Match report, reaction and more
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Two pieces of news, neither of them good I’m afraid. The Lancashire Telegraph has unearthed more than 50 “abhorrent” tweets posted some years ago by Lancashire players. And the sodding virus is on the march again. If all that is too depressing, go here for live coverage of Nadal v Djokovic at the French Open. The first five games have all been won by the same player.
Thanks for your company and correspondence, and we’ll be back in the morning, when Tanya Aldred will be seeing whether Dan Lawrence can take another wicket.
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Can’t quite believe that Lawrence’s allsorts have made the breakthrough? See it for yourself here. His face! Just look at his face.
Close: New Zealand 229-3 (Taylor 46)
And that was the last ball of the day. Well bowled Dan Lawrence, and well batted Will Young – he was not always fluent but he was patient, efficient, and wise beyond his years. It was England’s morning, as Wood and Lawrence had fun with the bat, but it’s been New Zealand’s day: they’re only 74 behind, they’ve coped with a formidable hour of swing bowling from Broad and Anderson, and as long as they don’t crumble to the new ball in the morning, they’re well placed to take the game by the scruff. Devon Conway, again, led the way: he missed out on another hundred, but not in terms of his Test average, which now stands at 101.
Wicket!! Young c Pope b Lawrence 82 (NZ 229-3)
It’s worked! Lawrence gets his first Test wicket and it’s a classic off-spinner’s dismissal – drawing Will Young forward, turning the ball, inducing a bit of bat-pad and giving Ollie Pope a nice low catch.
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76th over: New Zealand 225-2 (Young 78, Taylor 46) Say what you like about part-time spinners, they’re good for the over rate. We’re going to finish before 6.30! Root bowls another over, round the wicket, into the rough, with two short legs, like a very gentle form of bodyline.
75th over: New Zealand 222-2 (Young 76, Taylor 45) With six overs to kill before the new ball, Root turns to his other part-time spinner, Dan Lawrence. He’s bowling with a leg-spinner’s action, though what’s coming out appears to be off-spin. He finds some turn, but doesn’t trouble anyone except the scorer. Two to each batsman.
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74th over: New Zealand 218-2 (Young 72, Taylor 43) A single or two off Stone, who gets a short ball past Young’s bat, but only because he played too early. In a stand, the beer-beaker snake is now about 30 yards long and snaking all the way up from the stalls to the circle.
73rd over: New Zealand 216-2 (Young 72, Taylor 43) Root tries to give the ball some more flight and ends up presenting Taylor with a freebie, which is duly flicked away for four.
72nd over: New Zealand 212-2 (Young 72, Taylor 39) Stone is bowling well within himself now, around 82mph. Is he Robinson in disguise?
Lawrence Booth, once of this parish, makes a good point on Twitter. “I like how Taylor has scrapped in this innings,” he writes. “He’s looked awful at times, but he’s still there, batting New Zealand into a position of strength. A lesson in there for some of England’s batsmen.”
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71st over: New Zealand 211-2 (Young 72, Taylor 38) Root concedes a couple of singles, but also beats Taylor with his arm ball. He’s so nearly a decent bowler. Is there a deal to be done here? You don’t have to be captain any more, as long as you spend some of the time that now goes into PR polishing your bowling.
70th over: New Zealand 209-2 (Young 71, Taylor 37) Wood comes off, and so once again, Root puts on ELO: Turn to Stone. Taylor is quite happy to sing along, cutting a long hop for four.
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69th over: New Zealand 205-2 (Young 71, Taylor 33) Taylor slogs Root, not very well – it goes off the bottom of the bat and midwicket again thinks for a moment that he’s got a catch, only to see it go over his head.
“The Lions,” says Derek Stocker, “missing the HEARTS of Archer & Curran.” Yes – and also missing Ed Smith, with his sharp eye for players, like Curran, who have the knack of making things happen.
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68th over: New Zealand 200-2 (Young 71, Taylor 28) Our old friend Extras is on fire: this time’s four byes, as a rapid lifter from Wood swings after passing the stumps and gives poor Bracey no chance. Taylor brings up the 200 by fending, more happily than before, and picking up a single.
67th over: New Zealand 195-2 (Young 71, Taylor 27) Root to Young, and it’s a maiden. Root may not have threatened much, but his figures are the kind of thing you might well get from Leach: 9-3-25-0.
“You say,” writes Felix Wood, “that swatting a half-tracker for four is the sort of shot that Crawley plays when he’s in form – but isn’t that sort of the problem? Looks a million dollars when the going is easy.” Know what you mean, but it still seems a bit harsh. All Crawley’s Test innings have been in the top three, and if scoring 267 against Pakistan was easy, everybody would have done it.
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66th over: New Zealand 195-2 (Young 71, Taylor 27) Wood continues, but changes tack and tries a bit of bombardment. It brings four leg byes, a few singles and one moral victory as Taylor plays a hurried fend. The partnership has reached 58: sorry, I missed the fifty, in all the lack of excitement.
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65th over: New Zealand 188-2 (Young 69, Taylor 26) Right on cue, Root turns to... spin. In other words, himself. The closest he gets to some joy is when he floats up a full toss and almost lures Taylor into a chip to midwicket. “New Zealand’s game plan,” says David Lloyd, ominously, “is to bat only once.”
64th over: New Zealand 185-2 (Young 67, Taylor 25) Root reacts to those glances by posting a leg slip for Wood. Young takes no notice and flicks to fine leg, where Stone pulls off a tumbling stop. That’s the best thing Stone has done since the ball to Young that led to the dropped catch by Root.
Nasser Hussain is saying, as a few people have been, that England may go with an all-seam attack for the Ashes. He refers to it as four seamers, but it would actually be five, with Stokes back. Say it ain’t so, Joe.
63rd over: New Zealand 182-2 (Young 64, Taylor 25) Taylor tips Stone round the corner for four, off the glove. It can’t have hurt because he immediately does it again, with the bat, from middle-and-off. Is he finally coming back into form?
62nd over: New Zealand 172-2 (Young 63, Taylor 16) Wood keeps Young quiet. These two quicks have been disciplined, conceding only nine runs off five overs, but England might swap some of that thrift for a breakthrough. Speculate to accumulate.
