David Hytner’s report has landed. Click below for that. Thanks for reading this MBM. Nighty night!
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Gareth Southgate gives his verdict to ITV. “I think we did as well as we could, really. I was really pleased with not only the way we moved the ball, our interchanging positions, but also the way we pressed when we lost the ball. That highlighted the mentality of the team. Of course it’s an opponent we should beat, but I thought we played really well. The midfield players moved the ball really well. It was good to see Jesse enjoying his football again. It was nice to give Watkins half an hour and for him to get a goal is a fairytale. Bellingham is a player we think is going to be an international of the future. Hopefully we can fast-track him into our group.”
Ollie Watkins, beaming broadly, speaks to ITV. “It’s unbelievable, it’s what I dreamed of. All day in the hotel I was thinking about it, I hope I get on and get an opportunity, but I didn’t know if it would happen. I’m speechless, to be honest. I feel honoured that I have had the chance to put on the shirt and play with these players. To score on my debut, I’m over the moon. I can’t believe it really, and I’m grateful to have the opportunity.” He’s then asked if he’s going to get his shirt signed and framed. “Yeah, 100 percent!” he says, breaking into a smile that could power half of the country. That’s a lovely interview.
In terms of goals, that’s under par. England average six against these minnows. However, they created a bucketload of chances, and while a few were egregiously wasted, Elia Benedettini made a series of fine saves, thwarting Jesse Lingard in particular. On another night, the scoreline could have been stratospheric. Gareth Southgate will surely be happy on balance.
FULL TIME: England 5-0 San Marino
The final whistle goes. England start their World Cup qualifying campaign with a victory.
90 min +2: Mings is booked for a late shoulder barge on Nanni. A daft end to the match.
90 min +1: Ward-Prowse and Trippier combine well down the right to win a corner, but they waste it, Ward-Prowse caught offside as they try a cute short routine.
90 min: There will be two extra minutes.
89 min: The captain Harry Kane pops up on the ITV screen. He’s sitting in the stands with an ambivalent look on his face. Penny for his thoughts, given all the chances England have spurned this evening.
87 min: Chilwell brings down a long pass in the San Marino box, then goes over under pressure from behind by D’Addrio. He wants a penalty, but he’s not getting one, and replays show it’s a good decision by the referee. There was next to nothing in that.
86 min: England are looking for a sixth, though not with any great urgency.
84 min: Rossi clatters into Trippier, who felt that. England’s most recent semi-final scorer gets back up after a fashion and is good to continue.
GOAL! England 5-0 San Marino (Watkins 83)
Foden drives in from the left. He lays off to Watkins, who takes a touch and threads a fine shot into the bottom left, wrong-footing Benedettini for his debut goal!
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82 min: England continue to pull San Marino this way and that.
80 min: Ward-Prowse crosses from the left. Bellingham flashes a header off target. That was England’s 30th attempt on goal this evening.
78 min: Lingard, who has been a livewire all night, breezes down the inside-left channel before curling towards the bottom right. Benedettini denies him yet again. A lovely moment as Lingard smiles at the keeper and signals three fingers, one for every fine save he’s made. Benedettini flashes a smile back.
76 min: England need one more, or this will be their lowest tally against San Marino. “I’d have James Ward-Prowse in the side every time, solely for his dead-ball ability,” writes David Marriott. “Plus we’d never see Harry Kane take corners again.”
74 min: So having said that, England slip back into passive mode.
72 min: After a quiet period, England are beginning to carve out chances again. Watkins gambols down the right and hooks into the box, where Bellingham attempts a bicycle kick. He doesn’t quite catch it properly, though the ball nearly bounces over Benedettini and into the top right. Just over.
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71 min: Ward-Prowse sends a sensational free kick over the wall and back down towards the top left. Benedettini makes a save to match, tipping the ball onto the left-hand post and away. Wonderful football all round.
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70 min: Bellingham suddenly turns on the jets and dribbles elegantly down the middle. He’s eventually upended, 25 yards from goal. Ward-Prowse territory. Before the free kick’s taken, Michael Battistini replaces Golinucci.
68 min: England ping it around in a patient style. San Marino will appreciate the breather.
