dull cricket is precisely what we’re getting, with both teams killing time until that new ball.
“Would you agree that ‘what if Ryan Harris had been selected four years earlier?’ is the greatest sporting what-if of our times?” says Rob Little. “Certainly the selection of people like Hilfenhaus, Bollinger etc instead did seem to rather diminish that great Australian team as soon as the titans (sans Punter + Hayden (who wasn’t really at his best anyway) retired at the end of the 06-07 Ashes.”
He was 30 when he made his Test debut, wasn’t he? I’m not sure how good he was before that though – Cricinfo says he was a journeyman medium-pacer for a lot of his twenties. The Ryan Harris we knew was an absolute champion, and will always sit near Shane Bond on the list of great quicks who didn’t play many Tests.
78th over: England 254-5 (Stokes 61, Bairstow 34) “Watching my uncle play club cricket in cape town when I was eight years old was the catalyst of my love for the sport,” writes Mo. “ Back then (1982) it was not uncommon to have ten Provincial players in the club lineup. Many who, if given the chance, would have played for South Africa. I still remember the buzz of excitement watching the opening bowlers tear in, and releasing the ball at speeds I thought were supersonic. There’d be up to 10,000 people watching a club game.”
Really? 10,000?
77th over: England 251-5 (Stokes 59, Bairstow 33) Morris replaces Rabada and bowls a quiet over that goes for a couple. The last 10 minutes have been pretty quiet, with both sides taking a breather before for the second new ball.
“Morning Rob,” says Nick Walmsley. “Speaking of “lost” express-quick bowlers from yesteryear, I saw Andre van Troost clobber Jimmy Adams during a match at Taunton against the West Indies in 1995, breaking his cheekbone. His first-class career was patchy and unimpressive, mainly because he was injury-prone but also because of his unerring *inaccuracy*. He bowled like a hungry gorilla during a famine. I don’t have access to my Wisdens, but several county batsmen of the time testified that he was the quickest on the circuit.”
Quicker than Duncan Spencer, asked Smyth, rejecting dignity to plug this piece from last year.
76th over: England 249-5 (Stokes 58, Bairstow 32) Heather Knight has popped into the Sky commentary box to talk about what it’s like to win a World Cup. Apparently Katherine Brunt was trying to get into a London nightclub at 3am on Monday morning, still in her England tracksuit, and was turned away because she had trainers on. Tremendous stuff.
“Is it me, or do England always seem to bat as if they have 100 more runs on the board than is actually the case?” says Gary Naylor. “Makes for attractive cricket, but does invite the wheels to fall off rather more often than they should.”
That’s a great line, and so true. Then again, you could argue Steve Waugh’s Australia did precisely the same thing. They just did it a bit better.
75th over: England 248-5 (Stokes 58, Bairstow 31) Bairstow back cuts Rabada confidently for four. England’s lower middle order have received plenty of criticism in the last few months, so it’s only fair to point out that this is their good side. When Cook was out England were 183 for five and in trouble; these two have since added 65 at a run a ball. It’s been an excellent and courageous counter-attack. South Africa might be feeling the first prods of deja vu.
74th over: England 241-5 (Stokes 58, Bairstow 24) Stokes had 21 from 41 balls overnight, and 22 from 51 at one stage this morning, so his last 36 runs have come from 30 deliveries.
73rd over: England 239-5 (Stokes 57, Bairstow 23) Rabada switches ends to replace Morris, who was taking some tap. Stokes continues to attack, pulling Rabada just over the leaping mid-on for four. That takes him to a very good fifty from just 72 balls. Objectively, he is looking extremely dangerous. When I say ‘objectively’, what I mean is: DON’T BLAME ME FOR CURSING HIM IF HE FLOGS ONE STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES.
