Report and reaction
Close of play
90th over: South Africa 309-6 (Philander 54, Morris 23) It would be so Stokes to take a wicket now, in the final over of a long, draining day. He beats Morris twice outside off stump and then, with the final ball of the day, finds an edge that falls fractionally short of Root at slip. That was brilliant from Stokes - but South Africa end a terrific day’s play with a slight advantage, having recovered impressively from 235 for six. From the moment Faf du Plessis chose to bat in bowler-friendly conditions, South Africa showed they are a far tougher side than the Lord’s performance suggested. Tomorrow should be a cracking day’s play. Thanks for your company today; bye!
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89th over: South Africa 307-6 (Philander 53, Morris 22) South Africa are ending the day on top against a tired England. Wood is still in full Tigger mode, as you’d expect, and puts everything into his final over of the day. His labours, alas, are futile.
“Hang on Rob, you’re telling me I can’t wear shorts with my Dalston pals?” sniffs Guy Hornsby. “Next you’ll be saying I ride my penny farthing to the cereal cafe.”
88th over: South Africa 306-6 (Philander 53, Morris 21) Ben Stokes comes on to replace Stuart Broad, and Philander swivel-pulls the first ball smoothly for four. A thick edge for four later in the over takes him to an extremely impressive fifty. He has been the unexpected aggressor in this partnership, with 53 from 71 balls to Morris’s 21 from 61.
87th over: South Africa 296-6 (Philander 44, Morris 20) With nothing happening for Anderson, Joe Root decides to give Mark Wood a couple of overs before the close. I like that decision, particularly Root’s willingness to deviate from the captaincy book. I’d bring Stokes on at the other end too. Wood tries his best to make something happen, beating Morris with a grubber outside off stump. One from the over.
86th over: South Africa 295-6 (Philander 43, Morris 20) Philander cuts a weary delivery from Broad for four and then drives through extra cover for three. He is batting with impressive authority. So far all Faf du Plessis’s big decisions - batting first, de Kock to No4, Philander to No7 with five bowlers and Morris No8 - have been vindicated.
“As an homme d’un certain âge, who needs to conceal a soupçon of excess baggage, I can attest to the virtues of the North American shorts and untucked shirt combo,” says Tim Pearson. “In fact, I am deploying it proudly this morning for a walk around the back roads of Saltspring Island, British Columbia, Canada, as I follow the OBO.”
85th over: South Africa 288-6 (Philander 36, Morris 20) “I find the main problem with belts is that they get in the way of eating extra dinner,” says Phil Sawyer, mistaking this for a First Dates application form. “In fact sometimes I take the pants off as well so I’ve got more room to expand. You’re welcome to that mental image.”
84th over: South Africa 287-6 (Philander 35, Morris 20) Anderson and Broad pride themselves on their last spell of the day being as sharp as the first. That hasn’t been the case here, not yet, though they are doing their damnedest. Morris and Philander look comfortable.
“You have no way at all of working out OBO demographics, other than analysing the ones who respond to you,” says Nigel Phillips. “If it helps I’m an 85-yr-old lady on my second bottle of sherry.”
83rd over: South Africa 286-6 (Philander 34, Morris 20) A maiden from Anderson to the watchful Morris. This has been a really good day’s play, with the initiative swinging back and forth: South Africa were 18 for one, then 179 for two, then 235 for six and now 286 for six. Is there one last twist? Is there? Tell me goddammit.
82nd over: South Africa 286-6 (Philander 34, Morris 20) Philander plays the most emphatic pull stroke off Stuart Broad to bring up the fifty partnership. He is playing like a batsman rather than a bowler who bats.
“If I may interject in the shorts and belts discussion?” says Eleanor Harvey. “The answer is simple. Men should not wear shorts. Ever. Especially English men. Part of the aesthetic appeal of the wonderful game of cricket to its many female fans is the fact that male players are decorously covered at all times, like Victorian table legs.”
81st over: South Africa 278-6 (Philander 27, Morris 18) England take the new ball straight away. Philander softens his hands to ensure an edge off Anderson falls short of slip. This has been a calm, controlled partnership from Philander and Morris, and if they can see it through to the close it’ll be South Africa’s day.
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80th over: South Africa 275-6 (Philander 24, Morris 18) Joe Root gets funky, giving Keaton Jennings an over before the new ball. And why not? It almost works, too; Morris inside-edges one delivery wide of the stumps and is beaten by another.
“Unlike the Guardian canteen and other bits of your eyrie, the places most of us inhabit are not subject to the ideas of Shoreditch and Dalston,” says John Starbuck. “No-one really cares if we wear shorts about the place, in the street, in the park, on the beach etc. Just wear what you like, though hopefully it will be reasonably clean. That’s all anyone asks.”
I was joking, John. I inhabit a place very similar to yours.
79th over: South Africa 273-6 (Philander 24, Morris 17) Philander alleviates the tedium by driving Moeen handsomely back over his head for four.
“So what is the OBO demographic, then?” says Andrew Benton. “Someone at Guardian Towers must have done some research...how’s the gender balance compared to TV watchers, for example?”
Good question, I’ve never bothered to ask but shall do so this same night.
78th over: South Africa 269-6 (Philander 20, Morris 17) Dawson tempts Morris with a bit of flight, finding an inside edge that flashes past the leg stump. Well bowled. That aside there’s bugger all ado about bugger all; both sides, and everybody watching, is waiting for the second new ball. It’s due in two overs’ time.
77th over: South Africa 265-6 (Philander 20, Morris 13) Blah blah etcetera.
76th over: South Africa 262-6 (Philander 19, Morris 11) A maiden from Dawson to the strokeless Philander. Both sides are killing overs before the second new ball.
“The only way for men of a certain age (a category which I suspect forms the core of OBO readers) to wear shorts is to keep their shirts untucked, thus covering belts, waist-bands, and any overflowing flesh,” says Alasdair MacDonald. “Any argument over what one’s belt may or may not look like is thus made redundant.”
I’d like to see you try that look in the Guardian canteen. You’d be laughed out of the hummus corner.
75th over: South Africa 262-6 (Philander 19, Morris 11) We associate Morris with bish-bosh, because of his white-ball exploits, but in this innings he has been almost exaggeratedly correct. Three from Moeen’s over.
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74th over: South Africa 259-6 (Philander 17, Morris 10) Dawson has switched ends, so England are keen to rush through a few cheap overs before the second new ball. South Africa need to decide whether to stick or twist; at the moment they are sticking, with just a single from Dawson’s over.
“I always liked the Shelley Berman story from his ‘embarassing moments’ feature,” says Peter Rowntree. “It related how a man was at a formal wedding do with about 40 people round a table for their meal in a restaurant. After a few minutes the man looks down and realises he has forgotten to do something very important. So he reaches down and unnoticed makes the adjustment. A few minutes later he excuses himself to go to the bathroom and the whole damn table-cloth goes with him. What do you say at a time like that? ‘Oh. how did that get in there?’”
73rd over: South Africa 258-6 (Philander 16, Morris 10) Moeen replaces Liam Dawson, who is probably switching ends, and hurries through an uneventful over. Play can go on for another 75 minutes, so we should get the full 90 overs.
72nd over: South Africa 257-6 (Philander 15, Morris 10) Philander is beaten by Stokes and then wallops a wide delivery for four. Even by his standards, Stokes has been a mixture of jaffas and filth today.
71st over: South Africa 252-6 (Philander 11, Morris 10) Liam Dawson replaces Mark Wood. Great stuff. I wonder if he might be able to tempt Morris to fall on his masculinity by trying a big shot. Not in that over, which is played respectfully and yields a couple of singles.
“I’ve solved the belt with shorts conundrum,” says Jo Beasley. “Look at this.”
Have you been taking pictures in the Guardian canteen again?
70th over: South Africa 250-6 (Philander 10, Morris 9) South Africa are driving with abandon, despite the swing. Philander and Morris both put Stokes away to the cover boundary in that over, leaving Stokes somewhat less than gruntled with life.
“Excellent observation from your correspondent Ben Parker (56th over) re: American casual dress,” says Kevin Ryan. “Something I have never understood with this form of attire is the insistence to wear a baseball cap with it even when there is a conspicuous absence of sun or even sunlight. It’s almost a statement ‘I am on vacation, or at least out of the office for the day, so this what I wear’.”
