That’s it for today’s blog, though Ali Martin’s report will appear soon, as if by magic. Tim and I will be back tomorrow, so please join us then. Ta-ra!
Close of play: New Zealand lead by 165 runs
30th over: New Zealand 62-2 (Latham 30, Wagner 2) Anderson’s final over is comfortably defended by Wagner, and that’s the end of day four. England were in serious trouble at 140 for six, still 238 runs behind, but they fought back excellently with both bat and ball. Rory Burns made an outstanding 132, and there were runs and wicket for the impressive Ollie Robinson. England bowled superbly in the final session and New Zealand couldn’t get away. New Zealand are the only team who can win the game, but the draw is the strong favourite.
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29th over: New Zealand 62-2 (Latham 30, Wagner 2) Robinson seams another beauty past Wagner’s outside edge. He gets through his over quickly, which means there will be time for one more tonight. Wagner gets a single off the last ball to keep the strike, and Robinson finishes an outstanding day’s work: 42 with the bat, 9-5-8-2 with the ball.
28th over: New Zealand 61-2 (Latham 30, Wagner 1) We should have time for one more over after this one from Anderson, which means 10 of the scheduled 98 will be lost. That and New Zealand’s scoring rate means that England will have to do something exceptional if they are to embarrass themselves and lose this match.
27th over: New Zealand 59-2 (Latham 28, Wagner 1) Robinson now has figures of 8-4-7-2, and I’m mildly in awe of his performance since those disgusting tweets emerged. It’s bad enough to be publicly shamed; it must be even worse when you know you deserve every last bit of it, and you don’t have the option of going to ground until it blows over. It would destroy most of us, yet if anything it has made Robinson play even better.
26th over: New Zealand 58-2 (Latham 27, Wagner 1) I said earlier that Ollie Robinson could potentially become a one-cap wonder. Yeah, I think we can forget that one.
25th over: New Zealand 58-2 (Latham 27, Wagner 1) Neil Wagner has come in as nightwatchman. That was so impressive from Robinson, not just the bowling but also his awareness. Nobody else really appealed for the LBW, but he was desperate to review it. I think Root agreed out of sympathy, rather than because he thought it was it.
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WICKET! New Zealand 57-2 (Williamson LBW b Robinson 1)
He’s out! It was hitting the top of leg stump and Williamson has gone, having been worked over magnificently by Ollie Robinson.
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ANOTHER REVIEW! Robinson has another huge shout for LBW against Williamson next ball. It’s turned down but Joe Root decides to risk England’s last review. I think this will be umpire’s call, so not out.
REVIEW! New Zealand 57-1 (Williamson not out 1)
Ollie Robinson traps Kane Williamson LBW with a big nipbacker, just like he said he would before the game - but it’s overturned on review. There was a very thin inside edge, though Williamson didn’t know that. He reviewed in the hope that it was bouncing over the stumps.
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24th over: New Zealand 57-1 (Latham 27, Williamson 1) The ball has gone out of shape and is going to be changed. When play resumes, Williamson gets off the mark from his 16th delivery. New Zealand’s lack of attacking intent is surprising, though I suspect it’s mainly due to the quality of England’s bowling.
23rd over: New Zealand 55-1 (Latham 26, Williamson 0) New Zealand get four leg-byes when Robinson strays onto Latham’s pads. Latham then drives a single down the ground to leave Robinson with figures of 6-4-5-1. Since you asked, That was Helenio Herrera’s dream formation, although the 1 was optional.
“As ever, Millings’ Unfulfilled Promise XI is spot on, with Hick at No. 11 genius,” says Simon McMahon. “Ramprakash could be twelfth man. Stuart Broad will have more Test runs than both of them before the end of the summer. I’m not quite sure what that says about him, or them, or English cricket in the 90s, or today, but it must say something…”
That’s another cracking statistic. Mind you, Shane Warne scored more runs than Keith Miller, and he fulfilled every last bit of his potential, so it’s not just an England thing.
22nd over: New Zealand 50-1 (Latham 25, Williamson 0) James Anderson replaces the relatively expensive Mark Wood (4-0-17-0). His first ball is flashed uppishly for four by Latham, not far wide of Burns at backward point. Despite that boundary, England have done really well to keep New Zealand in check this evening.
21st over: New Zealand 43-1 (Latham 18, Williamson 0) Another maiden from Robinson, this time to Williamson. His figures are 5-4-4-1, which sounds like Jose Mourinho’s dream formation.
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20th over: New Zealand 43-1 (Latham 18, Williamson 0) The umpire Michael Gough gives Wood an official warning for running on the pitch in his follow through. Wood continues round the wicket, at least for now, and Latham slaps a short ball past gully for four.
19th over: New Zealand 39-1 (Latham 14, Williamson 0) A wicket maiden from Robinson, who now has match figures of 32-9-75-5. He also made a useful 42 with the bat. It’s been a uniquely bittersweet Test debut.
Conway’s debut has been an unmitigated triumph. He made 223 runs from 411 deliveries, the fifth highest match total on debut - and, as Tim points out, he was not dismissed by a bowler until that 411th delivery.
WICKET! New Zealand 39-1 (Conway b Robinson 23)
Ollie Robinson roars with delight after bowling Devon Conway. It was another really good delivery, which jagged back off the seam, took the inside edge and trimmed the bails. He’s a serious bowler this lad.
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18th over: New Zealand 39-0 (Latham 14, Conway 23) Michael Gough has another look at Wood’s followthrough from round the wicket. He must be close to an official warning.
17th over: New Zealand 34-0 (Latham 14, Conway 19) Latham is beaten by another cracking delivery from Robinson that moves a long way off the seam. Another maiden, his second in three overs. It looks like New Zealand are going to bat normally tonight and then assess the match situation in the morning.
