And that’s me done. Thanks for your company and emails, and congratulations to England on a win a long time in the making.
Cheerio!
You want Robert Kitson’s match report in quick time? My pleasure:
Australia will be dirty they lost that game, what with all the possession and field position they enjoyed. Did they go wide before they earned the right?
Speaking of dirty, was Hooper just testing the wind here, or was he targeting Haskell? I suspect we’ll hear more of this.
Dirty, dirty Hooper, throwing mud in Haskell's face. #EngvAus pic.twitter.com/Dv0gxQS7NN
— Rich Leigh (@RichLeighPR) June 18, 2016
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England are now the No.2 ranked rugby team in the world. Informed of that fact Dylan Hartley gives a sweet little smile. He says “Australia are a proud, proud team and we will expect a tough game next week.”
But he allows England will enjoy the win. “The key message from last week was defence. Four tries last week hurt our pride and we put bodies on the line tonight and put some shots in.”
A clean sweep? “Why not?”
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Tom Callaghan writes in to ponder what he sees as the continung deterioration of Australian sport. “I am an English/British sporting enthusiast,” he says, “and as an amateur I cannot pretend to have your expertise but it seems to me that results since 2000 in athletics, cycling, football, Rugby Union, boxing, triathlon -the list goes on - suggests that the Old Dart has an overwhelming sporting superiority over Australia.This seems to be borne out by medal tallies at last two Olympic Games. What do you think?”
Without consulting the record books I’d say you’re right. I wonder if it comes down to funding. Australia has always thrown a lot of money at sport which has seen them “punch above their weight”, as the saying goes. I think the lead up to London 2012 changed the mindset in the UK and results have followed. As I say, that’s a quick off-hand assessment, with a brain frazzled by an MBM.
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Incredible performance by England who had just 30 per cent of possession and made something like 230 tackles to 90. Eleven times Australia put on seven phases or more but England —camped in their own 22 for the majority of that second half— would not bend. Australia did ‘win’ something, however. Handling errors, 15-2.
Full-time: Australia 7-23 England
England retain the Cook Cup and win a series on Australian soil! They look rightly delighted with their performance.
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80 min Time enough for one more Aussie knock-on. And that’s the siren! England win!
Penalty (Farrell 80) Australia 7-23 England
Farrell makes no mistake and we just have time for the restart.
78 min The commentators can’t stress enough how England have played “less rugby” than Australia. It doesn’t sound like a compliment. England won’t care. Actually, to be fair, there is plenty of praise too for England’s heart and defensive steel.
And now a penalty to England so Farrell can apply icing to a towering cake.
Conversion (Farrell 76) Australia 7-20 England
That surely is that.
Updated
Try! (Farrell 75) Australia 7-18 England
And that surely is the match-winning try! After a lovely break by Lawes, Jamie George picks up the ball and, 22m out, grubbers cleverly through the line. No-one is at home for Australia! Farrell steams through, toes the ball ahead and into the in-goal, and falls on it to score beside the posts!
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74 min Foley hands off to Kuridrani in traffic on phase seven and Fardy, following up, knocks it on.
73 min Itoje charges down a Foley clearing kick and for half a second you think it’ll sit up in the Aussie in-goal and give Itoje a chance at a five-pointer. But it bounces dead.
72 min Ford chips one ahead for Nowell knowing that even if Nowell doesn’t get there it’ll find touch. It finds touch, 22m out.
England make three changes, relieving exhausted troops: Haskell off for Clifford, Hartley off for George, Robshaw off for Launchbury.
70 min Lealiifano drops another one, on the half. That’s 13 handling errors to two (penalties 8-8).
Time is running out fast for the Wallabies, but not fast enough for England. England scrum right on the halfway line.
Phipps off, Frisby on.
67 min On the right, Kuridrani fends off Watson with a classic “don’t argue”, leaving the winger on the seat of his pants. The next moment the Wallabies follow up with another knock-on. They are not doing themselves any favours. England, meantime, are sucking in seagulls, their lungs straining due to keep up.
66 min Foley finds Folau with a short ball but the defence is on him before he can catch it cleanly. Haskell, it is, in his face like your mum’s hot flannel! England find touch on the half. What more can we say about this defence?
63 min Oh dear! Another wasted opportunity, Australia knock on! But almost immediately Australia steal it back and again set sail over the England 22m. Can England continue to hold back the gold tide?
Sort of. Penalty, Australia, right in front — Itoje leaving his feet. Joubert and Hartley have a heart to heart.
But Australia decline the penalty attempt and find touch. All hands on deck!
