Thanks for bearing with me and sorry I’ve not had time to put up more of your messages. Thank you too to Nick, a hand-holder extraordinaire. Some sweet reports from Vic Marks and Ali Martin will be along shortly. Good evening!
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And the England man of the series “for his consistency with the ball and devastating effect with the bat”.... you don’t need to ask, do you? There is yet another pose with yet another cheque and yet another interview. Mo looks down a lot and is not fully au fait in team-England chat. What a lovely man!
Root picks up the D’Oliveria trophy - the first time England have beaten South Africa at home for 20 years.
And the Manchester weather behaved too!
The man of the match award goes to ...Moeen Ali! Of course it does. A modest looking Ali carries his giant cheque away.
The South African man of the series is Morne Morkel - £4000! “The most important thing is to keep on asking questions,” says Morkel.
So Root’s first Test series ends in a win against South Africa, a test which has felled more experienced men over the years.
England move on to Edgbaston with question marks in their top order, but no doubts at all about the quality of their three very different, all-rounders.
And South Africa have rebuilding to do.
“I know I am the only person in the world outside the ICC who cares about the rankings for Test teams,” writes Rahman Sumit, “but I want to point out that even though in a sense England didn’t have much pressure to win this game as even with a tied series they retain the d’Oliviera trophy, in terms of ranking points a win in the final game is effectively worth double points for taking the series too. And as South Africa are currently above England, we get a lot of points. We will leapfrog Australia, which is always a nice feeling. And if Australia slip up in Bangladesh later this summer – which is surely a possibility – they’ll lose a lot of points as Bangladesh are so far behind them in points. We don’t catch up to South Africa, but close the gap, to 4th place (behind India, clear blue water, and South Africa).”
Rahman, I’m sure there are fellow rankings fans here? And if not here, where?
Nasser thinks that England used the ten day gap between the Trent Bridge and Oval Tests wisely, and that South Africa squandered it. Who knows the truth, but England will now go to Edgbaston and to the first meeting with the West Indies cock-a-hoop with confidence.
England win by 177 runs and take the series 3-1
Another England win and another day that belonged to Moeen Ali. Five for 69, following lovely second innings runs that gave England that crucial breathing space yesterday. Man of the day, match, series, year?
WICKET! Olivier c Stokes b Ali 0 - South Africa 202 all out.
A first ball edge! Moeen Ali’s fifth wicket - and a simple catch to Ben Stokes at slip. England win by 177 runs and take the series 3-1.
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WICKET! Morne Morkel c Root b Ali 1 - South Africa 202 /9
Morkel has a swish at Moeen and only succeeds in delivering it straight to Root, another double-handed catch.
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WICKET! Kasigo Rabada c Westley b Anderson 1 - South Africa 195/8
Anderson’s second ball from around the wicket does it for Rabada, who chips to cover where Westley catches with both hands at full stretch!
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61st over: South Africa 194-7 (Maharaj 13, Rabada 1) - target 380 Maharaj swipes at Moeen, past mid-off and away for four.
The Old Trafford crowd are getting increasingly chanty in the sun.
60th over: South Africa 188-7 (Maharaj 8, Rabada 0) - target 380
Kind words from Lindsay Anthony. “Can I say welcome to OBO, Tanya, from one of the small but select group of female readers?”
Lindsay, I don’t know if there are any stats on that - I’ll try to find out.
59th over: South Africa 184-7 (Maharaj 4, Rabada 0) - target 380 A good over from Mo. One small heart-worry for South Africa when the umpire calls for a review after Moeen gets a finger to a ball that is driven back at the stumps, but Rabada had his bat safely grounded .
58th over: South Africa 183-7 (Maharaj 3, Rabada 0) - target 380
du Plessis throws his bat up in disappointment as he trudges off the field. What a shame after all that concentration. And that, must be that. Rabada faces Anderson with two slips and a gully waiting hungrily, and manages to dig away a yorker from the last ball of the over. A wicket maiden.
WICKET! Faf du Plessis c Bairstow b Anderson 61-South Africa 183-7
du Plessis attempts a cut but it is too close, too close to his body and an easy chest-high catch for Bairstow.
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57th over: South Africa 183-6 (du Plessis 61, Maharaj 3) - target 380 Mo is straight back into his stride, with plenty of encouragement from the handy and vocal collection of close fielders. Just a single from the over.
56th over: South Africa 182-6 (du Plessis 60, Maharaj 3) - target 380 The first over after tea comes from Jimmy Anderson, who needed a good stretch before running in. Maharaj shows every ball due respect and it is a maiden.
Stephen Macmillam: “So, barring a miracle evening session Jimmy Anderson will still not have a 5-for at a ground that now has an end named after him. At 35, he is surely running out of time to get on the honours board. Are there any other examples of people having stands named after them at grounds where they weren’t on the honours board? (I guess there may be stands built and named after people after they retired, but stands in stadia where people actually played?)“
Stephen, that is a question for my old friend and colleague Steven Lynch...
And so the players walk out for what, surely, possibly, maybe, will be the final session of the series.
“Be good, Tanya.” writes John Starbuck. “You have the chance in your second innings of your OBO debut to see England through to winning the game and the series.How do other OBO writers’ records compare? Careful now.”
John, I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t bet more than a penny on me. To date I have floundered for a return of zero, whilst Nick sailed along smoothly taking every wicket to fall.