I love the idea of out-of-office auto attire, although the sunny image is slightly compromised by the realisation that for many it would stretch to nothing more than a pair of grundies to be worn around the house all day.
69th over: South Africa 240-6 (Philander 5, Morris 4) Stokes made the ball talk on a Friday evening in Nottingham against Australia two years ago and it’s reversing significantly for him and Wood this evening. Morris doesn’t care what the ball is saying; he plants the front dog and thumps a boundary through mid-off to get off the mark.
68th over: South Africa 235-6 (Philander 4, Morris 0) Morris’s first ball is a huge inswinger from Stokes that somehow misses the off stump. How, I will never know. Stokes bowled a dog of a first spell but his second and third have been full of menace. Every delivery has removed a little more of his red-ball rust.
“Re potential future fast bowlers,” says Chris Drew. “May I mark your card with Jofra Archer of Sussex. Qualifies both for WI and England. The lad is good. Very good.”
WICKET! South Africa 235-6 (Bavuma c Bairstow b Stokes 20)
Bavuma tries to leave a fine delivery from Stokes but is too late on the (non-)shot; it kisses the face of the bat and goes straight through to Jonny Bairstow.
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67th over: South Africa 235-5 (Bavuma 20, Philander 4) Bavuma pulls Wood emphatically for four - he is extremely good against the short ball - and waves a pleasant drive to the cover boundary later in the over. Lovely batting.
“I was distressed on a recent train journey to discover I was wearing fawn trousers and black shoes,” writes Smylers. “The sartorial misdemeanour didn’t bother me so much as the failure of my plan to ensure I didn’t leave the house without my rail pass — which was back home, uselessly leaning against my brown shoes. I know now better than to rely on my own sense of style.”
66th over: South Africa 226-5 (Bavuma 11, Philander 4) Philander gets off the mark with a cheery cut for four off Stokes. He has a Test average of 25 and knows how to bat, even if No7 is probably one place too high. Later in the over he survives a strangled LBW shout after inside-edging a big inswinger onto the pads.
65th over: South Africa 222-5 (Bavuma 11, Philander 0) There’s a soupcon of reverse swing for Wood and Stokes, which will encourage England.
“All this talk of belts on the OBO reminds me of my lowest/greatest moment on the cricket field,” says Will Vignoles. “A couple of years ago I dived to take a catch, dropped it, and then had the ignominy of losing my trousers when I hit the ground. Fun times.”
On the bright side, ou probably catalysed a change to the official dress code.
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64th over: South Africa 220-5 (Bavuma 9, Philander 0) The new batsman is Vernon Philander.
“Those engaged in the current belt/shorts riff should be careful,” threatens belt fascist David Hopkins. “A couple of years I initiated a similar one regarding the unsuitability of wearing shorts in the workplace. I was smugly confident that I was well in the right, only for the Guardian’s own Hadley Freeman to chip in and confirm that I was in fact in the wrong. Imagine that - being shown to be amongst the less fashion conscious of the OBO readership. I felt lower than a snake’s belly.”
WICKET! South Africa 220-5 (du Plessis c Bairstow b Stokes 19)
Bairstow takes a brilliant catch down the leg side to dismiss du Plessis. He reviews it straight away, which usually suggests the batsman is innocent. There is a clear deviation, however, and Ultra-Edge suggests it hit his glove first and then his backside. That’s out!
That was a spectacular one-handed catch to add to Bairstow’s increasingly impressive highlights reel. It was a nothing delivery from Stokes but he’ll feel he deserves that wicket after so many near misses in the afternoon. It’s a big wicket for England, and South Africa have slipped from 179 for two to 220 for five.
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63rd over: South Africa 218-4 (du Plessis 17, Bavuma 9) Mark Wood replaces Stuart Broad, who bowled a game-altering spell of 5-2-8-2 after tea. Bavuma drags a wide delivery dangerously close to his stumps and then thick-edges an outswinger for four. This is so well poised; by the close the score could easily be 300 for four or 270 for nine.
“We have had plenty of very good bowlers over the last 25 years; Gough, Fraser, Caddick, Hoggard, Harmison and the rest,” says Jon Lewis. “However, the level of Anderson and Broad over such a long period is ridiculous. I know people come out of the shadows, but they are so far ahead of the rest that they feel irreplaceable. Any ideas on who may come next?”
The long answer is ‘no’. There are lots of exciting young bowlers around, from Mark Wood to the Currans, but I’m not sure how you replace these two. With the exception of Broad, who I think is the best bowler in the world, I fear for England’s attack in Australia this winter.
62nd over: South Africa 214-4 (du Plessis 17, Bavuma 5) Anderson has bowled a lot of jaffas today. He’s also bowled more loose balls than usual and there are two in that over, both put away for four by du Plessis. Anderson has gone for 11 boundaries in 17 overs, which is a lot for His Parsimoniousness. The captain du Plessis looks extremely determined to drag his side to a matchwinning score.
“Hi Rob,” says Lorraine Reese. “In keeping with the conversation I found this in my company’s dress code today: Please wear a belt if needed to avoid inadvertently offending others or embarrassing yourself. I have to wonder what necessitated the inclusion of that sentence!”
I think somebody’s trousers may have fallen down, Lorraine.
61st over: South Africa 204-4 (du Plessis 8, Bavuma 4) Bavuma shows Amla how it’s done with a stylish, controlled pull for four to get off the mark. He looks a really good player to me; better than I thought before this series.
“Rob,” says Tom Appleyard. “Socks should not match shoes as this would give the impression of an elongated foot/shoe area and too short a trouser. Socks should complement your trouser and/or match another item with a suit (tie, pocket square etc(though I find this a bit gauche/city boy)) or outfit. Belt to match shoes in a formal/smart outfit. Outside of this, they should complement the outfit. Belt with smart shorts is acceptable. I recommend ‘The Man Book: The Indispensable Guide for the Modern Man’ by Thomas Fink for all things sartorial.”
I’d love to see a discussion between Mr Fink and F. Begbie Esq. about the merits of white socks.
60th over: South Africa 199-4 (du Plessis 7, Bavuma 0) Anderson slips a jaffa past du Plessis’s outside edge. The next ball is too short and cuffed through cover for four, to Anderson’s considerable distaste. There’s a nice unspoken intensity to this passage of play, with both teams realising how pivotal it could be.
“Afternoon Rob,” says Phil Sawyer. “Those worried about matching belts, socks and other paraphernalia should try being colour blind. It’s great fun and means you never have to worry about it; you also get to guilt trip anyone who points out that your colours are clashing, so there’s that. On the downside, traffic lights and electric plugs can be a bit of an adventure.”
You should try day-night Tests mate.
59th over: South Africa 194-4 (du Plessis 2, Bavuma 0) South Africa have picked five bowlers, so Temba Bavuma is the last specialist batsman. England will feel that if they get another quick wicket they could even be batting by the close. Broad is really on one, and has excellent figures of 15-4-29-3.
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WICKET! South Africa 194-4 (Amla c Wood b Broad 78)
Stuart Broad is doing it at Trent Bridge again. Amla pulled a bouncer high to long leg, where Wood crouched to take a comfortable catch. That’s Broad’s third wicket of the day and the eighth time he has dismissed Amla in Tests, more than anyone else. Amla played beautifully to make 78 from 149 balls.
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58th over: South Africa 193-3 (Amla 78, du Plessis 1) Amla times Anderson down the ground for four, another beautiful stroke. It prompts a great stat from the chaps at Sky: Amla averages 184 against Anderson in Test matches. Make that 186, after another flashing cut stroke for four. It’s not listed in the Radio Times, but Sky Sports are currently showing a Hashim Amla Masterclass.
57th over: South Africa 185-3 (Amla 70, du Plessis 1) Faf du Plessis is beaten by Broad, then works his 14th delivery for a single to get off the mark.
“What a great contest between Amla and Anderson today,” says Brian Withington. “None too shabby for two men supposedly moving into their career twilight years.”
Yes, it’s been great. Two geniuses who you know will have enormous respect for each other. But there’s no supposedly about it: they are entering their twilight years, which adds a nice bit of sentimentality to this contest.
56th over: South Africa 183-3 (Amla 69, du Plessis 0) Amla restarts the scoreboard with a glorious check-drive between extra cover and mid-off for four. Anderson, Amla, Broad, du Plessis: four champions at work, a Test series in the balance. No biggie!
