Our match report has arrived, so I’ll leave you with that. Thanks for your company on another ludicrous day of cricket-watching. Bye!
Close of play
1st over: England 0-0 (Leach 0, Burns 0) Tim Murtagh ends the day as he started it, harassing the outside edge of an England batsman. Jack Leach is beaten twice but survives the over, so he will return with Rory Burns in the morning. Ireland lead by 122 after a crazy, joyful day of Test cricket
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For the second time in his short Test career, Jack Leach will open the batting as a nightwatchman. Rory Burns is his opening partner, although I’m sure he won’t face a delivery until tomorrow morning.
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Ireland lead by 122 runs. There’s an unspoken consensus that England will score 400 tomorrow and win comfortably. If they were wearing coloured clothing that would probably be the case, but it’s unwise to assume too much about the Test batting line-up. It’s possible that Ireland could beat England in a two-day Lord’s Test.
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WICKET! Ireland 207 all out (Rankin b Ali 7)
Boyd Rankin misses a slog and is bowled by Moeen Ali. That means England’s openers will have one over to survive tonight.
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58th over: Ireland 207-9 (O’Brien 28, Rankin 7) Stone has an LBW appeal caught in the throat when O’Brien gets a late inside-edge, and then bangs in a short ball that balloons for four byes. Ireland lead by 122.
57th over: Ireland 203-9 (O’Brien 28, Rankin 7) Rankin squirts Broad to third man for four. It prompt one of the biggest cheers of the day, because those runs take Ireland past 200. It’s been the most extraordinary day of international cricket at Lord’s since the last one.
56th over: Ireland 195-9 (O’Brien 27, Rankin 0) Kevin O’Brien survives an England review for caught and bowled. He missed a pull and was hit on the top of the arm, with Stone taking the catch in his follow through. Aleem Dar said ‘not out’ so England went upstairs, thinking it had hit the glove first. Replays showed it was straight onto the arm. It was another excellent short ball from Stone, who has been impressively callous today.
WICKET! Ireland 195-9 (Murtagh c Burns b Stone 16)
Murtagh plays a blind swat off a short ball from Stone, and Rory Burns runs in from deep midwicket to take a low catch. Murtagh smashed four fours in a 10-ball 16. He may be on his home ground, but he has had a helluva day out. And it might not be finished.
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55th over: Ireland 190-8 (O’Brien 26, Murtagh 12) Murtagh, taking guard near short leg, smears Broad through midwicket for four - once, twice, three times. All three shots were almost comically rustic. Ireland will not care about that, especially as the second boundary took their lead past 100.
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54th over: Ireland 178-8 (O’Brien 26, Murtagh 0) Olly Stone returns to the attack, presumably with instructions to rough up the tail. O’Brien thwarts the plan by facing all six deliveries himself, although he is unable to retain the strike at the end of the over.
“I quite like John Starbuck’s methodology for choosing a captain,” says Phil Sawyer, “mainly because a brief scan of current English Division One captains suggests that the most obvious candidate is Trundling Death himself, Yorkshire’s Steve Patterson. I’m pretty sure FEC is a title not even his own mother has bestowed on him.”
Not the E, anyway.
53rd over: Ireland 174-8 (O’Brien 24, Murtagh 0) At first, Broad thought the bails hadn’t been dislodged. He looked around McBrine, with the startled expression of a teenage voyeur peering out of a wardrobe, to check whether he had actually bowled him. He had.
“I agree with you on Morgan,” says Andrew Hurley. “Or if not, Buttler. Root is not a good captain, and he is hindering the team by batting at No4 (England have plenty of options for 4,5,6,7), none at 3. As regards Smith and Kohli, well, first off Root isn’t in their league, and secondly Australia and India have other options, England don’t. I’ve rambled on too often about the nonsense of simply making your best player as captain in cricket, it makes no sense at all! I think, as well, it must be difficult for the ODI players going from Morgan to Root, and Root probably feels this.”
It would be a huge story were England to move on from Root, because they don’t really sack Test captains. The last one to go because of Test results was, I think, David Gower in 1989. If England lose the Ashes, it’ll certainly be up for discussion.
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WICKET! Ireland 174-8 (McBrine b Broad 11)
A short ball from Broad follows O’Brien, who gloves it onto his ribs and staggers away in pain. There’s an impromptu drinks break while he retrieves treatment. He’s fine to continue, and he’ll have a new partner now because Broad has bowled McBrine via inside edge and pad.
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52nd over: Ireland 173-7 (O’Brien 23, McBrine 11) Moeen Ali replaces Sam Curran and bowls a maiden to McBrine. Ireland look content to bat until the close, which is just under an hour away, and take their chances in 38-degree weather tomorrow. I wonder if they will regret not giving Tim Murtagh five or six overs tonight.
51st over: Ireland 173-7 (O’Brien 23, McBrine 11) Broad replaces Woakes and is squirted through backward point for four by O’Brien, who then top-edges a hook that drops short of fine leg. Ireland lead by 88, which might even be enough for an innings victory.
“I think you’re right, Rob, on Stone,” says Gary Naylor, patting me on the back so hard it hurts. “I think he hits more batsmen than Archer and he makes set players twitch and jump. Having seen both of them live recently, I’d say Stone is quicker at his fastest too - though I’m not sure that he can summon it as effortlessly as Archer can. It just seems to happen.”
50th over: Ireland 167-7 (O’Brien 18, McBrine 10) Curran moves around the wicket to O’Brien, who continues to play with impressive restraint. He has 18 from 49 balls; it took him only 50 balls to smash a century against England at the 2011 World Cup.
“Afternoon, Rob,” says Phil Sawyer. “Is it too late to persuade Tim Murtagh to turn his arm over for England? Preferably in this match.”
49th over: Ireland 165-7 (O’Brien 17, McBrine 10) McBrine gloves an attempted pull off Woakes over the keeper’s head for four. Every little helps for Ireland, whose lead is now 80.
“So Olly Stone is a once-in-a-generation bowler,” says Matt Emerson. “Much like Jofra Archer, then. No, wait, hang on...”
I know what Naylor means. There’s something raw and unpredictable, almost maverick, about Stone, whereas Archer is just your common-or-garden potential all-time great freak genius.
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48th over: Ireland 160-7 (O’Brien 17, McBrine 6) This is a tricky spell for Ireland, with both Woakes and Curran swinging the old ball. McBrine, who looks pretty organised for a No9, is content to defend the majority of the over.
“Great to see some stumps getting uprooted again,” says Parminder Khosa. “The ones in the World Cup were not budging even when Archer was hitting them flush. Still not up to the cartwheeling standard of my youth though.”
47th over: Ireland 158-7 (O’Brien 16, McBrine 6) Woakes beats McBrine with consecutive deliveries. He has been much better in this spell, and is unfortune to concede four when McBrine thick edges to third man. Ireland lead by 73.
“Outwith Morgan, who’s in a category by himself, the usual way to consider captain options (coptions?) is to go round the counties and see who does it well and is English,” says John Starbuck. “The figures are there for a reason.”
