Ali Martin’s report is in. Thanks for reading and join us again tomorrow for the finish. If it gets to the evening, we’ll have seen something very special.
Here are some silly numbers – I’ve just been checking out Root’s fourth-innings record since he gave up the Test captaincy in 2022. He’s got 953 runs at 79.41, including three hundreds, the last of them at the Oval in 2025 against India.
Geoff Lemon is on the tools for the game at Headingley. We never stop.
Joe Root – who else? – is there to keep England fans dreaming. Probably helps with selling a few more day five tickets. But the hosts are heading to their third consecutive Test defeat at the Oval, which would set up a tasty decider at Trent Bridge.
Stumps
48th over: England 182-5 (Cox 0, Root 75) Root, playing a different game to the rest, eases away a pull for one off Jamieson. Two catching midwickets are waiting for Cox to repeat his dismissal from the first innings, but he keeps the bat straight. He’ll have to wait till tomorrow to get off the mark. That’s stumps and it’s New Zealand game. They need just five wickets; England need 281 runs.
47th over: England 181-5 (Cox 0, Root 74) Henry is back to have a bowl at Cox, with Blundell, the keeper, close enough to smell whatever the debutant’s wearing.
46th over: England 180-5 (Cox 0, Root 73) Jamieson came in from around the wicket to Rew, the ball keeping low to leave the batter in all sorts. The ball would have crashed into the top of middle. A tough debut for the Somerset left-hander is over. Jordan Cox gets through three Jamieson deliveries and, boy, has he got a job to do.
WICKET! Rew lbw Jamieson 15 (England 180-5)
Oooh, New Zealand like the look of this: Rew is left in an awful tangle, missing a pull that hits him in the box region. Jamieson wants a review after the umpire says nah, and up it comes: three reds and a late wicket for the visitors.
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45th over: England 180-4 (Rew 15, Root 73) Ravindra tries to rip the ball past Root’s outside edge but is too short; England’s No 4 gets those feet moving quick, getting back to pull away for three. Rew reminds me a lot of Gary Ballance at the crease.
44th over: England 175-4 (Rew 13, Root 70)
John Starbuck writes in:
As you’ve drawn the nightwatchman stint, what are you hoping for? No wickets, or something spectacular?
To that, I say:
43rd over: England 175-4 (Rew 13, Root 70) Time for some twirl, with Rachin Ravindra called upon from the Vauxhall End. Rew gets funky, nailing a reverse sweep to the ropes. There’s turn and bounce there for the left-armer, though.
42nd over: England 170-4 (Rew 9, Root 69) Afternoon, folks. Here’s Kyle Jamieson to bound in, immediately finding some decent carry. The Oval is a gorgeous sight as Joe Root, looking very comfortable, dabs for one. James Rew is going to get it from Jamieson, I reckon, up into the armpit.
41st over: England 169-4 (Root 68, Rew 9) Rew has played solidly so far and does well to keep out a partial grubber from Nathan Smith. He has 9 from 25 balls, Root 68 from 120.
I have to dash so Taha is going to finish up. Thanks for your company; goodnight.
40th over: England 168-4 (Root 67, Rew 9)
39th over: England 165-4 (Root 64, Rew 8) Smith bowls to Root, who bottom-edges an attempted dab for four… byes. Both batter and keeper will feel aggrieved at that erroneous verdict.
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38th over: England 160-4 (Root 64, Rew 8)
37th over: England 157-4 (Root 62, Rew 7) Nathan Smith replaces Matt Henry, who has earned an ice bath and maybe even a Gatorade chaser. In this game, Henry’s record against an otherwise rampant Brook is extraordinary
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19 balls
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4 runs
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2 wickets
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0 boundaries
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21.1 strike rate
Brook smashed the other bowelers for 78 from 67 balls without being dismissed.
Meanwhile, James Rew gets his first boundary with a polished clip through midwicket.
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36th over: England 150-4 (Root 60, Rew 2) Rourke continues to attack Rew from over the wicket. Rew leaves when he can, defends when he has to, all the while looking pretty composed. A maiden.
The thought of facing Will O’Rourke on a bouncy pitch on Test debut, especially when you’re only 22 years old, is mildly chilling.
35th over: England 150-4 (Root 60, Rew 2) Root and Rew, Roo and Rewt. It’s Joe on strike against Henry, who slips a loose delivery down the leg side for four byes. Everything else is where it should be, forcing Root to defend with his usual excellence.
Henry’s spell of 6-3-10-1 has been a beauty, not least because Harry Brook was going at 100mph when he came on.
34th over: England 146-4 (Root 60, Rew 2) You don’t need Mensa membership to know how O’Rourke is going to attack James Rew. One of many short or shortish deliveries hit Rew on the side and flies away for four leg-byes.
33rd over: England 139-4 (Root 57, Rew 2) I feel like we publish this Matt Henry stat once an innings but it bears repeating. In the first six years of his Test career he averaged 51.54 from 13 Tests. What a loser! Since then, across a five-year period, he has 116 wickets in 22 Tests at 20.31 apiece. Sir Richard Hadlee, Glenn McGrath and Malcolm Marshall would be happy with those numbers. Jasprit Bumrah might even be mildly satisfied.