“From your response (42nd over) you are suggesting belts with shorts are as wrong as the American favourite of polo shirt tucked into shorts (often combined with calf length white socks),” says Ben Parker. “ I feel you may have associated the former with the latter thus throwing out the fully acceptable webbing belt with casual short worn perhaps with beach wear or an untucked shirt? I am sure the above fails most of the Guardian writing style guidelines but I do hope it makes sense and maybe opens your mind to the wonderful possibilities of the short and belt combo.”
‘The wonderful possibilities of the short and belt combo.’ I’m just going to let that sentence marinate for a bit.
55th over: South Africa 179-3 (Amla 65, du Plessis 0) This is excellent from Broad and Anderson, who have raised the intensity after tea as they did after lunch. A third consecutive maiden, this time from Broad to du Plessis.
“It’s odd thinking of Quinton de Kock as a player of murderous intent with an intimidating aura, because he’s five foot-not-very-much with the most possibly innocent looking face ever,” says Robert Smithson. “He looks so.... I don’t want to say weedy but I can’t think of a better word. As someone who also happens to be five foot-not-especially-much and lacking the narrow eyes and chiseled features of the average superhero, it gives me some hope. Gwon, Quinton.”
54th over: South Africa 179-3 (Amla 65, du Plessis 0) James Anderson starts at the other end, which means we have four thirtysomethings having an arm-wrestle for supremacy. It’s another maiden from Anderson, in which Amla is beaten by a lovely outswinger.
53rd over: South Africa 179-3 (Amla 65, du Plessis 0) This is Faf du Plessis’s first Test in England. He made his debut just after the last tour of 2012. He leaves a ball from Broad that doesn’t miss the off stump by all that much, prompting a few growls and oohs from the England fielders. A wicket maiden from Broad.
“It might seem obvious to somare pumping e, but how does one match belts to shoes?” writes Nick Williamson. “I remember reading a GQ article in my youth that suggested that socks should match the darkest part of your shoe. So tan shoes with a black sole demand black socks. Do belts work in the same way? It’s perhaps worth mentioning that I recently collected my 16-year-old daughter from the railway station wearing a predominantly purple tie dye t-shirt, beige cargo shorts, white sport socks and a tatty pair of Crocs. And GOT OUT OF THE CAR and demanded a hug. So I’m interested purely from a theoretical point of view.”
I would affectionately suggest that coming to the OBO for fashion advice is like asking Larry David about the merits of the man bun.
WICKET! South Africa 179-3 (de Kock c Cook b Broad 68)
Broad strikes with the first ball after tea! Quinton de Kock tried to cut a ball that swerved away, took the edge and flew to Cook at first slip. He couldn’t hold it but grabbed it gleefully at the second attempt. That was a very good innings from de Kock, 68 from 81 balls in his new role at No4.
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There are 38 overs to bowl in this evening session, which will be fun for my fingers, brain and bladder. Stuart Broad replaces Moeen Ali for what is an extremely important spell in the context of this match. If Amla and de Kock are still batting at 5pm, England will be knee deep in the malodorous stuff.
“What is a good score in this South African innings, based on the showing so far?” says Matt Porter. “Circa 400?”
The Sky chaps seem to think batting will become hard work on the last couple of days, so 400 – with five bowlers – would put them in a really good position. Also, 400 is the safest number for ‘If in doubt, say X is a good score.’
Tea
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52nd over: South Africa 179-2 (Amla 65, de Kock 68) Ach! Amla top-edges a hook off Stokes, with the ball going miles in the air before dropping short of Wood at long leg. Stokes has been a major wicket-taking threat in this spell. He will always go for runs, however, and Amla check-drives a majestic boundary later in the over. That concludes a wonderful session for South Africa; they scored 123 for one in 29 overs, with Quinton de Kock breezing to 68 not out in his first Test innings at No4. See you in half an hour for what could be a long evening session for England’s bowlers.
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51st over: South Africa 173-2 (Amla 60, de Kock 67) “It hasn’t taken long for the gloom-mongers to sharpen their scythes and pull the hood down a bit further over their mottled brows,” sniffs Ian Copestake. “Even if South Africa get 500 today, Joe Root is still from Yorkshire and England still have skill-sets.”
This is little more than an exploratory spell before tea for Moeen, who might get an extended bowl after his Earl Grey. His fourth over is an excellent maiden to de Kock.
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50th over: South Africa 173-2 (Amla 60, de Kock 67) de Kock feels for a good outswinger from Stokes, edging it wide of gully at catchable height for four. Although Stokes has had little luck in this second spell, the generational dichotomy in performance is notable. Anderson and Broad have taken two for 60 from 23 overs; the rest have nought for 107 from 27.
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49th over: South Africa 168-2 (Amla 60, de Kock 59) England look flat and need the tea break. I bet Trevor Bayliss is going to go seriously Churchill on them. A pleasant drive from de Kock brings up a hugely impressive century partnership.
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48th over: South Africa 165-2 (Amla 60, de Kock 59) de Kock hits Stokes for consecutive boundaries. The first was fortunate, an inside edge that just missed the stumps, but the second was an outrageous flick-pull through wide mid-on. The dreamy, slow-motion timing brought the best of Kevin Pietersen to mind. This fella is a serious talent.
“I’ve only recently learned about the apparent pitfalls of belts too,” says Paul Billington. “By chance it was through an internet rant from someone bemoaning men who couldn’t match the colour of their belt to their shoes. I didn’t realise this was A Thing, and given that I rarely wear a belt and spend my life in flip-flops this caused me some concern. But then I saw this person refer to shoes as ‘wheels’ and didn’t feel as bad.”
Ah, the self-styled maverick gunslinger of the digital world. How did we survive before them?
47th over: South Africa 156-2 (Amla 60, de Kock 50) de Kock drives Moeen down the ground to reach a simply brilliant fifty from 59 balls. It has changed the match and maybe the series. It’ll be a while before South Africa are looking for a new No4.
46th over: South Africa 153-2 (Amla 59, de Kock 48) de Kock cuts Stokes wristily for four more. Stokes’ bowling hasn’t developed anything like as much as his batting. I have precisely no idea why. He still bowls some sensational spells but his mean, median and mode performances don’t register on the Botham/Flintoff scale.
“Belts by colour,” says our venerable fashionista, John Starbuck. “Depends on how many trousers you have and what colour they are. I always have a minimum of four belts: black, brown, dark blue, light blue to match the garments. I used to have a white belt, but as it was made of interlinked leather loops it didn’t last as long as the others.”
Crikey. I struggle to match my socks, never mind my belt.
45th over: South Africa 146-2 (Amla 58, de Kock 42) Moeen comes into the attack in place of Mark Wood. His fourth is a moonball, or perhaps a Moeenball, that Amla laps for one; then the impressive de Kock works three more off the pads.
“Can’t help feeling that England have wasted the first day,” says Sachin Paul. “Take nothing away from Amla and De Kock but some of the bowling has been markedly bad. It’s hard to pin point who exactly (Wood) but some people (Wood) haven’t benefitted from not bowling much at Lord’s (Wood).”
44th over: South Africa 142-2 (Amla 57, de Kock 39) England look slightly irritated, probably a consequence of the speed with which de Kock and Amla have put them on the back foot. It’s been a terrific partnership, reminiscent of the stand between Graham Thorpe and Mike Atherton in similar circumstances at Headingley in 1994. That turned a potential whitewash into a superb contest that ended 1-1. Time will tell whether this does the same.
“If England are going to persist in this ploy of picking someone as specialist ‘build-up-Moeen’s-confidence guy’ – could I put myself forward?” says Ian Truman. “I’d continually get out to him in the nets, sure I’d bowl a tiny bit worse than Dawson, but I’d make up by that by getting visibly aroused if I got to bat at the other end to Moeen. Swings and roundabouts and all that.”
The possibilities are endless. ‘England have included the uncapped hypnotist Paul McKenna in the 16-man squad for the Ashes tour of Australia…’
43rd over: South Africa 140-2 (Amla 56, de Kock 38) Maybe it was a chance to Cook after all. Yes, I think it was. It just about carried and slithered through Cook’s hands. He might regret that in the morning.