“Morning!” says Michael Cross. “I’m Michael Cross, and I am indeed at the Oval with Sean (opening mail of the day). At the risk of missing more of Stokes’s savage beauty, one more Sylvester yarn? Surrey had resumed after lunch against a Leicestershire side for whom Gower had begun to score freely. Leaving the Members’ bar, I was surprised to see our man in his whites, on a stool, chatting over a very obvious rum n coke with an in-civvies Wayne Daniel. He rejoined the fray a little later (“returning to the field, Sylvester Clarke”; smattering of applause) took the next over - no rules then about having to wait - and had Gower at third slip. A rueful Gower returned to the pavilion waving his glove - from which the unplayable delivery had separated the thumb from the body. I think it was his 3rd ball. A proper Surrey great.”
The past really is a foreign country. Sometimes I wish modern sport hadn’t gone for such a hard Brexit.
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72nd over: England 230-5 (Stokes 48, Bairstow 23) Maharaj replaces Rabada. Bairstow, who has had trouble with Maharaj in this series, decides to go on the attack. He sweeps the second ball over square leg and clouts the third down the ground for a second consecutive boundary. It was in the air but Maharaj would have needed inhuman reactions to catch it. The last ball of the over, and the last before drinks, is lapped round the corner for another four to make it 12 from the over.
“Morning Rob, morning everyone,” says Harkarn Sumal. “Perhaps the real tale in the earlier magnificent “runs in victories” stat-link is that of one Brian Charles Lara, languishing very near the bottom with 2,929. That means he scored over 9,000 of his 11,953 Test runs in losing or drawing causes. For a man who is wrongly remembered by too many as a flighty chancer of a genius who didn’t buckle down when the pressure was on, that’s not a bad effort. He was truly a king atop the turrets of a once-mighty castle’s crumbling ruins as the great West Indies era drew to a close. And a non-empirical measure of the man was that I don’t recall ever hearing him scorning or belittling the lesser mortals around him in that batting order.”
Is he really remembered that way? Almost everyone I know thinks of him as the greatest batsman since Viv.
71st over: England 218-5 (Stokes 48, Bairstow 12) Bairstow belts a gentle outswinger from Morris through extra cover for his second boundary, a carbon copy of the first.
“I won’t have any Murdoch-owned filth in the house and I never remember anything from my annual Test at Old Trafford,” chirps Paul Smith. “But from the OBO, Philander sounds a lot like Ryan Harris. Is he?”
He is in the sense that’s he’s extremely accurate and skilful, but Harris was quicker and bowled a more classical fourth-stump line. Philander tends to harass the stumps. They are both great bowlers in any currency.
70th over: England 212-5 (Stokes 47, Bairstow 7) A double bowling change, with Rabada replacing Philander. Bairstow is surprised by some malevolent extra bounce, and does well to punch the ball short of the cordon. That unsettles him sufficiently that he chases and misses a wide one later in the over.
“I grew up in Johannesburg in the 1980s, and was a member of the young Transvaal fan club.,” asys Richard Mansell. “My school was almost next door to the Wanderers, Jimmy Cook was my year 6 teacher, and Ray Jennings used to come by to hang out with him some times. It has always baffled me how Sylvester Clarke could have come to live and play in South Africa during the height of apartheid. I can only imagine that he was granted “honorary white” status, which made him white in the eyes of the law and allowed him to live in white areas, travel on white trains, go to white beaches, etc. The perversity is unbelievable. I appreciate that he needed money, but would be fascinated to explore and understand how men like him dealt with their undoubtedly troubled consciences. He might have been an “honorary white” but all around him the very visible effects of apartheid must have been impossible to ignore.”
There are some interesting bits about this on YouTube/DVD. Viv Richards’ comments in Fire in Babylon are especially powerful, and there’s a documentary called Branded A Rebel that I keep meaning to watch.
69th over: England 210-5 (Stokes 46, Bairstow 6) Chris Morris replaces Morne Morkel. Morris v Ben Stokes = enough machismo to power 48 street brawls. A low full toss is clubbed for four, an attempted yorker is timed down the ground, and then a wide half-volley is driven classically through extra cover for the third boundary of the over. If I were a South African fan, I would think Stokes looks in exceedingly ominous form. As an England fan, I expect him to hole out any second.