Tea: South Africa 182-6, chasing 380 to win
Oh Mo, wonderful Mo. Man of the series, man of the match, man of my heart. Those three quick wickets might not have been the ones to win the match, because 380 was always going to be a tough ask even with Amla and du Plessis going well, but they’ve certainly broken the back of this South African innings. Can England wrap this one up this evening? Tanya Aldred will be here to tell you after tea - email her on Tanya.Aldred.freelance@theGuardian.com. Cheers!
55th over: South Africa 182-6 (du Plessis 59, Maharaj 3) - target 380 Moeen spins one through Maharaj’s gate and it somehow misses more or less everything. Which is just as well because Bairstow juggles and drops it anyway. Du Plessis goes on the sweep and gets a single, and that’s tea.
Oh Benjamin, you are awful...but I like you.
Surely no-one can survive de Kock and de Bruyn being removed in quick succession#ENGvSA @NickMiller79
— Benjamin Parker (@bnjmnprkr) August 7, 2017
54th over: South Africa 179-6 (du Plessis 59, Maharaj 1) - target 380 Du Plessis has got to do this on his own now. And by ‘this’, I mean score 200+ with minimal help from his theoretical colleagues. He comes down the pitch to Roland-Jones, and gets four with a terrific on-drive, but is squared up by a very nice away-mover next up, and edges just short of Moeen at point. Maharaj wafts at one like his bat is a horse’s tail trying to dismiss a fly, and luckily for him doesn’t edge it. A thicker edge does get a single, and Maharaj keeps strike, which will be fine by England.
53rd over: South Africa 173-6 (du Plessis 54, Maharaj 0) - target 380 “If England go on to win this Test then surely Moeen Ali has just confirmed he is England’s Man of the Series?” writes Jonathan Chater. And he sent that before that last over.
WICKET! de Bruyn c Stokes b Ali 0 - South Africa 173-6
Mo! Mo! Mo! De Bruyn plays a jabby shot going back to his second ball, it doesn’t really spin and Stokes snaffles one at shin height. The end, quite probably, is nigh.
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WICKET! de Kock c Cook b Ali 1 - South Africa 173-5
Lovely shot from du Plessis to bring up his fifty: he wristily flicks just wide of mid-on and to the boundary. The skip has batted brilliantly, but will it be enough? Not if his partners keep playing shots like that, it won’t: de Kock drives out of the rough, and somewhat inevitably edges to Cook at second slip, who takes a sharp one.
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52nd over: South Africa 168-4 (du Plessis 49, de Kock 1) - target 380 Parliament/James Brown/Bootsy Collins levels of funk in the field now. Short mids both on and off, plus a short cover. Du Plessis shoves a couple just in front of mid-wicket, rather wisely turning down de Kock’s suggestion of going for a third, but takes a single from a clip off his knees. De Kock drives pleasantly for one, kept to that by a fine diving stop from Broad.
51st over: South Africa 163-4 (du Plessis 45, de Kock 0) - target 380 Now Mo has some rough to work with, as the lefty de Kock arrives. And the first ball lands in that rough, and rags square, just missing the outside edge.
WICKET! Amla lbw b Ali 83 - South Africa 163-4
And it is dead. Huge, huge, huge wicket.
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Review!
Amla goes a long way across his stumps to Moeen, he’s struck on his pads and it looks very, very close, but the ump says no. It looks dead, in fact. They go upstairs...
50th over: South Africa 162-3 (Amla 83, du Plessis 44) - target 380 The brief Root experiment is over, and Roland-Jones is back. Anderson then donates two runs to du Plessis, the first by misfielding a simple drive to him at mid-off, the second after being a little casual, to say the least, about chasing his own mistake. Not ideal from Anderson, not ideal at all. Then: a chance! Faf drives in the air just past the bowler, at what we’re obliged to call A Catchable Height, but he can’t hang on, and it flies to the boundary! O, woe is ToRoJo!
49th over: South Africa 155-3 (Amla 83, du Plessis 38) - target 380 Woof! Amla takes a couple of delicate strides down the pitch and launches Mo high, high, high over his head for six. One more single from each batsman for the over.
48th over: South Africa 147-3 (Amla 76, du Plessis 37) - target 380 Root continues, and he’s trying around the wicket. Well, for a bit: after three balls he reverts to over, and he gives du Plessis some driving practice, which he accepts by sending one to the long-off fence.
“Seems like it was a superb innings from Alex Hales the other night,” writes Rich Ibbetson, “but the real star of the show was Usman Arshad, who, according to BBC Sport, had an economy rate of a very impressive infinity for the match. Not too sure exactly how that happened, or if that is how it is normally presented on a scorecard…? Any else know of any instances of bowlers being rewarded with an abstract concept for their efforts?”
47th over: South Africa 143-3 (Amla 76, du Plessis 33) - target 380 Delicious cut from Amla through point brings up the 100 partnership with a four. Moeen is a bit tighter with his lines for the rest of the over, and Amla prods at them with a little more circumspection.
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46th over: South Africa 139-3 (Amla 72, du Plessis 33) - target 380 Oh, look at this: Root’s into the attack, and serves up an...interesting over. Some floaty and light, one fired in back of a good length. Anyway, four runs from it.
“I thought the pitch was being billed a bowler’s dream?” frets Johnny Dixon. “It’s doing nothing for them. I’m really getting nervous now.”
The pitch has flattened a bit, but maybe it’s the ball too: there will still be plenty of moisture out there so perhaps that’s why the bowlers aren’t getting so much from it.