“Imagine if de Kock was English - the hype would be off the scale,” says Andrew Hurley. “Look at the hype around Stokes, look at his figures and de Kockmania would surely be under way.... a hugely exciting cricketer.”
42nd over: South Africa 139-2 (Amla 56, de Kock 37) Ben Stokes replaces Liam Dawson. Moeen Ali - who TOOK 10 BLOODY WICKETS AT LORD’S, JOE! - continues to graze in the field. Amla chases a wide one and edges it this far short of Cook at first slip. It almost came to him on the half-volley. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a chance, though it’d be good to see it again. Real good.
“What about shorts with belts,” says Stephen Ryan. “Is that acceptable?”
I’m not going to dignify that question with an answer.
41st over: South Africa 137-2 (Amla 55, de Kock 36) de Kock rifles Wood into the covers, where somebody (Anderson I think) saves four with an excellent dive. A maiden, and a timely one for England.
In other news, here’s Gary Naylor. “Though it’s tempting to write simply HOW GOOD IS QUINTON DE KOCK!, how good is Quinton de Kock? Are we talking in terms of Brian Lara yet - he’s the closest comparison I can come up with in terms of stature, power, timing and intimidatory presence. Too soon probably, but still.”
It is too soon but as premature excitement goes, this is pretty defensible. He already has an aura, which is fascinating for a player with such little experience.
40th over: South Africa 137-2 (Amla 55, de Kock 36) de Kock is batting pretty majestically here. He guides Dawson behind square on the off side for four and dumps another boundary back over the bowler’s head two balls later. He has 36 from 35 balls and has seized the momentum in the match and maybe even the series. Dawson, in theory England’s control bowler, has gone for 19 from three overs.
39th over: South Africa 127-2 (Amla 55, de Kock 27) de Kock has changed the tempo and mood of this match. Before he came in it was largely about whether South Africa could survive; now it’s about whether England can contain a partnership that is rattling along at almost six an over. Amla flicks a stray one from Wood off his pads for four more.
“I’d always been a one belt man, but it was pointed out to me that I second belt might be handy if I misplaced the first,” says Pete Salmon. “Thus I call this second belt my ‘belt and braces belt’.”
38th over: South Africa 121-2 (Amla 50, de Kock 24) Amla reaches his fifty with an apparently effortless straight six off Dawson, the ball landing right on the boundary rope, or toblerone, or whatever we call it these days. South Africa have a much stronger middle order in this match, and they have a great chance to take control of the match.
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Cheers Adam, hello all. Contrary to the old saying, class isn’t permanent. Age gets everyone in the end, and at 34, Hashim Amla is undeniably past his best. There’s class in the old dog yet, however, and we should savour every last languorous stroke because it will be a while before we see a player who combines productivity and elegant serenity to the same extent.
He has played extremely well against some terrific England bowling, and his partnerships with the dogged Heino Kuhn and the formidable Quinton de Kock have given South Africa a decent chance of maximising Faf du Plessis’ brave, Old Trafford 97ish decision to bat first.
37th over: South Africa 114-2 (Amla 44, de Kock 24). Bang, bang! Wood has been frugal today so far, but de Kock won’t be having that. Crunch past point to begin this over, then flicking through the onside to make it eight in two balls. Very nice timing, Quinton. He keeps going: a cover drive, albeit not as well struck, gets him three. Then the batsmen exchange prods into the onside for singles. That’s a big one, 13 taken all up as drinks are brought onto the field.
And that also signals time for me to sign off as well. Luckily for you lot, it’s the genre’s best Rob Smyth taking you through the second half of the day. I’ll be back with you on Sunday for much of the same on the OBO Thanks for your very enjoyable company. For now, I’m off to Taunton for Australia vs South Africa tomorrow in the Women’s World Cup. Until then.
36th over: South Africa 101-2 (Amla 43, de Kock 12). Spin for the first time today, via Liam Dawson. Bringing de Kock forward, pushing through the first few deliveries. Bit more air gives the left-hander the incentive to drive, he doesn’t get all of it though, spilling out to deep point but not going as far as the rope. Three taken. I’m nearly handing over to Rob, but from Rich to close this storyline. And that brings up South Africa’s 100.
“Well done for mentioning Becky Slater. No mentions on OBO before, which is clearly a massive oversight by the whole community. Also, good nomination for best scene. In response, I must let you know my favourite opening scene, from an episode which features Becky prominently. Excellent use of music as ever, and really captures what it’s like to be 13 year old falling in love.”
35th over: South Africa 98-2 (Amla 43, de Kock 9). Wood is back. de Kock gets out of the firing line straight away, a single to forward square leg. England’s quickest hurried up Amla routinely before lunch, and makes him five times on the trot here. Consistent in length, keeping him on the front foot for the most part.
34th over: South Africa 97-2 (Amla 43, de Kock 8). Broad gets de Kock edging this time, three to third man which remains vacant. Amla more patient in defence this time around.
Tom Leversley has slid into my inbox. “Very jealous of your count of nine PCJs, Adam. I’ve still got the one my grandma knitted for me 35 years ago and I think that’s it.” I’m sure you would never sell it, but I would buy it. I once offered a drunk $400 cash for an Australia ‘A’ 1994-95 shirt. He wouldn’t take it. Some things are more important than money.
“On a different note, how many belts should a gentleman have? This debate came up with my mates last week. I have two (and I can’t find one of those) and Pete had 30 – that can’t be right surely?”
Now we’re talking. This is why I do this. Me? I have two. The day-to-day for the Bethnal Greens. And a formal one that is black one side, brown the other. Whatever will they think of next?! My white belt lasted some eight years before going to God a couple of years ago. In short, if Pete wants to talk about things, I know a good person. View on white belts?
33rd over: South Africa 94-2 (Amla 43, de Kock 5). Falling just short is an edge to Root in the cordon. I think Amla took his hands off that, or tried to avoid it in any case. Later on, he goes hard at Anderson with the horizontal bat, unconvincingly to the backward point rope. Another edge - this time the inside variety - gets him two more ropey runs to end the over.
Richard O’Hagan gets right of reply to tie this little storyline off. “I should’ve said ‘every male commentator’. I would never deliberately ignore the world’s most gifted singing academic journalist, Dr Carrie Dunn. ‘Caroline’ could also be justified as it’s my wife/Littlest OBOer’s mother’s name.”
Leondro Español Lyons is suffering through a Friday afternoon, I think. “Does Heino Kuhn sound remarkably similar to some Dutch beer?”
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32nd over: South Africa 88-2 (Amla 37, de Kock 5). Broad is not letting up from the Pavilion End. The action is at the back end of the over. First, Amla tries to pull and it goes high in the air. There are two men out there for that very stroke but it goes to the region of neither. Very lucky to survive. Facing the final ball, de Kock is on the receiving end of a gem. Broad from around the wicket angles it into middle stump before beating the edge and the woodwork. Freddie 2005 levels of unplayability.
31st over: South Africa 86-2 (Amla 36, de Kock 4). Less movement for Jimmy now. Probably the last of his set, I reckon. Maintains a straight line to both, but neither too bothered this time around.
I’m very pleased to say that Robert Wilson has dropped me a line. I’ve been to Paris twice recently and both times scoulded myself upon returning to London for not trying to meet him in real life. Next time, Bob. We gotta.
“Lately, I have been as sick as a pug in a patisserie and have missed half a summer of cricket.” Not ideal. Perhaps for the best we didn’t catch up. Glad you’re back. He goes on: “My re-entry to the world of OBOism is proving predictably disconcerting. Half a day of inconsequential mumbling about nomenclature and absolutely no one is asking the glaring question: Forget the elephant in the room, it is the blue whale in the jacuzzi. It is A Few Good Men without Jack Nicholson. How precisely are the commentators pronouncing Kuhn’s name? Talk about a hostage to fortune...”
Just pleased I don’t have to say it. But. I was thinking about it at lunch. Heino Kuhn. I hope to his teammates he’s known as Heidi Klum. If he’s not, they aren’t doing cricket right.
30th over: South Africa 83-2 (Amla 36, de Kock 3). Oh that’s a lovely off-drive from Amla. It’s now he who is moving through the gears after getting through that torid period just after lunch. They score from three of the last four balls forward to square, suggesting that with de Kock riding shot-gun the board will immediately tick over at a greater clip. Eight from it. Biggest of the day.
