Well, that’s that. England were let down by their middle order for once, having relied on it throughout the Test series. Roy and Hales were fantastic, Taylor impressed, Morgan, Stokes and Buttler need to have a look at themselves. Moeen, on other hand, deserves a go higher up the order - but it’s hard to see where. At No3 perhaps? But then Root would normally be there. It’s a tricky one.
Starc bowled like a drain in the opening overs of the second innings, but then hauled it back but Cummins was the most impressive of the Australia bowlers. Twenty-two years old, bowling consistently and accurately at 93mph is an exciting prospect indeed. Thanks for reading, see you all for the next one.
WICKET! Finn b Cummins 10 (England 246 all out) AUSTRALIA WIN BY 59 RUNS
Finn goes again, attempting to swing Cummins over the midwicket boundary. He misses again, and the ball thumps into his middle pole. And that’s that: Australia win comprehensively after appearing to be decidedly on the back foot when Roy and Hales were at the crease.
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46th over: England 244-9 (Wood 10, Finn 8) Target 306 Finn heaves Cummins with all he has, but doesn’t time it. The ball lollops into the midwicket for a couple. He attempts to repeat the trick next ball, getting down on one leg a la Viv, and missing the ball by the small matter of three or possibly four yards. But finally …
45th over: England 244-9 (Wood 10, Finn 8) Target 306 Starc bowls his final over of the night, keen to bang the final nail into England’s coffin. But Wood and Finn are in resilient mood, chopping their bats down onto anything full and straight to frustrate him. England need 62 from 30 balls with one wicket remaining.
44th over: England 241-9 (Wood 9, Finn 6) Target 306 Finn throws the kitchen sink at Cummins, but the ball dribbles to midwicket. Aware that a short ball was on the menu, Finn then back away to leg and hoiks him to midwicket for one. Cummins has bowled well tonight - very fast and very accurate, or he was right up until a filthy leg side wide. Finn and Wood manage to scramble six from the over.
43rd over: England 235-9 (Wood 8, Finn 2) Target 306 Finn gets off the mark with an edge as Starc goes full and straight. Wood scrambles one and Starc continues to aim for the base of Finn’s stumps, with the batsman wearing an expression that more or less says: what’s the point in this. Starc follows up with a short one that catches Finn on the ribs, drawing a smile from batsman and bowler, before Finn is caught on the fingers at 91mph. Good luck Finny. Still, a thick edge to third man looks destined to cross the boundary until Burns dives at full stretch to deny him four.
WICKET! Moeen c M Marsh b Cummins 17 (England 232-9)
Mooen hooks desperately, but top edges and the ball skies up to midwicket. Marsh is under it and takes the catch confidently. The game is very nearly up.
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42nd over: England 232-8 (Moeen 17, Wood 7) Target 306 Wood pushes a 90mph Cummins delivery for one, to allow Moeen to just about hook a bouncer aimed sharply at his head for a single. Wood then wears one and runs, but is somewhat surprised to see Cummins sprint past him, pick up, and nearly hurl down the stumps to almost run him out at the bowler’s end. Then …
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41st over: England 229-8 (Moeen 16, Wood 5) Target 306 In comes Mark Wood, England’s No10, with his side needing 86 from 59 balls. Smith brings in a slip as Starc attempts to do a Rashid to Wood, drifting the ball away from him and searching for the edge. Wood obliges, but thick edges the ball past Smith at first slip for four. A single brings Moeen on strike - a man who forever has the mournful look of a man who deserves better than to be batting at this end of the innings with the tail chasing a hopeless cause. He drives Starc stunningly through the covers for four, the shot apparently absolutely no effort whatsoever. What has Moeen done to deserve this?
WICKET! Rashid c Wade b Starc 11 (England 220-8)
Starc comes around the wicket, drifts the ball away from Rashid and the batsman reaches for it but can only edge behind.
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40th over: England 220-7 (Moeen 12, Rashid 11) Target 306 Cummins bowls a slower ball - at 84mph. Rashid dabs him to backwards point for a single, bringing Moeen on strike to allow him to languidly drive the bowler over his head for four. It’s such a nice shot that even David Gower – a player who stylistically Mooen is a pretty good cover version of – is purring in the commentary box. Rashid survives an LBW shout, before Moeen carves another couple into the off side.
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39th over: England 211-7 (Moeen 5, Rashid 10) Target 306 Starc comes back into the attack, with Smith looking to wrap things up quickly. Starc is aiming to bowl yorkers but his first effort is a full toss, and his second effort is one too. Moeen gets his eye in with the first, then drives the second for four. Starc retaliates with a leg side wide and it’s safe to say this isn’t quite what Smith had in mind. Mooen misses out on what is a mixed last few balls. Cummins is coming on at the other end.
38th over: England 206-7 (Moeen 1, Rashid 10) Target 306 Moeen gets off the mark with a gentle push for one, before Rashid gets another boundary - this one streakier - with an edge through the vacant slips. More deliberately, he runs one fine to the third man boundary for a couple more at the end of the over. If ever there was a time for a nuggetty Graham Thorpe innings, this is it.
37th over: England 199-7 (Moeen 0, Rashid 4) Target 306 Coulter-Nile has put Australia in the ascendency with a somewhat strange, potentially match-winning over. A length, driveable delivery did for Buttler. Some leg-side filth sent Woakes packing, while his potential hat-trick delivery to Rashid was a full toss (an attempt at a yorker) which the batsman leading-edged. A wide followed, before Rashid clubbed a four through the covers. Still, Coulter-Nile will take them as he gets them.
WICKET! Woakes c Wade b Coulter-Nile 0 (England 194-7)
Coulter-Nile bowls a horrid leg-side delivery, that Woakes attempts to pull. Instead, he tickles his first ball behind to the keeper. A good, old fashioned England collapse! Coulter-Nile on a hat-trick.
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WICKET! Buttler c M Marsh b Coulter-Nile 4 (England 194-6)
Now Buttler goes, his summer of dodgy form still in full effect. He slaps a drive from a full Coulter-Nile delivery straight to Marsh at mid-off, who takes a good catch.
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36th over: England 194-5 (Buttler 3, Moeen 0) Target 306 At the end of the 36th over, Australia were 192-5, which will give you some idea of how much Australia have come back into this. Watson is proving hard to get away, and surprised Morgan with that short ball. Still, Morgan shouldn’t be getting out to balls like that.
WICKET! Morgan c Wade b Watson 38 (England 194-5)
Oh dear. Watson dragged a slow, short one down the leg side and, in attempting to hit the ball out of the ground, Morgan edged behind to Wade to give the bowler his second wicket. Less eyes from Watto this time as Morgan exits stage left.
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35th over: England 192-4 (Morgan 37, Buttler 3) Target 306 Starc is taken out of the attack, his four remaining overs being kept in hand for the end of the innings. Morgan works Coulter-Nile off his hip for two, then thrashes him over Maxwell’s head at point (who appeared not to see it) for four. A timed push through the covers brings Morgan two more, before he works a final single. His strike rate has ticked up to 88ish.
34th over: England 183-4 (Morgan 28, Buttler 3) Target 306 Watto returns and Morgan welcomes him back with a controlled slog over mid-off for four. That one was for Taylor. A single brings Buttler on strike, and he carves a cut to the point boundary for two, before Watson beats him later in the over with a neat leg cutter. Drinks!