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45th over: South Africa 135-3 (Amla 69, du Plessis 32) - target 380 “Afternoon Nick,” begins Phil Sawyer, winding up for some primo quality, top-drawer bullsh*t. “If we take a lead from Amod’s query and define jiffy as the measure of time until England seal a win, for Modern England a jiffy can be hard to quantify as it very much depends on which England team turns up. Because of this uncertainty principle, a modern jiffy is known as a Quantum Jiffy. Back in the 90s, a jiffy could go on for quite some considerable time, and was usually only broken by the last match of a series. Thus in the 90s a jiffy was known as a Dead Rubber Jiffy. Which isn’t rude, but sounds like it should be.”
Anyway, three runs from the over, two of which were from an Amla reverse-sweep that he made a bit of a mess of, and it trickled down to back-stopish and they trundle through for a couple.
44th over: South Africa 132-3 (Amla 67, du Plessis 31) - target 380 Thing about Amla is he makes the potentially ugly look extremely beautiful. Thus, a jabbed back-foot drive zips to the boundary with the batsman looking like the most graceful thing in the world. And then, a few balls later, he does it again. We’ve missed this version of Hash. What a player.
Here’s headwear-scoffer Patrick Brennan (11.22): “Hats are tasty, I hear #playfortherain”
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43rd over: South Africa 123-3 (Amla 59, du Plessis 30) - target 380 Here’s Mo, in for a bowl from the J.Anderson End. Faf sweeps him for a single, but that’s the only run from the over, which also features Amla jabbing the ball into his pads and hopping around a bit as he retreats to his ground.
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42nd over: South Africa 122-3 (Amla 59, du Plessis 29) - target 380 Stokes bowls a broadly tight over, then the last ball is complete filth, way down leg that Amla languidly clips fine for four.
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41st over: South Africa 118-3 (Amla 55, du Plessis 29) - target 380 Starting to get into funky field territory now. Root has positioned himself at that that short mid-on position, almost standing on the cut strip, as Broad pursues a straightish line. Oh, until that one, a wider delivery that Du Plessis efficiently and rather splendidly drives to the ropes.
A couple of suggestions for what constitutes a jiffy:
From John Starbuck: “A Jiffy is the amount of time it takes to put something into a bag.”
And Huw Swanborough: “A jiffy is the time it takes light to travel 1cm in a vacuum - 33.3564 picoseconds.”
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40th over: South Africa 114-3 (Amla 55, du Plessis 25) - target 380 Stokes sets up a field that suggests some short stuff is on the way, but a very full one is edged by Amla, but bounces well before Cook at slip. No runs from the over.
“Amod Paranjape (2nd over) has gone quiet – what exactly counts as ‘a jiffy’?” writes Tom Levesley. This is just a long demonstration of why England cricket fans will never truly be able to ‘believe’.
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39th over: South Africa 114-3 (Amla 55, du Plessis 25) - target 380 Amla rocks back and goes for a big drive, but a thick inside-edge flashes not far past the stumps and he collects a rather fortunate single down to fine leg. That’s one of three singles in the over, one a leg-bye.
“Looking at the very likely rained-off Tuesday, and with a few hours left today surely the draw is a likely scenario. The bookies disagree putting a SA win at 6/1 and a draw at 10/1 with England odds on favourites to win. What am I missing?”
The first thing is that most of the bookies will be England-based, so the money and thus the odds will be skewed that way. But also there’s still every chance of a clatter in the next few hours: if England get these two out, there might not be a huge amount of resistance from the rest of the South African order.
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38th over: South Africa 111-3 (Amla 53, du Plessis 25) - target 380 Faf drives at Stokes, uppishly, and for a brief second it looks as if a caught and bowled is on the cards, but it drops short. Root has briefly departed the field, possibly for a tactical pow-wow with the management. Not that Trevor Bayliss, a hands-off type who appears to see himself as more of a laid-back vibe-wrangler, will necessarily have a huge amount of input there. Two singles from the over, one another briefly aerial drive from Amla, plus a two flicked through square-leg by Du Plessis, and it’s time for everyone to have a drink.
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37th over: South Africa 107-3 (Amla 52, du Plessis 22) - target 380 A couple of rather hopeful emails have come in welcoming me back, purely on the basis that wickets were tumbling all over the shop before lunch, but while Tanya was in the chair Amla became Amla again and it looked comfortable. Broad tries to remove that comfort, sending down an over of mainly short stuff, but Amla isn’t overly troubled.
36th over: South Africa 107-3 (Amla 52, du Plessis 22) - target 380 Amla looks relatively settled here. Stokes sends down an over, of which more than an ideal number of balls were around his hip. Just a single from the over.
And, back to Nick Miller until tea. Email him on Nick.Miller@theGuardian.com
35th over: South Africa 106-3 (Amla 51, du Plessis 22) - target 380. Broad flicked for four by du Plessis and the pressure has eased a little here for South Africa.
34th over: South Africa 102-3 (Amla 51, du Plessis 18) - target 380. Its a double bowling-change with Ben Stokes replacing Moeen. Amla whips his first ball sharply for four, and then a pull from the third ball makes that a fifty from 100 balls, with 9 fours. Amla starting to ooze zen-like calm.
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33rd over: South Africa 94-3 (Amla 43, du Plessis 18) - target 380 Roland Jones has been rested after three overs for 24; Broad is back from the James Anderson end. And the television shows Old Trafford bathed in almost-sunlight. Remarkable. The 50 partnership up from 83 balls and du Plessis ends the over with a beautiful punch down the ground for four.
32nd over: South Africa 89-3 (Amla 42, du Plessis 14) - target 380 du Plessis sweeps Moeen to cries of catch but it falls far from anyone useful . AndRoot is making a bowling change
31st over: South Africa 81-3 (Amla 41, du Plessis 11) - target 380 Another sweet drive from Amla from Roland-Jones, who is being served regular advice by Anderson and Broad.