WICKET! England 137-4 (Brook c Mitchell b Henry 58)
Matt Henry is an absolute champion! First he slowed England down; now he’s made a crucial breakthrough. Brook pushed defensively at another immaculate delivery that took the edge. The ball deflected off the gloves of Blundell, standing up to the stumps, and was smartly caught by Mitchell at slip.
Brook goes for a spectacular 58 from 54 balls.
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“In almost every era, there’s an English batter whose failures are ascribed an almost moral dimension,” says Phil Harrison. “There was Gower (too casual). Pietersen (too flash, too South African). Now, there’s Brook. People struggle to understand that he doesn’t play like this to show off; he plays like this because it works. People show both their ignorance and their lack of imagination.”
‘An almost moral dimension’ is spot on. The only bit I’d question is the ‘almost’. I can see both sides of the argument, but I really struggle to understand the extent of the hatred that a minority of England fans have for Brook. But I also find it a tricky subject to grasp, in part because I know I’ve written some awful, hateful crap over the years. I also have a bad feeling a twentysomething Smyth would be calling Brook all sorts.
32nd over: England 137-3 (Root 57, Brook 58) O’Rourke returns to the attack, starting with a maiden to Root. With that, the players take drinks.
It’s been a session of two halves so fars:
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First eight overs 62 runs (including 62 in seven after a maiden straight after tea)
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Last eight overs 21 runs
Many reasons for that, but the main one is the excellence of Matt Henry.
31st over: England 137-3 (Root 57, Brook 58) Sorry, been distracted by emails for the last few overs. Nothing much is happening; just three singles from that last Henry over.
30th over: England 134-3 (Root 55, Brook 57) “I hope this isn’t giving England, and Brook in particular, the kiss of death,” begins Will Juba, “but I wonder how much the previous Bazball run-chases might be playing into New Zealand’s bowling. If not now (they’re bowling pretty well atm, just being relentlessly attacked), then it might do, should this partnership go on for, say, another 75-100 runs.
“It’s probably too far to go for England, but NZ must remember the summer of 2022 and so maybe, just maybe, if Brook and Root can stay in a bit longer they might start to panic even with a lead this big? “Yes, yes, I’m clutching at straws I know. But…maybe…???”
With so many runs to defend, I suspect the only thing that could give New Zealand the fear would be the sight of Jonathan Marc Bairstow bristling out to the middle, whirling his arms while shouting: “You tell Jessop I’m coming! You tell him I’m [swearword] comingggggggg!”
Man, I miss Jonny. He’s so underrated, too, especially as a white-ball player.
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29th over: England 130-3 (Root 54, Brook 54) England are still 333 runs short of victory, so this remains a fun partnership on its own terms rather than anything more profound.
“So,” writes Simon McMahon. “Arsenal champions of England, Scotland losing to Morocco in the World Cup, and England heading to Trent Bridge needing a win. Tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1998.”
Oh that’s good. But how the hell did you know I was listening to B*Witched this morning?
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England review! Brook not out 53
In the first innings, Matt Henry dismissed Root and Brook in quick succession. He’s done the same in the second – but both decisions have been overturned. Like Root, Brook reviewed straight away after being given out LBW, knowing he’s got a late inside edge onto the pad.
Fifty for Joe Root
28th over: England 124-3 (Root 51, Brook 53) Root opens the face to glide Jamieson for four, a delightful shot that brings up his first fifty of the series and his 67th in Tests. I almost don’t want him to get a hundred, because if he pulls out the Thorpey headband again I’ll dissolve in tears.
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27th over: England 120-3 (Root 46, Brook 52) Matt Henry has a kind of passive-aggressive approach to Root. Passive because he’s focussing primarily on accuracy; aggressive because everything is on target, demanding a defensive stroke. Root is up to the task in that over, with a maiden the almost inevitable result.
26th over: England 120-3 (Root 46, Brook 52) “It may be in a losing cause but it’s fun and heart-warming to see Root caress his way and Brook bludgeon his way to significant innings that send out a signal to the Kiwis ahead of the third Test,” says Colum Fordham. “ We’re being treated to some fine and improbable shots.”
Brook’s approach, in particular, also increases England’s chance of winning. That increase might only be from 1% to 2.5%*, but what’s not to love about a marginal gain, especially when it’s this entertaining.
* Figures may not be entirely accurate as they’ve been pulled from a nearby derriere
25th over: England 118-3 (Root 45, Brook 51) Root and Henry, two poster boys for any Nice Guys Finish First movement, have a good-natured chat about the wicket that wasn’t.
“I think with Brook that it’s not necessarily hate,” says Andy Flintoff, “but, much like Botham’s feats of heroics, he might come to expect it to happen every time he’s batting, leading him into poor shot selection. It’s obvious he has the talent, though.”
Thanks for explaining that to me.
WICKET! Durham 183-4 (Stokes b Conway 95)
Ben Stokes wrote his own script, but some bugger called Harry Conway tweaked the ending.
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Root is not out!
Correction: Root knows he’s inside-edged it. It was a lovely nipbacker, the first of a new spell from Henry, and Root would have been plumb withoutthat little touch.