46th over: Ireland 153-7 (O’Brien 16, McBrine 2) “I agree with you that England’s best batsman should bat where he feels most comfortable,” says Andrew Cosgrove, “but I also agree that Root isn’t necessarily England’s best captain. It should be Lewis Gregory, of course, but in the meantime Jos Buttler seems like a good choice.”
It’ll all be up for discussion at the end of the summer should England lose the Ashes. Buttler will be an excellent captain, but – assuming Morgan retires from ODIs – I’d be wary about asking him to take over both the Test and ODI teams.
45th over: Ireland 150-7 (O’Brien 15, McBrine 0) O’Brien survives a big shout for a catch down the leg side off Woakes. I think it came off the pad, and Woakes wasn’t particularly interested in a review. O’Brien is then beaten by a big outswinger. With the ball suddenly doing plenty in the air, it might not be a bad thing for Ireland to be bowled out in the next 20 minutes. Tim Murtagh could do a lot of damage in the final hour.
44th over: Ireland 149-7 (O’Brien 14, McBrine 0) A wicket maiden for Curran. Ireland have lost their last five wickets for 17 runs in 12 overs.
WICKET! Ireland 149-7 (Adair b Curran 3)
That’ll do! Adair tries to pull Curran and drags the ball back onto the stumps. That’s Curran’s third wicket, two of which have been drag-ons. The boy’s a bit golden-armed.
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43rd over: Ireland 149-6 (O’Brien 14, Adair 3) Chris Woakes replaces the impressive Olly Stone (9-2-22-2). O’Brien is playing with a clear head, which can’t be said of many batsmen today, and continues to build his innings with the occasional single. That’s drinks.
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42nd over: Ireland 147-6 (O’Brien 13, Adair 2) Sam Curran replaces Stuart Broad (15-5-33-2). A textbook inswinger is jammed behind the flap of the pad by O’Brien, who then steers a single to third man. Curran got his inswinger going nicely in that spell.
41st over: Ireland 146-6 (O’Brien 12, Adair 2) We’re having a few technical problems I’m afraid. Kevin O’Brien has batted calmly amid the wreckage, and he is Ireland’s main hope of a big first-innings lead. It’s been a fine comeback from England: the last nine overs have brought 14 runs and four wickets.
40th over: Ireland 143-6 (O’Brien 9, Adair 2) “That is what excites me about Olly Stone,” says Gary Naylor. “He is, in English terms, a once-in-a-generation fast bowler. Maybe longer than that.”
Yes, I know what you mean. He’s not just a fast bowler, he’s a wildcard, and it’s a long time since we’ve had one of those. There are still loads of rough edges, not to mention injury worries, but he has huge potential.
WICKET! Ireland 141-6 (Thompson b Broad 0)
Another one gone! Thompson shoulders arms and watches in horror as the ball comes down the slope to peg back the off stump. That was a poor stroke, or rather non-stroke, and Ireland have lost four wickets for nine runs.
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39th over: Ireland 141-5 (O’Brien 9, Thompson 0)
38th over: Ireland 138-5 (O’Brien 6, Thompson 0) “I think a lot of England’s problems re: the Ashes come from Root,” says Andrew Hurley. “I can’t understand why he won’t bat at No3? Bayliss is right to say he’s as natural a No3 as there is, and right now his Test career not quite going as well as it should. Drop Denly (not good enough), Roy opens with Burns/someone else, and England select more middle order players as it’s where their strength is. I have doubts about Bairstow though, Starc to bowl him 4/5 times...”
Well, Kohli and Smith don’t bat No3, and I’ve always felt that a captain should bat where they feel comfortable. I suspect England would be a better team with Root as No3 and somebody else as captain. The problem is, I don’t know who that captain should be. I like the idea of Morgan and-for-my-next-tricking the Test team, but it’s probably not realistic.
37th over: Ireland 138-5 (O’Brien 6, Thompson 0) A double-wicket maiden from Stone, who is such an exciting prospect.
WICKET! Ireland 138-5 (Wilson c Root b Stone 0)
Two wickets in the over for Olly Stone! Wilson, softened up by a vicious bouncer first ball, fenced loosely outside off stump and was snaffled in the slips by Root. Textbook fast bowling from Stone, who has officially Got Something.
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WICKET! Ireland 138-4 (Balbirnie b Stone 55)
Now that’s how to take a first Test wicket. Olly Stone has cleaned up Andrew Balbirnie with a scintillating full-length outswinger. Balbirnie tried to whip to leg, missed and lost his middle stump. That was very similar to Dale Steyn’s magic ball to Michael Vaughan on his Test debut 15 years ago.
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36th over: Ireland 138-3 (Balbirnie 55, O’Brien 6) Broad, who played in that match in Bangalore eight years ago, would love to get the dangerous O’Brien early on. If he does, England will be right back in the match. I assumed O’Brien was a beery slogger back then but it’s been clear for some time that he is a proper batsman: he follows some positive defensive strokes with a gorgeous drive to the extra cover boundary. That was one of the shots of the day.
35th over: Ireland 134-3 (Balbirnie 55, O’Brien 2) “Afternoon Rob,” says Alex Bramble. “Is there an answer to a three- decade - year problem by next Thursday? On Jason Roy, the Warner/Sehwag comparisons are potentially justified (for me he’s in the same talent stratosphere), but as Butch said on Cricinfo the other day, wouldn’t it be better to open with someone else (Sibley?) and have Roy at three, where he’s potentially got a tad more protection from the hazards of hard hands trying to counter early nibble?”
I suspect England will muddle through for the summer, and then invest in young players (probably Sibley, perhaps Zak Crawley) come the winter. I agree on Roy at No3. The other thing to consider is that, if England are hammered in the Ashes, which is not beyond the realms, Root might not survive. If he isn’t captain, he could bat No3. Either way, I fear this could be a tumultuous few months. Sod it, who cares.
34th over: Ireland 133-3 (Balbirnie 55, O’Brien 1) That was a perky innings from Stirling on his home ground - 36 from 43 balls. The new batsman is Kevin O’Brien, scorer of Ireland’s first Test century - and that astonishing 50-ball hundred to beat England at the 2011 World Cup. He gets off the mark with an inside edge off his first ball.
“Let’s face it,” says Mike Daniels. “You can’t blame the England team for being out of sorts today - we’re all feeling the strain of seeing Johnson become PM.”
On the plus side… no.
WICKET! Ireland 132-3 (Stirling LBW b Broad 36)
Stuart Broad, who has been England’s best bowler by a distance, finally gets his first wicket. Stirling played around a sharp nipbacker and was given out LBW by Aleem Dar. He reviewed, hoping the ball might be bouncing over the top of the stumps. It wasn’t.
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33rd over: Ireland 132-2 (Balbirnie 55, Stirling 36) Olly Stone replaces Chris Woakes, who has had an exceedingly poor day. It’s hard to be too critical, although it may have implications for his Ashes chances. Balbirnie thick edges a good outswinger for four and is beaten by the next delivery.