61 min Australia win their own lineout and Foley is soon zipping in and out of traffic. A vital Itoje tackle stops a gold shirt but the Wallabies recycle and Fardy is then try-bound before Cole, I think, stops him in his tracks. Within inches of a try.
But Australia have a scrum 5m out.
Oh, Kerevi off, Lealiifano on.
60 min More possession for the Wallabies who are always looking to stretch England. But I wonder if they are doing so without having first drawn England in from the edges. Going off too early, as it were.
57 min The Wallabies are lined up so deep on the left I’m worried they’ll get the bends on resurfacing. A few passes out Folau almost busts the line, but he gets his hands free and a pass away. He should be getting his hands on the ball much more often. He looks so dangerous.
Anyway, Howlett-Petty is, moments later, pulled down a metre or so short. But after clearing the ruck the Wallabies knock on! They just can’t make their pressure count.
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55 min The Wallabies peel off the back of a lineout and sweep downfield but play is called back for an Australian knock-forward. Can’t say I saw it.
But what’s this? Australia win a scrum penalty! Will wonders never cease? It amounts to a lineout on the England 22m.
53 min Can England hold on as Australia push deep into their 22m? Again the Wallabies swing from one edge to the other and just as Folau —who started the movement with a lovely bootlaces pickup— looked like he might bust through a gap Hooper impedes him! Lucky not to be penalised there for obstruction.
But here’s a penalty. To England. On their own line! Another 10 phases repelled. England want that Cook Cup!
Penalty! (Farrell 51) Australia 7-13 England
Give Farrell an inch and he’ll take three points.
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49 min After not making any headway following a scrum win Ford puts up a midfield bomb which Haylett-Petty fields safely. When England get the ball back they kick again. As Farrell runs through he takes out Foley who looked to be shielding the ball.
Moments later the touchie has a word to the ref and Foley is pinged for changing his line. Really, that all looked fairly innocuous but now Farrell has a kick attempt from 30m out as Cheika shakes his head in disbelief.
47 min Howlett-Petty puts his laces through one and Billy Vunipola does very well to keep it from finding touch in England territory, tip-toeing along the sideline and batting the ball back infield just as it looked to bounce out. He was like a well-fed possum on a power line.
46 min Now Youngs finds touch, this time just 10m out from the Wallabies line.
Double change by Australia: Kepu off, Greg Holmes on. Slipper off, Toby Smith on.
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44 min A Phipps box kick, from just inside his 22m, finds touch on the half. Preceding the kick Australia had stymied seven attacking phases by England who, in the end, said stuff this for a joke and kicked.
42 min McMahon pounces on a loose ball and toes it downfield but in the act of clutching it in his arms it wriggles out like a greased piglet. Knock-on. Unlucky there.
Peeeeep!
41 min Howlett-Petty roosts a high ball to Ford who catches it on the half and then, cool as you like, drills a low grubber kick over the touchline 22m out.
Neil Mackenzie asks if there’s ever been a more biased commentary team than the one on Fox Sports Australia right now. Ponder that one because England are just about to kick off ...
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Meanwhile, somewhere else, Scotland are leading Japan 16-10 just short of halftime (after trailing 10-9).
Australia are lucky to be just seven points short at this stage considering their lack of polish. To be a fly in the dressing room...
@PFConnolly Cheika will give more than the hairdryer at HT, Aus need Folau 2 show why he's the most electrifying with SBW player in rugby
— John McEnerney (@MackerOnTheMed) June 18, 2016
Half-time: Australia 7-10 England
That was quite an end to the half and it could have a huge bearing on the game. As it is, England edge Australia after a dominant first 30 minutes, but Australia seem to have shaken off a dose of ennui to put themselves right back in it.
Michael Keane is back with thanks and a “cheeky plug”: I’m grateful to the masked poet but unfortunately I have to be on stage this evening (Cheeky plug; The Government Inspector at The Crucible, The Guardian gave it 4 stars) so the quality of beer is immaterial. I don’t think people appreciate how difficult it is to be an Irish sports fan. Updates on the ODI v Sri Lanka are proving elusive for instance.
40 + 4 min Heroic defence by England to hold out 21 —count em, 21— phases all within their 10m. Australia got close a number of times but there was always a white shirt to make the critical tackle. The Wallabies knock on finally and England look rightly delighted. No-one more so than Vunipola.
40 min England win a scrum but Billy Vunipola dinks the ball into touch BEFORE the siren sounds! Australia’s lineout on the 22m. They win it, and plow up the middle.
Beautiful hands finds Kuidrani who is pulled down just 5m out. But Australia maintain possession... 15 phases now...