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England review! Root LBW b Henry 44
Root thinks he’s inside-edged it.
Brook hits 33-ball fifty!
24th over: England 116-3 (Root 44, Brook 51) Thoughts and prayers at this time difficult time with those who hate Harry Brook. He’s putting on another madcap masterclass at the Oval and has raced to a stunning half-century in just 33 balls.
There were three more boundaries in that Jamieson over: a thick edge past backward point, a violation over mid-off and a deliberate steer past the slips.
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23rd over: England 103-3 (Root 43, Brook 39) Brook cuffs a short ball from Smith over midwicket for four to move to 38 from 25 balls. This is reminscent of his coruscating counter-attack on this ground a year ago, although on that occasion England were 106 for 3 chasing 374 to beat India when he arrived.
In this game it was – yikes – 40 for 3 chasing 463. Same principle, though: the only one to win is to put so much pressure on the bowlers that they lose any or all of the following: length, line, rag, noggin.
22nd over: England 97-3 (Root 42, Brook 34) Jamieson, back on for O’Rourke, restores some order with a maiden to Root.
“Hullo Rob,” says Felix Wood. “Greetings from ‘the way’ - walking the camino offers hours of contemplation whilst walking from town to town, 25 km today, which allowed me to avoid at least the first session and a half of the cricket. What this Test has reminded me is how much I disliked the Root as captain period – long stretches of bowling to no plan, no accountability in the batting, and perhaps worst of all robbing us of enjoying Root as a batsman. He’d probably have 600 or so more runs as well. So thanks for stepping up, Joe, but for all our sakes put the blazer away again.”
I agree he’s a limited captain, but I’d say your email is a wee bit harsh based on three days with a ragtag team. Also, while he has been a better player overall in the ranks, his greatest batting came when he was captain in 2021 and the world was collapsing around him.
21st over: England 97-3 (Root 42, Brook 34) The ball needs to be replaced, presumably because it’s been battered out of shape in the last few overs. New Zealand carefully chose a replacement ball – and Brook dumps it straight over midwicket for six, first ball after the resumption. Disgraceful genius.
In other news, Ben Stokes is 95 not out at Chester-le-Street. Every cloud, my son.
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20th over: England 88-3 (Root 39, Brook 28) There’s a proud history of “oh-bugger-it batting”at the Oval. I’m quietly confident Root and Brook have never used the phrase in their lives, but there’s an element of oh-bugger-it about their batting since tea.
Root has just hit O’Rourke for three boundaries in an over, all played deliberately behind square on the off side. The third was a deft, almost carefree uppercut over the slips.
The first over of the evening session was a maiden; the next three have disappeared for 34.
19th over: England 75-3 (Root 25, Brook 18) Two more boundaries to Brook via a pull and a back-foot steer off Smith. He has 28 from 20 balls and might reasonably be described as being on one.
“A random thought with it being Father’s Day tomorrow,” writes James Brough. “My dad bought The Guardian every day since years before I was born. I think he’d have been quietly rather pleased at me getting the odd mention...”
18th over: England 64-3 (Root 25, Brook 18) Brook hits two boundaries off O’Rourke, a push through mid-on and a magnificent, high-handed pull stroke.
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17th over: England 54-3 (Root 24, Brook 9) Nathan Smith starts after tea with a maiden to Root.
Tea: England need a further 409 runs to win
New Zealand would have taken one wicket in that mini-session; they got three and are going to win at a canter, possibly tonight.
16th over: England 54-3 (Root 24, Brook 9) It’s quite a good day for bowling, much cooler than yesterday. It feels like New Zealand have had the better of conditions in this match, even though they lost the toss.
They’ve been so superior that it has had no impact on the result; it’s just an interesting vagary of cricket that you can lose the toss and have the best of conditions. A similar thing happened at Lord’s.
A rare poor ball from O’Rourke – short, wide and with ‘hit me’ stuck to its back – is belted to the point boundary by Root. That’s tea.
“‘A blaze of gory’?” says John Starbuck. “Well done. Mind you, when listening to commentary I can’t help hearing O’Rourke’s name as ‘Willow’, positioning him as a supporting player in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
15th over: England 49-3 (Root 19, Brook 9) Blundell is up to the stumps when Smith is bowling to either Roor or Brook. This tactic, used to quietly devastating effect by Alex Carey in the Ashes, is fast becoming England’s Krpytonite.
The moment I type that, Brook stands in his crease and larrups Smith to the cover boundary. Because he can, because he’s a genius.
14th over: England 45-3 (Root 19, Brook 5) A typically quiet start to Harry Brook’s innings.
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First ball Nasty lifter from O’Rourke, fended away
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Second ball Loose drive, beaten outside off
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Third ball Steered expertly for four
Meanwhile, a sensational stat from Benedit Bermange of Sky Sports: Joe Root has scored 3,573 of his Test runs behind square on the off side. That’s fractionally over 25%, and most of them were deliberately.
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OBO legend Tanya Aldred, who is at Durham watching one of England’s greatest-ever cricketers play for his county while England are in action 250 miles away, has just popped up in Google Chat.