“It’s probably too early/unbelievable for people to get too excited, hence the atmosphere,” says Oliver O’Callaghan. “Wait ‘til the main men arrive on Friday. If Ireland are still in the box seat then, I imagine we’ll be going buck mad.”
There are 42 overs remaining today, although we’ll probably only get around 35. Either way, this is such an important session. If Ireland are, say, 250 for three at the close, England will be in fifty shades of bother.
“Hi Rob,” writes Dan. “Was out on my postal delivery route this morning, checked my phone at half 12 expecting to see England well on top. Can’t believe it. I fell in love with cricket in the 2005 Ashes as a 10-year-old. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d see an Irish team playing like this at Lord’s. Absolutely brilliant.”
It really is – and imagine how many 10-year-olds will fall in love with cricket because of it.
Teatime reading
This is terrific, as you’d expect.
Tea: Ireland lead by 42 runs
32nd over: Ireland 127-2 (Balbirnie 51, Stirling 36) That’s tea, and England should be fed nothing but the gruellest gruel.
“As a cricket-loving Irishman I am very much enjoying this Test,” says Niall Mullen. “Can we say yet whether this is the equivalent of Tottenham going 3-0 against Manchester United in the early 2000s where you knew, with grim inevitability, that United would turn it around and then some or is it more Tottenham going 3-0 up against United nowadays?”
It all seemed very cute when England were skittled for 85 – yes, haha, well done plucky Ireland, gotta love ’em, but you do realise England are going to dismiss you for 110 and then score 800 in their second innings? This partnership has changed the mood of the match, and now Ireland have a glorious chance of experiencing a career-defining euphoria.
31st over: Ireland 123-2 (Balbirnie 50, Stirling 32) Balbirnie chases a very wide outswinger from Woakes and slices it to third man for four. He gets another boundary later in the over, flicking an inswinger wide of mid-on, and then completes a brilliant half-century from just 56 balls. This has been a quietly extraordinary partnership – they’ve added 78 at better than a run a ball, having come in when 12 wickets had gone down for 130.
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30th over: Ireland 114-2 (Balbirnie 41, Stirling 32) Balbirnie edges a good delivery from Moeen wide of slip for three. England look more than a little devoid of purpose.
“Well, this is exciting isn’t it?” says Matt Emerson. “It certainly makes my trip to Lord’s tomorrow far more interesting than I was expecting it to be, even factoring in the utter Englandness of our current Test team. I know they won’t, but part of me wants Ireland to declare at about 5.30 this afternoon so they can have us 18-3 at stumps...”
29th over: Ireland 111-2 (Balbirnie 38, Stirling 32) Woakes replaces Leach and restores a bit of order by conceding only four runs from the over. Yes, I am aware of the ludicrousness of the preceding sentence.
It’s strange – we are watching what might become one of the biggest upsets in cricket history, yet the atmosphere is pretty low-key. It’s as if England are 111-2 in reply to Ireland’s 85 all out, rather than the other way round.
28th over: Ireland 107-2 (Balbirnie 35, Stirling 31) Moeen Ali comes into the attack and is milked for seven easy runs. The ball is doing very little, and Ireland have a great chance to bat England out of the match, already.
If they get a lead of 250 – and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t - I think they’ll add Lord’s 2019 to Stuttgart 1988, Bangalore 2011 and various rugby wins I know nothing about.
27th over: Ireland 100-2 (Balbirnie 32, Stirling 27) Ireland were 28/1 to win this morning. They’re now 7/4, which is still pretty generous. Bairstow screams for LBW when Stirling works Leach round the corner for a single; I think he thought the ball hit Stirling on the toe. I hope that’s what he thought, because otherwise the World Cup win really has impacted upon his noggin. Balbirnie laps the next ball for four and then takes a single to bring up an initiative-seizing fifty partnership from only 47 balls. Leach’s first three overs have gone for 26.
“Notwithstanding Ireland’s almost flawless Test match cricket, Root and Bairstow have played like two tired and jaded men - like the Indians (ex Rahul Dravid) did after their World Cup win in 2011,” says Gary Naylor. “To state the bleedin’ obvious, this is not a good sign.”
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26th over: Ireland 89-2 (Balbirnie 23, Stirling 25) Broad is square-driven confidently for four by Balbirnie, a boundary that takes Ireland into the lead. Haha, this is wonderful stuff.
On the subject of bowling faces, have we had Daffy DeFreitas? I always thought he looked like he was in the middle of a peculiarly painful orgasm.
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25th over: Ireland 85-2 (Balbirnie 19, Stirling 25) It’s been a day when the home players have excelled - the Middlesex players, not the England ones. Stirling continues his calculated attack by dragging Leach wide of mid-on for four. He has raced to 25 from 26 balls.
24th over: Ireland 79-2 (Balbirnie 19, Stirling 18) Stirling is dropped by Root at first slip! It was a relatively straightforward low chance off the bowling of Broad, but Root crouched almost absent-mindedly and the ball went through his hands. Root’s head is certainly at Lord’s – but I suspect it’s there on 14 July 2019, not 24 July. Balbirnie ends another frustrating over for Broad by lacing a fine extra cover drive for four.
“Afternoon Rob,” says Kim Thonger. “I think England’s best strategy now might be containment. Keep Ireland down to 600 for 3 when they declared at tea on Friday. Then send Stone and Leach out to dead bat the last four sessions to save the game.”
A session and a half, it took.
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23rd over: Ireland 72-2 (Balbirnie 14, Stirling 17) Cheers Daniel, hello everyone. Jack Leach comes into the attack, replacing Sam Curran, and his first three balls are lap-swept for a total of eight runs by Stirling. All three shots were premeditated, with the second going to the boundary. Joe Root responds by moving short leg to leg slip, and Stirling puts the shot away for the time being.
22nd over: Ireland 63-2 (Balbirnie 14, Stirling 8) This match should be a goodun for young Stuart, grooving himself and such, but also working up requisite temper for the Australians. He’ll be brushing teeth with a blowtorch by this time next week, because have a look! Broad finds Balbirnie’s outside edge and Root dives left while Bairstow stands pondering the meaning of life! The ball rushes away for four, and that’s drinks; Rob Smyth will take you through to the close. You can email him on rob.smyth@theguardian.com, or tweet @UffMarone.
21st over: Ireland 59-2 (Balbirnie 10, Stirling 8) Balburnie has been in great nick of late, and his drives Curran’s first ball for four then, after a single and a dot, England try for a new ball; it passes through the ring so Broad suggests another go. Two dots follow, then Stirling absolutely humps a straight one through midwicket for four; is it time for Jack Leach?
Of course, the other thing we got from Shoaib was some of the greatest appealing the world has ever seen.
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20th over: Ireland 50-2 (Balbirnie 5, Stirling 4) Stirling semi-skips down to Broad and edges him for four in the region of third man; Broad shakes him warmly by the hand before collapsing with the hilarity of it all, then creases again when his final ball is edged short of Roy at two ... well short.