“Harold Larwood used to drink ale during the lunch interval,” says Dave Adams. “Apparently, Arthur Carr, his captain, used to positively encourage him to enjoy a lunch comprising of cheese and pickle sandwiches and a couple of ales. As someone who can barely raise a trot after a few beers, this seems utterly bewildering.”
Seriously. I remember playing five-a-side after two pints once. My insides were playing Total Football. If I ever get to write my dream book, 101 Nadirs to Do Before You Die, that’ll be in there.
The good news: women's cricket makes it into @TheEconomist. The bad news: the only player mentioned is Len Hutton https://t.co/GedXWx9H5E
— Tim de Lisle (@TimdeLisle) July 28, 2017
68th over: England 198-5 (Stokes 34, Bairstow 6) Bairstow reaches to thump a Philander outswinger through extra cover for his first boundary. That shot contained 0.00 per cent nonsense. Philander responds, as he usually does, by seaming one past the outside edge.
“Thanks for sorting out the spare tickets last night,” says Simon Thomas. “A hundred quid raised for the Dan Lucas Fund and three happy punters, one at his first ever Test. Also, what happened to Stumpy & Willow, eh?”
That’s excellent news, and thanks to all for the donations. I’ll pretend your last sentence didn’t happen.
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67th over: England 194-5 (Stokes 34, Bairstow 2) Morkel drops short to Stokes, who cuffs a swaggering pull through midwicket for four. The next ball is rifled straight down the ground for two, and it would have been four more but for a touch from Morkel in his follow-through. You invariably need to use the phrase “so far” during a Stokes innings, but so far his judgement of when to attack and when to defend has been almost perfect.
“Re Angus King. Surely Broad is an adjective, not a noun,” says Martin Brady, who has clearly never seen The Sopranos. “Though I’m reminded of the heyday of 2009, when Cook Swann and Onions appeared both on the England team sheet and in the Queen’s breakfast order.”
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66th over: England 186-5 (Stokes 28, Bairstow 2) Philander returns to the field to continue his spell. There is still some orthodox swing, even though the ball is 66 overs old, and Bairstow is sensibly content to defend.
“The great Chris Ryan wrote the following some time ago about Thommo, bowling fast, feeling rough and feeling a great injustice,” says Jamesy. “I like the sound of this Sylvester character though.”
Yeah that is an astonishing piece of writing, even by his standards.
65th over: England 183-5 (Stokes 27, Bairstow 0) This is tremendous Test cricket. It would, I might humbly suggest, be a very good time for one of Stokes, Bairstow or Moeen to show that they can also make 250-ball hundreds.
Meanwhile, a good stat from Shane Warne on Sky: Morkel has dismissed Cook 10 times in Tests, more than anybody else.
WICKET! England 183-5 (Cook LBW b Morkel 88)
He’s out! It was hitting the top of the bails, umpire’s call, and that’s enough for South Africa. Cook was batting very deep in his crease, perhaps because he was bounced out by Morris in the last Test, and that meant the ball didn’t have so far to travel. That’s a huge wicket. It was a good delivery from Morkel, cutting back from around the wicket, and Cook pushed defensively around his pad as he jumped back in his crease.
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ENGLAND REVIEW: Cook LBW b Morkel 88
“Oh that’s not out,” says Shane Warne as Morne Morkel goes up for LBW. “He’s given him!” Cook reviewed it straight away but this is tight. Height may save him.
64th over: England 182-4 (Cook 88, Stokes 26) Cook instinctively chases a legcutter from Philander and is happy to miss it by a fair way. He’s beaten again from the final delivery, another that moves sharply off the seam. I hope these two old-fashioned champions will share a beer at the end of the series; I’d imagine there is enormous mutual respect. Philander leaves the field at the end of the over, which will please England.
“Cumberland sausage in Perdoni’s?” sniffs Paddy Blewer. “You clearly never went. Was a great place though. Photos of all the Surrey players that had eaten in there. Especially if you’re a boy with your dad who had gone to Tenisons round the corner and therefore had played at the Oval (they used to get a game a year when it was a Grammar).