33rd over: England 176-4 (Morgan 23, Buttler 1) Target 306 Stokes’s 13 from 23 balls was, in truth, a bit of a struggle. That clubbed four at the end of Maxwell’s over seemed to convince him that he could hit his way out of the slump and he certainly connected with a hittable delivery from Starc well - but simply picked out the man. Buttler gets a brilliant Starc yorker second ball. The bowler has put his poor first spell behind him and is now looking far more threatening than when Roy and Hales were pumping him around the place. 130 from 102 balls.
WICKET! Stokes c Burns b Starc 13 (England 172-4)
Stokes finally middles one, but does so straight to Burns at midwicket who catches a simple, if very firmly struck, chance.
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32nd over: England 172-3 (Morgan 20, Stokes 13) Target 306 Maxwell is bowling very well: tight and tough to hit. Stokes, meanwhile, is twitchy and desperate to get going. He’s beaten all ends up by Maxwell’s second delivery, but gets away with slicing a quicker ball to third man. Stokes figures power is the way forward, so heaves Maxwell to cow corner and despite not timing it, scrapes four.
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31st over: England 165-3 (Morgan 20, Stokes 6) Target 306 Starc continues to get the ball to swing, getting some sharpish drift into the left-handed Stokes. The batsmen again drives straight down the ground - this time into it first - and Starc again sticks out a hand to stop the ball from thudding to the boundary. The required rate has just gone up over seven as the pace drifts out of the England innings. A single from this over.
30th over: England 164-3 (Morgan 20, Stokes 5) Target 306 Maxwell, who has gone at 4.75 thus far and has taken a wicket to boot, is back for his fifth over. Stokes attempts a kitchen-sink reverse sweep and the ball thuds into Wade’s gloves. The keeper goes up in high excitement, convinced of an edge. Umpire Joe Wilson looks baffled. Wade, though, doesn’t even wait for Smith’s opinion on the matter, and simply reviews it immediately. The third umpire Kumar Dharmasena sees clear daylight between bat and ball, sticks with the on-field decision, and Wade wanders off to book himself a hearing test. Australia have no reviews left.
29th over: England 161-3 (Morgan 19, Stokes 3) Target 306 England will be pleased to see Starc back in the attack and Stokes celebrates the fact by crushing him back down the ground, whereupon he is very nearly caught and bowled by the expensive bowler. Starc sticks out a hand but, in truth, it would have been a very, very good take. Perhaps the umpire ought to be thanking him, had he not stopped it, it would have taken Michael Gough’s head off. Starc is getting a bit of movement out of the ball, a touch of in-swing.
John Starbuck is back, pitching his novel. Anyone from Macmillan reading? “‘I, Miss Thorpe’ doesn’t have to be written by an actual woman. After all, 24 for 3 by Jennie Walker (2007) wasn’t. But it could start with a putative First Person narrating her crush on the great man, posters on the walls, test and county cricket match programmes (some signed) etc. Then her dad insists she’s got to give up this obsession and be ‘normal’; buying 1D merchandise (before it’s too late for them), giving up her old-fashioned whites, ODI shirts and so on. She worms her way into Thorpe’s life as a stalker before being committed; then she recovers by meeting a chance young batsman - Joe Root, who’s have thought it?I’d offer to do this myself it it wasn’t so much of a fag and I don’t need the money.
28th over: England 160-3 (Morgan 19, Stokes 2) Target 306 Perhaps Morgan can sit in here and play the anchor role. He still doesn’t look right, but can maybe lean on Stokes at the other end to smack the ball about once he’s played himself in. England need under six an over, so there is time for that. Coulter-Nile is bustling in and Morgan and Stokes takes turns to clip him for singles. Before Morgan says “screw the anchor role, Bryant” and thumps the bowler straight back over his head for a one bounce four.
27th over: England 154-3 (Morgan 14, Stokes 1) Target 306 Watson really gave Taylor the eyeballs then, grimacing from his 6ft 1in frame as the 3ft 2in Taylor trotted past on his way back to the pavilion. Perhaps the stare was simply Watson trying to see Taylor all the way down at his knees. Either way, it was very funny. A shame for Taylor not to make a few more runs - but he got out trying to keep the momentum of the innings up, so the team can hardly criticise him.
WICKET! Taylor b Watson 49 (England 152-3)
First Taylor gets his share of edge-based luck. He steps down the wicket, swishes, and inside-edges the ball to fine leg but then … he does exactly the same again, swishes across the line, misses and Watson clears him up. Watto gives him a cheery send-off as he goes too, which is nice.
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26th over: England 148-2 (Taylor 45, Morgan 13) Target 306 Coulter-Nile is back in the attack, and Smith brings in a slip for Morgan. The England captain hasn’t looked entirely at home. Nothing you can put your finger on, just not quite comfortable. He cuts and misses Coulter-Nile, to a ruefully shaken head from Smith. A drive to deep cover brings him one, but he looks perplexed and unable to find a groove as yet. He averages 72 here at the Aegeas Bowl, so give him time.
@TomBry any idea what smith keeps taking out of his pockets to shake?
— Jeremy Blank (@jerblank) September 3, 2015
Not sure - a hand-warmer perhaps? The Ashes?
25th over: England 146-2 (Taylor 44, Morgan 12) Target 306 Watson is back, as willing and mobile as a dustcart on a bank holiday pick-up run. Still, he’s bowling full and straight while Morgan and Taylor scamper ones and twos. A fine flick from Taylor deserved four but is fielded well and brings him only two as he nears a well-deserved 50.
Marie Meyer, of 17th over fame is back with her opinion of The Fratellis: “Sorry I asked. I now need eye, ear and brain bleach.” Still, The Fratellis probably don’t much care. They must be living like kings from the royalties on that bad boy.
24th over: England 140-2 (Taylor 39, Morgan 10) Target 306 By the end of the 24th over, Australia were 118-1. But the fielding side are coming into the game now having lost control in the early overs. Maxwell has given them more of a grip on the game while Cummins has bowled well at the other end. The batsmen work Maxwell around the ground, taking him for five from the over but not getting on top of him either.
23rd over: England 135-2 (Taylor 36, Morgan 9) Target 306 Cummins, still fast and full, is unlucky. He catches Morgan on the crease and the England captain inside edges the ball in between bat and pad with the ball missing off stump by a matter of molecules. Morgan gets four for it but could just as well be heading back to the changing room. A replay appears to show the ball actually touching the stumps, it was that close.
22nd over: England 128-2 (Taylor 34, Morgan 4) Target 306 It’s chilly in Hampshire, the crowd pulling on warm coats and woolly hats. From the sounds of it, a few tentative Mexican waves are being attempted too. What warms the England fans up further, though, is a lofted, straight drive from Taylor down the ground for four.
“Did I miss the bit where the OBO invites readers to contribute to a crowd funding site so as to inveigle a novelist-hack to write the definitive sports book of the decade ‘I Miss Thorpe’?” asks John Starbuck. “There must be a few people up for it, preferably a woman, as a slight twist and misleading title. Any contenders?” ‘I, Miss Thorpe’ could simply be her autobiography.
21st over: England 122-2 (Taylor 29, Morgan 3) Target 306 Cummins continues, and Morgan gets off strike with a single, before Taylor - almost a blur, so fast is he moving, jumping and swinging at the crease - bottom edges him to the keeper. Taylor shakes it off with a succulent drive through the covers. He’s 29 off 32 now, a busy little innings of quirky, jittery but self-assured accumulation.