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19th over: Ireland 46-2 (Balbirnie 5, Stirling 0) This angle is working well for Curran and he cracks Stirling on the pad, but the angle looked to be taking it down and though there’s an appeal, they run a leg bye.
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WICKET! McCollum b Curran 19 (Ireland 45-2)
In the absence of swing, Curran goes around and the angle tempts McCollum to drive; he edges and drags on! This boy is not normal!
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19th over: Ireland 45-1 (McCollum 19, Balbirnie 5)
“Aside from Curran, what are your top five bowling faces?” asks Mark Hooper. I always like Abdul Qadir’s tongue, and that he used to change it depending on the ball. Shoaib Akhtar is another, but that’s one on which to think; send in your favourites.
18th over: Ireland 45-1 (McCollum 19, Balbirnie 5) Broad returns, and from the Nursery End – his usual residence because Anderson takes the Pavilion. In commentary, Holding says that he’d have Archer with those two, and says he’d not be worried about the bowling ... before citing James Vince as someone he thinks has some talent! Surely that cover drive has flailed. Maiden from Broad, and not a bad one.
17th over: Ireland 45-1 (McCollum 19, Balbirnie 5) Balburnie knocks one to leg, then McCollum drives two down the ground before flicking four to fine leg. Curran is struggling to make an impression - it’s time for another half-tracker, I’d say.
“In years gone by when Australia have been prone to collapse, England have had a solid top order - guys like Cook, Strauss and Trott,” says Digvijay Yadav. “One cannot say that now though. Which means England winning the Ashes is not a foregone conclusion even though they start as favourites. Also Warner, Khawaja, Smith and whoever are a better top order than anything England can muster at the moment. Intriguing month or so ahead.”
I’ve not a clue what’s going to happen in that series; starting in Birmingham is huge for England, and miserable though they’ve been today, putt Stokes, Anderson in Buttler into the mix and it might be different. Last time round, I thought Australia’s bowlers would make the difference, so really, who knows?
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16th over: Ireland 38-1 (McCollum 13, Balbirnie 4) McCollum is looking pretty solid here - Stone is bowling quickly, hitting 90mph, but yerman has everything in line to see him off.
15th over: Ireland 38-1 (McCollum 13, Balbirnie 4) Single to McCollum then Curran offers Balbirnie some width, and is duly zetzed through point for four. That over was not spitting with menace.
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14th over: Ireland 32-1 (McCollum 12, Balbirnie 0) I’ve got wicket withdrawal symptoms, but Stone is doing his best to assuage my jones, tempting McCollum to run uppishly, just past short leg ... where Burns dives and misses. They run one, all the scoring for the over.
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13th over: Ireland 32-1 (McCollum 11, Balbirnie 0) Curran has one of my very favourite bowling faces, like an infant in a playfight with an adult trying to look fierce. He finds his length next up and maintains it for a wicket maiden, the wicket coming with his worst delivery.
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WICKET! Porterfield c Leach b Curran 14 (Ireland 32-1)
There’s timing and there’s timing! Botham Curran drags down an absolute dog and Porterfield muscles it straight to midwicket! You cannot teach that!
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13th over: Ireland 32-0 (Porterfield 14, McCollum 11) Sam Curran into the attack...
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12th over: Ireland 32-0 (Porterfield 14, McCollum 11) Eeesh! Stone wallops Porterfield on the helmet and the umpires decide to take drinks as per the new concussion protocol. And have a look! Porterfield climbs into a drive first ball back, clunking three through cover; Leach does well to chase and pull back.
“Is the England collapse on Johnson’s first day as skipper a metaphor for our future?” asks Peter Metcalfe. “All we need is optimism, of course, not technique.”
Just lie back and think of Apollo, mate.
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11th over: Ireland 29-0 (Porterfield 11, McCollum 11) Broad finds his line again, beating McCollum who eventually opts to go forward. A maiden doth ensue.
“Is this Dunkirk or the Blitz?” asks Geoff Wignall; I’m not sure, but the horror of both is essential to my misplaced national pride and therefore I hanker after my first-hand experience of both. “Any word yet from Rees-Mogg to illuminate England’s progress against one of the smaller EU nations?Also to whom would you award the most brainless dismissal rosette? I’m voting for Bairstow.”
Always Bairstow. He seems to think he’s as good as he should be which, ironically, is part of what’s stopping him being as good as he should be.
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10th over: Ireland 29-0 (Porterfield 11, McCollum 11) Stone, England’s new all-rounder, replaces Woakes – who might be bowling himself out of the Ashes team. His first ball in Test cricket, swinging away, is driven to cover for three. Nasser points out that Woakes was bowling his ODI length, when success on this pitch needs the ball to be fuller. Stone is looking for that, and and when he finds a bit of bounce, Porterfield looks to turn him to leg and instead squirts him through point for four. You’ve got to enjoy the humour here – this could not have gone worse for England, and if you’d been asked what “worse” meant, you’d never have come up with this.
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9th over: Ireland 22-0 (Porterfield 7, McCollum 8) Porterfield flicks two around the corner; where have all the demons gone? Behind the eyes of England’s world cup heroes, I trust. I wonder if it’s time for Sam Curran, who might find the pitch to his liking and will attack the stumps. England certainly need something, because their hopes of securing a first-innings lead are nearly done.
More #OBOfamily gear from Brian Withington: “Inspired by your earlier exhortation to fair-weather OBOers, I discovered that I had once emailed you at 03:49 on January 7th 2018 at a rather low point in proceedings in Australia. I can’t remember whether you used it, but I do recall sending it as a response to your plaintive invitation of contributions in the wee small hours. Some of us really are in this for the long haul...”
I’m choking up here!
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8th over: Ireland 20-0 (Porterfield 5, McCollum 8) Neither bowler has settled into their line and length yet; Murtagh and Adair were so accurate and consistent, which is how they got their wickets. As I type that, Woakes does force McCollum to edge, but he does with the slow hands and the easy touch, so the ball drops shy of slip, then clips four around the corner! This reminds me of a post-Glastonbury week when my then flatmate came home from work to find me crying on the couch. It’s not always easy to handle the aftermath when you’ve achieved something significant.
7th over: Ireland 16-0 (Porterfield 5, McCollum 4) Broad is still coming to Porterfield from around, which I sort of get, but he’s really not causing him too much aggravation. Another maiden.
6th over: Ireland 16-0 (Porterfield 5, McCollum 4) Now Woakes is in the match beating McCollum outside off with a beauty. Four more dots follow, then a dog delivers two byes; extras now have more than eight of England’s batsmen.
5th over: Ireland 14-0 (Porterfield 5, McCollum 4) Broad finds his length to Porterfield, seaming away late and past the proffered outside edge ... and then again. So dull, Test cricket, where are all my rattling stumps? But we’re getting runs, Broad losing his radar to fling a ball down the leg side that Bairstow can’t stop. Four byes, and Ireland are nearly up with England.