61st over: New Zealand 171-2 (Young 63, Taylor 15) Stone tries some chin music at Young, but it just comes out as waist music. It sits up and gets swatted for four with the greatest of ease. That’s the kind of shot Zak Crawley plays when he’s in form.
60th over: New Zealand 167-2 (Young 59, Taylor 15) A couple of nudges to leg off Wood, and that’s drinks, with honours even for the past 80 minutes, but NZ sitting pretty all told.
On Twitter, Dave Buckley picks up on Gary Naylor’s point about field placing. “It makes you fear that when Smith and Marnus are batting at the end of the year… no plans will see them score 1500 runs.” Ha. Unless Jofra is fit and firing, and Robinson is out of the doghouse.
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59th over: New Zealand 164-2 (Young 58, Taylor 13) Ah, Stone was changing ends, so Anderson gets his breather and we’ve got a double dose of high speed. Stone manages a maiden, partly through bowling wide.
Brian Withington’s nod to his mates elicits a reply. “And a shout-out of west stand gratitude to Brian too,” says David Clarke, “as the sun comes out to play for the last 21 overs! (Hopefully!)”
58th over: New Zealand 164-2 (Young 58, Taylor 13) Olly Stone goes off and Mark Wood comes back with an over that is quite unlike his last one. No bombing, no pull shots, only one run.
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57th over: New Zealand 163-2 (Young 58, Taylor 12) Just a single off Anderson, who has now bowled eight overs on the trot.
Meanwhile Ali Martin, our resident story-getter, has been talking to the great Michael Holding, who’s not impressed with England’s “moment of unity”.
56th over: New Zealand 162-2 (Young 58, Taylor 11) Young upper-cuts Stone for four, knowing he can easily clear third slip. And then he pounces on the over-correction and picks up four more, too easily, with a leg glance. Stone, playing a Test in front of his home crowd for the first time, has been a shadow of the highly promising bowler he was at Chennai in February.
55th over: New Zealand 154-2 (Young 50, Taylor 11) So no luck for Anderson, but another maiden to add to his collection. He has five today, from 17 overs.
“I’ve always been amazed,” says Gary Naylor, “that Joe Root seems to set the same fields regardless of whether the batsman has been in for a ball or a session. I’d have fielders all over Ross Taylor, definitely a short leg and leg slip, but no. Same fields as for Will Young.” Yes – often, Root doesn’t even seem very interested in field placings. I just hope he never becomes a commentator.
Not out! Taylor survives
Yes, missing by miles. That was an awful decision from the umpire.
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Wicket!? Taylor given LBW b Anderson 11
It looks as if it’s going down...
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53rd over: New Zealand 154-2 (Young 50, Taylor 11) Joe Root takes Broad off, reluctantly I suspect, and opts for the Connor-Withington manoeuvre: Turn to Stone. Ross Taylor, out of nick but canny enough to see that this could bring an escape from his torment, flays a short ball for four.
53rd over: New Zealand 149-2 (Young 50, Taylor 6) Young picks the inswinger from Anderson and nudges into the on side to reach a fine fifty off 132 balls – not as commanding as Conway, but coming out with some good tunes on second fiddle.
52nd over: New Zealand 147-2 (Young 49, Taylor 5) Broad beats Taylor again, this time with one of the greatest jaffas never to take a wicket – lifting, swinging late, leaving him. Broad awards himself the cartoon surprised face that he normally reserves for a great catch by Stokes. Taylor pulls a face that’s about three emojis in one – incredulity, bewilderment, and sly satisfaction at merely surviving.
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51st over: New Zealand 145-2 (Young 49, Taylor 3) Young, who seems to have a wise head on his young shoulders, shows Taylor how it’s done, waiting for the outswing from Anderson and cover-driving for four.
“Hi Tim,” says Johnny Cleary on Twitter. “Have been following Crawley in the Kent team, he appears to be a walking wicket with no form, is it the same Crawley? If it is, why would you pick someone out of form?” Because you never know when they’ll snap out of it. And because England, until Stokes and Buttler come back, are a bit short of batting. The rest for the IPL players, while well-intentioned, has turned into a bit of a shemozzle.
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50th over: New Zealand 141-2 (Young 45, Taylor 3) Broad’s turn to beat Taylor – and then he does it again. There are people in this crowd who will one day tell their grandchildren they saw Broad and Anderson on form – assuming they are sober enough to remember it.
“I’m not sure if Alistair Connor’s request quite constitutes ‘popular demand’,” says Brian Withington. Ha. “But I’m back anyway and very grateful to him. Shout-out to David and Lucy in the West Stand, too. ELO and I give you a troubled Joe Root contemplating a bowling change at a subdued Edgbaston:
The Hollies Stand half empty now
(Covid rules won’t allow no more)
And so the songs are way down low
A sound that flows into my mind
(The echoes of the daylight)
Of everything that is alive
(In my blue world)
I turn to Stone when Wood is done
I turn to Stone
I turn to Stone, when you comin’ on
I can’t go on
I turn to Stone when Jimmy’s gone
I turn to Stone
I turn to Stone, when you comin’ on
Dan can’t go on
I turn to Stone when Stu is done
I turn to Stone
I turn to Stone, when you comin’ on
I can’t go on.”
Have we hit peak OBO?
49th over: New Zealand 140-2 (Young 44, Taylor 3) Taylor manages a second scoring shot, but only off the edge, past third slip. And then Anderson bowls him a ball so good that he can’t even get an edge on it – spearing in, swinging away, too good to be effective.
48th over: New Zealand 138-2 (Young 44, Taylor 1) Thanks to the change of ball, and that unexpected gift from Conway, Anderson and Broad have got what they want: swing, pressure, parsimony verging on paralysis. Young plays out a maiden from Broad, who now has the very Broadish figures of 13-6-19-2.
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47th over: New Zealand 138-2 (Young 44, Taylor 1) Anderson is in the mood now, testing Taylor along the corridor. The average swing, according to the Sky stats machine, has gone from 0.6 degrees to 1.4 since the change of ball.