“Sylvester really was brutal. In my cricketing life, Surrey have had two great fast bowlers - Sylvester & Waqar. Martin Bicknell wasn’t as far behind them as some might imagine. Beautiful craft as a swing bowler (Mike Selvey wrote nicely about it) and a demon arm from the deep. Saw him get a run out from the boundary at the Oval - the ball never went above about seven feet off the ground, all the way into the gloves. Awesome.”
The fact he won only two Test caps in the 1990s is an unsolved mystery to sit alongside Shergar, the Zodiac killer and the appeal of Love Island.
63rd over: England 182-4 (Cook 88, Stokes 26) Morkel floats one up to Cook, who drives confidently for three. If he reaches three figures it’ll be his 31st Test hundred, and one of his best.
“Morning Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Apparently we tend to feel guilt about the past and fear the future, so instead we should live for the moment. And don’t fret about what you can’t control. I get the feeling Alistair Cook is able to do precisely that. Though there have been plenty of England cricketers who couldn’t. There’s a lesson in there somewhere. I think.”
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62nd over: England 179-4 (Cook 85, Stokes 26) Oof! Cook nicks a beauty from Philander that lands this far short of du Plessis at second slip, who scooped it up almost on the half-volley. This is already another serious interrogation from Philander, who is making the batsmen play at almost everything. That’s the last thing they want to do at the start of a day’s play. A single takes brings Stokes on strike, and he flicks a high-class boundary through midwicket. That takes him to 2000 Test runs.
“My old man, Neville - who was capped for Surrey, and was a very useful club cricketer, rejecting a professional career - faced S Clarke on several occasions,” says Tim Featherstone-Griffin. “He always described it as ‘the most terrifying experience you can have on a cricket pitch, made worse only if Sylvester had been on the rum...’”
Haha. Jeff Thomson used to get banjoed on whisky the night before bowling, so that he’d have a “hangover from hell” and could take it out on the batsmen.
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61st over: England 174-4 (Cook 84, Stokes 22) Stokes was largely excellent yesterday. You could feel his determination to construct a proper Test-match innings, to show a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T for the game, and he starts in similar vein against Morkel this morning. A maiden.
“The England team only prospers with players whose surnames are nouns (Cook, Root, Broad, Alley) or third-person verbs – Stokes,” says Angus King. “Or Anderson.”
Where do Ranjitsinhji and Septimus Kinneir fit into all this?
60th over: England 174-4 (Cook 84, Stokes 22) You don’t need me to tell you how important today is, so that’s precisely what I’m going to do. It is, in the parlance of our time, a biggie. Shane Warne and Bumble reckon this could be a better batting day, both in terms of the pitch and the overhead conditions. Vernon Philander will bowl the first of a scheduled 98 overs. He doesn’t do looseners, and is straight into the groove of making the batsmen play. Cook gets a thick outside edge into the off side and then works a couple of runs off the pads.
“That Ponting stat is something, isn’t it?” says Luke Dealtry. “Does it really say the man won 108 Test matches? That’s more than New Zealand or Sri Lanka. Australia have won 377 Tests - which means that Punter played in 29% of all Australian victories, or 7% of all Test wins ever. Can that be right? Ye gods.”
Statsguru never lies.
If it’s good enough for you, it’s good enough for ... you
“Here’s a link to an interesting article about Gary Palmer’s influence on Alastair Cook’s batting,” says David Hindle. “It is so Alastair Cook that he pays for his non-ECB approved batting coach, out of his own pocket.”
Yes I meant to link to that piece. Excellent stuff.
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Do you remember the first time?