20th over: England 117-2 (Taylor 25, Morgan 2) Target 306 Morgan prods, cuts, dabs then swipes Maxwell, finally getting off the mark with that swipe. It was a mad run though, and Taylor is very close to being run out at the keeper’s end. A direct hit from Watson would have had him. Taylor bunts a single to mid-on, before Morgan carves another through point.
19th over: England 114-2 (Taylor 24, Morgan 0) Target 306 Cummins returns at the other end, with Smith keen to test a new batsman at one end and Taylor shuffling around all over the place with extreme pace. Taylor pulls him fluently but is prevented from getting four by an excellent piece of boundary fielding from someone or other, which I slightly missed because Smyth was showing me Ian Wright goals on YouTube. A testing over from Cummins - full, fast, straight - goes for just two.
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WICKET! Roy c Warner b Maxwell 67 (England 112-2)
Roy dances down the pitch, swishes a little wildly and slices the ball straight to Warner at point, who makes no mistake at all.
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18th over: England 112-1 (Roy 64, Taylor 20) Target 306 Smith turns to Maxwell for a little spin, and he may as well do something because England are cruising here. Roy and Taylor are sprinting, Bolt-like, between the wickets however and milk him for ones that should be dots and twos that should be ones until …
17th over: England 107-1 (Roy 64, Taylor 20) Target 306 Watson rumbles in, aiming at Taylor’s pads figuring he’s as just as much of an lbw candidate as he himself is. Taylor knows what he’s up to and keeps shuffling down the wicket, getting as far down the pitch as possible to negate Watson’s chances. Fed up with this, Watto threatens to throw down Taylor’s stumps when the batsman prods a forward defence back to him. “Woooooo!” got the crowd.
“Hi Tom,” Hi Toms Marie Meyer. “What is that wordless song that plays at cricket grounds? Deh dah lum, deh dah lum, deh dah lum, deddy deddy deddy deh dah lum.” It is the execrable Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis, Marie.
16th over: England 105-1 (Roy 63, Taylor 19) Target 306 Marsh is flat-batted for one to deep square for Roy, before Taylor - all wrists, elbows and movement – dabs him for another single. Roy mistimes Marhs’s next delivery, a slow, half-tracker. The ball loops up to deep midwicket but lands safely enough in No Man’s Land for a couple of runs. Taylor brings the 100 up with a neat pull to deep square leg, Burns diving to stop the ball but simply tapping it onto the ropes instead. Eleven off the over.
15th over: England 94-1 (Roy 59, Taylor12) Target 306 Well, that six was certainly one way of letting everyone know he was there. Taylor is busy at the crease to Watson in the next over, dabbing a late cut to third man, running a furiously quick two, then edging just short of Wade behind the stumps. A scampered single through midwicket brings him another run. “What do you make of Australia’s start,” Michael Holding is asked in the Sky commentary box. There follows a brief pause before a characteristically slow, distinctive, elegant and utterly damning: “… not very impressive”.
14th over: England 90-1 (Roy 58, Taylor 9) Target 306 Roy and Taylor trade singles, before Marsh concedes the first extra of the innings: a filthy wide down the leg side. Roy figures he has the measure of Marsh, and plays the most wonderful backfoot, leg drive for four through midwicket. A delicious piece of timing. Taylor is more agricultural, charging down the track and swinging Marsh high over his head for a straight six. The bowler gives him quite the look immediately afterwards.
13th over: England 75-1 (Roy 52, Taylor 1) Target 306 Shane Watson is into the attack, giving Hales further fuel to kick himself back in the pavilion. He warms up by bowling a loosener to mid off, who lets it go straight through his legs to the boundary for the biggest cheer of the day. Watson’s first ball proper is reminiscent of the tin man before an oil change as lumbers stiffly up to the crease. Roy takes a single, then Taylor gets off the mark courtesy of a rare misfield from Warner at point. Roy’s 50 comes up with a glide to third man for two. That’s 51 from 49 balls and includes 10 fours. A quick single finishes the over.
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12th over: England 70-1 (Roy 48, Taylor 0) Target 306 Hales will be furious with himself, he got caught in two minds - hitting the ball for six or four. Instead, he simply chipped to Watson. Marsh will bowl better wicket-taking balls. Joe Root James Taylor trots out to the crease to prove that he should have been in the side for years. Somewhat optimistically, he trots down the wicket to the last ball of the over and nearly yorks himself. Wicket maiden.
“Jason Roy’s cover drive is looking quite the thing at the moment. Imposing! A little Pietersen-esque, no?” Harry Tuttle there, putting the curse on Roy.
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WICKET! Hales c Watson b Marsh 22 (England 70-1)
Oh, Hales! Marsh sends down a half-tracker that should be on its way to Portsmouth. But Hales gets it wrong and simply chips the ball to Watson at short midwicket.
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11th over: England 70-0 (Roy 48, Hales 22) Target 306 Cummins touches 94mph as Hales taps him through extra cover for a single, finding a sweeper on the boundary. Roy then plays him delightfully, touching Cummins delicately through the vacant slips for four. And swivelled pull follows for more of the same as Cummins’s line drifts down the leg. A good over for England, and Roy is looking ominously good.
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10th over: England 61-0 (Roy 40, Hales 21) Target 306 Mitchell Marsh comes into the attack after having been targeted during the T20 game. Will be interesting to see if he gets the treatment today … and he does. Hales takes a single off his first delivery, before Roy tickles him fine for four, then squarer for another one. There’s a shortish fine leg in and Roy sent the ball both side of him for each of those boundaries, much to Steve Smith’s irritation. Marsh gets some revenge, dropping the ball shorter and catching Roy in his gentleman’s area but it’s hard to know whether the batsman’s in pain or simply annoyed his didn’t smack a hittable ball out of the park. It swings the momentum Marsh’s way and he doesn’t concede another run from the over.
@TomBry I'm one of those 70s born Sth londoners that grew up thinking if Thorpe was in we had a chance. And Bickers should have played more
— Paddy Blewer (@Padsky) September 3, 2015
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9th over: England 52-0 (Roy 32, Hales 20) Target 306 There’s a slip in for Cummins, who is bowling consistently quickly - 90, 91, 92mph. Roy blocks him, and looks furious with himself for allowing a maiden on his watch.
8th over: England 52-0 (Roy 32, Hales 20) Target 306 Hales is unlucky after a sprawling, diving stop from Bailey at mid-on deprives him of the four he deserved after a full-blooded straight drive off Coulter-Nile. Another big drive brings him one, before the bowler drops it short and Roy brings up England’s 50 with a pulled four through square leg. This is a wonderful opening partnership from England: cue a wicket.
6th over: England 40-0 (Roy 21, Hales 19) Target 306 Coulter-Nile digs a short one in at Roy, who swings like an Essex housewife. Result: a top-edged four over his head down to fine leg that was nearly a six. Roy pulls him again, this time for one, as Smith turns to Cummins and tells him to start warming up.
5th over: England 35-0 (Roy 16, Hales 19) Target 306 Smith brings an extra fielder into the covers to give Starc some protection through the off side. Roy picks him out immediately as Starc, left-handed and over the wicket, straightens his line. Roy late cuts for one, before Hales top edges high, high, high over square leg and just over the boundary for a lucky six. Starc, furious that Hales has pulled him off a length (albeit fortuitously), over-compensates, over-pitches and he’s drilled straight down the ground for four. Starc’s gone for 29 off three overs.