Richard Mansell offers up an interesting observation. “David Boon was no Colossus either, which meant that more balls were short for him than for taller batsmen and allowing him to use his wicked pull shot.” Is this a general advantage do you think?
30th over: South Africa 75-3 (Amla 35, du Plessis 11) - target 380
29th over: South Africa 72-3 (Amla 33, du Plessis 10) - target 380 du Plessis gets a screamer into the ribs from Roland-Jones which bounces from no-where. Stokes at gully is most amused. du Plessis releases some hurt with a huge swish for four from the last ball of the over.
28th over: South Africa 66-3 (Amla 33, du Plessis 4) - target 380 Moeen, who I now realise sure does wizz through his bowling, restores a semblance of order with only five from the over.
... incidentally, I’ve been told on good authority that when Darren Gough saw Graeme Thorpe at the Under-19 game at Cardiff this very morning, Gough said to Thorpe: ““I’m always surprised how tall you are when I see you in the flesh”.
27th over: South Africa 61-3 (Amla 29, du Plessis 3) - target 380
Jimmy Anderson has had enough for now and Toby RoJo, who incidentally looks like a tall man, replaces him. Amla drives away from his body for four. And twice more in the over, graceful driving. He is beginning to look, dare I say, more comfortable.
Robert Wilson has had enough height-chat.
“Enough with the thinly-veiled (and increasingly eugenic) heightism. ‘Tis unworthy of cricket folk in particular. As anyone who saw defiant, super-munchkin warrior prince, Sunil Gavaskar giving it loads against the 80s West Indies can attest. One can learn a similar lesson by vexing unusually small Scottish men in certain well-known Glasgow bars. That said, Tom Cruise is on his own...”
That’s true Robert, and not forgetting those other pint-pots Lara and Tendulkar. But incidentally...
26th over: South Africa 49-3 (Amla 17, du Plessis 3) - target 380 A nifty reverse-sweep for four from Amla off Moeen. Shane Warne reckons that Moeen is bowling a trifle full.
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25th over: South Africa 43-3 (Amla 12, du Plessis 2) - target 380 Anderson plugging away, patience, patience. Another maiden as the South African batsmen swot away flies during their between-overs chat.
Guy Mavor writes a poignant message on behalf of his mum:
“On the subject of heights, my mum (5ft11) tells a good story of when her heart broke a little in the 1980s when she bumped into a small man on her way out of a restaurant. Looking down, she discovered it was Robert Redford.”
I feel for her Guy, though as a five foot 2er, it is not an experience I can share.
24th over: South Africa 43-3 (Amla 12, du Plessis 2) - target 380 More tight bowling from Moeen. Another maiden pencilled into the book and the pressure builds on South Africa
23rd over: South Africa 43-3 (Amla 12, du Plessis 2) - target 380
Superb bowling here from Anderson, huge appeal for a catch behind, which looked convincing in real time, but the ball just glanced Amla’s back leg.
And thank you for all your lovely emails... I will get around to them in a minute, just struggling slightly with the technicalities..
22nd over: South Africa 42-3 (Amla 12, du Plessis 1) - target 380 Big appeal from England for an lbw against Amla, turned down.
21st over: South Africa 41-3 (Amla 12, du Plessis 0) - target 380 Root brings Anderson back after lunch, a tight, accurate maiden. Jimmy hits Amla sharply on the hand. Ouch.
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20th over: South Africa 41-3 (du Plessis 0, Amla 12) - target 380 A tight first over from Moeen after lunch.
The players are back on after lunch, du Plessis on 0.
Neil Taylor has got a bee in his bonnet, and it is Tom Cruise.
“I give you:
Name Jack Reacher
Measurements 6’5”, 220-250 lbs., 50” chest
Name Tom Cruise
Measurements 5’7”, 148 lbs
Eugh.”
“Afternoon, Tanya,” says Richard O’ Hagan, “and welcome to the OBO. You are treading a path that many can only dream of. Now, if you could make like John Lever and pick up seven wickets in your first Test innings, we’d be very grateful.”
Richard, I’ll do my very best.
Thank you Nick. And for the hat, which I’m going to frame rather than eat. But if I did have to eat a hat, it would be a Christmas cracker crown, which I know is a bit of a cop out.
Now it’s over to Tanya Aldred, making her over-by-over dayboo. So be nice to her. There was a small but dignified ceremony earlier in which Andy Bull handed over her first cap. Send your emails on heights, eating hats and so on to tanya.aldred.freelance@theguardian.com
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Here’s a quick round-up of some more tall-short people nominations, before I hand over to Tanya.
Robert Hogg writes: “Surprising heights is an excellent topic. Some nominations from me of people who appear short but are actually quite tall.
- Shay Given
- Karl Pilkington
- Mike from Breaking Bad
“On the other side of the spectrum, I’d always assumed form the music videos that Anastasia is an Amazonian giant. But she’s not! And Ariana Grande cannot be more than 4’7”.
“Sorry for the lack of cricket references. Although I remember once thinking that Graham Thorpe was quite short in the flesh.”
And here’s James Cherry: “Brad Guzan, the former Aston Villa goalkeeper, 5 ft 9 at best and yet, according to Wikipedia, 6 ft 4. I spent years wondering why Villa chose to employ such a short shot stopper.”