66 min: Foden sprays a fine diagonal pass towards Chilwell on the left. He cuts back for Bellingham, who sends a soft shot straight into Benedettini’s arms.
64 min: A cute and clever one-two between Lingard and Bellingham down the left. Lingard breaks into the box and flashes a shot towards the bottom left. Benedettini deals with it.
63 min: Calvert-Lewin should have had a hat-trick at the very least tonight. Still, two goals isn’t a bad return, is it, and that’s what he’ll have to settle for. He’s replaced by Watkins, making his England debut.
61 min: Foden brings the ball under control with balletic grace down the right, before trying to beat Benedettini at his near post. Nope.
60 min: Nanni slides in late on Bellingham. He should be booked, but Bellingham springs up quickly, doesn’t make a fuss, and offers his opponent a friendly handshake, perhaps encouraging a sympathetic response from the ref.
58 min: Berardi dribbles with purpose down the left. It’s a fine run, albeit one with a dismal end as he passes the ball straight out of play. Even so, if anyone’s taken any semblance of fight to England, it’s Berardi.
57 min: Ward-Prowse is becoming increasingly influential. He crosses from the right and nearly finds Calvert-Lewin at the near post. Brolli heads spectacularly behind, just in time. Nothing comes of the corner.
56 min: Ward-Prowse takes a quick free kick out on the right, releasing the ever-busy Lingard, who whistles a shot straight at Benedettini at the near post. Or was he trying to find one of three team-mates on the edge of the six-yard box? It could be the latter, you know, as he sticks up an apologetic hand.
54 min: San Marino make a couple of changes. Ceccaroli and Mularoni come on for Grandoni and Hirsch.
GOAL! England 4-0 San Marino (Calvert-Lewin 53)
England paint a lot of pretty triangles on the Wembley turf. Suddenly, having hypnotised the opposition, Chilwell fires a pass down the inside-left channel for Lingard, who reaches the byline before teeing up Calvert-Lewin, who can’t miss from a couple of yards.
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51 min: After the doctor does his work, Coady is good to go again.
49 min: England win a corner. Ward-Prowse takes, and it causes mayhem in the San Marino box. The visitors clear, but Coady is down, having taken a whack in the mouth.
48 min: Incidentally there have been no changes by San Marino, who BREAKING NEWS do not have such a strong bench.
47 min: All a bit scrappy as the new boys slot into place.
England get the second half underway, having made four changes. Bellingham, Foden, Trippier and Mings come on for Sterling, Mount, James and Stones. Coady has been given the captain’s armband.
Half-time entertainment. “To riff on from Peter Oh, perhaps San Seriffe would have a better chance than San Marino,” quips Richard Hirst. Any old excuse to post a classic, huh readers?
HALF TIME: England 3-0 San Marino
The referee takes pity and only adds on a couple of seconds. The scoreline flatters San Marino. England’s only worry - and this is for down the line, rather than tonight - will be the sheer number of chances they’ve passed up.
45 min: San Marino will get a rest soon.
44 min: Sterling dribbles down the right, cuts infield, drops a shoulder, beats three men and then aims for the top left. Just wide, just over. What a goal that would have been.
43 min: From the rebound, England counter. Sterling zips down the right and rolls infield, teeing up Lingard on the penalty spot. He sidefoots powerfully towards the bottom left only to be denied by Benedettini’s strong hand. Another magnificent save, his third of the evening now.
42 min: A free kick for San Marino, 35 yards out, in a central position. The camera is trained on Pope for the first time this evening, as he organises his wall. Brolli goes for the spectacular, but slams his shot into the wall.
41 min: Something of a lull. San Marino won’t be complaining.
39 min: Lingard has two more attempts at that curler towards the right. Both are blocked. His presence then earns a corner, from which nothing comes. He’s been buzzing around very impressively, a player whose confidence has been fully restored.
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37 min: San Marino win a corner! Berardi sticks to James down the left, and forces the right-back into turning the ball behind. Nothing comes of the set piece, but small acorns and all that.
36 min: Chilwell bombs down the left and picks out Lingard in the middle, free, ten yards out. Lingard miscues and sends the ball bobbling out to the right of goal. The chances England have spurned! This could - probably should - be six or seven already.