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4th over: England 24-0 (Roy 15, Hales 9) Target 306 Hales gets an 88mph bumper from Coulter-Nile just to remind him where he is and who he’s playing. From the fifth ball of the over, Hales drives expansively but mistimes it - the bat making the sort of noise that would have meant an unpleasant judder up the arm before they started building the things the size of sleepers. Another bouncer rounds out a maiden over.
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3rd over: England 24-0 (Roy 15, Hales 9) Target 306 A ridiculous over in which both Hales and Roy are lucky to survive but also blast Starc all around the ground. After pushing the bowler square through the offside for four, Hales runs a mad single to Maxwell - who is one of sharper fielders around. His throw misses the stumps by an inch with Hales well short. No matter, it gets Roy up the other end and he flicks Starc up and over square leg for a four that falls short of being a six by a centimetre. Starc gets a look on his coupon but a moment later, he nearly has Roy caught at mid-off from a defensive prod - the ball falls just short of Bailey - before Roy thumps the bowler through the covers for four. A good start for England, but they could equally be two down.
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2nd over: England 11-0 (Roy 7, Hales 4) Target 306 Coulter-Nile has pace and Roy is watchful until he gets too straight and the batsman times him from middle through square leg for four. When Coulter-Nile drops a little short, Roy takes another two through the same area.
Oh good lord, am I this obvious?
@TomBry "missing Thorpe" could be a title for a nick hornby-esque novel featuring a south London cricket loving 30 something. I know plenty
— Paddy Blewer (@Padsky) September 3, 2015
1st over: England 5-0 (Roy 1, Hales 4) Target 306 Roy blocks the first two deliveries from Starc, the No1 ODI bowler in the world, before having more of a swing at his third but inside edging onto his pads. Starc is getting the ball to move in the air, swinging it in to the right-handed Roy, who hooks his fourth ball around the corner for a single. Hales, tall at the crease, pushes a lovely four through the covers from the last ball of the over.
Hales and Roy are wandering out to the middle, swishing bats, practising shots, whirling their arms around their heads and, in Roy’s case, attempting a quick two-step. Play!
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Numberwang with Gary Naylor:
@tombry England's batting order: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 1, 7, 7, 9, 11. Australia's batting order: 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 12, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9. We win!
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) September 3, 2015
This is essentially what England have been trying to do ever since New Zealand turned up.
#OnThisDay 1978: If two negatives make a positive, this attempt to combine cricket and baseball should be great! https://t.co/z8NhlEWcwx
— BBC Archive (@BBCArchive) September 3, 2015
The last time England chased down 306 (and they’ve only gone past 305 twice before - though once was, of course, earlier in the summer against New Zealand), they did so quite slowly - with Alec Stewart getting a golden duck, Nasser Hussain hitting 75 from 155 balls, fifties from Hick and Thorpe and an out and out slog from Flintoff. I miss Thorpe.
Ah, the strange up and down world of being an England cricket fan: for every bloke who tweets this …
@guardian_sport @TomBry feels odd to be confident we'll do this
— Will Cooling (@willcooling) September 3, 2015
… there will be several thousand others with the dry mouth, jittery stomach and overriding dread certainty that Australia will walk this, England will be all out for 79 and we’ll all be off home within 32 overs.
Evening all: once upon a time the thought of chasing a target of 306 would have been enough for England to have walked off the pitch and metaphorically headed straight onto the team bus and headed home. It will be interesting to see how they tackle the chase now, and Hales for one probably needs to step up. Having given it some big talk regarding his Test ambitions, he probably needs to do something about his ODI scores (which, as Smyth points out next to me, haven’t exactly been helped by the way he’s been messed about by being shoved in and out of the side). I for one, am part of the Hales supporter’s club – he could be something very special.
50th over: Australia 305-6 (Wade 71, Marsh 40) Woakes will bowl the last over. He has been the best of England’s seamers and has been encouragingly accurate with the yorker. But the margin for error is so small, and Mitchell Marsh reminds him of that when he smokes a low full toss back over his head for six to take Australia past 300. They finish on 305 for six, thanks to a very good partnership of 112 from Wade and Marsh. England need 306 to win. They would have taken that after 20 overs, though not after 40. It should be an excellent chase. Indie frontman Tom Bryant will be with you for that in half an hour. Thanks for your emails. Bye!
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49th over: Australia 294-6 (Wade 70, Marsh 30) The penultimate over of the innings, bowls by Wood, disappears for 13. Wade hits consecutive boundaries with a sweet swing over mid-off and a pull that may have brushed the fingertips of Hales, swooping on the square-leg boundary. This is now Australia’s highest seventh-wicket partnership in ODIs against England. Wood ends with figures of 10-0-72-1.
“If you’re going to use the formal “Mr Smyth” (44th over), you can’t precede it with “Hi”,” says Nick Lewis. “We’ll all be chewing gum next…”
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48th over: Australia 281-6 (Wade 59, Marsh 28) Woakes is dealing almost exclusively in the yorker. After only three runs from the first four balls, Wade premeditates a walk across his stumps to scoop a yorker from outside off stump to the fine-leg boundary. Superb stuff.
47th over: Australia 274-6 (Wade 54, Marsh 26) With an extra man outside the ring England seem to have rediscovered the yorker, or at least the attempted yorker, after all that slower-ball bouncer nonsense at the World Cup. Wood tries a couple in that over, and keeps Australia’s batsmen to four singles and a two from the first five balls That’s enough for Wade to reach an important half-century, full of street wisdom, from 40 balls. He celebrates by slapping a boundary through mid-off to make it 10 from the over. Australia have recovered brilliantly; these two have added 77 from just 10 overs.
“Question for Michael Richards,” says James Walsh. “What’s the general position of Korfballers on the Half Man Half Biscuit song written for the 2010 European Korfball Championships, Joy In Leeuwarden (We Are Ready)? Joy or bafflement?” There might be a third option.
46th over: Australia 264-6 (Wade 46, Marsh 24) Woakes’s success, or otherwise, as a death bowler will probably determine whether he has a long-term future in this side. His seventh over goes for 10, though the only boundary came from a genuine edge by Wade.
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45th over: Australia 254-6 (Wade 40, Marsh 20) Not for the first time today, a decent over is tarnished by a last-ball boundary. This time Wade top edges a Stokes slower ball to the fence to make it nine from the over.
44th over: Australia 245-6 (Wade 33, Marsh 18) Wade walks across his stumps to help Woakes around the corner for four, and then Marsh brings up the fifty partnership from only 41 balls. It has been an excellent demonstration of how to rebuild at eight an over without swinging the bat willy nilly. They might yet reach 300.
“Hi Mr Smyth or Rob (depending on your preference),” says Michael Richards. “Perchance a topic for the innings break? The ODI series signals the end of the cricketing summer and our thoughts turn towards winter sporting activities. Some of us will be eschewing your standard football or rugby options and playing something that’s reported on a little less in your august publication i.e. Korfball. What’s Korfball? I’m glad you asked! Manchester Korfball Club @manckorfball (picking my own team as a random example) train on Thursday evenings 8pm-10pm at Sale Leisure Centre and September is free for new player to come try our sport! (a lot of clubs will let beginners try for free as we try to grow the sport). Any mention you could send our way would be much appriciated and if any of you or any of your colleagues fancy coming down and having a go we’d love to see you.”
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43rd over: Australia 236-6 (Wade 28, Marsh 15) Wade flashes Stokes past the flying backward point – Roy this time, because Stokes is bowling. Wade then survives an LBW shout. The ball would have hit the stumps but the commentators and presumably the umpire think there was an inside edge. Another decent over from Australia, eight from it.