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46th over: New Zealand 138-2 (Young 44, Taylor 1) Broad is whipping up the crowd, as if they need any encouragement. Ross Taylor, cool as a Conway, gets off the mark with a clip to leg. The wicket brought an unlikely end to a formidable stand of 122 between Conway and Young. And perhaps justice was done, because England thought they had Conway caught Crawley bowled Broad hours ago.
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Wicket!! CONWAY c Crawley b Broad 80 (NZ 137-2)
Out of nowhere, Conway has gone. Broad gave him a juicy half-volley on his pads, he flicked it instinctively, and failed to spot Zak Crawley lurking at deep square leg. That’s the way to get shot of him!
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45th over: New Zealand 137-1 (Conway 80, Young 44) At the other end it’s Jimmy Anderson. He may have 162 Tests’ experience, but he serves up something that could be from the bleached tearaway he was when he started out: short and wide, a ball so bad that Young will be disappointed to have cut it for three.
44th over: New Zealand 133-1 (Conway 79, Young 41) Broad gets the session going and Conway tucks him for a single, as if he was tucking away a cucumber sandwich. Broad then bowls a no-ball, but he’s getting some swing and he beats Young’s prod – in fact, he finds the edge, but the ball bounces in front of James Bracey, and not even Broad looks very bothered.
V Diddy has seen my retort and come back for more. “If I wanted comedy, I’d re-watch Bracey’s innings!” Ha.
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“You said Root has turned to Wood, not to Stone,” says Alistair Connor. “I suggest we turn to Brian Withington, who is probably already penning a version of that Seventies nightmare Turn to Stone by ELO.” Nightmare?
Do have a look, if you haven’t already, at the photo down the page at 15:21. It’s not only a superb action shot of an inflatable piece of fruit, but also a majestic example of the caption writer’s art. Hats off to the unknown sub-editor.
“There is something meditative about watching Devon Conway play, especially during times like these,” says Abhijato Sensarma. “He is a cricketing manifestation of zen, untroubled by the stature of the pitch as well as the opposition. I’m sure his game has deficiencies that will be picked apart by analysts in the time to come, while his numbers plunge from this unsustainable high. But this moment in time, and this start to his career, need to be acknowledged for being the miracles they are.”
43rd over: New Zealand 130-1 (Conway 78, Young 40) Wood is taken off again after one of the weirdest spells you’ll ever see: no slips, no dots, six balls, all short, all pulled. Up steps Anderson, who does have some slips, but an edge from Young eludes them all. And that is tea, with NZ winning the session hands down as these two added 87 without loss. England are not out of it yet – that’s the beauty of a Test that starts with a score of 300 – but they badly need a breakthrough, and they’re surely regretting not picking Jack Leach.
Here’s V Diddy on Twitter, quoting me back at myself. “‘What it would take to ruffle this man? Asking for 17,500 friends.’ Wonderful, unbiased journalism there.” Oh, come on! It was an attempted joke.
Have a look below, V. You’ll find that we’ve expressed plenty of admiration for Conway, and plenty of scepticism at England’s attempts to dislodge him. Time for a cuppa.
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42nd over: New Zealand 126-1 (Conway 78, Young 36) Tthe last refuge of a scoundrel, as you know, is patriotism (hello, Boris). The last refuge of a desperate bowler is to ask for the ball to be changed, which Broad now does. And it works! He gets the replacement past the bat first time, and the bat belongs to Conway, so that’s a minor victory. Broad, enthused, goes round the wicket in search of the sort of jaffa he was dishing up to David Warner two years ago. Maybe next over.
41st over: New Zealand 126-1 (Conway 78, Young 36) The good news is that Joe Root has taken himself off. The odd news is that he’s turned to Wood, not Stone. The field setting – no slip! – says he’s going to bomb Conway, who, calm as ever, pulls the first ball for four. And the second for a single. Young pulls too, less certainly, for another single. Then Conway pulls for a single to reach 77, which takes him to 300 for the series. Ridiculous. Then Young pulls for – you can guess the rest. And so does Conway. Nine runs off the over, and six pulls.
“In my oh-god-is-it-really-that-long 30 years of following England,” says James Evans, “one familiar experience is watching a batter who we just can’t get out cheaply. Chanderpaul, for example, or the Smiths, Steve and Graeme. Occasionally an England player manages to inflict the same slow-burn pain on the opposition for a few matches, but far more frequently, and for far longer stretches, it’s the other way around. Conway has now added his name to this list.”
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40th over: New Zealand 117-1 (Conway 71, Young 34) Broad tries digging one in – careful, old fellow – and Conway plays a controlled swat for a single. What it would take to ruffle this man? Asking for 17,500 friends.
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39th over: New Zealand 116-1 (Conway 70, Young 34) Root continues, in flagrant disregard of the OBO’s wishes, and pays the price as Conway cuts a long hop for four. Young adds a late cut for two to bring up a very fine hundred partnership: 101 off 200 balls, proper Test creekit.
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38th over: New Zealand 109-1 (Conway 65, Young 32) Yes, it’s Broad, making you wonder why they don’t just leave the bowling changes to the OBO - then Root could concentrate on his catching. Broad, so parsimonious this morning, lets us down a bit by offering some width and getting cut for four by Young. By the sixth ball, he’s himself again, almost nabbing Young with the nip-backer. Meanwhile, in the stands, the mass choir is back in full voice. This Test is going to be a good test of the theory about whether singing spreads infection.
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37th over: New Zealand 105-1 (Conway 65, Young 28) Root produces a piece of filth, a half-volley outside leg, and Conway seizes on it with a sharp sweep for four. Then he on-drives and Olly Stone waves it through at mid-on, which is poor fielding but rough justice after Root dropped that straightforward chance off Stone.
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36th over: New Zealand 97-1 (Conway 57, Young 28) Mark Wood continues, still giving his all and touching 90mph, and England have kept a lid on things with only 16 runs off the last ten overs. But, as Daniel said a while ago, it’s surely time for Broad. Double change maybe: Broad and Stone.