“Re Andy Cooke’s run chase/4th innings stats,” writes Mark Gillespie, referring to way back at 11.35am. “While he does make some good points, the large grey cliché in the room he’s ignoring is scoreboard pressure. While England could in theory have gone on to get many more from 294-4, if the target have been over 400 rather than under 300, would they have reached 294 with only 4 down, or would the different psychology of the scenario have caused them to crumble earlier?”
Lunch: South Africa 40-3 - chasing 380 to win
A very satisfactory morning for England: three early wickets, some excellent bowling and they will be optimistic of getting this all wrapped up with a day to spare.
WICKET! Bavuma c Bairstow b Roland-Jones 12 - South Africa 40-3
Snicko, or whatever we’re calling it now, shows a spike, and Bavuma goes from the last ball before lunch.
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Review!
Roland-Jones beats Bavuma, not out, the bowler isn’t convinced but everyone behind the wicket is, and they go upstairs...
18th over: South Africa 40-2 (Amla 11, Bavuma 12) - target 380 More sweepin’ off Mo, which brings Bavuma a single, then Amla swipes a slightly shorter one off his pads, a delicious shot which zips to the mid-wicket fence. Probably one more over before lunch.
17th over: South Africa 35-2 (Amla 7, Bavuma 11) - target 380 The rain robs Amla of four: he plays a smashing flicked on drive just wide of mid-on, but the outfield is so wet that Broad comfortably chases it down, saving one run. They pick up a few quick singles, and do seem to be trying a little more urgency with those runs. Probably sensible.
Hat-chowing preference news, from Ben Parker: “I would eat a T20 umpire’s hat so the camera could provide an interesting documentary of it’s route through my digestive system.”
Probably quite a limited audience for that doc, Ben.
16th over: South Africa 29-2 (Amla 3, Bavuma 9) - target 380 Here’s Mo, for the Obligatory Over Of Spin Before Lunch. Actually, he might get two - two! - if they get a wriggle on. Plenty of spin first up, and it’s interesting that the first two shots both batsmen attempt are sweeps: could be dangerous. They pick up a single each, then Jennings at short-leg gets nailed by another on his arm. Ooof, that’ll sting. There’s an appeal for a catch to the very same man, but Jennings shakes his head when asked if there was any bat involved.
“I have a friend who is objectively better than me,” writes Michael - presumably never Mike - Hunt. “Smarter, better looking, fitter, a doctor compared to whatever the hell I do. But I am (according to today’s testimony) in the George Bush/Hugh Jackman height bracket, the right side of 6 foot in other words. He is and forever shall be 5 foot 11 and a half. ‘Tis on such things I find succour. Also, similarly the current occupant of the big American desk is another 6’2er. Always seems more of a 5’8 and heels type.”
15th over: South Africa 25-2 (Amla 2, Bavuma 6) - target 380 Here’s Toby Roland-Jones for a bowl. Bavuma inches forwards and drives, edges, but it goes low enough not to be a wicket risk and it scuttles to the boundary.
“I’ve never eaten a hat, Nick,” confesses Simon McMahon. “But if I had to, one of Viv Richards’ West Indies batting caps would be near the top of my ‘hats I’d like to eat’ list, alongside the one Alex Higgins sometimes wore when entering a snooker hall.”
If you had to eat a hat, what hat would you eat? I’ll go for a Baggy Green, just to see what some of those old-school, team song singin’ Aussies would say.
14th over: South Africa 20-2 (Amla 2, Bavuma 1) - target 380 Nasser reckons Broad’s legs are pumping, which isn’t as rum as it sounds: he’s in good form, bowling well and so forth. Still, Amla leaves most of this over. That might be England’s opening pair done for the moment.
If any selectors happen to be reading, I’ll just leave this here...
LUNCH Notts 214-4, six runs behind. Hales in blistering form 79* Wessels 12* #bbccricket
— Dave Bracegirdle (@bracecricket) August 7, 2017
Wessels for England!
13th over: South Africa 20-2 (Amla 2, Bavuma 1) - target 380 Amla’s tactic to negate the away movement is to walk across his stumps, to the point that by the time it reaches him, you can basically see leg peg. The occasional yorker might cause him a bit of woe, here. But for the moment Anderson is doing fine with the outrageous movers: that one pitched on about middle, flew past off and Bairstow took it around chest height. A half-appeal for LBW from the last ball, but that was heading way down, and they take a leg-bye.
“Good height chat today,” notes a generous Neil Taylor. “My own contribution is I always remember how surprised I was when Bill Beaumont and Beefy occasionally came from behind their desks (?) on A Question of Sport, to find that they were the same height (give or take an inch). A lock the same height as a mildly pudgy all-rounder? Wouldn’t happen these days, especially as Morne is a little short to be a lock.”
And here’s Jackie Woodworth: “George W Bush is an implausible 6’ 1’’, on the subject of short-looking tall men.”
12th over: South Africa 19-2 (Amla 2, Bavuma 1) - target 380 Still no fun batting out there. A relatively quiet over this time, with just the one ball to Bavuma that zipped past the edge - although he inside-edges the final ball onto his feet, and he jumps quickly to prevent it going anywhere near the stumps.
This Test match stuff is all well and good, but if you like your cricket county, then Gary Naylor has a round-up of the talking points from the last round of games for you.
11th over: South Africa 19-2 (Amla 2, Bavuma 1) - target 380 Bavuma is the new bat, coming in at four again as South Africa muck around with their order. He gets off the mark with a tuck off his hips.