42nd over: Australia 228-6 (Wade 21, Marsh 14) Chris Woakes returns to the attack and, after a good first five balls, he is blasted through the covers for four by Mitchell Marsh. Ach and bah. Australia could still get around 280 here, which would give the world’s best white-ball bowler, Mitchell Starc, plenty to bowl at.
“What about music that you used to think was utter dross but now realise that it’s wonderful?” says Andy English. “I am referring to Pearl Jam. I was never a fan of them during my formative teenage years, when their first album (Ten) came out. But I now appreciate the genius of Mr Vedder et al. I even went to see them last year all on Jack Jones, my wife is yet to fully convert.”
When you say ‘fully’...
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41st over: Australia 222-6 (Wade 20, Marsh 8) Wade steers a short ball from Finn just past the flying Stokes at backward point. I think Stokes might have got a fingertip on it, and he puts his hands to his head in frustration that he couldn’t take what was maybe a tenth of a chance. That says plenty about Stokes. Wade is playing well and hustles a full ball through midwicket for four more.
“I too am at a loss to describe the painful-to-watch horrorshow that is Shane Watson’s summer,” says Ant Pease. “As an Englishman, the best I have with which to summarise is that I’m starting to feel genuinely sorry for him.” For an Australian cricketer, there can be no greater insult.
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40th over: Australia 211-6 (Wade 11, Marsh 6) Wade, who is back in the limited-overs teams after losing his place to Brad Haddin for a couple of years, paddles Moeen round the corner for four. Marsh then makes room to drive a fine boundary over mid-off. Eleven from the over.
“If Ian Bell is watching, he might allow himself a smile to see Steve Smith caught off a filthy full toss from a leg-spinner?” says Tim Sanders.
Ha, yes. I’m not sure anything sums up the Eternal Frustration of Ian Bell better than the 2013-14 Ashes series, when he played a ferocious Mitchell Johnson in his sleep and kept getting out to Steve Smith.
39th over: Australia 200-6 (Wade 6, Marsh 2) This is a perfect demonstration of the value of taking wickets in the middle overs. Australia are having to regroup at two or three an over, although the moment I type that Wade times Finn down the ground for four to bring up the 200. Still, they have only scored 24 from the last seven overs, and will do very well to reach 300 from here.
“I’m not having Ultrasound mentioned in such dire company as Hurricane #1 and Thom Yorke’s brother’s band,” says James Walsh. “They belatedly reformed a few years ago and remain utterly magnificent. And I’m not just saying this because I fancy the bassist.”
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38th over: Australia 195-6 (Wade 1, Marsh 1) Moeen rattles through an over in a couple of minutes while I try to think of an appropriate way to describe the woes of Shane Watson. I failed.
37th over: Australia 193-6 (Wade 0, Marsh 0) Rashid finishes a really good afternoon’s work with figures of 10-0-59-4. That run-out was a complete farce.
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WICKET! Australia 193-6 (Watson run out 6)
Shane Watson’s summer of farce continues. Matthew Wade takes a truly appalling run to Stokes in the covers, and Watson is miles short when Jos Buttler takes the throw and breaks the stumps.
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36th over: Australia 192-5 (Watson 5, Wade 0) “I see David Hopkins’ JJ72 and raise him Hurricane #1, Ultrasound and Unbelievable Truth,” says Ian Davies. “In one week I saw all three bands at the same venue (Clwb Ifor Bach). Given that I haven’t listened to any of their musical offerings in about 25 years I may have been better off utilising my university funds elsewhere (like food and socks without holes).”
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WICKET Australia 192-5 (Maxwell c Buttler b Wood 15)
This is a huge wicket, and Glenn Maxwell has very, very, very, very reluctantly accepted the decision. He tried to flick a poor delivery from Wood and was smartly taken down the leg side by Jos Buttler. I suspect Maxwell thought it might not have carried, though replays suggest it was fine. He had the option to review if he wanted, although there was no question about the edge. As he walks off, Maxwell is wearing quite the affronted coupon. England have quietly got themselves into an excellent position.
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35th over: Australia 191-4 (Maxwell 15, Watson 4) The wicket of Bailey has slowed Maxwell down for the time being, because he knows Australia can’t afford to lose him in the next couple of overs. That means Rashid can sneak through his penultimate over without conceding a boundary. Six from the over. England will take that at this stage. That’s drinks.
“I certainly hope that The Bluetones have stood the test of time, else my tickets to see their reunion in four weeks will be most disappointing,” says Andrew Hewitt. “Oh well, I’ll just have to get smashed on cider like the good old days and keep an eye out for Swann and Jimmy.”
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34th over: Australia 185-4 (Maxwell 11, Watson 2) The value of taking wickets was made clear in that Mark Wood over, because only three runs came from it.
“You’d be surprised, Stephen Connor,” says Tom Atkins. “We didn’t last long – our career peaked at Dingwalls in Camden when we supported a Russian band whose following contained a large number of very big, energetic, shaven-headed Russian men. I quit and became an accountant soon afterwards.”
Come on, out with it.
33rd over: Australia 182-4 (Maxwell 9, Watson 1) The new batsman is Shane Watson, who for all the Test-match laugh-out-LOLs has an awesome limited-overs record, even if most of his runs have been scored in the top three. Bailey, incidentally, was plumb – in fact it was hitting middle stump. Really well bowled. Maxwell misses an almighty yahoo at a wide delivery that spins past the edge. Rashid has interesting figures of 8-0-52-4.
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WICKET! Australia 178-4 (Bailey LBW b Rashid 23)
Rashid has four! This was an authentic wicket, a quicker delivery that skidded on to hit Bailey on the back foot in front of leg stump. Bailey looks hacked off, though I’m not sure whether that’s with the decision or his inability to pick Rashid. We haven’t seen a replay but it looked to be hitting leg stump.
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32nd over: Australia 177-3 (Bailey 23, Maxwell 5) Maxwell gets off the mark with an absolutely beautiful back-foot drive for four off Wood. That’s a ridiculous shot to play off your first delivery. A poor over from Wood goes for 13, with Bailey crashing an extra-cover drive for four off the final delivery. He has 23 from 15.
31st over: Australia 164-3 (Bailey 15, Maxwell 0) Rashid (7-0-47-3) has taken two wickets with full tosses, though England won’t really care – the wicket of Smith is a really big one. Although it does bring Glenn Maxwell to the crease.
“Just googled ‘Tom Atkins Band’ to see if it might shed some light on whether we were in the presence of Britpop minor royalty,” says Stephen Connor. “Ominously it said ‘Some results may have been removed under data protection law in Europe.’ Surely they can’t have been that bad?”
WICKET! Australia 164-3 (Smith c Stokes b Rashid 44)
Adil Rashid strikes again with his magic ball: the full toss. Smith, who had driven the previous ball for six, swung it high towards cow corner, where Stokes took a comfortable running catch. Smith, you don’t need me to tell you, is not entirely enamoured with the manner of his dismissal.
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30th over: Australia 155-2 (Smith 38, Bailey 12) Wood replaces Moeen (6-0-24-0), who has relatively economical figures but was being milked with increasing ease. Smith has two fortunate escapes, edging through the vacant slip cordon for four and then screwing a drive fractionally short of Rashid at mid-on. Good stuff from Wood, who certainly has the capacity to take important wickets in the middle overs.