Stokes is looking majestic btw
At the risk of getting carried away, I’ll cry my eyes out if he returns at Trent Bridge next week and makes a 53-ball century.
WICKET! England 40-3 (Duckett c Henry b O'Rourke 9)
Ben Duckett’s lean trot continues with an ugly dismissal. He tried to swat a bouncer from O’Rourke and somehow managed to toe-end it gently to mid-off. England are going down in a blaze of gory.
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13th over: England 40-2 (Duckett 9, Root 19) Nathan Smith starts his spell with a nasty lifter to Duckett that takes the shoulder of the bat and loops to safety on the off side. Smith is such a good bowler – such a good cricketer – and would be a strong contender for an XI of players who were born underrated.
No chance of Root ever making that team. He hits – no, persuades – two high-class boundaries behind square on the off side.
12th over: England 31-2 (Duckett 8, Root 11) O’Rourke replaces Jamieson, who bowled a terrific spell of 5-1-10-2. Root bends his back to cut the first ball emphatically for four, but he has a scare later in the over when a defensive shot bounces back over the stumps. Root tries to swish it away and missed. But, as Mike Atherton says on Sky, the main thing is that he didn’t do a Goochie.
“Call me Nostradamus,” writes James Brough. “My prediction – England lose in four days. Stokes returns as captain for the next Test after someone points out a misprint in the curfew regulations saying players have to be in bed by 12 noon, rather than midnight.”
Ben Stokes has made a rapid half-century, his first in 2026, for Durham against Northants. Every bloody cloud, my son, every blood cloud.
11th over: England 25-2 (Duckett 7, Root 6) Blundell is up to the stumps for Root, who looks uncomfortable as a result. Henry is bowling wicket to wicket, with a bit of nip, and has an LBW appeal caught in the throat when Root gets a late inside-edge onto the pad. That would have been really close.
10th over: England 22-2 (Duckett 7, Root 3) Duckett’s strike-rate has gone 144 in the first innings to 30 in the second, and I say that as a compliment. He’s battling hard and showing good defensive technique. If and when he ends this irritating trot of nothing scores, someone is going to pay.
“Rooooooooooooot,” says James Brough. “How many of those 14,000 Test runs do we reckon were guided to third man or flicked to midwicket? And do we think he’ll manage to pass Sachin and become the first to 16,000?”
Only a dodgy back or the apocalypse can stop him.
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8th over: England 20-2 (Duckett 5, Root 3) A maiden from Henry to Root. For all the weirdness of the series so far, it’s set up a for a cracking series decider at Trent Bridge next week. England last true series decider on home soil was against South Africa in 2022.
8th over: England 20-2 (Duckett 5, Root 3) Another menacing over form Jamieson, who is bowling his best spell of the series to date.
Root is not out
Indeed it was, by quite a way, so New Zealand lose a review.
New Zealand review for LBW against Root!
No shot offered but I reckon it’s missing off.
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Root passes 14,000 Test runs
7th over: England 19-2 (Duckett 5, Root 2) Thanks Tim, hello everyone. Sorry for the missing sixth over – I’m running late due to a bus cancellation, but I’m here tell you that Joe Root has just taken a quick single off Matt Henry. It’s also his 14,000th Test run. Fourteen large!
Root is only the second man to reach that milestone after Sachin Tendulkar. It alls tarted in Nagpur in December 2012, when an even fresher-faced Root walked out to meet Kevin Pietersen for his first Test innings.
He walked out with a smile on his face, and went, ‘All right lad, you okay, you’re playing well there.’ And I was like, ‘Mate! I’ve played 90-odd Test matches and I don’t walk out like that.’ But it’s brilliant for English cricket, absolutely brilliant.
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5th over: England 17-2 (Duckett 5, Root 0) Two wickets in one over for Kyle Jamieson, who has already bounced back from a bad day and a bit in the first innings. At the other end, Henry beats the bat of Duckett again. When he goes full, Duckett does connect but can’t time his drive. He finally finds his touch with a shovel pull that races across the dry old pitches on this enormous square.
And Root needs two to be the first Englishman to reach 14,000 runs in Tests. In fact the first man from anywhere whose name is not Sachin. That moment, if it comes, will be covered by your friend and mine, Rob Smyth. Thanks for your correspondence and I’ll hope to see you for France v iraq on Monday night.
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WICKET! Bethell LBW b Jamieson 0 (England 13-2)
One brings two! A full ball, swinging in, and not even England’s master of the second dig can keep it out. So Bethell fails in both innings here, though he did bowl well, and poor Joe Root has to come in half an hour after a long stint changing the field.
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WICKET! Gay c Ravindra b Jamieson 11 (England 13-1)
Nooo! Two bizarre things have just happened. Emilio Gay has put a low price on his wicket by clipping straight to the man at short midwicket. And that man is Rachin Ravindra, who, as Nasser Hussain says, couldn’t catch a cold at Lord’s.
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3rd over: England 13-0 (Duckett 1, Gay 11) England could do with a stroke of some authority. And here it is from Emilio Gay, facing Henry, reading the length well and playing a force through the covers for four. Except that it’s not at all forced – it’s more of a glide. So that’s 13 down, just another 450 to go.