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35th over: New Zealand 96-1 (Conway 56, Young 28) Thanks Daniel and afternoon everyone. This over is a maiden from Joe Root, who’s keeping it tight – but after their breezy morning, England have run into an immovable object called Dean Conway. Only one bowler has defeated him in the series: Ollie Robinson. Whatever happened to him?
34th over: New Zealand 96-1 (Conway 56, Young 28) Simon Doull shows us England’s batting averages and they’re not pretty, with the exception of Root 33 and below. He notes that Stones and Buttler are a little above that, but only a little; Nasser reckons the pitches are doing more than previously, citing Alastair Cook as his primary correspondent before apologising to the Bracey family. Ouch. Wood’s latest over goes for one, and I’ll now hand over to Tim de Lisle, who’ll coax you through the remainder of the day.
33rd over: New Zealand 95-1 (Conway 56, Young 27) But right as I type that, a bit of turn squares him up and he squirts the ball away right to where leg slip isn’t; add two to the total. So Root fills the gap – he can’t retrospectively take the catch, as it turns out – and also brings a man up on the sweep too, trying all he can to manufacture a wicket well aware that much more of this and his team are in trouble.
32nd over: New Zealand 92-1 (Conway 56, Young 24) Young whips off the hip for one, then Conway pulls a short one, his wrists doing a great job of controlling the shot so the ball does down not up; they run another, then Wood goes wide of the crease and Young again turns into the one side for a single. I’m really impressed by how he rode out an extended dicky period; he looks like he’s enjoying himself now.
31st over: New Zealand 89-1 (Conway 55, Young 22) There’s something in the pitch for Root, which makes you wonder why England omitted Leach; Nasser suggests that Jeetan Patel, who played for Warwickshire, must rate Root. His latest over goes for one, Young turning off the toes.
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30th over: New Zealand 88-1 (Conway 55, Young 21) Wood is absolutely bousting in, in much better rhythm than earlier – though I’m a little surprised we’ve not seen Broad yet in this session. Conway turns his first delivery away for two on the on side, then wears a lift-ah on the thigh and this is a really good partnership now; as ever at Edgbaston, application results in runs.
29th over: New Zealand 86-1 (Conway 53, Young 21) Root finds some dip and turn, persuading Young to edge onto his pad, but the ball dies well before it reaches Burns at slip. Anyhow, that’s a maiden and also drinks, at which I daresay England will be disappointed – they’re just starting to increase the pressure again.
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28th over: New Zealand 86-1 (Conway 53, Young 21) Wood returns, and what we see will probably tell us a fair bit about what we’re going to see. Mikey observes that when you bowl at his pace and the ball does nowt, you’re getting driven, so perhaps he should drag his length back, but his fourth delivery is extremely sharp, lifting, leaving Conway, and requiring a decent take from Bracey. He then beats Conway again, hurling one into the corridor, and that’s a big improvement from his first spell.
27th over: New Zealand 84-1 (Conway 51, Young 21) Root replaces Stone and Conway drives his second ball towards the cover fence which gives him another fifty; pretty easy, this Test match malarkey, the nomenclature must be ironic. A single follows, and he looks in perfect control.
“Earlier today on TMS,” says John Foster, “Dan Norcross went on a long and delightful riff likening the 80-over life of a cricket ball to the seven ages of man, and the appropriate bowlers for each ‘age’. His open question at the end was would it not perhaps make more sense to give the newborn to the outright pace men and then use the swing maestros when it’s reached its scruffy toddler phase? Seems to go against common practice, but what think ye?”
I see both sides – geddit? Ultimately, and unless you have MJ Hoggard and SP Jones, you want your best bowlers to have the shine. England’s are who they are, so what we see is what we see.
26th over: New Zealand 81-1 (Conway 48, Young 21) In commentary, Holding discusses the need to look after Mark Wood, referencing Steve Finn. He’ll be ecstatic to learn that I too think there was so much more he could’ve done had he been handled better, though it’s also worth mentioning the effect Graeme Smith and the bail-clipping had on his rhythm and confidence. Anyhow, England are going to need Wood this afternoon, because the batsmen are doing nicely now, Conway adding two more past slip.
25th over: New Zealand 81-1 (Conway 48, Young 21) Young is starting to bed in, getting right down the track to drive Stone for four before getting down the other end with a single to mid on. That post-lunch pressure is relieving now.
“Young James Bracey is a prime example of nominative determinism,” notes Andrew Benton. “A brace of Test-debut ducks! But behind the wicket he’s been pretty good by the looks of things – what’s the verdict in that department?”
I’m no expert but yes, he’s been tidy. The job’s not really about that these days, but it’s helpful and his batting is obviously better than we’ve seen. I’m not sure we’ll see him again this summer, but he’s got plenty of time to work things out.
24th over: New Zealand 76-1 (Conway 48, Young 16) A couple of overs ago I said that Conway was really good in front of the wicket on the off side, but he’s also really good behind the wicket on the off side, and eases away two while the crowd sing God Save the Queen. I trust none of them think politics and sport don’t mix.
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23rd over: New Zealand 76-1 (Conway 46, Young 16) It’s clouding over now, and England are going to need all the help they can get in lozzing Conway. Holding can’t find a weakness, which means England are waiting for an error or a jaffa, not a great spot in which to be. And when they get him off strike, Will Young shows that Anything is Possible and presents the full face, earning four down the ground ... then four more via soft-handed edge. New Zealand are gently assuming control here.
“Given Edgbaston’s bar prices, that beer snake is probably worth at least 25 grand,” laments Mysteron_Voice on Twitter.
I’ll be honest: I don’t get why you’d drink beer not wine or fizz at the cricket. Minimum effort and all that.
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22nd over: New Zealand 64-1 (Conway 45, Young 7) Conway is so in touch with his game, and after playing three dots he plays a late glance to sends four scurrying away past the cordon. Anderson is bowling better now, but I don’t think it’ll be long before Broad is back/
21st over: New Zealand 60-1 (Conway 41, Young 7) Young has an airy twizzle at one that strays straight and they run two leg byes. This has been a good spell from Stone, but he could use a wicket, and he doesn’t get one during a further maiden, elongated while Young changes a boot.