“One of the signs of reaching full adulthood is that you can appreciate the good tunes of the past while realising that, in every era, most of it was rubbish even if you didn’t know that at the time,” says John Starbuck. “I still enjoy jazz from the past two centuries, but not all of it. And I play some of Tommy Steele’s and Lonnie Donegan’s work from time to time, but skip the duds.” Hang on, I thought full adulthood was when you realise that guilty musical pleasures are just pleasures? Or maybe that’s just if you like Hold On by Wilson Phillips.
29th over: Australia 149-2 (Smith 31, Bailey 12) Rashid has a slip for Bailey, which is good to see. Well done everyone! Bailey pushes outside the line of a nice googly that prompts a strangled LBW appeal. There was an inside edge and it hit him outside the line, but he didn’t pick up. The next ball is a vile full toss that Bailey smokes over long on for six. The good and bad of Adil Rashid demonstrated in two deliveries.
28th over: Australia 140-2 (Smith 30, Bailey 5) Bailey is back in the ODI side, having gone from captain to drinks carrier during the World Cup. He is a really dangerous player in the last 10 overs. For now he is content to get his eye in via the medium of ones and twos, and there are seven runs from Moeen’s over. If Australia go at eight an over from here they will get 316. A lot depends on whether Glenn Maxwell comes off; if he does, 350 could be possible.
“I was once in a band in the late 90s, one of whose best songs (or so I thought at the time) was lifted more or less straight off a Menswe@r b-side,” says Tom Atkins. “I dug these out a few days ago, and it turns out that that both songs were rubbish all along. If anything ours was worse, which in a perverse way is quite an achievement.”
Come on, out with it.
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27th over: Australia 135-2 (Smith 28, Bailey 2) Rashid is having a decent day so far, with figures of 5-0-29-2. Never mind the 29, feel the 2. He does bowl some utter filth in among the good balls, having said that.
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WICKET! Australia 133-2 (Warner c Woakes b Rashid 59)
A nice little victory for Eoin Morgan and Adil Rashid. Morgan brought Rashid back into the attack with wickets in mind, and he produced one with his second ball. Warner, trying to slam the googly over the off side, sliced the ball gently to Woakes at short third man to end a good innings of 59.
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26th over: Australia 132-1 (Warner 59, Smith 27) “This talk of the Bluetones might encourage people to revisit the tunes of their youth, but that can be risky,” says David Hopkins. “In a fit of nostalgia I recently popped indie nearly-weres JJ72 on the stereo. Suffice to say they hadn’t aged well. Nor had Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. But the Delgados held up fine.” It all ages well if you get sufficiently paggered approach it in the right frame of mind.
25th over: Australia 126-1 (Warner 55, Smith 25) A beautifully placed drive from Smith off Stokes bisects extra cover and mid-off en route for four. He is an unusual batsman in that he can look like a walking wicket at times, but when he is batting well he plays with the most intimidating certainty. He is batting well today. Even at this stage, a hundred feels closer to probable than possible.
“While the WACA is a great loss to Ashes cricket in terms of both the history and variety of pitch it brings, I have to say that having been “lucky” enough to be there for the last two Ashes Tests, I won’t miss the “facilities”,” says Doug Wills. “Is asking for a little bit of shade in 40 degree heat for at least some small part of seven hours too much to ask? Admittedly our Union Jack, predominantly polyester suits didn’t help, but still...”
I suppose it is also kind of good news for England in that we have trounced in the last seven or eight Tests there. On the new pitch we might be able to manage a closeish defeat!
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24th over: Australia 118-1 (Warner 53, Smith 19) Five from Moeen’s over, all in ones and twos. Australia are scoring at five an over with scarcely any risk; it’s extremely accomplished stuff. But England will be pretty happy with how they have bowled. “Many thanks, now I don’t care two hoots where it is, I just want to check out Ageas’ website!!!” says Andrew Benton. “What a company, what a venue, what a match!”
23rd over: Australia 113-1 (Warner 50, Smith 17) Warner reaches a controlled half-century from 57 balls. He had a slightly odd World Cup, with lots of nothing scores either side of 178 against Afghanistan, but looks in fine touch here. Smith, by contrast, looked like he had cracked one-day cricket during the World Cup, when he made five consecutive fifties. England could really do with getting him out soon if possible.
22nd over: Australia 110-1 (Warner 49, Smith 16) Australia start to milk Moeen, with five singles from the over. Warner has 49 from 56 balls, Smith 16 from 23.
“I woulda kept the magnificent Woakes and his bowling that managed to be both charmingly quaint and quaintly charming going, given his economy rate was decent,” says Gareth Fitzgerald. “He’ll come back now and have some bish-bosh applied to his death bowling, and before you know it there will be Beckham-style effigies being burned on village greens everywhere. He can come and stay at mine if it all gets too much.”
‘I don’t wanna stay at yours Gareth...’
21st over: Australia 106-1 (Warner 46, Smith 14) So far this has been standard modern ODI fare, and in a way this whole innings feels like a slight formality: you suspect both sides would accept a score between 320 and 340 right now. Not that England can afford to acknowledge such a mindset. Stokes almost gets Warner with a good delivery that takes the inside edge that just misses leg stump.
20th over: Australia 100-1 (Warner 44, Smith 10) Moeen, oddly, has not dissimilar economy rates in Test and ODI cricket. Okay, they are 3.85 and 4.82 but you’d expect a bigger difference. He has started well here, with just a single from the over. That takes Australia to a neat score off 100 for one after 20 overs.
“So weird you mentioned The Bluetones,” says Eva Maaten. “Loved their debut albums and had been wondering just the other day at what point and why I lost touch with my flatmate from 25 years ago who at some point shared a flat with one of them in Glasgow (or something along those lines). This evening (10pm here, we are 7 hours ahead) is turning into a trip down memory lane...” It’s literally like being in the Good Mixer circa October 1995!
19th over: Australia 99-1 (Warner 44, Smith 8) This is a good move from Eoin Morgan, who has brought Ben Stokes into the attack in place of Adil Rashid (4-0-26-1), presumably with wickets in mind. Warner greets him with a sensational, angled-bat clatter through extra cover for four. Shot! There is so much talk about Warner’s personality that we sometimes lose sight of what a gorgeous timer of the ball he is. He’s almost too talented to function.
18th over: Australia 93-1 (Warner 39, Smith 8) So far England’s new brand of one-day cricket only really refers to their batting. I suspect that, over the next four years, they will become more attacking with the ball as well. The best ODI sides have important middle-overs wickettakers, from Mushtaq Ahmed in 1992 to Shaun Tait in 2007. Anyway, Woakes (4-0-14-0) is replaced by Moeen Ali. His first over is an uneventful affair that brings a couple of runs.
“That stunning image of Ben Stokes in action (6th over) jogged my memory,” says Edmund King. “While sheltering from the rain at the Courtauld this weekend, I came face to face with Rubens’s baroque masterpiece, The Descent from the Cross (1611), and was struck by how closely Rubens’s model for Christ resembles Ben Stokes. In all seriousness. You can almost see his left hand stretching out to catch a cricket ball, though in truth he looks a little more limp and less alert in that pose than Stokes generally does in the field.”
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17th over: Australia 91-1 (Warner 38, Smith 7) Warner skips down to Rashid’s first ball and scrunches it superbly through extra cover for four. Great shot. Smith uses those rubber wrists to flick his first boundary past the man at backward square leg. That’s drinks.