2nd over: England 8-0 (Duckett 1, Gay 6) Gay, facing Kyle Jamieson, gets another nick but does well to keep it down and collects his reward with a four through the gap at third or fourth slip.
A question for Tom Latham: if you don’t have a third slip on a seaming track at the Oval with 460 runs in the bank, when do you?
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1st over: England 2-0 (Duckett 1, Gay 1) Matt Henry has the new ball and England are flirting with disaster! The first ball is wide outside off and ben Duckett has a tentative nibble, a nothing shot that could only have brought four off the edge. There is a nick off the last ball as Gay plays a more reasonable shot, trying to protect his off stump.
Tom Blundell is standing back for the moment, perhaps reserving the claustrophobia for Root and Brook, who both succumbed to it in the first innings. And perhaps wondering if this game will go to five days.
And here’s Rob Smyth, with the facts we need at this moment. “The last time England batted even a single ball in the fourth innings of a drawn Test was at Sydney in 2021-22,” he notes. “That’s one of only two Tests they’ve drawn batting last since 2015. The other was the game v NZ in 2021 when Root was criticised for not chasing a tempting target.
“The last time they batted 120+ overs to save a Test was Auckland in 2012-13 – 143 overs, Prior hundred, Monty swimming to make his ground.” Ha.
Rob also said “please don’t give me a credit,” but as he always dishes it out, he’s just going to have to take it.
The latest email is entitled The Fisher King. Very Guardian. “Afternoon Tim, afternoon everyone,” says Guy Hornsby. “This is a much improved effort from the England attack, especially Fisher after lunch. As disappointing as we’ve been – in parts – in this Test, what you want to see is progression, so it’s been heartening to see Fisher and Baker get their lines and lengths better today, as much to ensure we don’t have to overbowl Jofra, too. These may be semi-declaration wickets, but that won’t matter to them. These little moments can have larger ripples, you’d hope.”
Amen to that, though, if Stokes, Atkinson and Robinson return, as expected, we won’t be seeing either Fisher or Baker in the next Test, unless Fisher gets the nod for his batting.
NZ 362 all out!
WICKET! Henry c Duckett b Baker 1 Another top edge, and that is that! New Zealand didn’t declare but they did rather give up, as they can well afford to. England’s task is daunting but straightforward: they have to get 463 to win the series, or survive for nearly five sessions to make sure they can’t lose it. Maybe, for his next trick, Root will bring back the rearguard action.
WICKET! Smith c Gay b Fisher 38 (NZ 362-9)
87th over: New Zealand 362-9 (Henry 1) Fisher has another one as Smith gets his next big hit all wrong, sending a top edge up towards the Shard and seeing it land in the safe hands of Emilio Gay. That was a good knock, though: Smith, who faced 51 balls, scored faster than Henry Nicholls or Daryl Mitchell and almost as fast as Rachin Ravindra.
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Meanwhile, in Chester-le-Street… Ben Stokes found himself coming in to bat with Durham 30-3, after Northants were all out for 450 (Stokes 1-80). He danced down the track as if the big night out had never happened, smashed a four, and now has 12 off 11 balls from three scoring shots. You can keep an eye on his progress with Tanya Aldred, the queen of the county scene.
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86th over: New Zealand 360-8 (Smith 37, Henry 0) The role of Phillips, bossing the tail, is being taken by Nathan Smith – a less accomplished batsman but just as determined. Facing Baker, he whips a lifter for four, then swings a pull to deep square, where Jofra Archer drops a difficult catch, diving forwards. It was brave of him to try.
WICKET! Jamieson b Fisher 6 (NZ 355-8)
85th over: New Zealand 355-8 (Smith 32) England will be relieved not to see Glenn Phillips marshalling the tail, for the first time in this series. Jamieson has given them some grief too, but he struggles now against Fisher’s outswing. He plays and misses once, twice, three times, four times in the over. Then he whacks a length ball back over the bowler’ head, but Fisher, stung, has the perfect retort: a lovely outswinger which flattens the middle stump. In fact, shatters it!
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84th over: New Zealand 351-7 (Smith 32, Jamieson 2) Root, so full of surprises as a stand-in captain, hands the new ball to Sonny Baker. He uses it to beat Smith’s attempt at an expansive hook, and manages his first maiden of this innings.
83rd over: New Zealand 351-7 (Smith 32, Jamieson 2) Mitchell went down on one knee, tried to flick the ball over his left shoulder like a pinch of salt, missed it and saw his off bail go for a walk. That’s the end of a fine innings and also the end of the old ball, as Joe Root has called for the new one. Kyle Jamieson, more dangerous with the bat than the ball in this game so far, gets off the mark with a swish for two.
WICKET! Mitchell b Fisher 68 (NZ 349-7)
Daryl Mitchell risks a ramp and instantly regrets it!
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82nd over: New Zealand 349-6 (Mitchell 68, Smith 32) Time for the new ball, then! But hang on – it’s Jacob Bethell. What the hell? The batters, possibly surprised to be still at the buffet, help themselves to four singles.