39 min Australia regain the ball and put a move on. On the left Folau finds a sliver of space inside Nowell and slips the ball to Kerevi. He passes it back out wide and here’s Fardy charging over the 22m looking for support! But he’s dragged to ground and a knock-on follows his attempt at an offload. England survive a real scare.
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38 min Sloppy stuff by the Wallabies, the forwards putting on airs and graces by throwing the ball about in traffic close to the touchline. Kepu, I think it was, then just tosses it over the sideline.
Conversion (Foley 36) Australia 7-10 England
From wide on the left Foley flirts with the left upright but he sneaks it in. Australia steady!
Try! (Moore 35) Australia 5-10 England
Moore scores, emerging from the pile of bodies to throw the ball in the air in delight! Great work by the Wallabies to keep their shape and stay away from the touchline.
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34 min: McMahon it was who instigated that Aussie charge, busting through a number of tackles. Anyway, from the lineout, the Wallabies fall into a rolling maul and from five metres out, and ten in from touch ...
33 min Heads down, yes, but bums up! Regaining possession from the kickoff the Wallabies charge forward, swinging it left to right looking for a chink in England’s armour. They camp inside the England 22, Foley making a number of dummy runs in what amounts to 16 phases. This is better from Australia!
And now they are awarded a penalty for England not rolling away.
Penalty (Farrell 31) Australia 0-10 England
And so it proves. Australia have their heads down, I feel.
29 min England’s forwards are repelled within the Aussie 22 but after four phases Joubert blows his whistle: McMahon, who got his hands on the ball, toppled over, thus leaving his feet. Itoje may have helped. Very kickable penalty attempt for Farrell.
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27 min Wallabies knock on in midfield and another bout of push and shove starts off ahead of the scrum. Many England players are smeared in red which is clearly the smudge of on-field advertising but it doesn’t half look like blood.
And England shunt the Wallabies off the mark and the Wallabies are penalised for wheeling the scrum.
25 min Australia can’t get out of their own half at the moment but this will help: a penalty for not releasing the ball. Hooper did well there to lock it in the ruck. The Wallabies need to steady as Joubert asks someone to stop yelling at him.
22 min Now McMahon fails to roll away from a tackle, this one on the halfway line. England win their own lineout and four phases in Ford catches the Wallabies off guard by chipping over the top. The Wallabies get possession but England barrel the ball-holder over the touchline.
Conversion (Farrell 20) Australia 0-7 England
Farrell curls it in!
Try! (Hartley 19) Australia 0-5 England
And England retain the ball deep within a rolling maul and grind forward from 10m out. Hartley peels away to score!
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18 min England finally put together a few phases deep in Wallabies territory. And they win a penalty for Australia not rolling away after a Ford crossfield kick was claimed by Nowell in some space.
Updated
16 min Now Haylett-Petty knocks on right on the half. He took a look at Owen Farrell before securing he ball and paid the price. Which is no comment on Farrell’s looks. The ball, I’d venture, is slippery from this afternoon’s rain.
15 min Hooper and Foley get their wires crossed and Hooper, cutting inside, knocks on the Wallabies’ 22. But England play out the advantage then turn it over.
13 min A box kick is caught safely by Haylett-Petty just inside his half. I wonder what effect that last passage of ‘play’ will have on the match? Tempers have certainly been raised.
The Masked Poet has a reply for Michael, but may not be quite what he’s looking for: “Suggest your correspondent heads down to Fat Cat. Not sure if the rugby is on but the beer is sensational.”
13 min After much consultation England are penalised for going off their feet. But it’s reversed because Stephen Moore charged into the fray with a shoulder. Seems a bit rough to the Wallabies considering the manner in which Phipps was tackled.
12 min: Wonderful England defence! Some eight or nine phases by the Wallabies amounts to just a few metres forward progress.
And what’s this? Phipps is tackled heavily by Youngs and Cole at the ruck and a wild rumpus kicks off, Cole having his jersey ripped clean off. What’s it made of? Papier-mache? Cole is left standing about shirtless like an English backpacker in the sun. Reminds me of Shrek.
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10 min A wobbly Ben Youngs pass puts Haskell under all sorts a few metres out from the England line. Australia pour in like orcs at Helms Deep. England steady and Youngs finds touch.
9 min Australia shift the ball left from inside the England half and they look dangerous but in the end they run out of room, Haylett-Petty tackled into touch.
7 min Wow! The first scrum has shredded the pitch and referee Joubert has to re-set it five metres to the left of the carnage. Australia hold firm to win the scrum from the feed, which they’ll no doubt be relieved about considering what happened last week.