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16th over: Australia 81-1 (Warner 33, Smith 2) A good over from Woakes, just three from it. England need to take wickets at regular intervals, which has been a big problem in the past. Rashid and Wood in particular have the potential to take wickets during the middle overs.
“You still didn’t tell Andrew where the Ageas Bowl actually is!!!” says Steve Ditchburn. Look, everyone knows Hilton at The Ageas Bowl is a brand new 171-bedroom hotel, located at the picture-perfect home of Hampshire Cricket. The stunning property boasts both the country’s first eforea spa and first BEEFY’S fine dining restaurant.
15th over: Australia 78-1 (Warner 31, Smith 1) The new batsman is the captain Steve Smith, whose form in one-day cricket is reasonable: in his last 20 ODIs, he averages 70. This is the most important partnership, between Australia’s two best players. England could do with splitting them, at least by the 40th over.
WICKET! Australia 76-1 (Burns ct and b Rashid 44)
Adil Rashid strikes with a low full toss. Joe Burns drove it straight back towards Rashid, who took a smart catch. Burns goes after making a decent 44 from 53 balls.
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14th over: Australia 72-0 (Burns 40, Warner 30) Chris put the ‘woe’ in ‘Woakes’ with a wide slower ball that Warner slaughters through mid-off for four. Later in the over he sees Burns coming and slams a leg-side bouncer past his face. Well bowled. England have bowled fairly well so far, but Australia are on course for a score well in excess of 300.
“I wish you hadn’t included a link to that picture of Graham Gooch (10th over),” says Steve Pye. “It brought back a lot of painful memories. In fact, when my wife told me that some friends of ours were naming their new son Ezra, it immediately made me think of that incident. “The only person I’ve ever heard of with that name is Ezra Moseley, and he broke Graham Gooch’s finger in 1990,” I said to my wife, as all the love went from my eyes. My wife on the other hand shook her head and wondered if there is anything in the world that we could talk about without me bringing it back to cricket.”
13th over: Australia 65-0 (Burns 38, Warner 25) Burns charges Rashid’s first ball and tries to go downtown. He barely gets out of the driveway, screwing it just short of Finn at mid-on. Two balls later Warner misses a lap-sweep and is almost bowled round his legs. Actually, on reflection it missed by a fair bit. Nonetheless this is an excellent, confident start from Rashid. He beats Warner in the flight, but Warner still manages to drive the ball in the air and wide of mid-off for four. “That was a nice over, that,” says Warne.
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12th over: Australia 60-0 (Burns 37, Warner 21) Woakes slips a sharp bouncer through Burns’s attempted hook. “Phwoar, good pace!” says Shane Warne. Just one from a very good over. In other news, Twitter doesn’t seem to be working. Either that or nobody has tweeted me, which is equally possible and probably the likelier scenario. Actually, Hotmail also doesn’t seem to be working. Either that or etc.
“Bully cricket all round, is it too early to make an ‘eexxccceelent’ joke about Burns?” says please not the Sam Smith. I’m sure Nasser will be thrilled by Burns’ arrival.
11th over: Australia 59-0 (Burns 36, Warner 21) Adil Rashid replaces Steven Finn. One way or the other, this won’t be dull. Eoin Morgan gives him a slip, which meets with the approval of Shane Warne. Warner, who generally tried to hit Moeen Ali onto Venus during the Ashes, settles for no-risk runs for the time being. Five from a good over that included consecutive googlies to Warner.
“Rob, I am confused,” says Andrew Benton. “The Ageas bowl is in....Durham? Manchester? Bristol? Nottingham? Worcester? Or the newly renamed town of Ageas?! Do bowlers having a bad day “bowl like Ageas”? Are the players Ageans? Whatever advertising Ageas or the Ageans are after, it’s lost on me....”
Oh Andrew, you’re so out of touch. Everybody knows Ageas is an international insurance group with a heritage spanning 190 years. Ranked among the top 20 insurance companies in Europe, Ageas has chosen to concentrate its business activities in Europe and Asia, which together make up the largest share of the global insurance market. Wherever Ageas operates around the world it does so with an important goal in mind: to provide customers with peace of mind when they need it most.
10th over: Australia 54-0 (Burns 34, Warner 18) Gareth Fitzgerald’s heart skips a beat as Chris Woakes is brought into the attack to replace Wood (4-0-26-0) – and he drops Warner off his own bowling! It was a sharp chance, when Warner crashed the ball whence it came, and Woakes couldn’t hang on. He hurt his left hand in the process and is receiving treatment from the physio, though there are no Gooch-style screams. He should be fine.
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9th over: Australia 51-0 (Burns 31, Warner 18) Burns drives Finn sweetly over mid-off for four. He looks really good now. He’s comfortably outscoring Warner; in defence of Davey, Burns has faced far more deliveries and Warner still has the higher strike-rate. Warner reminds us both of his existence and his ability with a high-class flick off the hip for four to bring up an excellent fifty partnership.
Now, an urgent instruction which I forgot to mention earlier: buy Simon Lister’s Fire In Babylon. The whole book is terrific, as you’d expect. But the chapter on fast bowling, in which Andy Roberts and the others talk about their craft, is a joy. You’ll have a big dumb grin on your face throughout.
8th over: Australia 41-0 (Burns 24, Warner 13) Just three boundaries so far. Australia’s tactic is to set things up for hitters like Glenn Maxwell later on. They will miss the marvellous James Faulkner though. Burns looks comfortable and steers Wood past backward point for the fourth four of the innings. “Looks good, Burns,” says Sir Ian Botham, almost with a hint of a surprise.
“Looking at the team sheet it looks like even more of an experimental ‘yoof’ team from England,” says Harry Lang. “Have the ODIs now taken third spot in priority behind the Ashes Tests and Twenty20? While I’m here, have you seen what that MOAS boat is up to in the Med? Quite a lot of good it would seem, and they need all the help they can get...”
This is close to England’s best team isn’t it? I’d still have Broad where possible, as he will be 32 when the next World Cup starts, but there aren’t many others apart from the obvious Root.
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7th over: Australia 33-0 (Burns 18, Warner 13) It’s a relatively quiet start from Australia, who really could learn a lot from England about taking advantage of the first 10 overs. The Sky commentators, Mike Atherton and Tom Moody, are discussing whether the new Perth venue will have the same soil as the WACA. Let’s hope so. It’s pretty much impossible to create a better cricket wicket.
“Rob, dearest, you’re a bit rusty at this typing lark aren’t you,” says Ian Copestake. “By calling me ‘Copestkae’ you’ve managed to tell your other reader to do one in Swedish.”
6th over: Australia 28-0 (Burns 14, Warner 12) When Burns attempts to drive Wood, Stokes takes the ball spectacularly at backward point. It seemed to be a bump ball, though they are going upstairs just to make sure. Yep, it was a bump ball. As you were. But it was a great flying take by Stokes, which brought to mind the wonderful photo below. Burns eases some of the pressure with a cracking drive for four, and then carts a short ball over midwicket for three more.
— Philip Brown (@dudleyplatypus) September 2, 2015
“I love Woakes, and I’ll have stern words with anyone that doesn’t (i.e everybody else bar his Mum),” says Gareth Fitzgerald. “Very underrated, although I think he is better with red ball than white.” Doesn’t his Dad love him? His girlfriend? His dog?