Meanwhile, referencing Vish’s superb last line in his interview with Nat Sciver up this morning, Michael Chilcott has found a ripper. “Brilliant last line pay-off” he says. It sure is. Advance Australia Fair, my friends. Advance Australia Fair.
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29th over: South Africa 75-2 (Amla 31, de Kock 0). Another Jimmy gem. “Almost goes like a leg-break,” the assessment of Nasser as he beats Amla’s bat. Oh, and he does it again. Say what you will about Jimmy’s injury-prone nature of late. Anyone who can still do what he is doing here has a place in international cricket. One holds its line to end the over, Amla tentatively forward after the couple that went by his bat, saved by an inside edge. Class. The South African legend did profit by four through a powerful punch as the over began. So much of how the day plays out from here will be dictated by Amla’s stay.
Smylers wants to make an addition to the OBO baby names menu that Richard O’Hagan detailed over lunch for us. “His list of ‘every’ OBO writer up to 2007 somehow omitted Carrie Dunne, who happily steered the OBO readers through collective drinks breaks during the 2006 season. https://www.theguardian.com/profile/carriedunn+sport/cricket Admittedly, Caroline would be an unusual middle name for a boy, but burried in the middle of that list you could probably style it out.”
28th over: South Africa 70-2 (Amla 26, de Kock 0). So, it’s de Kock elevated to four. I don’t mind that. A class act by any measure. First up, he gets inside the line to Broad and it reflects of the pad down to the rope, four sundries. But that won’t bother England too much. They have their breakthrough in the over.
WICKET! @StuartBroad8 bowls Kuhn for 34!
— England Cricket (@englandcricket) July 14, 2017
SA 66/2 #ENGvSA
Live: https://t.co/RyVdFp0gNg pic.twitter.com/0BtvWI01GP
WICKET! Kuhn b Broad 34 (South Africa 66-2)
Just the ticket! Broad has moved the ball significantly to the right-handers since the break, and has finally got one through, via the inside edge onto the woodwork. Kuhn wasn’t able to add to his pre-lunch total. Quality fast bowling. They’ve earned that.
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27th over: South Africa 63-1 (Kuhn 34, Amla 23). Another shout for leg before. This time Anderson on Amla. Again it is high, though. Jimmy maintains the straight attacking line to him and is taken through midwicket for three. That gets him back outside off-stump to end the set. Quality contest here.
What isn’t a contest: the side who are wearing their Proper Cricket Jumpers better. South Africa are matching their cable-knit, white-on-white. England haven’t updated the wardrobe since Lord’s, so it remains white-on-cream. Has anyone got to the botton of this? It wasn’t like this at the launch of the new clobber a couple months back. It’s all rather amusing for those who take a strong interest in kit, especially PCJs (I have nine. I know, I know).
26th over: South Africa 60-1 (Kuhn 34, Amla 20). Two great diving takes from Bairstow that over, needing to go full-length to his left with one hand as Broad twice sprays down the legside, suggesting a decent dollop of reverse swing. Bairstow’s keeping has come a long way over twelve months. This time last year he was good for one terrible dropped catch an innings. Broad is back on song by the back of the over though, winning an Amla top edge hooking. On another day that could end up with fine leg, no worries. Then: cutting Kuhn in half with another that comes back a mile. Dangerous period for South Africa. But the flip of that is that England must strike again while they are on top. Cricket Gods, and all that.
25th over: South Africa 59-1 (Kuhn 34, Amla 19). Oh, Jimmy Jimmy. First over back and he’s beaten Amla with a doozy. Classic Anderson, angling into the right hander before swinging away wildly. Nice stop in the gully - I think it was Dawson - saves runs from the penultimate delivery from a thick edge. But Amla does well to clip the final deliver, one that doesn’t swing, to square leg for three to finish off.
Broad has now talked three different England Test captains into outlandish DRS reviews. Such consistency.
— Peter Miller (@TheCricketGeek) July 14, 2017
24th over: South Africa 56-1 (Kuhn 34, Amla 16). Another leg-before shout to end the over, going well down. Even Broad pulls out of that appeal. A maiden the result. Encouraging for England with Broad beating the bat, but in the modern game it can bite hard when reviews are churned through early.
OUT OF REVIEWS! England lose their second with Broad's ball to Kuhn set to bounce over stumps. No LBW! BLOG: https://t.co/uZQ74JXOjA #ENGvSA pic.twitter.com/KXQ2eCfKHa
— Sky Sports Cricket🏏 (@SkyCricket) July 14, 2017
HE HASN’T. NOT OUT. Well then. Both reviews gone 23.3 overs into the innings. Bairstow had a hand in that one, saying from behind the wickets that he liked it. But it was bouncing well over leg stump. That stings.
IS KUHN LBW? Ump says no. Root, again, says yes. DRS to come. Has Broad done it straight after lunch?
Last bit before we come back: OBO Occasionals shout out.
Joe Neat has been in touch. The floor is his.
“I mentioned this in the last test, and had a great response so hoping you’re able to help again. We’ve nearly got full teams for both of our upcoming trips. Once again a motley group of part-time OBO readers are heading off for our fifth year on a couple of jaunts to play cricket, one in Brighton in mid-August, and then across in Italy in mid-September.
You can read about our previous exploits here - http://oboccasionals.weebly.com/ - and if you’re interested in turning out for us, any and all abilities are absolutely welcome. We also welcome umpires, scorers, spectators or people just want to ride a Vespa around a provincial Italian town.
If you’re interested in either trip, drop me a mail at joe.neate@gmail.com
The tours are always AMAZING fun. It’s a great group of people, all games are played in the right spirit, and we always fit in a smidgen of something culture-y, as befitting a group of Guardian readers. It’s not all cricket and gin and tonics. Honest.
Anyway, give it a go, you won’t regret it!”
Go on then. Go on tour. Tell us a few stories.
Names, names, names. And ice hockey. And Winnie Cooper. “Our dog is called Hobbs after Sir Jack,” says Mark Oliver. “New puppy Aug - thinking Wilf (Rhodes) or Herby (Sutcliffe) - thoughts?!”
I know I talked down naming a kid after a cricketer before. But I’ve said repeatedly that the next pet I get will be called Statsguru after the cricinfo stats engine.
Steve Tayer is a fan of Slapshot as well, rating it above Mighty Ducks. “From the Hansen triplets starting a fight in the warmup (hell, almost all the time), to the goalkeeper demonstrating the difference between blocking and checking to a TV interviewer, to their opponents selecting a man who the US had deported to Canada except they refused to take him.”
Rich has taken my Wonder Years thing and taken it forward. “Random but great reference to Winnie Cooper.” Gracias. “I just did a quick search and it turns out The Wonder Years has been referenced at least twice before on OBO. If anyone cares. Would be nice to see it referenced a little more please, as a very underrated programme.”
Has anyone mentioned Becky Slater, though? Paul’s first girlfriend in the show, Winnie’s (Danika McKellar’s) sister in real life. Enough time for the greatest scene of the show’s run before resumption. I’m most of the 50,000 hits on this.
More great stuff. From Richard O’Hagan in addition to his story below. “To give a little more context, my wife won an OBO competition to win one of Sean Ingle’s shirts(!) by promising to wear it whilst in labour. Things kind of went on from there!” Let’s stop and pause to consider that paragraph.
Right. Go on, then. “The names are those of every OBO commentator to that point, in order of appearance (bar Lawrence’s). I don’t think we’d do the same for another child, especially as I can’t spell Vish’s full name correctly.” Not sure I can either, and I spent approximately every waking hour talking to him. We’re cute like that.
LUNCH - South Africa 56-1 (Kuhn 34, Amla 16).
Faf du Plessis said at the toss that it would be a tough first hour. And it was. Anderson and Broad were right on-point, swinging it the way they do. Helped along the way with decent seam assistance as well. On another day, the way they bowled would earn a slew of wickets.
But it wasn’t the case. Elgar pushed hard when he needn’t have to get Anderson in the book for the 300th time on home soil, but that was all. The credit principally goes to Heino Kuhn. At 33 years of age, his Test career could have been two games and no further had he fell cheaply again here as he did twice at Lord’s last week. He definitely received the best of the early barrage.