4th over: Ireland 10-0 (Porterfield 5, McCollum 4) Porterfield spots early swing from Woakes so waits for the ball and then punches down the ground for four; that’ll do. He then adds a single to cover, and Woakes isn’t on this yet.
“I’ve just opened the OBO to see whatever TF that score is,” says Sarah O’Regan. “My theory which I’ll womansplain to you now without haven’t checked any of the other posts is that England are experiencing a severe form of what I call the ‘marathon blues’ - that flat, lost feeling of fatigue you get after achieving something massive which you’ve worked very hard towards for a long time, such as a marathon or a PhD. I think they’ve just worked so hard lately that they’re running on empty. Better get it out of their system before the Ashes.”
I’m sure that’s part of it, but this has happened so many times over the last three years that it can’t be all it is. Tangentially, I wish internet slang and abbreviations had existed in 1992 when I was in form 2AF. We really, really were.
3rd over: Ireland 5-0 (Porterfield 0, McCollum 4) Broad finds some inswing from around and Porterfield wears it on the pad; there’s an appeal and they run one, then McCollum misses with a drive. Broad has a word, then two balls later McCollum spanks a square drive to the fence and says “Don’t just stand there, let’s get to it, strike a pose there’s nothing to it” before standing back up again. Ireland have 5.88% of England’s score.
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2nd over: Ireland 0-0 (Porterfield 0, McCollum 0) This isn’t great from Woakes, who sends down six balls none of which force Porterfield to play. Another maiden, but a munter.
1st over: Ireland 0-0 (Porterfield 0, McCollum 0) Broad starts from around to the left Porterfield, which I don’t entirely get. Why not try over and see if it works and anyway how many Test wickets has he got? Exactly. His first ball is too straight and turned to leg, then five more dots follow.
“I’m sure the England dressing room will be ‘taking the positives’ out of their effort,” says Mike Waites. “It is after all a record high in Tests by England against Ireland.”
Also, we saw Jason Roy adapt his strike-rate to a Test-suitable 45.45 and Joe Denly establish himself with a top-scoring 23.
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Right! Off we go again!
“Not sure whether anyone has provided the TMS overseas link yet,” offers Al Ferguson, “but it’s now appeared on the BBC website.”
Excellent, with Killing Eve and Fleabag done, Auntie needs a new dramedy.
“Just a wild thought based on no historical precedent whatsoever,” says Peter Norman, “but what are the chances England will bowl too short for about the first 12-15 overs of Ireland’s innings? And then get all huffy when questioned about it afterwards?”
I’m also well up for a few celebrappeals and wasted reviews. This is going to be great.
“Can someone tell Jacob Rees-Mogg that Europe have just bowled out England for 85 at Lord’s?” asks John Collins.
Three catches by the backstop too.
A correction: “Re your comment from the 18th over,” emails Russell Turner, “Boyd Rankin is actually the ninth cricketer to play in a Test both for and against England, though the first seven were all before the First World War.”
Apologies, I missed that detail in all the excitement, or Gower kept it under his Panama. Here’s the full list.
Never have I had so many emails, never have I had so little time to read and publish then, so let’s try and do a few – I’d best be seeing you fairweather wits while talking to myself at 3am, next time England go down-under: “In retrospect, Roy’s five not looking all that bad,” says Hubert O’Hearn.
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Much as we all want more, I suppose we have to call that a morning. I’ll be back presently for Ireland’s response; in the meantime, here’s this week’s Spin on the particular joy of part0time bowlers snagging frontline batsmen.
Uff marone! How do we make sense of this? Here’s Tim Murtagh! He says it’s a dream to play here and he’s not really sure what’s happened, then thanks all the other bowlers for their work. He says everything felt really good, the ball came out nicely, and there was just a bit in the wicket. He should know how to bowl on this ground, the pitch offered a bit both ways and some swing, and he had some good support at the other end. “A walk through the long room and a Lord’s lunch,” says Nasser; “I might have some dessert as well,” says Murtagh. Glorious, wondrous, sensational stuff; Ireland have been amazing, and England are world champions!
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WICKET! Stone b Adair 19 (England 85 all out)
And there it is! Adair slings down a fast, straight one, it cracks Stone on the elbow, careers into the stumps, and that’s three wickets on debut! England are the absolute height of England!
23rd over: England 85-9 (Stone 19, Leach 1) Adair returns – is he ginger? – is his nickname Red? He sends Stone a tempter, which he lashes to the fence making him England’s top-scorer ... I wonder what’s coming next....
“I believe that this is the second time a bowler at Lords has got his name on the honours board before lunch on the 1st day,” emails Dan Seppings. “Tom Richardson got 6-39 when England played Australia in 1896. Australia were all out for 53 by lunch. So there you go, it’s not that bad…”
23rd over: England 81-9 (Stone 15, Leach 1) And there’s your Cook replacement! Leach plays out a maiden from Rankin.
“I just can’t get over the sheer breath-taking arrogance of the esteemed Gary Naylor (10:30am)”, says Harkan Sumal. ‘75-5 at lunch’ indeed. What larks! Between this and the antics down in Southampton (Hick XII vs Haddin XII), it looks like 2-day tests might be the modern fashion by the time the Ashes are done and dusted.”
I’m looking forward to the first Test played in minus time.
22nd over: England 81-9 (Stone 15, Leach 1) Oh yes! Stone drives Thompson four through point and Athers notes how well Ireland have dragged the batsmen forward; their lengths have been beautiful. But here Stone is again, watching the ball onto the bat and driving down the ground for four, then blocking a shorter one and crashing a drive to the extra cover fence! Is the search for an opening partner for Alastair Cook over?
21st over: England 69-9 (Stone 3, Leach 1) If England are bowled out before lunch it’ll be the fourth time they’ve been dismissed in a session in recent times – Dakar, Auckland and Trent Bridge are already on the roll of honour, with Bridgetown hosting a piddling nine wickets. Leach shoves a single into the leg side, then Stone eases behind for one.
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WICKET! Curran c McCollum b Rankin 18 (England 67-9)
And there’s that short leg! Curran leans forward and turns directly into his hands which reminds us of how brilliantly Ireland have executed this morning. My fingers are typing but my head is spinning; this is amazing.
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20th over: England 67-8 (Curran 18, Stone 2) England have now blazed past their lowest ever total at Lord’s – 53 in 1888 – the beauty of central contracts. I guess it is hard for the players who won the world cup to relax into what’s happened and, more than that, to come to terms with the emotional peak while working out how to handle the comedown. The four who were in the squad made eight between them and, let’s be real, the other two dismissed so far aren’t necessarily Test-class. Six off the over.
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19th over: England 61-8 (Curran 14 , Stone 1) Now this is the can-do spirit our glorious leader was invoking: just when you think you’ve seen every conceivable aspect of conceited incompetence, another stunning wrinkle is revealed! Stone goes tentatively at his first ball and edges behind for one, then Curran top-edges two over the keeper’s head.