Today’s emails have taken a slightly unexpected turn. Here’s Harry Coleman:
“It feels pertinent to offer my own hat eating yarns. The first (sigh) comes at a slightly more complicated (or more simple?) time in my life. I’m in Varanasi, India in 2011. They are just about to win the World Cup - a night which precipitated into one of the maddest street parties I have ever seen. My friend bets he would eat a hat - that we’d somehow picked up along our journey - for the rupee equivalent of 40 sterling. When it comes to the crunch he backs out and I offer my own services. Over three evenings, I incorporate the hat into my meals (noodles good, dal bad) and... how you say... see it off. For 40 quid.
“The second time is four years later. I’ve graduated from University and the wiser me decides to put my proven garment eating ability to the test for charity. A white beanie is consumed - this time over a series of meal and drink challenges. I was stupid enough to record it. Anyone wanting to see what it’s like to eat a hat can do so here...”
WICKET! Kuhn c Cook b Anderson 11 - South Africa 18-2
There was a certain inevitability to that: Kuhn jabs at one that Anderson gets to shape just enough, and Cook drops to take a simple shin-high catch.
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10th over: South Africa 18-1 (Kuhn 11, Amla 2) - target 380 Kuhn collects a couple of runs with a forced cut in front of square - not especially attractive, nor well-timed, but at the moment South Africa will take what they can get. Then three more come from a slightly more attractive drive, but still not particularly well timed. Amla gets off the mark through mid-wicket, and a positive avalanche of runs from the over: seven.
9th over: South Africa 11-1 (Kuhn 6, Amla 0) - target 380 Anderson beats the bat a couple more times: shall we just assume he’s doing that all the time and I’ll tell you otherwise? Cool. Another maiden.
Some more short/tall chat:
“Hugh Jackman is 6’2” writes Richard Smyth. “I find this hard to accept. That is all.”
Actually, I think if someone - for whatever reason - had asked me to guess how tall Hugh Jackman is, I’d have said exactly 6’2”.
8th over: South Africa 11-1 (Kuhn 6, Amla 0) - target 380 Kuhn chases a short wide one and misses - when batting is this tough, no need to take risks like that. A maiden.
“In a very surprising development, CNN’s Trump-baiting Chris Cuomo just now used the expression ‘sticky wicket’ on air,” reports Robert Wilson. “Ignoring for a moment the hilarious but heart-breaking incomprehension that this will excite amongst supporters of the Orange Gibbon, does this mean that the Trump administration is causing enough trauma to provoke Americans to move onto the Ninth Level of Enlightenment by letting cricket into their lives? It’s always swings and roundabouts in politics, isn’t it?”
7th over: South Africa 11-1 (Kuhn 6, Amla 0) - target 380 Anderson strays legside from the first ball after that review, and he collects South Africa’s first run for 20 balls.
Not out!
There was a reasonable amount of daylight between bat and ball - not sure what the fielders heard, but they were pretty certain there was something. Might be bat clipping boot.
Review!
England go up for a caught behind, the umpire says no, Kuhn sweats it as the go upstairs...
6th over: South Africa 10-1 (Kuhn 5, Amla 0) - target 380 Broad goes past Amla’s edge a few times, including one that leg breaks from a middle-off line and in the end misses the bat by quite a long way.
Meanwhile: nudging for a recall v the Windies at Edgbaston?
Whisper it, but Liam Dawson bowled nicely yesterday, and he's just moved to a very fine 50...
— Will Macpherson (@willis_macp) August 7, 2017
5th over: South Africa 10-1 (Kuhn 5, Amla 0) - target 380 Doesn’t look like much fun today, batting. Kuhn jerks away from an Anderson away nipper like it’s a scorpion nipping at his fingertips. Survival the priority.
Neil Harris, presumably not the Millwall manager, notes: “Bright sunshine from 4pm onwards in Manchester… We could play till 9.”
4th over: South Africa 10-1 (Kuhn 5, Amla 0) - target 380 “Joyous OBO so far,” writes Jack Pearce. “In response to Amod’s quizzing of your pessimism (which is entirely shared by myself). Two words; Murphy’s Law. We’ve seen it before and jinxed it enough times too (can the OBO be blamed for jinxing?) Should be straightforward enough, sure, two days of play to get 10 wickets? But….. WHAT CAN GO WRONG WILL GO WRONG”
WICKET! Elgar c Bairstow b Broad 5 - South Africa 10-1
At the risk of tempting fate, Broad does look on one here. With the pitch having been juiced up a little it’s doing plenty, and he displays that by getting one to rear from a length that strikes Elgar on the bicep. And then, gone: another, slightly fuller, bounces and shapes away, and Bairstow takes a regulation one
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3rd over: South Africa 9-0 (Kuhn 4, Elgar 5) - target 380 Elgar drives very pleasantly straight down the ground, and despite the brief intervention of Anderson’s finger, he picks up four.
FYI, some revised session times:
- Morning session: 12.10-1.30pm
- Afternoon session: 2.10-4.40pm
- Evening session: 5-7pm
I suspect playing until 7pm in the Manchester gloom is supremely optimistic, but there we are.
2nd over: South Africa 5-0 (Kuhn 4, Elgar 1) - target 380 Stewpot Broad is on from the other end, which does not feature his name. A jaffa squares Elgar up, then next ball he goes for a sharp single during which he just seems to tweak a muscle of some sort. One to keep an eye on. Decent first over from Broad, though.
“England is going to win in a jiffy,” says Amod Paranjape. “But why are you guys so pessimistic? Never understood that.”
Why? The conditioning of 90% of everything that has happened in the history of English cricket, Amod, that’s why.