“Time,” says Richard O’Hagan. “I can’t watch this. Shortly before the first episode I discovered that Sean Bean’s first name is actually Shaun and my world fell apart.”
Maybe he used to regularly infringe the rules while playing ice hockey.
20th over: New Zealand 58-1 (Conway 41, Young 7) Conway shoves a brace to cover – he’s so good at relieving pressure with off side drives – and there’s another, this time all the way to the fence. He looks a great example of a player picked for Tests punkt when ready.
19th over: New Zealand 52-1 (Conway 35, Young 7) While it’s on my mind, the latest entry to our OBO recommends spot is Time, currently on iPlayer. I’m actually struggling to watch it, so penetratingly upsetting and claustrophobic is it, but the writing and acting are top notch. Also, this week’s episode of the Real Housewives of New York is worth a look-in. Anyhow, Stone is really into this spell, not quite at 90 but not far from it, and Young can’t get him away. That’s a third straight maiden.
18th over: New Zealand 52-1 (Conway 35, Young 7) This has been a good start from England and as happened yesterday, the ball is moving more now than it did first up. Anderson slings down another maiden and pressure is building.
“Could it be that Broad works himself up so much on purpose, to give him more fire in the belly, pace in the action and cunning in the mind?” wonders John Starbuck? “I don’t think Joe Root told him to ‘Leave it Stuey’ did he? So he might recognise this condition too. Umpires, now, they do need to be tolerant of a certain amount of emotion.”
I’m not sure old Stu-stu needs to deliberately wind himself up but agree that he’s one of those who performs better on the edge rather than when relaxed, which is why he’s produced those ludicrous spells – against Australia at the Oval and Durham, for example – when they’ve been most urgently required.
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17th over: New Zealand 52-1 (Conway 35, Young 7) Oh dear. A fine delivery from Stone, jagging back, persuades Young to edge – he more or less holds the bat waiting for it to clip the shoulder – and the ball flies straight to Root at one. He eases right at the bowler’s arm goes up, fumbles, cradles it on the second attempt, lets it slip, then misses it a third time. It’s kind of funny, but in the back of the mind lurks the disappointment that it wasn’t Broad bowling. Maiden.
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16th over: New Zealand 52-1 (Conway 35, Young 7) It’s Anderson, who’ll see if he can find himself with a change of ends and the breeze in his favour. Well, Young dabs into the off side for one, then Conway hauls a pull around the corner for four and Anderson retrieves his cap muttering sweet nothings to the sacred art of white-line fever.
Great bowler, many amazing statistical achievements, but playing long enough to end up looking like your own disapproving father is surely the dream @gradecricketer https://t.co/PsTOsCajGL
— Russell Jackson (@rustyjacko) June 11, 2021
15th over: New Zealand 47-1 (Conway 31, Young 6) Conway is in absolute nick and quickly gets himself going again, clouting through cover-point for four. Those are the only runs off the over, and I wonder who we’ll see from the other end....
“In a perfect world England will look back at ‘that’ 5th day at Lord’s when Sibley scratches a double-century in Australia,” imagines Julian Menz. “We might also look back on the time NZ showed England the middle finger, chose a weakened team, refused to be ‘batting practice’, and won.”
Which will it be? It’s a real head-scratcher.
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Right, the players are back with us and Stone will get us away again.
I also think it’s important to say that this moment is about a lot more than black excellence – it’s about justice and kindness for everyone. These days, we’re sometimes ok at treating exceptional minorities nicely, but still appalling at treating all minorities nicely, and people’s simple existence should be enough for us to meet that extremely low bar.
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Now, Michael Holding is talking about how we need to reform our education system so that kids learn black history – not just slavery, but the extent of black excellence. He gives the example of how Onesimus introduced immunisation to the USA – you can read more about that here – but there are, of course, many others, Lewis Howard Latimer for example.
As you might expect, discussion during the first part of the break revolved around the catch that wasn’t. Consensus is that the umpire has enough to consider without being expected to form a definitive opinion about whether fingers slid between ball and turf, so the call should just be left to the third umpire. That makes sense to me, but for – yes, R v White, law fans – how much Broadfume we’d lose.
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Thus endeth another gorgeous session of Test Match KrikkitTM. We’ll be back in 30 for more love, joy and Stuart Broad fume – the next hour will be crucial.
14th over: New Zealand 43-1 (Conway 27, Young 6) Conway lifts his back leg to clip two to leg, Pietersen-style, then pulls a further single which gives Broad two goes at Young. A few overs ago he looked not long for this innings, but he’s settled a little and plays out two dots to trot off, wicket intact. That is lunch.
13th over: New Zealand 40-1 (Conway 24, Young 6) They will not – Wood is thanked, and Stone has the ball. Given how this mini-sesh has gone for two of England’s attack, there’s a chance for him to get some work if he can find a groove, but after Conway takes a single he strays into the pads and Young gleefully tucks in, twizzling four through square leg and megging the umpire in the process. Ok, the umpire dummies, but more importantly a substantial beer snake is already slithering about the Hollies and we’ve got one more over of Broad before lunch.
12th over: New Zealand 35-1 (Conway 23, Young 2) But what we were really waiting for was another over from Broad, who might just squeeze in one more after this before lunch. Dracarys, etc. Conway bunts a single to cover, then Broad jags one back into Young and begins an appeal before processing the inside edge; he and the crowd will be willing Wood to get through quickly.
11th over: New Zealand 34-1 (Conway 22, Young 2) Young gets away with a clip off the pads for two, the only runs off a much better over from Wood.
“Oh the irony,” emails Adam Roberts. “The Edgbaston crowd booing a batsman for not walking. They do realise it’s Stuart Broad bowling, do they?”
I don’t think they were booing that, they were booing not getting what they wanted in the manner of all sporting crowds, and they’ll now thcream and thcream until they’re thick.
10th over: New Zealand 32-1 (Conway 22, Young 0) Yeah, Crawley might’ve got fingers underneath that but you just can’t tell. It always looks like it’s hit the ground because fingers are flat affairs and I wonder how many calls have been overturned – can’t be many.