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5th over: Australia 21-0 (Burns 7, Warner 12) Burns is unfortunate to hit the stumps at the non-striker’s end with a nice straight drive. He has got off to a slowish start – 7 from 18 balls – and will be conscious of that. It’s not easy being a new ODI batsman, because you need to get a score for yourself but you also need to score quickly for the team. It’s not like the 1980s when you could be 10 not out from 50 balls and nobody would criticise you.
“Does this mean that Woakes to England is like Joe Allen to Brendan Rodgers?” says Ian Copestkae. “Please tell me it isn’t so and that cricket is still different.” What is a Brendan Rodgers?
4th over: Australia 20-0 (Burns 6, Warner 12) Warner looks in formidable nick and pings Wood through the covers for four. Six from the over. “Why are they yo-yoing Moen Ali up and down the order?” wonders Eva Maaten. “Is it an oblique reaction to the recent Guardian article where he sort of admitted that he loved playing as an opener?” He has definitely become England’s utility man. He needs to be careful with that, because utility players usually end up going nowhere.
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3rd over: Australia 14-0 (Burns 6, Warner 6) The selfless Warner has been busy from his first ball, and times Finn beautifully through extra cover for three. Morgan did very well to save the boundary. Warner and Burns both have six; Warner has faced two balls, Burns 16.
“If the venerable Bourbon was not spelled Bourbon but spelled Borbon, when reversed it would be Nobrob. That’s you that is. Have a good call,” says the unemployed actor and erstwhile Cricinfo commentary genius, Will Luke. If this, if that. The Bluetones are over, let it go.
2nd over: Australia 9-0 (Burns 4, Warner 3) Wood takes the new ball ahead of Woakes, which is a bit of a surprise. His first ball is on the pads and clipped crisply through midwicket for three by David Warner. There are a couple of leg-side wides to Burns, who is taking a bit of time to get his eye in. I think Australia’s plan is to have plenty of wickets in hand for the last 10 overs. In other news, Reece Topley has been added to the ODI squad after his impressive T20 debut on Monday.
“It’s not unreasonable to give James Taylor a go and, if you’re going to change the order, do it in the earlier games,” says John Starbuck. “Then what changes you make later will look like rotation/squad-building, not a panic reaction. Moeen Ali has made a point of offering to bat wherever he can, demonstrating an excellent attitude and one which pretty much guarantees his place.”
Yes that’s a fair point. We need to get away – in Tests but particularly ODIs – from the idea of a first XI, with all the fuss over players being picked and dropped (sic). We should think in terms of a first XVIII, and embrace rotation. For example, the Manchester United side that won the 2008 Champions League final over ever started that game together. Also, you are right, Taylor does deserve another chance after taking the George Bailey journey from captain to reserve earlier in the summer.
1st over: Australia 4-0 (Burns 4, Warner 0) Steven Finn, England’s senior one-day bowler in the absence of Stuart Broad, will open the bowling to Joe Burns. Burns is probably the most impressive cab on Australia’s batting rank. Unusually for a new Australian batsman, he’s in his twenties. He played two Tests last winter and this is his second ODI, after a good 60-odd against Ireland last week. He gets off the mark from the fifth ball by dragging an inside-edge through square leg for four. The consensus is that the pitch is a belter; 300 is minimum rather than par.
“A really strange decision to leave out Willey, I feel,” says Krishnan Patel. “The other day against Warwickshire, he wreaked havoc with the white ball against some top-quality players. To play Wood, whose injury record isn’t the best or Woakes who makes the attack a bit one dimensional, is really inexplicable.”
I wouldn’t go that far, but I would also have picked Willey. They really like Woakes. Maybe it was a choice between Willey and Wood, who are both filed under ‘make things happen’, rather than between Willey and Woakes.
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Want to buy a funny, insightful, definitive history of the Ashes that contains a soupçon of concupiscent mischief? Good luck with that. But you can buy this if you like.
Gentlemen and Sledgers: A History of the Ashes in Quotations and Confrontations is available now. http://t.co/Z2jttd804k
— Rob Smyth (@100ashesquotes) August 8, 2015
Oh my god, they killed the WACA!
This is just terrible news. The WACA has been the best pitch in world cricket for decades. Well, with one or two exceptions. Even the acronym was perfect.
Emails please! I posted the wrong email address before; apologies. It has been corrected if you want to have your say about this, that or the other.
This is the first ODI since the fielding regulations were tweaked. You are now allowed five rather than four men outside the circle in the last 10 overs. The way things are going, AB de Villiers will need more than 50 balls to reach a century!
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The teams
James Taylor replaces the rested Joe Root at No3, and Moeen Ali is going to bat No7. Hmm, that’s an odd one; I’d have had Moeen in the top three to pinch-stroke as he has in the past. Sam Billings and David Willey are a bit unfortunate to miss out.
England Hales, Roy, Taylor, Morgan (c), Stokes, Buttler (wk), Moeen Ali, Rashid, Woakes, Wood, Finn.
Australia Warner, Burns, Smith (c), Bailey, Maxwell, Watson, Wade (wk), M Marsh, Starc, Coulter-Nile, Cummins.
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Australia have won the toss and will bat first
They are unchanged from the team that beat Ireland last week. Eoin Morgan says England would have batted first, but isn’t particularly bothered.
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Preamble
Good afternoon one, good afternoon all. Everybody’s on a journey these days, whether it’s an X-factor contestant discovering the beauty of life via the medium of being abused by Simon Cowell, a Strictly contestant going on a journey from ‘married’ to ‘it’s complicated’ to ‘divorced’, or a man on a journey to the local Costcutter for a top-up shop AND YOU FORGOT THE BLOODY BOURBONS AGAIN, I BLOODY KNEW YOU WOULD, LOOK IF YOU WANT ME TO GIVE THEM UP BECAUSE I’M GETTING A BIT PEACHY AROUND THE WAIST JUST SAY SO RATHER THAN DO THIS EVERY TIME ,I WAS REALLY BLOODY LOOKING FORWARD TO DUNKING ONE IN MY NESPRESSO, YOU’VE RUINED MY BAKE OFF NIGHT YOU HAVE.
English cricket has been on quite the journey in the past six months: from one of Kipling’s impostors to another; from behind the sofa to the edge of the seat; from FFS to OMG; and, in one-day cricket, from 1992 to 2015. During the 3-2 win over New Zealand in June, English cricket took an intrepid, heroic leap into the present day, opening their minds to the hitherto confusing notion that 50-over cricket could be enjoyed. We haven’t since such a spectacular awakening since Anne Bancroft purposefully dangled a stockinged led in the eyeline of a terrified Dustin Hoffman.
Indeed, English cricket was liberated to such an extent that this five-match ODI series is something to look forward to rather than dread as a post-Ashes chore. The NZ series, which obliterated many batting records for a bilateral series, has finally ensured that one-day cricket, if not yet on entirely equal terms with Tests, will at least be allowed to sit in the same Pavilion. Next they’ll be giving it the vote!
In one sense, this excitement is nothing new. England invariably play brilliant one-day cricket in World Cup year. The trouble is the daft sods always do so straight after a dismal World Cup exit: they won the NatWest Trophy in 2003, beat India and Sri Lanka (away, a hugely underrated achievement) in 2007 and walloped the world champions India in 2011. Those were false promises; this feels a bit different, although it is extremely important that we don’t do what we always do and get hopelessly carried away.
This series against Australia – who, we sometimes forget in the understandable love for New Zealand, did actually win the World Cup – will either make it extremely difficult to not get hopelessly carried away, or administer an intravenous injection of the harshest reality.
The match starts at 2pm local time.
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