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WICKET! Broad c Wilson b Rankin 3 (England 58-8)
Rankin comes around and bangs one in back of a length; Broad lifts his bad above stump-height, feathers an edge, and the Irish backstop does the rest. This is basically Brexit in cricketing form.
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19th over: England 58-7 (Curran 12, Broad 3) Murtagh’s spell of 9-2-13-5 comes to an end, as I wonder whether anyone’s ever got themselves onto the honour’s board before lunch on day 1. Anyway, Boyd Rankin has the ball – he and Nawab of Pataudi Snr are now the only men to play Tests for and against England – and after two dots, he asks for a short leg. And then he beats Broad, reckons there’s an edge, and when the umpire thinks to the contrary, requests a review!
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18th over: England 58-7 (Curran 12, Broad 3) Curran allows Thompson to charge through a maiden, though he does hammer two drives directly to cover. It’s 58-7!
“As your roving Paris-based Irish cricket nut,” says Robert Wilson, “may I appeal to other Irish fans not to crow too loudly about this morning’s work? It’s all too easy to revel in the crushing dismissal of Test minnows but it should be avoided. We need to be better than that. England are to be encouraged, nurtured and admired for their moxie and courage. I personally dislike these flagrant mismatches. It takes all the grandeur out of it. I think the English boys look very nice in their whites and they all appear to know the rules. That’s not nothing.”
Just wait till you hear about the lunch they’ve laid on.
17th over: England 58-7 (Curran 12, Broad 3) Murtagh takes one more as we try to calm down and wonder: what is it with these? The shots we see them playing suggests technical frailty, but the frequency with which this happens suggests mental fragility. Except we’ve seen some of them win matches against India, New Zealand, Australia and New Zealand again, all in a row row row, to win a world cup. I don’t know, but by next week they need to find an answer for a problem that’s been bothersome for three years. Anyway, two off the over and that’s drinks - England look like they’ve had a skinful already.
16th over: England 56-7 (Curran 12, Broad 1) It is six million degrees in London today, but sat on the balcony, Joe Root is wearing a long-sleeved top; that’s chilling he’s finding this, how cold he must be with great vengeance and furious anger. Luckily, he has Scurran, who clatters four through cover then glances four more through third man. This takes England to their half-century and beyond their lowest-ever Test score, a supremacy Scurran immediately presses home with three more down the ground. The runs are flowing now! And there’s another, Broad nudging to point.
Oldest seamers to take a Test five-for since the war:
41 Chubb
39 Hadlee
38 Walsh
37 Murtagh
“One reason I was so delighted with Shane Lowry winning The Open,” says Hubert O’Hearn, “was that the good feelings would balance out the tonking surely to be delivered at Lord’s by England. Instead, this!?! We win the golf, storming the cricket, and I’d make a comment about the Dail being more stable than Westminster but I’m not chancing our luck.”
I was more stable than Westminster during the aforementioned teenage years.
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15th over: England 43-7 (Curran 1, Broad 0) I feel bad for giving England’s comparatively prolific top order grief - that’s three middle-order ducks in a row, making it six wickets lost for seven runs scored. You’ve got to hand it to England, you’d think after decades of collapses we’d have seen it all, but they keep finding ways to reinvent themselves, like Bowie, Radiohead and Dylan all mixed. Murtagh hammers Broad on the pad, but this one pitched outside the line. Maiden, giving Murtagh figures of 8-2-11-5! Unbelievable and believable at the same time.
“Just wondering if four days may be too long,” says Kim Thonger. “This might be over in four hours.”
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WICKET! Ali c Wilson b Murtagh 0 (England 43-7)
IT’S FIVE FOR MURTAGH! IT’S SEVEN FOR IRELAND! IT’S HUMILIATION FOR ENGLAND! IT’S WONDERFUL FOR CRICKET! Murtagh amazes Moeen by bowling a straight one, and Moeen amazes the world by studiously and deliberately edging it behind. Glorious! Sensational! Test cricket!
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15th over: England 43-6 (Ali 0, Curran 1) This is better from England, we’ve not had a wicket for an entire seven balls.
14th over: England 42-6 (Ali 0, Curran 0) I said earlier that Curran has timing, and he dug England out of some pits last summer; let’s see what he’s got now. Can he bat at 1-6? This is a proper back to tha old skool from England, and I’m absolutely lapping it up. I feel like I’m 15 again, and as such am smoking a Regal out the window while guzzling an Irn Bru bar, straightening my curtains and listening to jungle. I strongly suggest that you do the same. A maiden for Adair, and how long can these two keep at it?
13th over: England 42-6 (Ali 0, Curran 0) What more can this game do to amaze us?!
Woakes is toast! England are 42-6! That is not a typo!
Woakes was caught on the back pad by a wobbler, tight to the stumps, and the ball was trimming middle and leg! Oh yes!
WICKET! Woakes lbw b Murtagh 0 (England 42-6)
Shut up! Shut - up! Woakes is done by a nip-backer, but reviews....
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13th over: England 42-5 (Ali 0, Woakes 0) Here’s one for all those fancying Woakes as a three.
WICKET! Bairstow b Murtagh 0 (England 42-5)
Ahahahahahahahahahah! You have got to laugh! You can only laugh! This is wonderful, amazing, disgraceful, hilarious, affirming, pathetic, inspiring, affirming and affirming! Murtagh bowls straight, Bairstow baristwos a ludicrously dunderheaded airy drive, and C-R-A-S-H!
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13th over: England 42-4 (Bairstow 0, Ali 0) Well, at least Moeen can be trusted to bat sensibly. It’s funny really, when England were in trouble during the world cup, your Rob Smyths, Rob Bagchis and me were discussing how much of our distress, if it went wrong, was having invested in the goal while sitting through Vizag, Auckland and the rest. I wondered if that now they’re world champions, these collapses would be less nauseating, but can confirm that much as this is a joy to narrate because Ireland are fantastic and this is so, so good for the game, it remains as majestically nauseating as ever it did.
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WICKET! Root lbw b Adair 2 (England 42-2)
OH MY DAYS! OH MY ABSOLUTE DAYS! IRELAND ARE HAVING A DAY OUT, ENGLAND ARE HAVING AN ENGLAND! There were two noises: the ball hitting the front pad, then the ball hitting the back pad! As the whoops begin from the fielding side, the umpire is ordered to reverse his decision because the ball is cleansing the stumps, and this is astonishing! Ireland have bowled superbly! England still do not know how to bat in Test cricket!
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12th over: England 42-3 (Root 2, Bairstow 0) This looking like a good toss to lose - Ireland were totally tempted to bowl, but I’d be amazed if they weren’t also worried about inserting England only to find the score 270-2 at tea. Adair charges in again and Root does his third man thing to the tune of two; he then crumps the pad and four byes follow, then again! This one is proper straight! But was there a little edge? When the umpire rejects and wild appeal - and what a joy that is - Adair reviews!
11th over: England 36-3 (Root 0, Bairstow 0) Well, at least we can rely on Bairstow to play the situation. Murtagh charges in, Bairstow pulls away because he’s too far down the track and the umpire notices, then the stumps go all over.