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16th over: New Zealand 34-0 (Latham 14, Conway 19) A misfield from Lawrence, I think, gives Latham an extra run. Wood’s second over ends with a spectacular delivery that cuts Conway in half and just misses the inside edge. That’s drinks.
“My sincere apologies to Brad and Brian McMillan, though I’m not sure who’d be more insulted,” writes Guy Hornsby. “I was busy checking the spelling of the surname so diligently that I subconsciously crick-o-corrected it to the burly South African legend. I’m sure Andy would’ve made a pun out of it. Yours, red-facedly, Sir Garfield Hornsby.”
15th over: New Zealand 29-0 (Latham 10, Conway 18) Conway flicks Robinson, who has switched to over the wicket, through square leg for four. He plays that shot so stylishly, with a flamingo flourish. Robinson responds smartly to beat Conway twice in three deliveries.
14th over: New Zealand 25-0 (Latham 10, Conway 14) Mark Wood is on for Stuart Broad, who bowled some jaffas in his spell of 6-1-9-0. Like Robinson, he is having problems with his follow through from round the wicket. Unlike Robinson, he doesn’t start with a maiden: a short ball is pulled round the corner for four by Latham.
13th over: New Zealand 21-0 (Latham 6, Conway 14) Ollie Robinson replaces James Anderson, who bowled an excellent spell of 6-1-11-0. He starts around the wicket to the left-handers, and after two balls Richard Kettleborough checks his follow through. That was a bit of a problem for Robinson in the first innings. He starts his spell with a maiden. I know batting hasn’t been easy this evening, but I’m surprised New Zealand have been quite so watchful.
12th over: New Zealand 21-0 (Latham 6, Conway 14) More technical problems, sorry. You’re not missing much.
11th over: New Zealand 20-0 (Latham 6, Conway 13) Latham is beaten by a jaffa from Anderson that straightens sharply and then bounces grotesquely. When Anderson goes a bit fuller, Latham drives pleasantly down the ground for a couple. New Zealand lead by 123.
“Glad to see Conway is well on his way to becoming a one-innings wonder,” says Ian Copestake. “Have at thee fate.”
10th over: New Zealand 18-0 (Latham 4, Conway 13) Conway gets his first boundary, flicking Broad classily past midwicket.
“Rob,” says Brian Withington. “Would the Mac Millings XI of broken dreams be coached by Peter One Moores Time? Brutal choice between Hick and Ramprakash for no. 11 slot btw.”
Only Millings knows, but personally I’d give the job to John Wrong or maybe Dav Whatless.
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9th over: New Zealand 11-0 (Latham 4, Conway 9) That really was a stinker of a review.
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CONWAY IS NOT OUT! There was an inside edge, so England are down to their last review. The ball pitched miles outside leg stump as well. That aside, he was plumb.
ENGLAND REVIEW FOR LBW! Anderson implores Richard Kettleborough to give Conway out LBW. England have two reviews left - and Root chooses to go upstairs. He may soon regret that decision.
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8th over: New Zealand 11-0 (Latham 3, Conway 7) Conway is having a torrid time. He survives a biggish LBW appeal from Broad, who doesn’t bother arguing for a review. Turns out it was umpire’s call on height. A flamingo flick brings Conway a single later in the over, and hints that he may have had enough of being a punchbag for Broad. The over ends with a clever offcutter from Broad that just misses the off stump as Latham offers no stroke.
“Hello again Rob,” says Brad Mcmillan. “I sometimes wonder whether Brian would have been a more appropriate name for me, but I also wonder whether what little success I had with foreign girls on holiday as a teenager was because my name is actually Brad. Either way, I’ll forgive Guy Hornsby because he improved my original comment on Andy Zaltzman by mentioning the pun expertise and, well, because he’s Guy Hornsby.”
Or Gary, as you should have called him.
7th over: New Zealand 10-0 (Latham 3, Conway 6) “After getting frustrated at England’s batting handing the initiative to New Zealand, I’m going to attempt to cheer myself up by jumping ship now, and watching Wales v Albania,” says Matt Dony. “I have a sneaking suspicion it might not be 100% successful. I’ll probably be back soon enough. And, whenever I do come back, I imagine Conway will be batting.”
6th over: New Zealand 8-0 (Latham 1, Conway 6) An LBW shout is caught in the throat when Conway gets a late inside-edge, and then he is rapped on the glove by another nasty delivery from Broad. He and Anderson have been superb with the new ball, reminding us that attack can be the best form of defence in the field. Latham and particularly Conway have a job on to survive, never mind score runs.
ANOTHER REVIEW FOR CAUGHT BEHIND! Conway is beaten on the inside by a beauty from Broad, who thinks there might have been an inside edge. He persuades Joe Root to review, and those with experience of Stuart Broad and DRS will have an idea what happens next. Replays show Conway missed it by a long way, so this time England do lose a review.
5th over: New Zealand 8-0 (Latham 1, Conway 6) “Dearest Rob,” lies Mac Millings. “In light of your heartbreaking admission that Andy Zaltzman is ‘the man I dreamed of becoming’, please allow me to introduce my all-time Unfulfilled Promise XI:
- Rory Burnsout
- Cyril Washedup
- Has-been Hameed
- CouldaBeenAContender Sehwag
- David Capable
- Brett Likelee
- Lost Buttler
- Unfulfillip DeFreitas
- Prospect Utseya
- Prodigeetan Patel
- Graeme Hick
LATHAM IS NOT OUT! Anderson got one to straighten sharply from round the wicket. Latham played across the line and there was a noise before the ball went through to Bracey. Joe Root reviewed with one second remaining, but replays showed the ball missed the outside edge and hit the back pad. It was actually very close to LBW, umpire’s call on point of contact, so England keep their review.