1st over: South Africa 4-0 (Kuhn 4, Elgar 0) - target 380 Kuhn goes for an absolute boomer of a drive that would have burst a hole in the advertising boards had he connected, but he did not connect. Anderson then spears one it towards middle, it shapes away and Kuhn gets a thick edge that zoots just wide of a desperately diving Jennings in the slips. Then Anderson sends down one of those Anderson away swingers that the batsman just has to close his eyes and hope he doesn’t nick. Fortunately for Kuhn, he doesn’t nick.
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James Anderson will open to Heino Kuhn, from the James Anderson End.
And we’re on. Cricket!
Luke Devereux has another nomination for a tall short man: “Perhaps it’s his cherubic features, but Jordan Spieth doesn’t look like he has all of his 6ft and 1 inch.”
Across the desk, Gregg Bakowski suggests Tottenham manager Mauricio Pochettino.
And combining two of our threads today, here’s Bruce Anderson:
“I have a hat eating story .. back in, well ages ago, my Mum in an attempt to motivate me promised to eat her hat if I passed the entrance exam to Manchester Grammar School .. which I managed to do .. when presented with a fake fur hat to eat at teatime she refused, just like I refused to go to MGS and went to Stockport Grammar instead .. setting the ball in motion that allowed Michael Atherton to become MGS’s captain that year. Though I have no regrets at failing to keep Athers out of the team, I still feel she should have eaten that hat!”
Just think, Bruce: you could have been FEC. Up to you which interpretation of what that stands for you prefer.
“Is it tempting fate for say Amla and Elgar to do a Johannesburg 1998 in reverse?” writes Matthew Doherty.
Depends from which perspective you’re writing, Matthew. That seems unlikely, but then again Jo’burg seemed rather unlikely, didn’t it.
Incidentally, there should be exactly enough time between now and the restart to watch that innings.
While we wait for some play, Mark Pennington has a hat he’d like to pass around:
“Myself and three others, Sara, Jo & Emma are waiting for the call to go down to Dover and swim to France. We’re raising money for COSMIC who support the Paediatric Intensive Care Unit at St Mary’s hospital. The rough weather means they send the relay teams out and not the solo swimmers so it should be a difficult swim. The cricket was supposed to take my mind of the wait. Any chance of a plug for my Just Giving page? I gave away two tickets for the Trent Bridge test in 2010 on OBO which unfortunately coincided with the birth of my daughter so maybe a bit of karma if anyone sponsors us.”
If you fancy feeling inadequate about your life/talent, AB de Villiers is currently on Sky and batting with a single stump.
Restart at 12.10pm
The rain has stopped, it seems, and we’ll be back on in about half an hour.
More hat-eating chat from John Starbuck.
“There is a way round the pledge to eat one’s hat, published as the first of Tales of the Long Bow by G. K. Chesterton: The Unpresentable Appearance of Colonel Crane. You simply adopt a large piece of food as your headgear. Wear it long enough and it becomes your hat, which you eat afterwards. In this case, it was a cabbage with the heart scooped out, but maybe a frozen pizza or similar would do today, if it’s not raining.”
Do you think that’s how Carmen Miranda got started?
Pete Wood has some life advice for all the pipsqueaks in the house: “As someone who isn’t a behemoth, I’ve always tried to follow the advice of Harry Hill: “If you’re short, try to make it appear as though you’re in the distance.”
Sorry, forgot about the TMS link: here ‘tis.
Andy Cooke is living his best life:
“Re; your 11:19, which compares (again) stats with successful run chases rather than totals in run-chases - adding a less-relevant constraint again (when you have a target of 294 runs, you stop - how many would England have got at that time if the target had been 380, they had five-and-a-half sessions, and got past 294 with the loss of only 4 wickets? Would the opposition have felt confident or worried?). When you consider that Australia scored 402 here in the fourth innings before, and West Indies 394 in losses, then 380 isn’t unprecedented. The question is how many runs teams make in 4th innings here, or looked likely to make when running out of time or exceeding their targets.
“According to Statsguru, there have been 42 Test match fourth innings at Old Trafford. Fourteen of these either ran out of time pretty promptly, or the target was in double figures - let’s remove those from consideration.
“Of the remaining 28 innings:
- Australia got 402 in 1981.
- West Indies got 394 in 2007
- India got 376 in 1959
- Australia got 371/9 in 2005
- India got 343/6 in 1990
- England got 294/4 in 2008
“... so the top two would have got there on a target of 380, the third would have fallen agonisingly short, the fourth would have been a nailbiter, and the fifth and sixth would have looked like good prospects. So six of twenty-eight comparable Old Trafford fourth-innings Test matches (more than 20%) got thereabouts at least.”
Hmmm. The rain looks like it’s getting a bit harder and the whole square is now being covered. They still think it will be a short shower, but we might be off for a bit longer because it yazzed down last night, and thus obviously the outfield will take a little longer to sort out.
“It’s not cricket, but I’ve always thought Roger Federer looks smaller than his 6’ 1”,” says Simon McMahon, continuing the red hot height chat, “maybe it’s just due to some of the giants that play tennis these days. Borg and McEnroe were both under six feet. And is Shane Warne really six feet tall?”
Hang on, Borg was under 6ft?
Sort of depends what you class as tall, really. As a 5ft 10-and-a-quarter man, the 6ft (or 1.83m, if you want to be metric about things) he’s listed as, is definitely tall.
@NickMiller79 Root is tall? I will now have to reevaluate everything in my life. 16 years in Australia have left me unprepared for this news
— phil withall (@phil_withall) August 7, 2017
Rain!
Oh heck. The players get halfway out to the middle, only for the Manchester skies to conform to cliche and open. That said, there’s blue sky and those at the ground don’t expect this to last too long.