But a pattern emerged. Each time Kuhn was beaten, or hit (as he was twice, to the gloves by Broad then the Head by Wood) he kept his cool. No rash shot followed. After resetting, his range of strokes came as the session drew to a close, the highlight two crunches past point. Plenty of work to do, but heading in the right direction as he enjoys a sandwich.
As for Amla, with a minimum of fuss he has gone on to become the third South African to 8000 Test runs. The milestone was raised when he struck a boundary to pass eight. He looks equally as ready for a long stay.
A marginally shorter session due to a brief rain delay in the final half-hour, but they’ll make that up later. For now, I’ll grab a quick bite myself. Back in a jiffy. Enjoy a tune from the Smith Street Band. Who I would have seen live on Wednesday night if not for the Great Paddington Train Station Evacuation (as I’m calling it).
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LUNCH: 23rd over: South Africa 56-1 (Kuhn 34, Amla 16). “A brave decision to bat first,” the assessment of Nasser as the South African pair leave the field at lunch, Amla seeing off Stokes’ final over of the session without any drama. That it was. I’ll wrap it up in a tic.
While I do that, this is quite brilliant from Richard O’Hagan who pinged this email to Lawrence Booth in his OBO days back on 24 September 2007 (!): “May I use the medium of OBO to thank all of the OBOers who have contacted me to welcome the arrival of Littlest OBOer? He doesn’t have a name yet, but obviously Lawrence Robert Sean Scott Murray Paul Barry James Michael Andrew Thomas Paolo Samuel O’Hagan is a possibilty, if only because it will annoy the compilers of scorecards for years to come.”
He adds now, ten years on, that he went with William. Have a top weekend Richard. Hope your lad loves the game as much as you do.
22nd over: South Africa 56-1 (Kuhn 34, Amla 16). Up the gears Kuhn goes before lunch, boundaries in three consecutive overs. Not much a delivery that he profits from, short on his body, through square leg with nice timing. Considering the rugged old start he had with Anderson and Broad to begin, this has been a fine performance. More on that when we get to lunch at the end of the next over.
“KUHN!!!!” #ENGvSA pic.twitter.com/7M5p5wjJdo
— Dan Liebke (@LiebCricket) July 14, 2017
21st over: South Africa 51-1 (Kuhn 30, Amla 15). Stokes to Amla. He turns the strike over to midwicket half way through the set. Oh here’s Kuhn’s shot of the morning, absolutely creamed that back foot drive. Cut shot, almost, on reflection. Either way, it’s four runs. Would have travelled twice the required distance it was hit that well. With that, the visitors’ 50 is up. Good going from them.
20th over: South Africa 46-1 (Kuhn 26, Amla 14). Phwoar. Wood beaten Kuhn with an absolute beauty second ball back after rain for him. Pitched in line with off stump, spat away. Had to play. Missed the edge. The opener is jumpy against Wood, turning around to defend the next delivery front-on. Sure enough though, as he has all morning, Kuhn stays cool. When Wood misses a fraction wide he’s on top of the bounce and punching well through cover to the rope. Enjoyed his work. Deserves to get to lunch. Probably three overs until the break now.
A special bowler. pic.twitter.com/CmuOZaLFly
— England Cricket (@englandcricket) July 14, 2017
NOT OUT! He’s smaaaashed it. Bad review. Bad hit pad. Doubt it was hitting in line anyway. TV confirms. “I thought it was an emotional review from Stokes,” says Nas.
19th over: South Africa 42-1 (Kuhn 22, Amla 14)
THEY’RE BACK! HAS STOKES TRAPPED AMLA? Umpire says no. Root says yes. DRS to decide! Stand by!
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Let’s race through that corro.
My favourite of the day so far, Peter Salmon. “Regarding swappable names, as an Australian you might remember Gaslight Records in Melbourne, who used to have a calendar with different things each day for which you could get a free cd. One day the free cd was for having a first and last name that could be swapped. My friend Charles Davie was there in a flash, and did very nicely. You could also go in nude one day – the store was usually packed. But my favourite remains ‘Prove you are a photographer for a real estate agent’. Not sure that job still exists or whether agents do it themselves, but was lovely to see such an obscure job get a nod.” Not much encouragement required to get our kit off in that part of Melbourne.
Paddy Sturdee has a “slight tangent”, which I’m happy to go with. “My son’s name is James Anderson Sturdee. Though actually, it’s nothing to do with the bowler, just my mother’s maiden name. Only pointed out because it annoys me he (the bowler not my son) is always Jimmy these days not James.” Paddy subsequently wrote yelling at me for using Jimmy again.
Ed Taylor is watching closely. “The Mighty Ducks may be 25 this year (13th over, 12:03), but the greatest ice hockey (if not all sport) film of them all, 1977’s Slapshot, hits the big 4-0. Forget Butch Cassidy, Fast Eddie Felson or Doc “the Hudson Hornet” Hudson, Paul Newman’s greatest character was grizzled player-coach Reggie Dunlop. Old time hockey!” I haven’t seen it, so I can’t comment. What I will say is: quack. Quack. QUACK. QUACK!
Restart 12:45pm. Confirmed now on the TV. So only a brief stay off the ground. Good news.
This gives me an opportunity. To talk about another England side in operation at the moment. Ben Walker from the ECB has kindly brought me up to speed with the progress of the Learning Disability national side who are flying in their tri-series at the moment, smashing South Africa by 224 runs yesterday. The 40-over final is coming up on Monday. And how’s this: Dan Bowser made 108 from only 56 balls and went from 50 to 100 in 12 deliveries! HAVE THAT.
They are playing Australia today at Tattenhall Cricket Club. Google tells me up that’s up Liverpool way. If you’re about, and drop in, please say g’day to Lachlan MacRae from the Aussie team. He played under my captaincy for a couple of seasons at the Endeavour Hills CC in Melbourne. Has serious wheels. And a lovely kid.
Match 1: South Africa 173 all out. Eldrich George 44, Alex Jervis 5-46. England 174/4. Dan Bowser 84*
Match 2: Australia 110/4 match abandoned due to rain. Alex Jervis 3-19
Match 3, England 316/3. Dan Bowser 108, Chris Edwards 90. South Africa 92 all out. Chris Edwards 4-12, Tayler Young 3-49.
Dan Bowser went from 50 to 100 in just 1️⃣2️⃣ balls as England Learning Disability defeated South Africa by 224 runs!
— England Cricket (@englandcricket) July 13, 2017
Report to follow... pic.twitter.com/9Ry8GdYrnn
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Rain stops play
18.4 overs: South Africa 42-1 (Kuhn 22, Amla 10). Whaaaat? Rain? “From nowhere,” declares David Gower on the TV. It’s only a brief shower. A brief David Gower, if you like. It’s what I call mine. Anyway, he tells us they’ll be back before long, but the are very much off the field for now. Before the interuption Amla played the shot of the morning off Stokes. On the back foot up nice and high, crunching through point ala Joe Root.
18th over: South Africa 37-1 (Kuhn 21, Amla 10). I wonder what those sitting near me must be thinking as I keep instinctively going “oooyyyy” (or something like that) each time Wood passes the edge? As he does second up here to Amla with a beaut. But it’s the batsman who enjoys the better of the over, whipping a shorter delivery through the on-side for his second boundary. In doing so Hashim Amla brings up his 8000th Test run. A gentle acknowledgement as the announcement goes up. The third South African to get there. What a champion. More on him later. I’m sure Vic and Ali will be writing lovely words at stumps, especially if he goes on to make a score.
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17th over: South Africa 33-1 (Kuhn 21, Amla 6). Better from Stokes. Helped by his field, a four saved early in the set when Kuhn drives. He mixes things up with a couple outside the off-stump, then a bumper to keep the opener on his toes. A maiden it is
16th over: South Africa 33-1 (Kuhn 21, Amla 6). Wood nearly completes three maidens on the bounce. He’s maintaining a very honest line to Amla, not giving him the chance to leave anything alone. But he’s a bit full to finish, the South African collecting his first boundary with a belt-and-braces push through the covers. Two away from 8000.
Okay, one more. Ben Powell: “Our daughter was born on 3 December 2010 and I lobbied hard for Adelaide as an eminently suitable name. That lobbying continue for, oh, the next 4 or 5 days. Sadly, my wife was not to be swayed.”