ENGLAND REVIEW FOR CAUGHT BEHIND AGAINST LATHAM
4th over: New Zealand 5-0 (Latham 1, Conway 3) The new ball is doing plenty. Conway shoulders arms to a ball that lifts sharply and almost hits him in the armpit; then he is beaten, feeling for a lovely delivery that moves away off the seam. Conway nods respectfully at Broad.
3rd over: New Zealand 3-0 (Latham 0, Conway 2) Conway pulls his hand off the bat handle after being surprised by a bit of extra bounce, this time from Anderson. It’s been a quiet start to the innings, just three runs from three overs.
“What’s the plan now for NZ?” says Ruth Purdue. “Assess the pitch a few overs and then tee off?”
Yep, I guess so. This hasn’t been the easiest pitch on which to score quickly, though, so I don’t think it will be a sixfest.
2nd over: New Zealand 1-0 (Latham 0, Conway 1) Stuart Broad gets one to lift extravagantly outside Conway’s off stump. There have been enough hints of spin and uneven bounce to make New Zealand think they could force a fourth-innings collapse and win the game.
“Hi Rob, from the 15:45 Leeds to Manchester,” says Guy Hornsby. “Can I vociferously second Brian McMillan? I’m a big Andy Zaltzman fan, ever since his early days of the brilliant Bugle, and I’ve been lucky enough to see him live a few times in stand-up. He’s a very quick wit (and a notorious punner), and his love for cricket - stats especially - is just the right side of unhealthy obsession. He often repeats the same line at gigs: ‘Any cricket fans in today? Stick your hands up.... Great. Anyone not like cricket?... What the f*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Still makes me laugh. What I love is that this really is his dream job, and he’s a stand-up, podcaster, hosts the News Quiz, but really this is what he was born to do. TMS is a cuddlier, funnier, more brilliant place with him in it. And that’s the best thing, really.”
Agreed. In the last decade or two there has been a lot of talk about modernising TMS, yoofspeak and all that. Zaltzman had modernised it in a far subtler way, and without compromising the spirit of the thing. Zaltzman and Brian Johnston is one of the great fantasy commentary teams.
1st over: New Zealand 0-0 (Latham 0, Conway 0) It will be interesting to see how Devon Conway bats here. His 200 was a classical opener’s innings, but he also has a spectacular white-ball record so he has the ability to set up a declaration. For now Tom Latham is on strike to James Anderson, who starts with a maiden.
The players are back on the field. There are still 37 overs to bowl today, so New Zealand should be well ahead by the close.
“Hi Rob,” says Brad Mcmillan. “‘Twas indeed a great stat from Andy Zaltzman. I think it’s worth dwelling on him for a moment, not just to ponder his breathtaking stats-work, but his general passion for the game and, for my money, his perfection of the art of gallows humour. Appreciate his comedy isn’t for everyone, but he’s one of the quickest, funniest people I’ve ever heard, and there can surely be no doubt he’s been an absolutely brilliant addition to the BBC coverage.”
As well as the one-liners and killer stats, there’s such an infectious joy to his work. He has redefined the role of the statto. Or, to put it another way, he’s the man I dreamed of becoming.
Tea The innings break will today double up as a tea break. See you in 15 minutes.
New Zealand lead by 103 runs They still have a chance of winning this game, and should be able to leave England with around 70 overs to survive tomorrow. It would have been a lot more but for that terrific innings from Rory Burns: 132 from 297 balls with 16 fours and one six.
WICKET! England 275 all out (Burns c Watling b Southee 132)
Tim Southee returns to the attack and needs only one ball to end the innings. Burns wafts outside off and gets a thin edge through to the keeper. He falls one short of his highest Test score, while Southee ends with admirable figures of six for 43. He’s a class act.
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In other news...
101st over: England 275-9 (Burns 132, Anderson 8) Anderson tries to reverse sweep Santner and almost drags the ball onto his stumps. Later in the over he hammers a long hop through the covers for four, which stirs the crowd and brings up an unlikely fifty partnership. This has been a fine comeback from 140 for six.
“Is Burns the first England Test opener to score three centuries since Alastair Cook?” asks Tom van der Gucht.
He is indeed. Compton, Sibley and Jennings all have two.
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100th over: England 267-9 (Burns 130, Anderson 2) Still no pictures I’m afraid, but I can report that Burns a) survived a tight review for LBW and b) swept Wagner for six next ball. On an individual and team level, this really has been a mighty innings.
Stat of the day, possibly the year
If I have crunched @AWSStats' database correctly, this is the second time two openers have batted with number 11s in a Test - Morris (Aus) and Hutton (Eng) did so in Adelaide Test in 1950-51 Ashes. https://t.co/NdelrfQ3ff
— Andy Zaltzman (@ZaltzCricket) June 5, 2021
100th over: England 261-9 (Burns 124, Anderson 2) We’re having a few technical problems, apologies for that. I can’t be sure as the picture is coming and going, but I think New Zealand have just reviewed an LBW appeal against Rory Burns. It looked like it was missing leg.
99th over: England 261-9 (Burns 124, Anderson 2) Kane Williamson brings on Mitchell Santner to replace Kane Williamson. Anderson survives another over without too much trouble. This is the second irksome tenth-wicket partnership of the match after Devon Conway and Neil Wagner added 40 on the second day.
“Wasn’t in your shift, but Tom van der Gucht’s Buttler rant might hold more weight if his career renaissance in Tests hadn’t started with some key defensive efforts against India (when Sam Curran got man of the series),” says Jimmy Ainsworth. “He showed real character, far more than England’s top order did today. And then bringing Bairstow into it... one of England’s greatest ODI batsmen for sure, but he’s spent the last three years in Tests moaning about not getting picked while forgetting where his stumps are. A lovely tribute act from poor James Bracey today, sadly.”