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5 min He’s deadly. Normally. Farrell misses just to the right of the right upright.
And here come the Wallabies, Folau catching a box kick spectacularly and storming down field. A few phases in Foley kicks.
4 min An infringement in the lineout — encroaching by Kepu— gives Farrell a chance to open the scoring from 44m out, 10m in from touch.
2 min But Foley doesn’t find touch! Didn’t get close. “A coach killer!” the commentators call it. That won’t do his confidence the world of good.
Australia win the first lineout but soon turn it over. England reply in kind. A messy start.
Peeeeeeeep!
1 min Foley gets us underway and Folau leaps highest to drag in the drop-start! And an early penalty to Australia for England not rolling away. Haskell, it was, who’s been great as The Mountain in Game of Thrones.
Oh, Michael is predicting a draw.
Kick off is nigh!
First up, it’s the Welcome to Country (address) to honour the local Wurundjeri people.
And now the anthems.
Meantime, my first email, and your help is needed: “Just caught sight of the Aussie number 20’s back as he put his jersey on on TV,” writes Michael Keane. “He’s got a massive bandage on. What’s happened to him? He either has a huge cut down his left flank or had a big tattoo done yesterday. Any idea?”
(Not just routine strapping?)
More importantly, he continues... “Also, I need somewhere to watch the Ireland v SA game in Sheffield at 4. The pub I’m currently in will be switching to association football at 5. Can any guardian live fans help?”
Is it just an Australian thing that kick-off times never eventuate? Anyway, it’s a bug bear of mine, but I should let it go, let it go.
England, in their pristine white tracksuit tops (Mako Vunipola has been on laundry duty this week and he’s done himself proud), are about to run on to AAMI Park. And here they come! Chris Robshaw, about to play his 50th Test, leads them out.
And now the Aussies join them, captain Stephen Moore leading the way!
What are your predictions, dear readers? I suppose I should offer mine. Australia. Just.
Big boo as Eddie Jones' name is read out as coach of @EnglandRugby - atmosphere building nicely at AAMI Park. #AUSvENG
— Sam Bruce (@Sambruce86) June 18, 2016
The only time England have won twice against the Wallabies in Australia in the same season was 2003.
Something significant happened in 2003 if you’ll recall. That’s right. I started coaching a women’s football team, the Brunswick Zebras.
Oh alright, there was something else too (If you’re Australian look away now. It’s not pretty.):
If you’re just catching up, New Zealand defeated Wales 36-22 just moments ago. Here’s the match report:
Apropos of those teams, Australia’s best forward David Pocock fractured an eye socket last week and was ruled out for the remainder of the series — although Eddie Jones did remark afterwards that his team would prepare for Pocock regardless, just in case. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to trick ol’ Eddie. You have to stay up all night, in fact.
What? Oh yes, for those that missed it, Pocock is indeed out and his place will be taken by Rebel’s flanker, Sean McMahon. I believe it’s his birthday tonight but as I didn’t get an invitation to his party I can’t confirm.
That’s one of four changes to the Wallabies starting XV from the first Test. Aside from McMahon, Sekope Kepu and James Slipper come in to the side to replace last week’s starting props Scott Sio and Greg Holmes who struggled against the England scrum. Sio has dropped out of the 23 entirely. The fourth in-coming player is Brumbies second-rower Sam Carter who replaces Rob Simmons (who, Michael Cheika confirmed yesterday, is not injured — he’s been dropped). Harsh? A coach’s lot.
Like a country vicar who walks 5 miles every morning, drinks in moderation and every year lifts his heaviest parishioner over his head at the annual church fete fund-raiser, England appear to be in ruddy health. The side is largely the same as last week’s starting (or should that be finishing?) XV.
Thrown into the fray in the 29th minute last week George Ford will this time start in the No.10 jersey with Owen Farrell remaining at No. 12 where he finished last week’s match. Luther Burrell - last week’s starting inside centre – has dropped out of the 23 entirely. Perhaps he, Sio and Simmons will watch the match together somewhere and wallow in each other’s misery.