REVIEW! Conway is not out!
I think that’s the right call but ultimately it’s all about the soft signal because had that been out I think it’d have stayed out.
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The soft signal is not out, which amuses Broad every bit as much as you’d hope and expect. He slaps his thigh, kisses the umpire, and chuckles away to the non-striker. I don’t think this out.
10th over: New Zealand 32-1 (Conway 22, Young 0) Broad will be ganting on getting Young on strike , but he’s got Conway, who edges his first delivery to Crawley at third slip! There’s an appeal....
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9th over: New Zealand 32-1 (Conway 22, Young 0) Interesting! I thought Anderson might’ve kept at it but he’s not been as threatening as usual this morning, so a burst of Wood before lunch makes sense – that feels like good captaincy from Joe Root. However. Wood’s loosener is wide and Conway bangs it through point for two, then carts another to the cover fence – he’s in absolutely perfect touch ... so doesn’t miss out when another wide one allows him to square-drive four more. The ball’s not doing much, so when you’re seeing it as he is you’re set; in a bid to combat that, Wood moves to around, and second go, Conway nearly drags on! But when it’s going for you it’s going for you, so they run one then two leg byes, making for 13 off the over.
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8th over: New Zealand 19-1 (Conway 7, Young 0) Broad’s getting the knees and arms going – we’re one wicket, or one rejected appeal, or one incorrect review away from flames coming from the nostrils. Yes, or the simple passage of time. He’s bowling beautifully now, and his third delivery is absolutely monstrous, back of a length and screeching past Young’s outside edge on the rise. Pressure is building and England are legging through at change of over because they can sense an opportunity.
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7th over: New Zealand 19-1 (Conway 7, Young 0) On the balcony, Ross Taylor limbers up, but in the middle Conway glides Anderson through cover for four; that’s a lovely shot, trigger movement going with the outswing to initiate a lovely, flowing drive. Anderson looks extremely displeased, still muttering and head-shaking after the next delivery – which had more pop on it as you’d expect. The sun is out now, and it’s getting warm out there – this is terrific stuff.
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6th over: New Zealand 15-1 (Conway 7, Young 0) Young, playing his third Test, is in next in the absence of Williamson. The crowd are right into this now, Broad urging them on to urge him on; man, I’m going to miss him sometime in the 2040s when he finally hangs up his celebrappeal. He’s running in beautifully now – who knew that he should bowl fuller? What a revelation!
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WICKET! Latham lbw b Broad 6 (New Zealand 15-1)
Broad goes fuller, there’s movement off the seam, and he clouts Latham punkt in front; Latham appeals to Conway for a reprieve but he’s quickly sent on his way because that is absolutely dead.
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5th over: New Zealand 14-0 (Latham 6, Conway 7) Anderson is also ensconced, looking to go across Conway before trying a wobble-seamer that’s defended well. The final delivery yields a leg bye off the hip, the only run off the over which makes for a second straight maiden.
“Today is nice and straightforward,” emails Matt Dony. “Tomorrow is where the cognitive dissonance comes in. I’ll be simultaneously supporting England at cricket and Wales at football. Doesn’t quite feel right, somehow. (Yes, I know it’s the ‘England and Wales Cricket Board’, but there’s not been a whole lot of Welsh representation recently. I am currently available for selection, though, should they want to address the issue.)”
I’d enjoy today if I were you!
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4th over: New Zealand 13-0 (Latham 6, Conway 7) If you’ll excuse the namedrop, KP once told me that before England played South Africa once, they were going through the opposing batsmen working out how to get them out, and when they came to Kallis, the best they could do was say he was a run out candidate early in his innings. This reminded me of that, but Broad looks settled now and sends down a maiden.
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REVIEW! Conway is not out.
He was paying attention, so turned, grounded his bad, and slid it in. Well done him.
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4th over: New Zealand 13-0 (Latham 6, Conway 7) Now then! Latham drives hard down the ground, shatters the stumps ... and did Broad impart finger? Was Conway out of his ground? Broad thinks so! You’ll be shocked to hear! Upstairs we go!
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3rd over: New Zealand 13-0 (Latham 6, Conway 7) Latham sees one from Anderson – it’s not a bad ball, but he picks it up so quickly that he merely proffers the bat, enough to send it back down the ground for four. This is a decent start – both batsmen look confident and comfortable – and a further single, nudged off the hip, is the only further news.
2nd over: New Zealand 8-0 (Latham 1, Conway 7) Stuart Broad could do with something here but, going around to Conway, he’s clipped off the legs for four, then again for two more. He finds his line thereafter and four dots follow.
Meanwhile, the equally heroic Nick Wiltshire points out that TMS are, finally, telling us where to find them – the key is to look for the words “TMS overseas”.
1st over: New Zealand 2-0 (Latham 1, Conway 1) Anderson opens with a wide outswinger, and another – there’s movement through the air, but the line isn’t quite right. Next ball is straighter ... but too straight, nudged off the hip for one as the crowd sing Jerusalem and applaud themselves, before Joe Root applauds them applauding themselves. It’s a lovely moment, then Conway bumps a single to get himself away.
The heroic Harry Coleman sends in the overseas TMS link:
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Anderson has the bowl, and in he comes...
The boyz are baized.
Brendan Large is the second to email in asking for the TMS overseas link. Come on people.
“Sadly, the only place that Crawley will be making runs for Kent will be in second XI cricket,” reminds Simon Thomas, “as there is no red ball stuff for county cricket for a few weeks. It’s only the middle of summer, so can’t be doing with that Championship stuff.”
Interesting point: when is the middle of summer? Or is it just whenever we have a few days of clement weather?
“Just wanting to check on behalf of all of us – OBO will be covering the India v NZ final I hope?” wonders Pete Salmon. “And if so, what’s the feeling among the OBO crowd about who we are supporting, so we can continue to predict batting collapses, get exasperated at loose shots, and wonder about such things team selections, bowler’s lengths and foolish decisions at the coin toss. And who are our cult figures? I mean I know the answer is New Zealand, but I think we need to start parsing that position.”