I used to get in a tizz about Bairstow’s Test career, all that unfulfilled promise, but then I started to appreciate that England effectively swapped a good Test batsman for an all-time great one-day opener. It was a worthwhile trade.
98th over: England 261-9 (Burns 124, Anderson 2) Burns continues the post-century merriment, flicking Wagner over backward square for four. Since reaching his hundred he has scored 24 from 20 balls.
97th over: England 257-9 (Burns 120, Anderson 2) Kane Williamson brings himself into the attack, and starts with a dismal off-side wide. Burns misses a reverse sweep, with the ball slipping past Watling for a couple of byes, and then takes a single off the fifth ball. Anderson survives his one delivery without alarm.
96th over: England 253-9 (Burns 119, Anderson 2) Anderson elevates Wagner’s blood pressure with a jaunty shot behind square for two. He survives a full over, which means Burns will be on strike against Jamieson. England trail by 125.
Bizarre innings from Burns, who only discovered his timing after the first bang on the head, and his ability to dominate after the second https://t.co/mAYuFaEwfU
— Tim de Lisle (@TimdeLisle) June 5, 2021
95th over: England 251-9 (Burns 119, Anderson 0) Burns is letting his hair down. He pulls Jamieson for four, a sweetly timed stroke, steers another to third man and then laces a gorgeous cover drive to the fence. It’s not often that Kyle Jamieson goes for three boundaries in an over, not in Test cricket anyway.
From the start of play to the arrival of the No11 Anderson, Burns scored 32 from 128 balls. Since then he has hit 28 from 15.
“I’ve devoted quite a lot of time to mulling over the whole Robinson situation,” says Rob Wolf Petersen. “My view is that, ideally, the ECB would strike a balance between acknowledging the seriousness of the offence and recognising that it occurred a long time ago. I think a wise approach would be a fine, ban for a couple of Tests, and some form of meaningful engagement with the communities he disparaged, perhaps a combination of coaching and restorative-justice-style conversation, so he can understand the negative impact of his words and channel it into something positive.”
I think that’s what will happen. I’ll be very surprised if he plays the second Test, which is important because it’s the last time this summer that the IPL bowlers will be unavailable. I suspect he’ll play at some stage next summer, but it’s not beyond the realms that he becomes the strangest of all one-Test wonders.
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94th over: England 239-9 (Burns 107, Anderson 0) Burns celebrates his century by waving a full toss from Wagner down the ground for four. The speed with which the pecking order of the England batsmen changes is fascinating, especially as we’re in an Ashes year. Before this Test Burns was arguably 7th or 8th on the list; now he’s 3rd or 4th.
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A CENTURY FOR RORY BURNS!
That’s an outstanding effort from Burns on his return to the side. He edged Wagner to third man and pegged it back for a second. It’s his third Test century, his second against New Zealand, and it has ensured he won’t be the one missing out when Ben Stokes and Jos Buttler return.
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93rd over: England 230-9 (Burns 98, Anderson 0) With Anderson at the crease, Burns decides it’s time to make a mad dash for his century. He cuts Jamieson for two then pulls the next ball for four. Burns was almost caught by the deep midwicket, who ran in and dived forward, but the ball bounced short and then went past him to the boundary. A single takes him to 98 and leaves Anderson with two balls to survive. He does.
“I find myself like King Ethelred utterly unready to follow yet more forlorn English sporting pursuit of bang adequacy,” says Ian Copestake. “And then there’s these Test matches!”
92nd over: England 223-9 (Burns 91, Anderson 0) Burns has scored more slowly today - 32 from 128 balls. This is anything but a criticism - he and Ollie Robinson have taken some useful time out of the game.
WICKET! England 223-9 (Broad b Wagner 10)
Neil Wagner vs Stuart Broad was never going to be dull. Broad pings a short ball from Wagner in the crowd - but he’s cleaned up by a fuller inswinger next ball. Wagner tests the burstability of his blood vessels, screaming with angry delight and clenching his fist towards Broad.
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91st over: England 216-8 (Burns 90, Broad 4) Burns misses a hook at Jamieson, who has changed ends, and is clonked on the helmet for the second time since lunch and the fifth time in his Test career. That means a break in play for another concussion check, but he’s fine to continue.
Burns then survives an optimistic shout after being hit in the box but an outswinger. Too high, probably pitched outside leg. A clip off the pads takes him into the nineties.
Ashes department
He’s batting at No3, which is a smart move if he wants to get back in the Test team.
Malan gone! He's been bowled by Carson for 199. Heartbreak, but what a stunning innings. 459-6 #OneRose
— Yorkshire CCC (@YorkshireCCC) June 5, 2021
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90th over: England 214-8 (Burns 89, Broad 3) Neil Wagner replaces Jamieson, and his first over includes an LBW review and a dropped catch. Burns was the batter on both occasions. The LBW appeal was far too high but the catch should have been taken. Burns fenced a lifter to second slip, where Southee spilled a fairly sharp chance to his right. The ball deflected towards the first slip Ross Taylor, who threw out his left hand but couldn’t hold on.
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89th over: England 212-8 (Burns 88, Broad 2) Thanks Tim, hello everyone. Burns inches closer to a hundred, pulling Southee’s first ball for a single, and that’s your lot.
And with that, I’m handing over to the great Rob Smyth. Thanks for your company and correspondence, and sorry not to get round to all de emails about Bill Hargreaves’ XI. See you tomorrow.
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88th over: England 211-8 (Burns 87, Broad 2) Broad hooks in the air, giving Burns a heart attack, but the ball lands safely.