Meanwhile, on the south coast, Australia ‘s women have beaten the Netherlands. It’s not official yet but it is inevitable, barring earthquakes or a flurry of wides. Babette de Leede has reached 50 and her team have shown that they can keep the Aussie bowlers at bay, but they now need 111 runs off two overs, which seems unlikely.
Back to the captaincy. “England dropping Stokes,” says Niall Mullen, “reminds me of an absentee father erratically laying the law down having paid no attention to his kids for months on end. Sure, it feels like the right thing in the moment but, without follow through on the actual day to day issues, the kids will continue to fail to thrive and actually view the father with even less respect.”
A modest proposal
“I share many of the thoughts being expressed about the ECB,” says Kim Thonger. “We do seem to be in a proper pickle. Is it worth experimenting with trial replacement of the entire management team with Perplexity Max?
“It’s £200 a month so obviously a clear financial case, but its ability to analyse extremely complex problems in nanoseconds and deliver holistic solutions in minutes, would surely improve matters. I pay for and use it myself for almost everything I do these days. It not perfect but it’s considerably closer to perfection than the ECB.
“It didn’t write this by the way, the grammar and syntax would have been better if it had.”
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Lunch: NZ finding it too easy
81st over: New Zealand 345-6 (Mitchell 66, Smith 30) Root keeps Fisher on, but decides not to take the new ball right away. “And the reason for that,” says Stuart Broad, “would be…?”
“Dunno” says Mark Butcher. “At a loss! If you weren’t going to take it, Joe Root might as well have bowled these two overs himself.”
James Rew, standing up to the stumps, Blundell-style, makes a good sharp take down the leg side. But he may be alarmed to see Fisher bowl a bouncer, which Smith hooks for an effortless four. It’s not the only four in town as New Zealand lead by 445. England won the first hour, bowling much better, but NZ have won the second – and they didn’t even need to.
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80th over: New Zealand 340-6 (Mitchell 66, Smith 25) One more over till the new ball and Nathan Smith decides to cash in, lofting Bethell for six and slog-sweeping for four. He’s made three-quarter of the runs in this partnership, 25 out of 33.
79th over: New Zealand 329-6 (Mitchell 66, Smith 14) And here’s Fisher! Possibly warming up for the new ball. He too is immaculate and that’s another maiden.
“Is it possible,” asks Pete Salmon, “Joe Root just isn’t a very good captain? Time to go there? Have we fallen for the Halo Effect? Great batsman, good bloke, so must be good captain?” I went there a few times during his five years as the official captain, when he was good at times but often played too safe, notably against New Zealand at Lord’s, when he didn’t even try to chase a gettable target. The strange thing this time is that he’s been quite different – funky to a fault, forever changing the plan – and just as ineffective.
78th over: New Zealand 329-6 (Mitchell 66, Smith 14) Here’s a far more explicable decision. Off comes Baker, with 13-1-62-0, and on comes Bethell, who has the best strike rate for England in this match with four wickets from just 18 overs. He has the knack Ian Botham had – of taking a wicket with a bad ball and a bit of chutzpah. It doesn’t happen here but, bowling to Smith, he manages a maiden.
77th over: New Zealand 329-6 (Mitchell 66, Smith 14) Mitchell sees that cover drive from Smith and matches it, with extra swagger, off Tongue’s first ball. Root stands at silly mid-on, so there’s just the one slip. With all these field changes, apart from anything else, he must be wearing himself out, when England need him to make a hundred later.
76th over: New Zealand 325-6 (Mitchell 62, Smith 14) Smith, who fancies a bit of Baker, plays a rasping cover drive for four and a comfy clip for two. He has 14 off only 17 balls. “Joe Root,” says Stuart Broad, “has played in three different fielding positions in the past five balls – leg slip, leg gully and mid-on.” Which surely can’t make it easy for a debutant bowler to settle.
75th over: New Zealand 319-6 (Mitchell 62, Smith 8) Archer does get his well-earned rest. Still no Fisher, who must have a niggle. Instead it’s Tongue, with two catchers on the leg side – silly mid-on and short midwicket. This seems a terrible idea on a seaming track, but it does keep Mitchell quiet and Tongue collects another maiden. He has 18-5-60-2.
74th over: New Zealand 319-6 (Mitchell 62, Smith 8) Baker continues and beats Smith with a ball that straightens.
Here’s Alisdair Gould, writing from Paris and coming up with an unexpected gambit. “For an expert on punctuation, maybe you would consider OBO as your weaker format of the game? Maybe a longer format would allow you to show off your technique. Anyway, I learnt about the interrobang this week. May I challenge you to use one before you hand over to Rob?!” Ha.
“The Direction of English Cricket is such a pathetic mess, I have nothing cricket worthy to write. In desperation I have turned to something that we can control i.e. punctuation.” Nice idea, but it’s something plenty of people can’t control. At the Oval on Wednesday, I saw a sign for Loaded Frie’s.
73rd over: New Zealand 316-6 (Mitchell 60, Smith 7) It’s funny, Joe Root, with his vast experience, is captaining England like someone who has never captained them before. And like someone who can’t remember ever overbowling Jofra Archer. He keeps him on now, when surely another rest would be wiser. After ignoring Archer for 90 minutes on Thursday morning, when England’s wheels were all over South London, Root is now ignoring Matt Fisher.