Yup, we’ll be on that. Our cult figure is Stuart Broad.
England would’ve taken 303 yesterday afternoon and New Zealand probably would’ve done too, which tells us we’ve got a proper match in prospect with a positive result likely. Anderson legs it off to get his bowling boots on, and how performs over the next – potentially crucial – hour could potentially be crucial. Same goes for the hour after that, and the hour after that, and the hour after that. I’m sensing a pattern.
WICKET! Anderson lbw b Boult 4 (England 303 all out)
Yup, that was cracking leg stump and Lawrence is indeed left high and dry. 81 unbeaten runs, bet you think that’s pretty clever don’t you boy.
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On second glance I though there was an edge, but no, there wasn’t. Anderson is in all sorts here...
101st over: England 303-9 (Lawrence 81, Anderson 4) Boult has an over at Anderson, who airily swings at its opening delivery and misses by plenty, then softly edges to drop shy of slip. Two more dots follow, then Anderson misses one that cracks the pad and there’s a shout; the umpire says no and New Zealand review....
100th over: England 303-9 (Lawrence 81, Anderson 4) Wagner asks himself to have a bowl and Lawrence looks to come down, then checks himself. Next ball, though, he clumps back towards the bowler – that might’ve been a catch, you know – but Wagner isn’t paying attention and they run two, someone, Henry I think, dragging back from the rope on the dive. Lawrence is creeping ever-closer to the horrendous and heart-rending disappointment of a 90-something not out and there we go, he gives himself room by easing to leg, then tosses the lot at a wide one which he carves over the top for four more, raising England’s 300 in the process.
99th over: England 299-9 (Lawrence 75, Anderson 4) Dean Smith, the manager of Aston Villa, is enjoying the action, which prompts Holding to ruin a lifetime of dignified, reliable brilliance by confessing to supporting Spurs. Back in the middle, Anderson opens the face to glance four away through slip and the remainder of the over passes with dots.
“Not sure if they’re up there with the Trent Bolt,” says Brian Withington, “but I can offer up:
Anderson Shelters
Root Canal Dredging
Lawrence River Cruising
Traditional crafts:
Stone Masons
Wood Cutters
Broad Sword Sharpeners
and on the medical services front:
Burns Unit
Knee Bracey.”
I remember as a student wondering why no Arsenal fan had written Thierry on every Henry; perhaps in New Zealand, someone has done so with Mark.
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98th over: England 293-9 (Lawrence 75, Anderson 0) It’s a shame Broad didn’t hang around long enough to enjoy Wagner, but more importantly, Michael Holding loves the sun and hates aircon – rightly so. Meantime, Lawrence takes a short step to leg and lofts Henry over mid off for four. That’s a very nice shot.
“There’s already a Trent Bridge, a Trent Junction, a Trent Jet Engine from Rolls-Royce and so on,” informs John Starbuck. “A Trent Bolt would need to be absolutely secure and last almost for ever.”
To say nothing of Trent Park, nor Trent Trent, the England right-back.
97th over: England 289-9 (Lawrence 71, Anderson 0) Out comes Jimmy Anderson in his 162nd Test. I don’t think any of us can fathom what it takes to achieve that, but we know it’s more than the most we can possibly imagine, which is a lot. He sees away four dots, making that a second consecutive wicket maiden.
“I am absolutely willing Mark Wood to at least 50,” says Toby Sims, “not only because he seems like one of the nicest blokes in cricket, but also, if he’s got the confidence and adrenaline pumping, I reckon he could crack 100mph...”
It didn’t work out but I daresay he’ll still be at it, while David Turnbull would like the TMS link if anyone knows where to find it.
WICKET! Broad c Blundell b Boult 0 (England 289-9)
With the field set for a short one and Broad primed to step away, a fuller one moves away, he tentatively follows it, and feathers a catch behind.
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96th over: England 289-8 (Lawrence 71, Broad 0) A wicket maiden for Henry, Broad earning a leg bye with his hip but nothing else.
“I have mixed feelings about James Bracey,” says Will Lane. “He did look absolutely gutted yesterday, but then again he probably should as it was a terrible shot. They clearly won’t do it, but it would be nice for England to let him bat at no.3 in the second innings. If he is to play in the later tests this summer that is the position he will bat anyway, and poor Zack Crawley is a walking wicket at the moment. It would be an opportunity to see how he can bat there, and gives him a chance to make amends for himself.”
I don’t think they can do that to Crawley, but I do appreciate your point – sometimes, batsmen calibrate their game or, more likely, their mind unwittingly calibrates their batting according to where they are in the order. Crawley might’ve been struggling were there a third Test, but now he can nip off and make some runs for Kent.
WICKET! Wood b Henry 41 (England 288-8)
Here it is! Henry pitches up and Wood looks for another monstrous drive, down on one knee to clatter and inside edge into off stump. That’s a very valuable contribution from him, and sets up Neil Wagner bowling short at Stuart Broad.
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95th over: England 288-7 (Lawrence 71, Wood 41) Now Lawrence – who’s been allowed to settle nice and slowly – presents the full face to Boult, earning three to long off. But all that does is bring Wood onto strike, and you know what’s coming next! What a sentence that is! He gets down on one knee and unloads the suitcase at a wide one, getting just enough on it to add four over slip and down to third man. A single follows and this has been a great start for England, which means hilarious collapse is almost upon us.
94th over: England 280-7 (Lawrence 71, Wood 36) Has a metalware or door-lock company in New Zealand designed a Trent bolt yet? What other cricketing products might we invent? How about ... HAVE A LOOK! Wood collars Henry from outside off for four pulled through midwicket, then eases another short one over the slips for another boundary. What a player! New Zealand have let England get away here – they’ve scored 22 off the opening four overs and the partnership is 58!
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93rd over: England 272-7 (Lawrence 68, Wood 28) We see a strong breeze fluttering a George cross; I’m not sure what happened next because my eyes filled with tears. That poor, magnificent dragon. Anyway, the point Nasser was making was that the conditions are nice for Boult’s inswinger, but after two dots he tries a boomp-ah, so Wood top-edges a hooke for four. So Boult goes around, and after a quick sight-ah, Wood times a dab beautifully, and the ball charges away for another four, just behind square on the off side. “He looks a bit stiff, Trent Boult,” says Nass.