Meanwhile the Robinson debate continues. “Richard Horrocks’ take is somewhat short-sighted,” says Faradh Maharoof. “It’s a contradictory and convenient take to excuse bad behaviour. If the alternative is just a slap on the wrist, then how do we expect anyone to learn? Yes, those tweets were from an age ago but finding an effective way to hold him accountable is important – at the very least it sends a strong message that racism and sexism is inexcusable. Without holding people to account how else are we supposed to deter them? I am not sure standing back and letting boys be boys is the right way. Ollie was a young adult after all – and fully capable of making a judgement on what he was writing. And if he is really sorry and has really matured as an adult, why didn’t he apologise at any point over the past nine years before his England debut?
“Giving people the chance to learn and grow is all well and good, but as the ECB and FIFA have shown us, it’s one thing to talk about learning from racism, and entirely another thing to hold people accountable and drive change. I’d bet one of those is better at deterring than the other.”
87th over: England 209-8 (Burns 86, Broad 1) Broad takes a quick single to get off the mark, which is more than a few others have managed in this innings.
86th over: England 208-8 (Burns 86, Broad 0) Jamieson now has 3 for 62, good stuff given that he struggled with the slope at first. He’s a very interesting bowler – halfway from Tony Greig to Courtney Walsh.
85th over: England 207-8 (Burns 86, Broad 0) Before the wicket, Burns showed that he wasn’t merely OK: that bang on the head seems to have brought back his timing, which had been missing for hours. He cracked Southee square for four to take England past 205, so this is now their highest score in eight Test innings.
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Wicket! Wood c Watling b Jamieson 0 (England 207-8)
Mark Wood gets an inside edge, and England go back to collecting ducks.
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Burns hit on the helmet
Southee has the taste for bouncers now and Burns ducks into one. It doesn’t look serious, he’s up and chatting, but the concussion checks need to be made, so the umpires call for drinks. The hour since lunch has belonged to England, but New Zealand are still well on top of the match.
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Wicket! Robinson c Jamieson b Southee 42 (England 203-7)
A bouncer, a hook, an easy catch at fine leg. Well bowled Southee, who has yet another five-for, and another line on the honours board. And well batted Ollie Robinson, who showed touches of class and bags of character.
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83rd over: England 203-6 (Burns 82, Robinson 42) A single to each batsman off Jamieson.
“Robinson and Archer on the same team?” says Repugned on Twitter. “Interesting nets.” Well, yes, if they didn’t already open the bowling together for Sussex.
82nd over: England 201-6 (Burns 81, Robinson 41) Burns, facing Southee, skies a pull, but gets away with it as the ball bisects two fielders and plops into the turf.
A question from Nick Way. “Could Bill Hargreaves’ team also include La Buschagne?”
82nd over: England 200-6 (Burns 80, Robinson 41) Kyle Jamieson joins Southee, but he can’t make anything happen either on this slow pitch. Robinson, with his sensible head back on, waits for the bad ball and cuts it for four to bring up the 200.
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81st over: England 195-6 (Burns 79, Robinson 37) Robinson is getting a bit cocky, dancing down the pitch to Southee, so the next ball is a bouncer, to sober him up. Southee finds some swing, as ever, but not the magic touch of this morning.
80th over: England 194-6 (Burns 78, Robinson 37) That’s bad luck on Santner, who will presumably not be seen for some time. It’s now time, and Tim, for the new ball.
Meanwhile Geoffrey Smith picks up on Bill Hargreaves’ query about putting together an XI of players called de, D’ and so on. “Will Mike DeNness do?” Ha.
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Missed stumping!
Burns gives Santner the charge, misses, slips, hands BJ Watling several hours to get rid of him – and he fumbles it!
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79th over: England 192-6 (Burns 77, Robinson 36) After doing the necessary, Robinson is beginning to relax. He eases Wagner past gully like Chris Woakes on a good day, then punches past cover like a proper batsman. That’s the fifty partnership, and Robinson is responsible for two-thirds of it.
78th over: England 183-6 (Burns 77, Robinson 27) A good ball from Santner, drifting in and turning away as Robinson pokes forward at thin air. But Robinson is showing us what a strong character he is – four wickets when Broad took none, 27 runs when several others got none, and most of it achieved under a big black cloud. He’ll probably be banned for the next Test, and rightly so, but he will be back and his grit, along with Jofra Archer’s elbow, could hold the key to the Ashes.
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Follow-on averted!
Robinson chips Santner over mid-on and runs two, to get England over the line – but not yet out of the woods.
77th over: England 178-6 (Burns 76, Robinson 24) One of the two runs comes along right away, albeit in uncertain fashion, as Robinson flaps at Wagner’s stock ball – the bouncer. Burns plays and misses again, this time with a prod at a length ball that holds its line. One run to save the follow-on. Three overs to the new ball, which explains why we’ve been seeing the supporting cast.
76th over: England 177-6 (Burns 76, Robinson 23) Robinson flicks Santner to leg – and flicks short leg’s trouser leg, but safely, as whoever it is doesn’t have time to get his hands down to his shin. Burns then plays a sweep and misses, outside off. Two needed!
75th over: England 175-6 (Burns 75, Robinson 22) Wagner continues, and even he may be wondering why. There’s heavy cloud cover – get a swinger on. Burns takes a leg-bye and Robinson tries some nice decisive leaves. He’s about halfway to proving that England do have an allrounder after all.
“Re Robinson,” says Daniel King, “surely people can see the disconnect between standing in a Moment of Unity with anti-discrimination shirts on, and having to explain remarks which – however long ago – are the absolute antithesis of what the ECB is trying to achieve right now.”
74th over: England 174-6 (Burns 75, Robinson 22) Kane Williamson, who usually knows what he’s doing, seems to be at sea here. He takes de Grandhomme off, which makes sense, but brings Mitch Santner on, rather than Jamieson. Robinson keeps him out. Five still needed to see off the follow-on.