Archer has 8-0-23-2 today. Let’s hope that’s him done until the new ball is due, just after lunch.
72nd over: New Zealand 314-6 (Mitchell 59, Smith 6) Root takes himself straight off, rightly, and brings back Baker. His first ball is a bouncer so tepid that even a No 8 can hook it for four, but Baker is a quick learner, famous for taking notes on batters in his notebook, and he soon switches to line and length.
71st over: New Zealand 309-6 (Mitchell 59, Smith 1) Nathan Smith gets off the mark with a nurdle. The commentators show that Phillips was stuck in the crease, because Archer had pinned him back with the short stuff. Archer now has fine figures in this innings, 15-0-60-3. If there was any justice, he would have had a five-for on the first morning.
WICKET! Phillips c Bethell b Archer 3 (NZ 307-6)
I take it all back! Archer wins the duel, Bethell takes the catch at gully, Phillips has his first flop of the series and I’d like to congratulate Joe Root on his shrewd captaincy.
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70th over: New Zealand 307-5 (Mitchell 59, Phillips 3) Root springs another surprise by bringing himself on. An off-spinner against two right-handers – why not Bethell, who moves the ball away from them? Mitchell may be licking his lips, and no sooner have I typed that than he plays a reverse sweep for four to reach fifty, 51 off 68 balls. He follows up with a dismissive cut for four and another reverse for four more. In between, to be fair, Root bowls a crafty arm ball that drifts past the outside edge. But all told that over was a gift to New Zealand.
Drinks: England better, NZ still in charge
69th over: New Zealand 295-5 (Mitchell 47, Phillips 3) Root responds to Phillips’ arrival by bringing back Archer. You can see why, but is it wise? He’s only been off for 20 minutes, and the second new ball is less than an hour away. Maybe it’s just for two overs. Archer duly hones his bouncer and dumps Phillips on his backside, where he spent much of Wednesday evening. And that’s drinks, with England much improved today – more orthodox, more accurate, more threatening – but NZ still leading by 395 runs. They could declare now and win by a street, unless Harry Brook goes bananas.
68th over: New Zealand 293-5 (Mitchell 46, Phillips 2) So here is Glenn Phillips, the batsman of the series, getting off the mark with a confident clip for two. I was at the Oval on Wednesday (many thanks to my son Dan) and Phillips was in a different class from the rest with his decisiveness, not to mention his courage in the face of Archer’s ferocity. If he’d been in the top five at Lord’s, New Zealand might now be closing in on a series win.
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67th over: New Zealand 290-5 (Mitchell 46, Phillips 0) Root went for Sonny Baker rather than Fisher, preferring puppyish pace to seasoned precision. But he was wary with his field, posting only one slip. The ploy misfired at first as Baker found some bounce and Mitchell was able to ride it and guide the ball into the wide open space between slip and gully. But then Root, after a chat with Duckett, put himself at leg slip, and it worked a treat. A small triumph for Rew too.
Wicket! Blundell c Rew b Baker 16 (NZ 290-5)
The leg slip comes good! Blundell flicks a full ball off his toes, Root spills it, but Rew cleans up.
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66th over: New Zealand 284-4 (Mitchell 41, Blundell 15) Two more singles off Tongue’s over. A Sky caption confirms that the ball has been moving more off the seam today than yesterday, so Matt Fisher could be effective.
65th over: New Zealand 282-4 (Mitchell 40, Blundell 14) Singles for both batters and when Archer tries a bouncer he bangs it in too short, so it sails away for four byes. England have already conceded more extras in this innings (16) than New Zealand did in the previous one (9), so the total score in that department so far is England 9, NZ 69.
64th over: New Zealand 274-4 (Mitchell 38, Blundell 12) Mitchell nudges a single, making that last factoid instantly obsolete. Tongue tries to york Blundell, who digs the ball out of his feet, then takes one on the hip bone and winces. Tongue tries the yorker again, and again it gives Blundell no bother. Root moves from slip to leg slip, a ploy he has surely over-used in this game. Keep it simple!
63rd over: New Zealand 273-4 (Mitchell 37, Blundell 12) The sun comes out as Archer continues. He dishes up his first freebie of the day, allowing Blundell to leg-glance for four. Blundell, always busy, even after a hard day’s standing up to the stumps, has raced into double figures and scored all the runs in this partnership.
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62nd over: New Zealand 269-4 (Mitchell 37, Blundell 8) Tongue, not at his best in the first innings, is in the groove now. He keeps Mitchell quiet and collects a maiden.
“Looks like the weather at the Oval is on a par with us here in Fuerteventura where I’m enjoying my retirement on paradise island,” says Andy House. It’s all right for some. “No question that an awful chain of events has led to England fielding a team that has proved no match at the Oval for an excellent and battle hardened Kiwi side.
“Call me old fashioned, however but I cannot agree with the general Guardian stance that Stokes and Atkinson have been unfairly punished and that somehow the England team management have brought this crisis upon themselves.
“Actions have consequences and whilst none of us expect either the captain of the England team or his players to be saints, we do expect a certain level of responsibility and common sense from our millionaire elite cricketers not least after the debacle in Australia where I witnessed the final humiliation in Sydney.