I’m with her, I gotta say. If I have kids, they’re not going to be named after pro cricketers. They’re going to be named after Winnie Coooper. Got it? Form an orderly queue, prospective life partners.
15th over: South Africa 29-1 (Kuhn 21, Amla 2). Fuelled by some raspberry cordial, Ben Stokes on for his first jam roll of the day. And Kuhn enjoys the change, leaning onto the front foot for a picture-perfect cover drive. Really nice sound as it hits the middle of the bat. He’s into the 20s. Deservedly so. Stokes not quite on the mark here, a couple well wide. But it won’t take him long to work into it. His spell in the second dig at this ground in 2015 one of the best displays of swing bowling I’ve seen. Last ball of the over is in the channel. Better.
You’re still coming hard at me with names. And I love you for it, I truly do. But I think we have to move off it. Colin Noble takes it forward though, on procreation and Paul Collingwood. “I don’t know anyone who named their son after Paul Collingwood but my best mate did name his son Vaughan (born 2006 in case you were wondering) which also conveniently clears up the Rich’s confusion as to whether this qualified as a first name.”
14th over: South Africa 25-1 (Kuhn 17, Amla 2). Last over before drinks. Wood’s second maiden to begin. To Amla this time, who has a question to answer each time. Defending cautiously, then leaving close to his stumps. Quality start. There’s a shout for lbw in there too, but it is well above the knee-roll. They take a breather.
13th over: South Africa 25-1 (Kuhn 17, Amla 2). Broad tells Jimmy through stump mic that the ball is shining up nicely. But he probably needs to have a blow, this over the least threatening of his seven to date. In saying that, he wins an error from Kuhn, who has a lash at the last one in the gully region. But no miracle catch from Stokes this time, beyond even his diving talents.
#TheMightyDucks turns 25 this year – here's an ace on-set snap of the cast #ThrowbackOfTheDay pic.twitter.com/cAPdvkm41J
— NME (@NME) July 14, 2017
12th over: South Africa 20-1 (Kuhn 13, Amla 1). Mark Wood has just gotten himself on the plane to Australia. Not that he wasn’t on there anyway. But with a bouncer to Kuhn - a very quick bouncer that hits him in the head - he shows that he has that yard that you need in Brisbane. Thankfully, he’s fine. Turned his head on it before contact was made to the back of the lid. The second time that medical attention has been required this morning, having earlier copped one on the hand. Rapid from Wood throughout. Maiden to begin for him.
To round out name chat, and thanks for playing of course. Phil Sawyer has Paul David Collingwood. I didn’t think it worked. But he justifies: “I’ll bet the vast majority of OBOers would like to call one of their offspring Collingwood in honour of the great man.”
11th over: South Africa 20-1 (Kuhn 13, Amla 1). Tidy maiden from Anderson to Amla. These two know each other as well as any in world cricket. Atherton on the TV shows that his fullest delivery today was the one that picked up the wicket of Elgar. He beats Amla first up. He’s safely defending and leaving thereafter. Jimmy’s second maiden.
Now, I’ve created a monster asking you lot to hit me up with triple-barrel names. You’ve really tucked in. I’ll do my best.
Colin Noble makes the very good point that Chris Henry Morris :: James Michael Anderson.
Ben Lomas is about, citing William Gilbert Grace. Thank you, Ben.
Paul Moody says nice things about me. Hi Paul. But where are your names?
Mark Kiwan cites Matthew Lawrence Hayden. Perhaps this was too easy after all?
Joshua Cockburn has the hero of the dish to date: John William Henry Tyler Douglas. FIVE that could be first or surnames. Have that.
Keeping with that theme, Ben Powell has one with four: Robert George Dylan Willis.
James Michael Vince says Robin Hobbs. To be known as “the forgotten man” for the next decade. Me saying that, not Robin.
Rich goes with Michael Paul Vaughan. “Bit confused if Vaughan is a first name, because I was thinking Vaughan Williams, but his first name was Ralph, but seems to be known by Vaughan. I’m no expert on 20th century composers though.” Well what have you been doing with your life, then?
Okay, back to it.
10th over: South Africa 20-1 (Kuhn 13, Amla 1). Amla to the crease. He requires eight runs today in order to become South Africa’s third man to 8000 in Tests. What a mighty player. He gets the first of those from his hip. A bit uppish, but he’s on the board. On the telly Ian Botham makes some quip about the wasted money of Nasser’s tertiary education. Not sure of the context. Probably for the best. Chatting to Nick Miller across the desk here, we’re in agreeance that Botham would have “University of Life” and “School of Hard Knocks” listed on facebook for where he went. Later in the over, Kuhn tries to smash Broad through cover and misses by a long way. First moment of poor batting from him this morning.
WICKET! Elgar c Dawson b Anderson 6 (South Africa 18-1)
What a snaffle! Dawson at backward point had plenty of ground to make up to his right and timed the dive beautifully. Elgar has steered Anderson through the air, miscuing the stroke from the outside half of the bat. The great man is in the book and England are away, but it’s the catch that will give the Three Lions spinner plenty of confidence there ahead of his shift with the ball later on. Jimmy’s 300th Test wicket in England. Lad.
9th over: South Africa 18-1 (Kuhn 13, Amla 0).
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8th over: South Africa 18-0 (Elgar 6, Kuhn 12). One off the pads from Elgar to start against Broad. That’s the way to do it. Get down the other end when Broad has it in his hand. He’s penetrative throughout, but Kuhn is up to it, growing in confidence with each defensive stroke. Oops - except the last one. That’s quick and nasty, hitting him on the gloves. The doctor required for a look between overs. But he’s okay.
7th over: South Africa 17-0 (Elgar 5, Kuhn 12). Fair play to Heino Kuhn. Debuting at age 33 at Lord’s he was out twice in single digits. He’d probably know another double-failure here and it’s two and out for him. Yet here he is, against some class fast bowling, persisting then prospering. It’s a lovely full-blooded clobber off the back foot that punctuates this Anderson over, racing out to the rope. Good cricket. Into double figures for the first time. Not for nothing.
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6th over: South Africa 13-0 (Elgar 5, Kuhn 8). Nasty Stu. Second up here he’s smashing into Kuhn’s thigh with one that jags with venom. But the pattern continues, the opener retaining his cool then getting off strike with a clip. One ball to negotiate, Elgar is edging, but thickly. To the third man rope it goes. His first four.
Speaking of names, the man with the best in blogging, Johnny Starbuck, has dropped in. Hello. “You may have been there on the day Stuart Broad skirted the Australians but did you get the T-shirt? I did, it lists the entire Aussie innings in figures and wickets. Still have it, too.”
It’s a great shirt. But the twitter one is my favourite.
Richard on twitter as well. “Mention of ‘Pistol’ only makes me realise what a dearth of great nicknames there is in the game nowadays.”
You’re not wrong. If he was playing today he’d be “Reiffo” or some such. We’re lesser for it. Vish and I went on a deeeeep dive on twitter last week to find a nickname for Kiwi bat Katey Martin. We landed on Dimitri Mascarenhas. True story.
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5th over: South Africa 8-0 (Elgar 1, Kuhn 7). Good over for South Africa. Kuhn looked ripe to be worked over but has the confidence to get on the front dog and drive straight down the ground for a well-timed boundary. The first of the Test. Anderson beats the bat later in the set, striking the front pad. Jimmy doesn’t mind it, and has a chat to the captain Root. He’s right to deny the DRS challenge though as it’s missing leg-stump. A single off the pads towards backward square means he’ll keep the strike. Whether that’s a good thing or not with Broad going the way he is, time will tell.
Ed Taylor has an interesting take on names. “Good morning.” And to you, comrade. “While Christopher Henry Morris may be three forenames, it is also three surnames. There cannot be many cricketers over time with three names that can be used for either a first or family name?”
I’m not nimble enough for this task. But I’m tipping one of the friendly OBO community is. The perfect Friday morning time-waster. On your marks, get set, GO!
4th over: South Africa 2-0 (Elgar 1, Kuhn 2). Broad is putting on a clinic here. The jag he gets back into Kuhn has only just missed off-stump. The batsman had no chance. When Elgar is up the business end the test is equally challenging, the final ball cutting him in half whilst also moving away. I didn’t know that was possible. There’s a noise and Broad likes it - he always does, bless - but Pistol Paul Reiffel knows it was more thigh pad than edge. Correctly assessed, TV confirms.