Here’s our man, Robert Kitson, on the game:
England within touching distance of glittering prize... #AusvEng https://t.co/b1Rk4CTSC1
— robert kitson (@robkitson) June 18, 2016
Tonight’s teams:
England
Your England team to face Australia in Melbourne on Saturday🌹
— England Rugby (@EnglandRugby) June 16, 2016
▪ K.O 11:00 BST
▪ @SkySports 1https://t.co/rxjgNW6WPL pic.twitter.com/oJT9ZGhmxW
Australia
ICYMI | Here's your Qantas #Wallabies team to play England in the second Test at AAMI Park. #AUSvENG #StrongerAsOne pic.twitter.com/tSDoB9A5Th
— Qantas Wallabies (@qantaswallabies) June 18, 2016
The all-important toss (cough, cough) has taken place:
.@stevemoore83 wins the toss and the @qantaswallabies will kickoff at @AAMIPark! #StrongerAsOne #AUSvENG pic.twitter.com/i2LU3Lpb60
— Qantas Wallabies (@qantaswallabies) June 18, 2016
And despite some late rain the colour hasn’t washed out of the day just yet:
Plenty of fans getting into @AAMIPark early. Full gallery at https://t.co/eVRf7u93yb #AUSvENG #StrongerAsOne pic.twitter.com/6TdmzESnVV
— Qantas Wallabies (@qantaswallabies) June 18, 2016
Tonight’s Aust-Eng match, meantime, will be played at Melbourne’s AAMI Park which is home ground to three Melbourne-sporting teams: Melbourne City (football), Melbourne Storm (league) and Melbourne Rebels (union). For football and league the turf holds up beautifully but there have been concerns over its durability where union is concerned. In May, a Rebels-Force game saw chunks of turf thrown up all over the place. It looked as if the pitch had been attacked by gophers. Or that I’d ventured on to it to practice my fairway shots. Some said the future of AAMI Park as a Test venue may ride on how well the pitch ‘performs’ tonight. In any case, both teams have inspected said turf and given it the green light.
With a 30,000 capacity AAMI Park is verging on boutique status, but grass issues notwithstanding it’s a fine ground and Melbourne’s only rectangular stadium. Those lucky enough to be in attendance tonight will appreciate not having to use telescopes to view the action, as they might have done at Docklands Stadium or the even bigger Melbourne Cricket Ground which sits (empty) just a few hundred metres to the north. Will they fill it tonight? Perhaps it depends on how many visiting England fans have made the trip.
Come to think of it, will the Euros in France have diluted the numbers of travelling supporters in Australia for this series? In a Venn diagram describing England’s sporting fan-base how large is the subset of rugby and football supporters anyway?
Two tries to Wales since my last post! You’re welcome, my Welsh friends: 36-22 All Blacks with two minutes remaining.
Meanwhile, in New Zealand, Wales, having held the All Blacks to 10-all at half-time, are getting touched up. And not in a nice way:
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Preamble
Welcome, one and all, to the second match of the three-game Cook Cup series between Australia and England. Game one, you’ll recall, was a rollicking affair in which England weathered both an early deficit and late comeback to beat the Wallabies 39-28. I dare say it was a better present than socks for Queen Elizabeth whose birthday was celebrated in Australia just two days later. And by celebrated, I mean, of course, that Australians enjoyed the day off work without giving Her Maj a second thought. Or even a first, I’d venture.
England, unbeaten in eight under the i-dotting, t-crossing tenure of coach Eddie Jones, were rightly chuffed with their performance and the result. It was just their fourth win in 18 Tests on Australian soil, and their first ever in Brisbane since the Queensland capital was first entrusted with hosting rugby Tests in 1975.
Something similar from England tonight would secure a memorable series win and go some way to erasing the feelings (though not the result) generated by Australia’s victory over England in the pool stages of last year’s World Cup.
It goes without saying, but here I am about to say it, that Australia, like drunks leaving a bar, will not go quietly into the night. Moreover, they should be better this time around considering last week’s series opener was their first Test since the Rugby World Cup final in October. If they keep their infringements to a minimum and provide a suitable platform for their arguably superior backs they may just bring low England’s sweet chariot and set us up for a series decider in Sydney next Saturday night.
I must say, after a week of tiresome bickering and niggling (which, I suppose, is rugby’s equivalent of the mating call and gets the voyeurs in their seats), it’s a relief to get on with the actual game. So settle back and enjoy the show. Or at least this account of the show —which I will endeavour to ensure is better than nothing. Yes, I’m aiming high.
Remember, as always, that the lonely MBM-writer, beavering away with calloused fingertips in his garret on a wind-swept hillside, always appreciates a bit of company. So during breaks in play —otherwise known as scrums— why not drop me a line and get a few things off your chest: paul.connolly.casual@guardian.com.
Kick-off: 8pm local, 11am in England.
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Paul will be here shortly but in the meantime, why not check out David Squires’ take on the Wallabies’ Grand Slam tour of the British Isles in 1984.