73rd over: England 174-6 (Burns 75, Robinson 22) Wagner to Burns: nothing to report, except a certain amount of dogged inelegance.
72nd over: England 174-6 (Burns 75, Robinson 22) A no-ball and another single off de Grandhomme, who has also prompted a thought from Bill Hargreaves. “Can’t we get a team together with the likes of Colin de Grandhomme, Bryson Dehambeau, Basil D’Oliveira, Phil DeFreitas, et al? It could have been presided over by good old Phil de Greek, except that he’s now passed into the hands of Old Father Time.” Bill, you’re speaking my language. But I suspect we’ll need to let in people called du as well as de, De and D’. Come back, Faf du Plessis, your people need you.
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71st over: England 172-6 (Burns 74, Robinson 22) From the Pavilion end it’s Wagner, who hasn’t found his mighty mojo yet. Burns takes yet another single with a prod to leg. Southee is believed to be off the field.
“The cricketing world would be a less lively place,” says Abhijato Sensarma, “without the Kiwi bowling attack operating in it. There is something charming yet off-putting about them, isn’t there? Wagner, Southee, even the absentee Boult – they are the kind of killers who go around assassinating batters with a smile on their face. They’re not full-blooded pacers, but it’s nice to see a collective of their kind be charming on the field as well.”
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70th over: England 171-6 (Burns 73, Robinson 22) Robinson takes advantage of Williamson’s generosity, cutting for four and again for two, which leaves only eight needed to save the follow-on. Not even England can mess that up, can they?
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The players are back from lunch, and the ball is in the hands of Colin de Grandhomme, which is a bonus for England. Maybe Southee’s exhausted.
“Is it necessary,” asks Richard Horrocks, “to keep talking about Robinson’s tweets? I still have elderly grandparents who grew up in (and probably engaged with) very racist attitudes. Should that be dragged up too? Punishing the lad won’t deter anyone, it will just make it that much harder to connect with hearts and minds. This isn’t about judgement and punishment, but getting people to understand and giving them the chance to learn and grow. How we respond to Robinson now sends a message out to others about how they too will be received. Robinson has owned his mistake. Is that not enough?”
Two interesting comments have come in on England’s predicament. “All those counties, all those posh schools and all those academies,” says Gary Naylor on Twitter, “and England end up with this top seven.” We could spend the whole afternoon unpacking that sentence.
And here’s Tom van der Gucht. “Root did seem to be getting ahead of himself with his aim to win all this summer’s Tests.” You’re telling me – that was a textbook blunder. “Unfortunately, with the exception of a few players, England are a bit of a middling side at the moment. The bowling is looking to be picking up, but when you compare the batting line-up with 2010, it’s not fit to lace the drinks of Strauss, Cook, Trott, KP, Colly, Bell and Prior. Now, the team is packed with callow rookies. I know we’re lacking Stokes and Buttler, but then again is that a big loss?” Yes!
“Buttler seems to have spent his entire Test career built on potential and what he could achieve. But how many times has he turned the game around in Tests? He’s played 50 matches and still trails in Prior’s wake in terms of contributions. In fact, he trails in Bairstow’s wake when you compare their records batting down the order and keeping... Sorry, this message had mutated into a ranting stream of consciousness; I’m going to have a lie down and a gin.” Ha.
That’s a rant to relish, but perhaps putting a bit too much weight on the old career average. Not many batsmen have averaged more than 35 in England over the past three years, with the Dukes ball and the seaming surfaces. Stokes has been phenomenal, on and off, and Buttler has been immense lately – when not being rotated.
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Lunch: England still on the brink
68th over: England 164-6 (Burns 72, Robinson 16) And that’s luncheon. Robinson has done well to steady the ship, after threatening to scupper it with those terrible tweets. And Burns is still there, albeit so becalmed that he’s being outscored by a bowler making his debut. Like his opposite number Devon Conway, Burns has seen a lot of partners come and go.
So England still need 15 to avoid the follow-on. And the morning belongs to Tim Southee, who showed up a gauche middle order with a spell of exemplary swing bowling. See you in half an hour.
Meanwhile, why not sign up to The Spin, if you don’t already.
And Graham Hardcastle has the latest county news:
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Not out! Robinson survives
It was off the pad only, as Robinson had realised. You wait ages for a mistake from Michael Gough, and then he makes two in one morning.
Wicket? Robinson given out caught
Off the spinner, Santner, at short leg. He reviews straight away, so maybe it’s not out...
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67th over: England 164-6 (Burns 72, Robinson 16) One more to each batsman as England continue to get ’em in singles. The partnership has crept to 24 and could really do with adding another 15.
66th over: England 162-6 (Burns 71, Robinson 15) Just a single off Jamieson as the cameras find a pair of small boys in T-shirts, with their dad, I presume. They must be about 9 and 11 and are busy with a scorebook, one filling it in, the other keeping a close eye on him. That was me and my brother Charlie, with our mum, when New Zealand came here in 1973. Be warned, lads: you may both become cricket writers, and one of you could end up on the OBO.
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65th over: England 161-6 (Burns 70, Robinson 15) Burns nudges a single off Wagner, who is pitching it up rather than bombing him, presumably because the bombs can bring boundaries.
“Whiffs of 80s and 90s nostalgia,” says Colum Fordham, “as England embark on a trademark collapse and try admirably to set up a New Zealand victory AGAINST ALL ODDS. Though writing from a surprisingly Lords-like overcast Naples, I just heard from my brother Kit in London who has been down to the graveyard with his young sons to play a bit of cricket (interesting location, I know, but apt). One of my nephews made a six and out. I’m sure he was influenced by England’s callow young middle-order batsmen. My brother has just opened another can of cider to ease the pain.” As emails go, that’s more of a novella.