3rd over: South Africa 2-0 (Elgar 1, Kuhn 1). This will require every bit of skill Kuhn has. Anderson beats him brutally with the first of the fresh set. It’s done a truckload away from the right-hander. But a nice response, absorbing a couple of deliveries off the shoulder off the bat before pushing into cover for a quickish single to get off the mark. Chuck the telly on, this is good.
Robin Hobbs is brief, to the point, in his opening correspondence of the day. “Christopher Henry Morris. Nice.” That it is. Three first names. It’s said you can’t trust a man with two. But three?
Neil Manthorp, SA broadcasting guru, asked on twitter how much the tourists are missing Steyn.
As much as I'm missing my dogs after almost seven weeks on tour. https://t.co/W3cHSoE7vj
— Neil Manthorp (@NeilManthorp) July 14, 2017
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2nd over: South Africa 1-0 (Elgar 1, Kuhn 0). Broad is coming from the Pavilion End. Get in. First up, around the wicket, has Elgar prodding to a ball that’s tailing. Into the wind, Shane Warne tells us. This is perfect bowling. Every delivery angling in and moving away. Elgar up to it, soft hands to each as they spit into the cordon. He does spray the penultimate delivery, but it’s the only respite. Maiden.
Ian Copesake is with us on the email about that cordon. As Warne would say (several times): “Nine slips needed, I reckon.” He has four. But could easily justify a couple more on the available evidence there.
Another OBO regular Phil Withall has popped in too. Hi Phil. “I may be wrong, and to find myself contradicting Smyth feels strange,” he begins. “But I think South Africa will grind out the day. There is no need for them to bat aggressively and they can’t be as poor as they were last time. I’m probably going to be wrong, then embarrased, then regretful of OBOing under the influence but it is a sincerely held opinion.” Bold.
1st over: South Africa 1-0 (Elgar 1, Kuhn 0). Elgar turns one square to begin. Then Jimmy finds his happy place with one that hooooops away from Kuhn first up. Late swing, the best kind of swing. Wins an outside edge next up, albeit straight along the carpet. He averages 19.3 at the ground, 53 scalps including two ten-wicket matches. As you do, Jimmy. To think some people reckon you’re no good. Trust me, I’m Australian, they exist. Much the same throughout the set, squaring up the opener routinely. He’s on.
We're away!
Jimmy has the ball in his hand. Let’s play.
One more thing before we start.
We have quite a few England teams going around, with the women going wonderfully. Vish has written a up a cracking interview with Nat Sciver. Read all the way to the end, as it is one of the great sign-offs to a piece. Expect more Women’s World Cup chat from me as we go through the morning. Shaping up as an excellent tournament and the hosts are top of the pops with one group game to go.
We’re all gathering.
Andy Wilson has dropped me a line. No, not that Andy Wilson. I hope he’s reading from ECB Towers, mind.
“I am not ‘pretending to work’! I have not even read your excellent preview. It has just been solid effort from me. I probably won’t even glance at the OBO. Just graft on,” Thanks Andy.
Rob Smyth is foreshadowing an all-out 90 for South Africa. You’ll hear from him later. Actually, they just showed some of the maaaaaad 1998 action between England and South Africa. I’m sure an astute lot like you have already read his epic piece on the Headingley fixture already, but I’ll drop it in a link below.
My main man from freelancers row in the press box Gary Naylor is tweeting away: “I hope South Africa make 61 at least, for Faf’s sake @collinsadam. It’s probably a bit too cold to really hoop, but it might go just enough.”
I witnessed that 8-for-15 from the best seat in the joint. Can I plug a piece from two years ago? Why not. Augie March reference off the top that I was reasonably pleased with. Even if it wasn’t even their best song. This was.
Matt Doherty asks me what Steve Smith would have done had he won the toss this morning. Well, given he’s in funemployment at the moment, I suspect he’d’ve elected to play golf.
Okay, we’re nearly there. Promise. Five minutes.
To confirm those XIs
England: Cook, Jennings, Ballance, Root, Bairstow, Stokes, Moeen, Dawson, Broad, Wood, Anderson.
South Africa: Elgar, Kuhn, Amla, du Plessis, Bavuma, de Kock, Morris, Phlander, Majaraj, Olivier, Morkel
Anderson and Broad are marking out their runs. Hope that Broad comes from the Pavilion again as he did in 2015. Scenes.
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South Africa have won the toss and will bat
“The first hour will be a challenge but we’re ready for it,” says Faf. Joe Root says they were going to have a trundle anyway. So they’re all happy.
England unchanged as expected. Chris Morris is into the South African XI alongside the skipper and Duanne Olivier. Duminy and du Bruyn left out, Rabada suspended.
Welcome to the Second Test from Trent Bridge!
A good morning to you all. As they all are at the start of a Test. A fresh track, expectations, a buoyant crowd. All the bits and pieces that make our game special.
Of course, the previous time we were at Nottingham Stuart Broad had his perfect day and won the Ashes in the space of about 45 minutes. As an Australian I’m constitutionally obliged to say that I’m still in therapy about that. But that’s a lie, I loved it too.
Joe Root made a ton that day as well, it’s often forgotten. How about his first week in charge? Massive hundred. Knock off South Africa inside four days. Easy peasy, this captaincy caper.
He comes into this fixture being able to utter the best two words in the business at the toss: Unchanged XI. Liam Dawson again joins Moeen Ali as Englan’s spin twins with Toby Roland-Jones mixing the cordial.
Gary Ballance is the man under pressure. That’s probably a bit stiff given he gutsed it out in both innings, his 34 on Saturday not at all for nothing in the context of a wild old ride on the weekeend. But that’s Blockbusters. Full disclosure: I’m a fan, and that will be reflected in my commentary.
As for Moeen. He spent the time between Tests swearing he’s a batsman who bowls a bit after claiming a 10fer at Lord’s. Yeah, righto mate. Pull the other one.
As for the South Africans, they are under the pump for a host of reasons. For what little this is worth, the last time they played here was 2003, and lost. It is, of course, the venue of the 1998 Donald v Atherton epic.
Faf is back with the armband after missing the series opener due to the birth of his first child. All is well on that front, which is good news. He’s a backs against the wall merchant from way back, so coming from one-nil behind won’t bother him whatsoever.
I hope he has packed his mints for his new quick, Duane Olivier. The right-arm seamer replaces Kagiso Rabada who was lippy once too often at Lord’s and has been suspended. Not sure I much like that, but what can you do? This is the modern age.
I must admit, I haven’t seen much of Olivier apart from the package Sky showed of him before in his only Test against Sri Lanka. Shaun Pollock says he moves it away from right-handers with a classic side-on action. Like, like. At a decent clip. Like again.
JP Duminy has been left out after a double-fail last week, perhaps for the final time after a long and sketchy career at this level. We’ve seen the best of him downunder, but not so much in England. Hard-hitting Chris Morris is expected to come in for de Bruyn as the all-rounder.
We’ll know for sure soon enough with toss and teams due about five minutes from now. Looking forward to your company throughout the first half of the day. The King of the genre, Rob Smyth, is replacing me later on. So that’s good news for those of you buckling up for a long day pretending to work.
In the best traditions of the OBO, let’s chat. Hit me here for your best bits, and here for your worst.
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Adam will be here shortly. Here’s Vic Marks on the long-term puzzle for Joe Root after his perfect start as England Test captain:
Joe Root recognises it cannot possibly be so simple in Nottingham. The expectation is that the pitch will not deteriorate so rapidly and that South Africa, with the return of their captain, Faf du Plessis, will rediscover the discipline that has often been their hallmark.
Usually they hold their catches and it would be surprising and a source of much distress in their camp if their bowlers overstepped as frequently as they did at Lord’s. Sadly Kagiso Rabada, banned for one game thanks to his own exuberance, the intrusive presence of the stump mic and a blinkered adherence to the letter of the law, will not be one of those bowlers.
There are still conundrums about Root’s team. They possess a reassuring spine, starting with Alastair Cook at the top through to Root and on to the all‑rounders, Jonny Bairstow, Stokes and Moeen Ali, with plenty of experience at the bottom provided Jimmy Anderson and Stuart Broad remain fit. There are also at least three players who have yet to establish themselves as regulars, Gary Ballance, Keaton Jennings and Dawson.
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