“I am following your coverage from the hospital library where I am reviewing x-rays,” says Chris Busby. The a/c is just about coping but I am dreading the operating list this afternoon. It’s going to be a sweaty one. I am in standard junior doctor attire: chinos and a blue shirt, no tie.”
I think chinos are on the banned list but worry not – soon we won’t have hospitals and other such fripperies, as we impose our can-do attitude upon the grateful world, dude. Or or Your Dudeness … Duder … or El Duderino, if, you know, you’re not into the whole brevity thing.
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WICKET! Burns c Wilson b Murtagh 6 (England 36-3)
HAVE A LOOK! Burns’ shonky technique gets him into all sorts here - his bat waves all over the show and his feet ramble to Camden and back before one gets the wrong side of the other, bat slanting to mid on, and he drives only to edge behind! This is brilliant!
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11th over: England 36-2 (Burns 6, Root 0) These spells must be taking it right out of the bowlers - the weather in this country clearly understands irony, because it’s absolutely glorious.
10th over: England 36-2 (Burns 6, Root 0) Adair forces one past Root’s outside edge as he pretends to play inside the line. This is riveting stuff.
“I like Joe Denly,” says Matthew Potter, “but surely if we’re giving the Roy experience a go, he is better at 3 and Denly could miss out? If I were a selector (there’s an almost infinite list of reasons why not - particularly a burning desire to see James Hildreth get an England cap) I’d have opened with Sibley and Burns, with Roy at 3 and so on... I also think Gregory should have got a game with Woakes being rested, as this Test seems a great opportunity to blood players and he definitely deserves it.”
I’m not sure there’s much difference between opening and batting three, but I do take your point. If I’m honest, I’m yet to see a Test-class batsman in Denly, and I’m afraid i don’t watch enough country cricket to be sure about Sibley. As for Burns, he looks like he’s got the mental gear, but I wonder if he’s got the game to thrive against the best.
WICKET! Denly lbw b Adair 23 (England 36-2)
And doesn’t he deserve that! Adair again brings Denly forward, finds some movement back in, and clatters his man low on the pad! England just cannot find a top three, but hold tight these opening bowlers!
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10th over: England 36-1 (Burns 6, Denly 23) Adair is loving this, and after a wide he brings Denly forward ... to inside-edge a drive! No harm done, then two turns semi-uppishly to midwicket, and and and!
9th over: England 33-1 (Burns 6, Denly 21) Murtagh has himself an over against Burns and he takes two to midwicket, then edges! The ball drops short of two, but Mitchell Starc will be watching this and rubbing his hands like Mirka Federer.
“Today,” says John O’Donnell, “as with every other working day, I will mostly be wearing a t-shirt, combat trousers, and steel toe capped boots. It is bloody hot out here.”
My word, what do you wear when it’s cold? Also, are you in All Saints?
8th over: England 31-1 (Burns 4, Denly 21) Nasser shows us the difference between a one-day specialist and an experienced longer-form player. We see Roy going out to the ball, and playing it from well in front, then Denly starting outside the crease but playing late, under his eyes. I’m sure Roy can learn to alter his technique, and the point is made the Pietersen played well out, but also that he batted at four and five. If I was advising Roy, David Warner is the one I’d tell him to look at. Anyway, Adair gets one to swing in late and Denly edges through where fourth slip isn’t; that’s four. Adair, we’re told, is another who makes things happen, whether with bat or ball – like Curran – but his final delivery is into the pads, and Denly guides it down the hill for four. He’ll feel like he’s got a chance to cement his spot here.
7th over: England 23-1 (Burns 4, Denly 13) Another solid over from Murtagh – this is a bit like watching the world cup. Burns takes a single, then Denly does likewise, slips running off the cut strip, and just recovers his ground. Athers sees the funny side.
“At work in Co Mayo,” says Dean Kinsella. “Just switched on for a couple of overs during my break. Have to say seeing Ireland in the whites and Father Time looking down on them brought a little tear to the eye. Flying over for Friday’s play and I just can’t wait! Great start!”
This is what it’s all about. For far too long, cricket has been the preserve of far too few, and the best way of sharing the love is fixtures like this. If New Zealand can be good, Ireland can be good.
6th over: England 21-1 (Burns 3, Denly 12) Adair gives Denly some width and he gets right out to the ball, crunching a drive to the fence ... then again next ball! That second shot was a little looser, risking the edge, but Denly will feel that he’s away now, as we learnt that Boyd Rankin is off the pitch for some reason or other.
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5th over: England 13-1 (Burns 3, Denly 4) Murtagh beats Denly outside off - the Nursery End really agrees with him, allowing him to bring batsmen forward and then rinse them down the slope. And he nearly snags Denly, who comes forward, looks to remove the bat, and plays into the turf ... close, and they run one. This is an excellent spell.
“If only someone could have possibly foreseen that a batsman who has never opened in red ball cricket in his nine-year career, would then go on to struggle opening the batting in a test match,” emails Chris Parker. “If only.”
I’m not sure about this – I can see why Roy might fail, but I’d not judge him after one innings on a greentop and against an expert like Murtagh.
4th over: England 12-1 (Burns 3, Denly 3) Another mencacing over from Adair, his pace up to 85mph. Burns takes a single to deep square, then Denly runs down three.
“Very excited as an Irishman living in England and with tickets for tomorrow,” emails Karl Gibbons. “Re the sartorial choices, I am in the office today wearing smart pink shorts and a smart white shirt (looking good, even if I do say so myself) and was greeted by my boss thusly:
‘Just so you know, shorts aren’t allowed. I emailed Chris [ who is Our MD and general master of all he surveys] yesterday to ask but he hasn’t got back to me. No one else is wearing them. I don’t mind, but I just don’t want Chris to see you and have words - you know what he is like.’
I then said ‘Do you want me to go home’, and he said ‘No, just maybe pull in if Chris comes over’. We also still ‘punch in’ everyday. My friends have reliably informed me that I need to find a new job….”
Do you want me to go home, you need to do better than that. I once took myself home to watch a Test, but invented an illness first. We have, of course, covered all matters fashion over a number of years, but I am congenitally opposed to anything smart, being more of the effortless shloch school.
3rd over: England 8-1 (Burns 2, Denly 0) Denly survives a scuttler, but Ireland are so into this.
“Even the flies here in rural Northamptonshire are retreating inside to escape the heat,” says Kim Thonger. “I’ve resorted to fly papers in the living room, and I thought you’d be pleased to know they match your bacon and egg tie. The flies are resolutely ignoring them though. What does that say about the MCC?”
I think these are just the wrong sort of flies.
WICKET! Roy c Stirling b Murtgah 5 (England 8-1)
Adair is saved! Murtagh gets a little extra bounce and as it dives down the slope it magnetically takes Roy’s bat with it, and he guides an edge that lodges between Stirling’s wrists at one! That’s brilliant bowling, for both ends!