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64th over: England 160-6 (Burns 69, Robinson 15) Robinson gets a touch too confident, wafting at a lifter from Jamieson with the bat dangling at 45 degrees – neither one thing nor the other. He’s then beaten on the inside edge as Jamieson gets the shape back in with which he started the proceedings today. Still 19 needed to avoid the follow-on, and Robinson may have to get most of them – as Mike Atherton points out, Rory Burns has made only 10 this morning, off 60 balls. The wheel is there to be grabbed if he can manage it.
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64th over: England 160-6 (Burns 69, Robinson 15) Here is Wagner, whose bowling in this game hasn’t been quite as hot as his batting. Robinson greets him with another good shot, a clip for three.
“Can we talk,” says Tom King, “about that terrible Jet advert played between overs? It’s as if they’re trying to find the least crickety sound possible.” I’ll have to take your word for it, Tom. Between overs, I’m so busy stringing a sentence together, I wouldn’t hear a clap of thunder.
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63rd over: England 157-6 (Burns 69, Robinson 12) So we do get a bowling change, but instead of Wagner for de Grandhomme, it’s Jamieson for Southee. His extra height induces a wacky shot from Robinson, who steps away and slashes over the slips for four. He thus becomes the fourth Englishman to reach double figures in this innings. To celebrate, he plays a much better stroke, a back-foot glide to cover point that deserves more than a single.
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Newsflash: Southee takes his sweater!
Here endeth the masterclass.
62nd over: England 151-6 (Burns 69, Robinson 7) de Grandhomme goes back to joining the dots. Time for a burst of Neil Wagner, surely.
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61st over: England 151-6 (Burns 69, Robinson 7) Williamson seems to have decided to bowl Southee all day long. For a change he tries a bouncer, which Burns pulls crisply but only for a single. In the commentary box are Ian Ward and Rob Key, and Ward is scoffing at Key’s ignorance of the fact that the Lord’s floodlights bob up and down (they’re up now, even though the sky is largely blue). Key takes it very genially, so the attempt at one-upmanship rather backfires.
60th over: England 150-6 (Burns 68, Robinson 7) de Grandhomme concedes a few singles, for once, so England make it to a minor milestone. They need another 29 to see off the possibility of the follow-on.
Here’s Richard O’Hagan again. “I know that there’s a lot of 90s nostalgia around at the moment – music reviews, Euro 96 reviews and so on – but England being thrashed by NZ was one memory I really didn’t want to revisit.”
59th over: England 147-6 (Burns 67, Robinson 5) Robinson plays his first decent shot, a firm push down the ground off Southee, which is saved by a diving stop from Kane Williamson. If he’d thought about it, Williamson might have let it trickle for four, to give Southee a few more goes at Robinson. Southee could afford to concede the extra run: his spell now stands at 11-6-18-3, and it may have won the match.
58th over: England 143-6 (Burns 66, Robinson 2) Burns needs to get a move on, but de Grandhomme isn’t the bowler you’d choose for that scenario. He keeps it tight apart from a big fat no-ball. Burns has only five from his last 30 balls, so the question now is whether he can take charge.
“Just done a team sprint triathlon in Leeds (I know I know, anything to get out of the house),” says Guy Hornsby. “Checked my phone after the finish to a flurry of notifications. I thought ‘it can’t be the cricket’ but... Of COURSE IT CAN. I know we’re keen on a result but.... Oh England.”
57th over: England 142-6 (Burns 66, Robinson 2) One debutant gives way to another as Ollie Robinson comes in. His first Test has been a right old rollercoaster – four wickets and one disgrace, albeit from years ago. And he nearly gets a golden duck, just saving himself from a big LBW shout by getting an inside edge. Robinson can bat, but he hasn’t shown it yet – he gets off the mark with a leaden-footed squirt through the slips. This is riveting.
Wicket!! Bracey b Southee 0 (England 140-6)
Another duck! Poor Bracey’s first Test innings comes to a miserable end as Southee bends one back up the slope and the bat goes some way down the wrong line. England have lost three for none in 21 balls. It’s a classic English collapse, and they still need 39 to avoid the follow-on.
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56th over: England 140-5 (Burns 66, Bracey 0) Time for a bowling change, as Jamieson takes a breather and Colin de Mullet comes on. It’s a maiden from him to Burns, and that’s drinks, with New Zealand well on top. England’s grown-ups have been fine, making 108 runs for once out, while the kids are all wrong – Sibley 0, Crawley 2, Pope 22, Lawrence 0. These ducks and twos won’t do: if you’re going to struggle, at least stick around for half an hour.
“You see,” says Richard O’Hagan, “this is why England picked a top-order batter at number 7. It all makes sense now.”
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55th over: England 140-5 (Burns 66, Bracey 0) And here comes James Bracey, on debut. Facing the demon Southee, he leaves one that’s a little too close for comfort, then traps a full ball in the crease like a footballer. But he’s survived five balls, which is three more than Lawrence managed. Southee’s spell now: 9-6-11-2, Timmy with a strong whiff of Jimmy.
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Wicket! Lawrence c de Grandhomme b Southee 0 (England 140-5)
Another one! Southee sends down a piece of sheer temptation, in the form of a full outswinger. And Lawrence takes the bait, giving Colin de Grandhomme, at third slip, a catch so simple that he could have held it in his mullet.
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54th over: England 140-4 (Burns 66, Lawrence 0) Dan Lawrence has come in, but has only faced one ball so far. He is England’s sixth specialist batsman, something that hardly ever happened under Ed Smith – who is having rather a good game, as absent friends often do.