Patrick Brennan is preparing the hat garnish. “I’ll eat my hat (but not in a Paddy Ashdown literal sense) if SA get within 100 of the target. Plus I hear it will Manchester it down tomorrow, so hakuna matata.”
Sorry Patrick, this is now public record and you’ll have to actually eat your hat, like that chap who ate (some of) his book after Labour did better than expected in the election.
South Africa require 380 to win the fourth Test and draw the series
A tall order. As tall as this England team, perhaps. To trot out the obligatory stat (depending on how much you think this matters), this would be the 30th highest fourth innings score in Test history should they make it, the seventh highest successful chase and the highest in a Test at Old Trafford. Comfortably, in fact: the previous best is the 294-4 England got to beat New Zealand in 2008.
WICKET! Anderson c De Bruyn b Morkel 2 - England 243 all out
No hundred for Mo, thanks to some neat bowling from Morkel who sends one into Anderson’s ribs and he can only nudge it to De Bruyn at short leg.
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69th over: England 243-9 (Moeen 75, Anderson 2) - lead by 379 Anderson dabs a single through gully - maybe having an end named after him has boosted his batting talent/confidence too. Mo then whhhhhhhips a brilliant four from a good length on off, that De Bruyn rather stiffly chases, reaches but can only push it onto the boundary.
Just idly wondering if this might be the tallest England cricket team ever?” idly wonders Mo Holkar. “Bairstow at 5’8” is the only small one -- Root, Malan and Ali are all around six foot, but they look wee among the seven beanpoles in the team.”
Which seems a good time to mention that Joe Root is a tall short man. By which of course I mean he looks like he should be short, but is in fact tall. It’s not the most intellectual theory, granted. Any other nominations, for both that and Mo’s question on the height or otherwise of the England team?
68th over: England 238-9 (Moeen 71, Anderson 1) - lead by 374 Anderson is the new, and final batsman. Can he survive the last two balls? Not just that, pals, but he nudges a single to mid-wicket off the last ball. Farming the strike. Good lad.
“Does everyone think of him as ToRoJo?” muses Steve Hudson. “In my mind I always call him Toby Rollie-Jollie which has a nice ring to it.”
WICKET! Broad c De Bruyn b Morkel 5 - England 237-9, lead by 373
Morne Morkel jerks into the attack, arms and legs all over the show. And he gets himself a wicket, as Broad flings everything at the ball, doesn’t get close to everything on it and it goes straight to De Bruyn at point.
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67th over: England 236-8 (Moeen 70, Broad 5) England will be attacking this morning, and they start with two fours: the first Broad almost gently pushes through the covers and despite the sopping outfield from last night’s rain, it makes it to the fence. The next ball jumps at Broad rather, but it deflects off his hip and goes through where fourth slip would’ve been. Broad takes a single, then Mo clips three wide of mid-on. 12 runs from the first 0.4 overs of the day.
The players are out, and cricket is about to commence. Rabada has four balls left of the over curtailed by rain last night.
Here’s the daily request, today from Alan Tuffery:
“I am looking forward to being with you for most of the morning. Please could you ask your correspondents to share the YouTube link for TMS for us non-twitterati?”
“Thoughts on Root’s captaincy to date?” writes Robin Hobbs. “In general I’m quite impressed with him so far. He seems less in thrall to Branderson than Cook was (for instance gave ToRoJo a bowl ahead of Anderson on one of the mornings at the Oval), and apparently gave Jennings a dressing down yesterday for dawdling over a couple of singles. Still would like to see more attacking fields to new batsmen, less use of nightwatchmen and wiser use of DRS though, although I doubt the first two of those will ever change.”
What do we think of Rooteh at the end of his first series? In reality it’s probably a little pointless coming to any judgements yet, as all things rest on the winter in Australia.
Here’s John Starbuck on Mo: “Half a Mo is better than several other players precisely because he’s an all-rounder. It’s noticeable that he plays the spinners pretty well, mainly because he’s a spinner himself, so there’s not so much mystery. The same applies to Joe Root (or would if he bowled himself more, even if only to assess the surface ore intimately) but not so many other batsmen. It makes you wonder if everybody shouldn’t be an all-rounder.”
Now, if you’ll permit us to wander into nostalgia, today is the 12th anniversary of that astounding final morning at Edgbaston in 2005. Relive that with the over-by-over from that Sunday, or: The Worst Morning Of Rob Smyth’s Life, Which Turned Into The Best.
Mike Selvey then tried to make sense of it all in a slightly more considered, leisurely way.
What a morning...
Let’s start with a quick catch-up, shall we? The splendid Vic Marks was at Old Trafford yesterday, so you’ll do much worse than reading his version of events as England took control of the Test.
The excellent Ali Martin was there too. Here he is on Morne Morkel, thin edges and bowling a bit too short.
Preamble
Let’s just take a moment to appreciate Moeen Ali. And more pertinently, that some people don’t appreciate Moeen Ali. For a long time the easy thing to say about his batting was that he’s a stylist, and it still feels like half an insult whenever someone says he’s a beautiful batsman to watch because there’s almost an unspoken implication that he lacks substance. But he’s won Test matches for England before on both sides of his remarkable talent, and the 67 he’s got here might already be the difference between success and otherwise.
While arbitrary milestones are just that and Jonny Bairstow’s innings wasn’t any less valuable because he fell a single run short of a century, it would take a heart of a terracotta tile to not desperately hope he gets another 33 runs today. There might be genuine questions about how he’ll fare in Australia, and where his main role in the side sits, but for the moment, let’s appreciate Moeen Ali.
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