“Truth to tell, Stokes and Atkinson thoroughly deserved to be dropped and they owe their team mates big time in the likely 3rd test decider after letting down their fellow players the management and the fans so badly.”
My stance, for what it’s worth, is not that Stokes and Atkinson were unfairly punished. It’s that their team-mates were unfairly punished. In a team sport, suspensions seldom make sense.
61st over: New Zealand 269-4 (Mitchell 37, Blundell 8) Jofra, bowling 87mph, finds the edge yet again as Blundell goes back and pokes with half a bat, but the ball drops short of Root at first slip. If only England had started like this on Thursday morning.
60th over: New Zealand 267-4 (Mitchell 37, Blundell 6) Blundell, who loves joining Mitchell to torment England, tucks Tongue for two and cover-drives for three, uppish but safe.
“Good morning.” says John Starbuck. “I was wondering if James Rew, unfortunately drafted in a bit too soon, should change his name to Roux, seeing it’s been something of a mixture so far.” Ha.
59th over: New Zealand 262-4 (Mitchell 37, Blundell 1) Classic Test bowling from Jofra, who eats left-handers for breakfast. He sauntered in, landed the ball on off stump and angled it away. This time Brook – back in his comfort zone at second slip, not first – took a comfortable catch. Archer then kept it tight to the right-handed Tom Blundell, and England nearly nabbed another wicket as Blundell took a silly single to Ben Duckett, whose throw was on target until it landed on an old pitch and turned into an off-cutter.
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WICKET! Nicholls c Brook b Archer 121 (NZ 261-4)
Justice for Jofra! And redemption for Harry Brook.
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58th over: New Zealand 261-3 (Nicholls 121, Mitchell 37) At the Vauxhall end, Root goes for experience in the form of Josh Tongue, who has played 11 Tests. He too starts strongly, finding bounce and movement. Henry Nicholls may have a hundred but he hasn’t got his eye in today, and he takes a blow or two to the fingers. But after having some treatment, he calmly dabs a single to get down the other end. He’s the Ollie Pope figure for NZ, the guy they’d already discarded, but they trusted him to replace Kane Williamson and he’s actually been (whisper it) an upgrade.
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Dropped!
57th over: New Zealand 260-3 (Nicholls 120, Mitchell 37) You remember those pictures of Jofra howling with frustration last night? He’s already been doing it again. His first ball is a beauty, squaring up Daryl Mitchell and drawing the edge – which is dropped by Harry Brook at slip. Brook has had such a poor match, bringing one great shot when England needed him to be the senior pro. Archer beats Mitchell next ball, and has a shout for LBW against him (going down). Some of the blame belongs to Root, who started with only one slip, then moved himself back in there afterwards. Along the way, the batters calmly collect eight runs, four from that drop. It’s a cruel game.
The players are out there. Joe Root is chatting to Matt Fisher, whose batting gave England a glimmer of hope yesterday morning. And the ball is with Jofra Archer, who will come gliding in from the pavilion end.
England have also missed Ollie Pope. He was the odd-job man under Stokes, ready to take over as the captain or the keeper, and doing both jobs well enough to attract little comment. With hindsight, he would have been a better understudy for Jamie Smith here than poor James Rew. As would Jonny Bairstow.
On Sky they’re talking about … Ben Stokes. He’s been missed as a captain, standing at mid-off, exuding energy, bigging up the bowler with his belief. He’s been missed as a bowler: this morning, at 250 for three, he would be handing the ball to himself. And he’s even been missed as a batter. Scratchy as he has been recently, he can still stick around, as he showed in Australia. With the bat, Ben Stokes has turned into Ben Foakes – the designated driver in a team of drinkers. The whole package means that when he’s there, England have 12 or 13 players, and when he’s not, they have nine or ten.
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If you’d like some action right away, there’s a World Cup match just starting in Southampton. It’s another episode in a long-running series: David v Goliath. Do join Megan Maurice to see if Babette de Leede’s bowlers can rattle Australia’s big names.
Preamble
Morning everyone, or should that be hello darkness, my old friend? For England supporters of a certain age, this match has been a flashback to the Eighties. First the management picked the wrong response to Ben Stokes’ and Gus Atkinson’s big night out, suspending them when Harry Brook had merely been fined for a worse offence, perhaps because the ECB was afraid of looking weak. Then, just as fortune favours the brave, so misfortune homed in on the faint-hearted.
England lost the Player of the Match from Lord’s, Ollie Robinson, to injury and their wicketkeeper, Jamie Smith, to the birth of his second child. Suddenly the team had no spine – no captain, no keeper, no new-ball pair. The selectors put their faith in what Micky Stewart, whose name is on the pavilion at the Oval, once called “a lot of inexperience”. Joe Root found himself not so much the stand-in captain as the babysitter.
The kids were all right at first, then fell apart as Root tried too hard to play the Stokes way and get funky with his fields. The New Zealanders, who are known on the circuit as nice guys, have been far more orthodox and more efficient. By the end of yesterday the crowd was witnessing an unprecedented spectacle: the England Lions being fed to the Christians.
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