53rd over: England 140-4 (Burns 66, Lawrence 0) Great stuff from Southee, whose spell has been impeccable: 8-5-11-1.
“I wonder,” says David Reynolds, “if any of your readers might know what ails the overseas TMS feed. To begin with, the Youtube page for Day 4 produced no sound, and now the link for it has disappeared from the BBC Cricket page. In the meantime, this Middlesex man is hoping for oodles of Surrey runs today.”
Wicket! Pope LBW b Southee 22 (England 140-4)
Yes, he’s gone! It was a very plumb plumb, and Southee knew it. Gough is not God after all. And Pope’s promising innings turns out to be a mere cameo.
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Review! For LBW, Southee to Pope
The only reason to think this is not out is that Michael Gough said so, and he is hardly ever wrong.
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52nd over: England 140-3 (Burns 66, Pope 22) A glance from Pope, so he gets down the other end, the better to decide who it is that Jamieson really resembles. And finally we have a commanding shot from Burns, clipping for four in front of square. He could do with a hundred here after six consecutive Tests of diddly squat.
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51st over: England 135-3 (Burns 62, Pope 21) After that flurry of runs, Southee decides a maiden is required, and Burns obliges.
“Jamieson just offered up one cheeky grin too many,” says Robert Cookson, “and I realised that he has more than a passing resemblance to a youthful Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. I’m done for the day.” Kyle Jamieson thus becomes the first person ever to be likened to both B Johnson and R Redford in the same morning.
50th over: England 135-3 (Burns 62, Pope 21) Burns takes a single off Jamieson, and Pope clips a blameless ball square for four. Ebony Rainford-Brent heard him taking guard and asking for middle-and-off, which enables a shot like that – but if he misses, playing a ball on middle stump with half a bat, he’ll be plumb. Intriguing stuff.
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49th over: England 130-3 (Burns 61, Pope 17) Pope, freed from the shackles of Jamieson, spots a half-volley from Southee and creams it to the extra-cover boundary. That’s the shot of the morning, not that the bar is a high one. And then it’s trumped by an on-drive off a pretty good ball, swinging out from middle-and-leg. Pope is moving the game along at a good lick, which is just what it needs.
“Jamieson has something of the Tremlett about him, don’t you think?” says Kevin Wilson. “Not super quick, about Anderson or Broad pace, but he just looks huge! A lovely, flowing action too. Broad is the same height more or less but wouldn’t intimidate me half as much as Jamieson would.”
Broad, right now, only intimidates coaches and people called Warner. But with a bit of luck he’ll see himself being written off and get 6 for 20 in the second innings.
48th over: England 122-3 (Burns 61, Pope 9) Another four to Pope, another thick edge off Jamieson, but with a bit more control this time. Then we get the first single of the day, as Pope nudges to fine leg. Burns, facing Jamieson for the first time, is turned around and slammed on the back pad. There’s a big appeal but the ump reckons it’s too high. Ooh – umpire’s call. On this evidence Jamieson is much like Ollie Robinson, but even more effective, because taller and that bit more experienced.
47th over: England 117-3 (Burns 61, Pope 4) With the ball moving sideways, Rory Burns – who does plenty of that himself – looks like a wicket waiting to happen. But he’s a fighter and he gets off the mark for the morning with a shovel for two off Southee.
46th over: England 115-3 (Burns 59, Pope 4) We have some runs! Four of them, to Ollie Pope, but off a thick edge – a bit of a grope from Pope. And next ball he plays and misses. How many do England need to avoid the follow-on? Another 60 or so.
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45th over: England 111-3 (Burns 59, Pope 0) At the other end – running in from the Pavilion – it’s Tim Southee, and he too is swinging it round corners. Rory Burns does well to keep him out. The England players have a new word emblazoned on their chests: cinch, which is exactly what this isn’t.
“Good morning,” says John Starbuck. “At this rate, we might get a man carrying his bat after all, if Burns can retain his poise and do the business.”
44th over: England 111-3 (Burns 59, Pope 0) That’s a wicket maiden and a fabulous start from Jamieson, who is finding big swing as well as steep bounce. And he looks like Robert Redford on stilts.
Wicket?! Root c Taylor b Jamieson 42 (England 111-3)
It’s the first ball and ... Joe Root is caught at first slip! Slight doubt over whether the catch was clean, but it was - well held Ross Taylor, and well bowled Kyle Jamieson. The shot was the classic fend, off the back foot, and England have lost their only experienced batsman.
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The players are out there, and the sun is not – though there’s plenty of blue in the sky.
Preamble – or prognosis
There is a rhythm to a Test match, a classic structure. Slow, slowish, quick, then quicker still, it all builds to the final act, the shoot-out on the fifth afternoon. Well, not this one. It has marched to the beat of a different drum: super-slow, super-quick, non-existent. Following yesterday’s wash-out, more than half the playing time has already elapsed, and we’ve only had an innings and a bit. The draw is such a hot favourite that if you decide to back it, you’ll have to shell out a tenner for every £3 you stand to win.
If you are a betting person, the horse to back is surely New Zealand. Put a fiver on them and you could win £23. The rain, coming on top of Devon Conway’s dream debut, has left Kane Williamson in the driving seat.
England, resuming on 111 for 2 and missing all their all-rounders (Stokes, Buttler, Woakes, Curran), could easily be bowled out for 250. That would take about half the day, leaving the other half for the New Zealanders to extend their lead. They could rattle up 200 by noon tomorrow, to hand England a target of about 330 in 80 overs.
In a parallel universe, England would race to 450, bowl NZ out for 160, and win by eight wickets. All Joe Root would have to do is make 180 and then grab one of his cheap five-fors. Stranger things have almost happened.
Play starts at 11am, as ever – the extra eight overs in the day, if we get them, will be tacked on at the end. See you shortly.
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