34 min: James and Lingard combine at speed down the right. Lingard drives a shot-cum-cross through the six-yard box. It nearly creeps into the bottom left, but it’s a goal kick. Calvert-Lewin tried to trundle it home, but couldn’t reach it.
33 min: Calvert-Lewin misses big for the second time this evening. Mount crosses from the left. Lingard eyebrows it on. Calvert-Lewin swivels awkwardly and slaps a shot over the bar from close range. He should be celebrating his hat-trick, right here, right now.
GOAL! England 3-0 San Marino (Sterling 31)
Mount intercepts Brolli’s pass out from the back. He slips Sterling into the box down the left. Sterling shifts his weight and lashes goalwards from a tight angle. The ball takes a little nick off Rossi, ensuring it misses Benedettini. But it was going in anyway, so it’s Sterling’s goal.
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30 min: Sterling is inches away from sending a curler into the top right. Not quite. But no matter, because ...
29 min: England ping it around, but go a couple of minutes without creating so much as a half-chance. Here’s Peter Oh: “I realise the visitors have precious little hope other than avoiding a double-digit hiding but still, I was hoping to see some flashes of impressive quarterbacking from deep. Then I remembered that it’s San Marino, not Dan Marino.”
27 min: Mount sends a low swerver straight at Benedettini, who boots away. Sterling comes back and drags a shot wide right. San Marino continue to hang on.
25 min: San Marino manage to half-clear the corner, but England are soon coming back at them. Mount scoops in from the left. Calvert-Lewin attempts a backwards header that nearly loops over Benedettini and into the top left, but sails just wide. That wouldn’t have been a million miles away from Uwe Seeler’s effort against England at Mexico 70.
24 min: Chilwell sends a long-distance riser towards the top left from 25 yards. It’s a hell of a shot, heading into the corner, but Benedettini makes his second fine save of the match, tipping it around for a corner. Lovely football all round.
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23 min: England have the scent of blood in their nostrils now. Sterling races down the left, hoping to find space to shoot. Not quite. Lingard looks for the top right again with another curler. That’s blocked. A third goal is surely imminent.
GOAL! England 2-0 San Marino (Calvert-Lewin 21)
James calmly wanders down the right, then wedges a lovely cross that drops on the head of Calvert-Lewin, who isn’t missing from six yards this time. He heads powerfully downwards, into the bottom left-hand corner.
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19 min: Sterling dribbles down the left, beating Battistini with ease. He tiptoes along the byline, drags back, and looks to surprise Benedettini at the near post. His shot billows the side netting.
18 min: England are tearing San Marino apart down the left flank. Sterling is sent scampering away, the result of a cute Chilwell dummy, but can’t quite find Calvert-Lewin in the middle with his pullback. San Marino blooter clear.
16 min: San Marino get into the England half for the first time this evening. Sort of. A long hoof from the back that flies all the way through to Pope. It all counts.
GOAL! England 1-0 San Marino (Ward-Prowse 14)
It’s fair to say this had been coming. Chilwell is released down the left by Mount. He pulls back for Ward=Prowse, who sweeps a glorious first-time shot into the bottom right. That’s his first goal for England.
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13 min: One corner leads to another, and from that, Mount curls in from the left. Palazzi has played everyone onside, and both Sterling and Stones are free, six yards out. Sterling misses the ball, then Stones hoicks it over the bar. What an absurd miss! England should now be 3-0 up.
11 min: Lingard looks for the top-right corner from 25 yards. Benedettini extends himself to palm the shot around the post. Fine save, and one that’ll make a fine photograph.
10 min: Mount tries to release Sterling down the middle, but overcooks the pass. Goal kick. This is one-way traffic, as expected.
9 min: The chances continue to come. Lingard slips Mount into space down the left. Mount wedges into the centre. Sterling stretches to head this one wide right. He might have been better leaving that to Calvert-Lewin, who was right beside him with extra inches.
8 min: It’s all England. Lingard crosses from a deep position on the right. Sterling rises highest on the edge of the six-yard box, but can’t guide his header on target. England should be two up.