92nd over: England 263-7 (Lawrence 68, Wood 20) Henry takes the natural vector of disease from the other end and sends down three dots that Lawrence leaves alone; somewhere in the dressing room, James Bracey sobs into his gloves. More dots follow, and that’s a maiden.
“I’d like to propose that each commentator is allowed a ration of times that they can say that the next session is crucial,” emails Neil Withers. “They can say it exactly the same number of times that they say the next session is NOT crucial. Just a thought to cut down on statements of the bleedin’ obvious.”
Around these parts, we’re next hour is crucial. We said it a lot this time last week, when it rained all day.
91st over: England 263-7 (Lawrence 68, Wood 20) Boult goes short and Lawrence pulls uppishly for one, then Wood presents the full face. He’s got a big job on here and you can be sure he’s up for it; he drops hands and withdraws phizog as a lift-ah arrives. Then another, which he wears on the forearm and sends to third slip, then a dot ... and then a gloooorious cover drive that follows one shaping away. It hurtles away fo fo, and the crowd already sound nicely lubricated. I could listen to it on loop.
Lawrence takes guard and has a look, Boult takes aim. Good luck, boys. Play.
Out come the teams. T-2 to people applauding themselves for singing Jerusalem.
“Another reworking of a Paul Simon classic, that finds Dan Lawrence and his admirer in and around Birmingham rather than New York (and Mexico way),” begins Brian Withington.
“Dan, keep your head right in line
I know your knock’ll go fine
Dri-ive back down the ground
Doh-n-doh-de-doh-n-doh
And here you are
The only Essex boy in Brum
I get the news I need on the G’s OBO
Oh, I can gather all the news I need on the G’s OBO
Hey, you’ve got nothing to do today but score
Doh-n-doh-de-doh-n-doh
And here you are
The only Essex boy in Brum
Most of the team is out
But we don’t know how
And we don’t know why
Some of the time it swings
But we don’t know when
And we don’t know why
Dan, keep your head right in line
I know that you’re eager to bat long
Hey, let your flick to leg fly, fly, fly now
Doh-n-doh-de-doh-n-doh
Like it flies for me (Here I am)
The only Essex man in Dorridge
The only Essex man in Dorridge.”
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Email! “How happy to see the two sides battling it out on the green,” says Bill Hargreaves. “Wonderful. Next few days look like being a good stage for the England spinners. I beg your pardon? Oh. Well they’ll need a few drinks breaks, so.”
Michael Holding just said that he thinks Root is as good as any of the others they’ve picked recently, which seems a bit harsh on Jack Leach but you know where he’s coming from. England do have balance issues though, which is a strange consequence of having so many serious quicks (and a coterie of talented by flaky batsmen).
He was helped by his pacemen and by England’s batsmen, but Ajaz Patel bowled nicely yesterday. He might just have done enough to force his way into the XI for the final, though I guess it’s more likely we’ll see Santner, if fit.
On Sky, Nasser reckons England’s batsmen – Crawley especially – rely too heavily on their bottom hand when driving. He also notes that Lawrence can do that at the start of his innings, before moving on to poor Bracey who looked like he couldn’t believe what he’d done when standing there after getting out. You couldn’t help but feel for him, which is an unusual sensation when someone chases a wide one first ball.
I should also say that yesterday’s bonus Boult was a proper treat. He’ll be sore this morning, but he’ll also be grooved, and there’s a strong chance he runs through England this morning. That would be enjoyable to see.
I’m not quite sure what effect conditions will have today, because there’s a bit of cloud and a bit of sun. The forecast, though, thinks the latter will soon disappear, and things will get greyer through the afternoon – I’d not be surprised to see a few wickets.
A week today, New Zealand will meet India at the Rose Bowl to determine the identity of the world’s best Test team – I can’t wait for that, except I can because I also can’t wait for what’s about to happen today. I do, though, think we need to do something about the format; I’m not sure what, but something. It probably begins with according all series(es) equal value and import.
Neil Wagner is happy. After losing the toss on a pitch looking unlikely to do much, he reckons 258-7 is a decent state of affairs. He was surprised to see the ball keeping as low as it did, and was especially happy with his team’s afternoon behaviour.
Back to Lawrence, you could visibly see him grow in the final hour yesterday – perhaps someone fed him a mushroom at drinks – and he’ll not have wanted the close. Now he’s had that long night of the soul, it seems unlikely he’ll carry on where he left off, but he won’t want to rely too hard on the legends at the other end.
Goodness me, forget all that. Bumble, who started coming in disguise the summer before last (I think) is in tank-top cardigan, flat cap, cravat and pink-lensed sunnies. He looks like the troubled poet who we quickly learn is the murderer in an early episode of Columbo.
I was feeling bad about expecting a hundred from someone who’s “only” on 67 and is yet to make one at this level, but it was in Wardy’s introduction, so we’re good.
Preamble
Naturally, there are words to say, but really all you need is the scoreboard to know that yesterday we saw and today we are about to see a belting day of Test Match CricketTM. New Zealand are on top, but England have a chance of posting a vaguely acceptable score – especially in the context of their vaguely acceptable pace attack.
Of course, we’ve been here before – most recently a week ago, when England began day four with two set batsman then promptly collapsed in a fashion that was equal parts classic and contemporary. Nor is it hard to foresee a reprise ... and yet. Dan Lawrence batted superbly yesterday, and will presumably arrive at the crease having passed a long, lonely night buzzing off a crucial fifty and visualising a life-changing hundred – goodness, I daresay we spent a while doing so on his behalf. More of the same, and everything changes.
The ability to stay calm through such turmoil is one of the many things that sets sportsfolk apart from the rest of us, and it’s Lawrence’s good fortune to have equanimity’s Mark Wood grinning and bouncing at the other end. There would surely be no better man with whom to share a maiden Test-ton hug – I’m gone at the mere thought – but a lot of work is required before we can embrace that embrace. Go well, people.
Play: 11am BST
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