“Watching Sylvester Clarke made me a cricket fan for life,” says Paddy Blewer. “I won’t ever forget it. My birthday treat. September 1988. Bus to Morden, tube to the Oval with my old man. Sausage sandwich and mug of tea at Perdoni’s greasy spoon round the corner from the Oval. Used my grandad’s old binoculars so I could see the game properly. Then Sylvester fell on a good Lancashire lineup and destroyed them. It was so fast it was hard to pick up. He got 6/60 in 28 overs and was brutal. Got Fowler/Mendis/Atherton and the tail. I was 9. I was hooked on cricket and I wanted to be a fast bowler.”
I love your memory for detail. Cumberland sausage?
“Hi there,” says Al Ferguson. “Easier way to find TMS overseas for this Tets match. Go to this link. Click on ‘TMS overseas’.”
“Hello from Cape Town, South Africa,” says Gary. “Why is there no early start to play to make up for the overs lost yesterday.”
I think they add any extra overs onto the end rather than the start, so we could have 98 overs today.
Other audio services are available, etc.
“If we are plugging TMS via youtube,” says Thomas Whiteley, “maybe mention Guerilla Cricket is also free on tuneIn.”
Niche stat of the day (and the next few days)
If England win this match, Alastair Cook will become the first Englishman to score 5,000 runs in Test victories. LOOK HOW MANY RICKY PONTING SCORED.
Bobby did a bad bad thing
I meant to post this yesterday and I forgot. I’m sorry.
“Other overseas readers might also want to know they can now listen to TMS at the same time,” writes Tobias Peggs. “It’s unavailable outside the UK via the BBC website (without a PhD in computer science to create proxy servers and all sorts of other semi-legal backflips and tunnels). But for some reason it’s streaming perfectly legally on YouTube.
“It’s a bit hard to find - you have to search for “Test Match Special” and then change the search filters to only show “live” videos, and you have to redo this each day the URL changes. Given this is one of the last chances to listen to dear old Blowers on the airwaves, it’s worth the effort.”
The first email of the day
“Ahoy hoy!” says Jim Crane. “My friend (and Surrey alumnus) Michael Cross is at The Oval today with his son, Sean. Discussing your Oval Memories theme last night, he proffered the following for your delectation:
- Sylvester Clarke (11.3-4-21-4, econ 1.82!) vs C.H Lloyd (65), NatWest semi-final, ‘86. CHL playing/missing 6/6.
- Visit to Committee Room - conversation with M.H Stewart interrupted ‘cos the ECB inspector of pitches was at the bar “pissed again”.
- Standing at the urinals in the Members Pavilion next to Henry Kelly from TV’s ‘Going for Gold’. My mother being so proud of this story.”
I wish I’d seen Sylvester Clarke bowl. He gave even Steve Waugh the willies.
Some pre-play reading
Preamble
Alastair Cook is a batting addict. And, like all addicts, he doesn’t care how unpleasant the circumstances just so long as he gets his fix*. Batting was extremely tough yesterday yet Cook relished every last drain on his concentration. His superb 82 not out, a masterclass in how to respect Test cricket, has kept England in the match and maybe the series.
Cook bought England time by surviving 178 deliveries. Since his debut he has faced 24,035 balls; that’s almost 8,000 more than the next best, Hashim Amla. He is the master of the dying art of batting time. It’s odd that, like Richie Benaud’s commentary silences, everybody praises Cook’s old-fashioned virtues yet nobody can be bothered to copy him. But that’s a gripe for another day.
England will resume on 171 for four, with the hope that overhead conditions are not as conducive to swing bowling as they were yesterday. The Test, and therefore the series, is poised as precariously as Simon Adebisi’s hat. England and South Africa have had many close series in the last 25 years but not that many close matches; look at the margins of victory here. It would be lovely if this was a classic struggle to put alongside Headingley 1998 and Lord’s 2012.
* I love the idea of Cook going cold turkey like Mark Renton in Trainspotting, with Graham Gooch and Gary Palmer putting him under house arrest. “Maybe just a wee Twenty20, Goochie? Or a few quick throwdowns? Look I appreciate what you’re trying to do I really do but I just need one more score like. I NEED ONE MORE F*!&!*G HIT!! YOU F*!K!”
(Warning: video link contains adult language, and Francis Begbie.)
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