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6 min: Stones slips a ball down the right for James, who immediately crosses low into the centre. Calvert-Lewin should score from six yards, but allows the ball to whistle between his legs when attempting to sidefoot home.
4 min: England are pinging it around at high speed now. Lingard and Mount have already seen a fair bit of the ball, and the hosts have been probing down both flanks. This is going to be a long night for the San Marino defence.
2 min: Sterling suddenly turns up the pace with a dribble down the left. He can’t quite break through. There’s another phase, and Mount threads a pass down the same channel for Sterling, who is this close to getting on the end of it. Benedettini does well to come off his line to smother.
1 min: England quickly gain possession and stroke the ball around in the methodical training-ground style.
8.3 secs: San Marino aren’t even out of their own half this time.
Before kick-off, a period of applause to celebrate the lives of Glenn Roeder, Frank Worthington, Colin Bell and Peter Swan, all of whom have recently passed. Then the knee: there’s no room for racism. And finally San Marino - playing in white, while England wear blue - get the match underway.
There’s a moving tribute in memory of the heroic Captain Sir Tom Moore, then the teams take to the pitch. The anthems ring around Wembley. We’ll be off in a couple of minutes.
Gareth Southgate, 50, played 50 times for England, and tonight he manages the team for the 50th time. No word yet from him tonight, but in a pre-recorded interview on ITV (who still haven’t replaced that Britpop dirge as their theme tune, but should do, going back to this far more jaunty effort instead) he’s asked whether he already knows his starting XI for the Euro 2020 opener against Croatia. He responds decisively. “Yes.” Not sure tonight’s starters will be particularly thrilled to hear their fate is already sealed, but there it is.
The teams
England: Pope, James, Coady, Stones, Chilwell, Phillips, Ward-Prowse, Lingard, Mount, Sterling, Calvert-Lewin.
Subs: Johnstone, Rice, Mings, Henderson, Kane, Foden, Dier, Shaw, Maguire, Watkins, Trippier, Bellingham.
San Marino: Elia Benedettini, Manuel Battistini, Brolli, Rossi, Grandoni, Lunadei, Golinucci, Jose Hirsch, Berardi, Palazzi, Nicola Nanni.
Subs: Giardi, D’Addario, Ceccaroli, Zonzini, Michael Battistini, Luca Nanni, Simone Benedettini, Conti, Fabbri, Stimac, Mularoni, Zafferani.
Referee: Kirill Levnikov (Russia).
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A couple of notable comebacks will be made this evening. Jesse Lingard hasn’t played for England since the Nations League third-place play-off win over Switzerland in June 2019, while John Stones has been waiting for his 40th cap ever since a 7-0 win over Montenegro 16 months ago. Deserved reward for the seasons the pair have been having at West Ham and Manchester City respectively.
England start their World Cup qualification campaign with a starting XI that can best be described as “experimental”. Ten changes from the team named against Iceland in the Nations League last autumn, with only Mason Mount keeping his place in the starting XI. West Brom goalkeeper Sam Johnstone and Aston Villa striker Ollie Watkins are on the bench, hoping to make their debuts sometime later this evening. Raheem Sterling is the stand-in captain, with Harry Kane getting a rest.
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Here's how the #ThreeLions line up for our first game of 2021! 👊 pic.twitter.com/Qu36JPVfee
— England (@England) March 25, 2021
Preamble
According to the official Fifa rankings, England are the fourth best team in the world, bettered only by Belgium, France and Brazil. Compare and contrast with San Marino, the 210th ranked nation out of 210. This is a mismatch of biblical proportions, a state of affairs that is also amply illustrated by the head-to-head: England have won all six meetings to a cumulative score of 37-1. Mind you, San Marino’s one was very, very, very, very funny indeed.
England are on a hiding to nothing, requiring only to score enough goals to keep everybody happy, or at least stop them muttering. Six seems about par, if history is any guide. San Marino, with the second smallest population in the entire world of Fifa, don’t have the resources to seriously humiliate England. Unless, of course, one of La Serenissima manages to score during the first 8.2 seconds, beating the grand comedic achievement of Davide Gualtieri set all those years ago.
Kick off: 7.45pm GMT.