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2nd over: England 7-0 (Burns 1, Roy 5) Adair tanks in and first delivery jags back and and hammers his fellow debutant on the pad. There’s a strangled appeal but the ball was going well down, and Roy absolutely hammers his next effort ... straight to the man at point. It’s so there for him here – his mind and technique may never be in such perfect sync ... ahahahahahaha! He goes to play at one, withdraws the bat but not enough, and nearly play on! Instead they run two, then Adair catches him on the back pad with a nip-backer, absolutely brown bread! That is smashing middle, but it’s a no ball! Even Roy’s luck is in form! Excellent over from Adair, as we see that he missed his mark by about an inch. That is mortifying, horrific, hilarious ... everything we want cricket to be.
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1st over: England 4-0 (Burns 1, Roy 3) It’s Burns facing as Murtagh hustles in and he’s on the money right away. Burns shoves his fourth ball to cover to get on his bike, bringing Roy onto strike; his first Test ball is middled to the man at mid on and his second is driven through cover for three. He looks in some nick!
“And here is the over-squeezing-in calculation from the BBC,” offers Alastair Ferguson. “Each session will be two hours 15 minutes:
Morning session: 11:00 -13:15
Afternoon Session: 13.55 - 16:10
Evening session: 16:30 - 18.30”
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Ed Joyce rings the bell, and here we go! I am stupidly excited,
“After all the excitement of the previous couple of months,” emails George Browne, “is there a more timeless sound of summer than the TMS team passing comments on each other’s sartorial choices? We learn that Sir Alastair Cook is in shorts, Vic Marks of this parish is stoically be-jacketed, and that Aggers is in salmon - wonderful stuff. In the light of this, and your comments on Gower’s tifter, can we enquire how you have decided to combat the heat?”
Why, I thought you’d never ask! I am in Air Jordan shorts and bare feet. I shall shortly fasten my bacon and eggs around my neck nevertheless, a kind of cricketing Chippendale.
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“Any word on how they’re going to squeeze 98 overs in per day,” asks Rob Turpin, “given we currently struggle with 90? Hours of play the same?”
I was just looking for the answer to that. It seems to be a secret.
Teams...
England: Roy, Burns, Denly, Root, Bairstow, Ali, Woakes, Curran, Leach, Broad, Stone.
Ireland Porterfield, Stirling, Balbirnie, McCollum, O’Brien, Wilson, Adair, McBrine, Thompson, Rankin, Murtagh.
Sanga tells us that Roy needs to get used to not being so involved in the play. In limited overs it’s his job to force the issue, but in Tests, he might spend a few overs at the non-striker’s and needs to keep the focus. Obviously there’s also the issue of the ball doing more, but on the other hand, if he’s seeing it and there’s a Test field, good luck covering the gaps down the ground.
Roy says that the reason he’s done so well lately is that his defence is better. He’s picking length much better he says – KP once told me that this, along with head movement, is the key to batting – and his performance against Mitch Starc in the World Cup semi encapsulated that, showing a brilliant bowler that his best ball would just be blocked back.
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TMS: can anyone help Tim Kirwan out with a link, please? #OBOfamily
I’m watching tape of Ian Ward interviewing Jason Roy. He says he’s not sure about how to move on after the World Cup, we see the final delivery of the final, I’m gone again, in absolute bits, and Roy tells us that he saw the ball coming in slow motion, the seam spinning, he couldn’t hear anything, he knew he’d fumbled two balls previously, somehow got it there, and my eyeballs are sweating.
Kumar Sangakkara, wearing some terrifyingly pale chinos - he’ll have to go extremely carefully – tells us that Rory Burns has what it takes to play Tests. He says that he’s always telling his former Surrey team-mate that he has the ugliest style he’s ever seen, which tells me he doesn’t remember John Carr.
Ireland include Andy McBrine and give a debut to Mark Adair.
William Porterfield might’ve bowled – he doesn’t quite say, but thinks it’ll do something early on. He’s got the experience of Tim Murtagh to help him know what’s what at Lord’s, but will know that if his team don’t make early inroads they’re in a world of trouble.
England win the toss and bat!
Joe Root says it looks dry underneath, the pitch has deteriorated early lately, and England have two spinners.
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“In a nice tribute to the visitors,” tweets Gary Naylor, “the Lord’s groundstaff have prepared a pitch that might be described as an emerald isle so green is its appearance. Still, it often looks like that at and plays well, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see 75-5 at lunch.”
I find Lord’s one of the hardest pitches to read, from my lounge. I’d bat, and I’d be surprised if whoever wins the toss doesn’t do likewise because getting it wrong, ouch.
David Gower is wearing the largest panama I’ve ever seen. I’m not sure what to say about that.
Email! “Could the Spin perhaps address the latest developments in wicketkeeping, please?” asks John Starbuck. “In particular, why doesn’t Sarah Taylor wear pads any more? Or perhaps she does, but only the smaller pads of a short leg, SMO etc.? You can see she would be free to move with more agility, and maybe the pace of the bowlers isn’t fast enough to warrant protection, but it does look odd.”
I think she binned them a fair while ago, to improve her mobility without really sacrificing her safety. She uses hockey ones I think.
Sky have just done a piece on Sam Curran, and it’s weird to think he’s unlikely to start the Ashes given how pivotal he was last summer. Like some of the very best cricketers, he has the gift of timing, the ability to impose his personality on a match. But if we assume that James Anderson is fit and Ben Stokes is a certainty, then England have to perm two from Curran, Stuart Broad, Chris Woakes and Jofra Archer – before Mark Wood comes back. I can’t see them dropping Broad at this point, and given the location of the first two Tests, the selectors will be extremely tempted by Woakes. I imagine they’ll get Archer in because they have to – if the aim is not just to win the Ashes but to be the best side in the world, they don’t have a choice – which means that Curran needs to establish himself as a batsman whenever the opportunity presents itself.
I’ll level with you: I’m not really into four-day Tests. I’m into most things that protect our game, so I’d not bin them on principle, and I understand the desire to fit a match in over a weekend, and to have it finish in front of a full house. However matches that finish early do so partly because there’s the possibility of them extending into a fifth day, and though the majority batsmen are not currently building long innings, that will change. But it won’t if we don’t allow it to.
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Preamble
Morning everyone, and welcome to a Test match brought to you by sport’s amazing ability to renew itselfTM.
Just 10 days ago, it was hard to see how we could ever feel anything again, or at least stop feeling what we were feeling – but now we have everything to look forward to. First and foremost, this is Ireland’s first Test against England and England’s first Test against Ireland; it is also only four days long, with 98 overs scheduled for each day; during Jason Roy will make his long-awaited, long-overdue Test debut; so too will Olly Stone; England have picked two spinners; and then next week, we have ourselves some Ashes!
Which is to say that stuff that we’ve never seen before, that we’re going to be talking about for the rest of our lives, which will remind us of ourselves for evermore, is right in our faces, and literally all we have to do is wade right in. Oooh yeah!
Play: 11am BST
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