There were moments on Sunday when you suspected that old Mr Sod had arrived at this Cricket World Cup and was about to start laying down his law.
Walloped from pillar to post over the course of a nightmarish three weeks and dangled torturously over the precipice of elimination without the mercy of a bungee-less plunge, England appeared to have turned up, and not merely in the literal sense, which had been just about the only achievement of their previous three matches.
Facing an unbeaten Indian side in such frightening form that, frankly, refusing to leave the hotel would have been among the more understandable decisions made on this doom-spiralling tour, Jos Buttler’s men briefly threatened to land an almost infuriatingly defiant blow.
For the first time in the tournament, and albeit with the assistance of a used track, their bowlers produced a performance above par, Chris Woakes relocating his length, David Willey excellent for his three wickets and the spinners probing, as a gun Indian lineup was restricted to 229 for nine.
At their peak, that is the kind of target you would have backed England to chase in their sleep. They might not always have done so (think of the hash made of a similar pursuit against Sri Lanka at the last World Cup), but whatever the opposition or conditions, the consensus at the break would have been a cakewalk incoming.
Even in the 2019 final, when New Zealand’s 241 turned out to be the very limit of England’s chasing capability, at halfway most could see only one winner, and a comfortable one at that.
Not now, though. Not with this batting lineup, one given small benefit of the doubt in the early part of the group stage when seemingly sold short by its bowling counterpart and an errant faith in fielding first, but since confirmed to be every bit as frazzled, every bit as fallible as every other aspect of this team for its horror-show campaign.
On their way to a 100-run defeat in Lucknow, England were bowled out for under 200 in a third consecutive ODI for the first time in more than 15 years, the group of swashbuckling hitters that changed the white-ball game in this country producing its worst collective run by that metric since a side spearheaded by the opening combination of Sir Alastair Cook and Phil Mustard.
England’s batters were always down to do the heavy lifting during this campaign, the bowling worryingly weakened since 2019, but both individually (bar, arguably, Dawid Malan) and as a unit they have failed to rise to the task in spectacular fashion.
England’s batters were always down to do the heavy lifting during this campaign, but as a unit they have failed to rise to the task in spectacular fashion
After brief reprieve, pre-tournament concerns over Joe Root’s form have proven well-founded. Without Jason Roy’s swagger alongside, Jonny Bairstow has been unable to deliver what was once this team’s trademark fast starts.
Jos Buttler averages 17.50 and, even more tellingly for him, is striking at below 100. None of the all-rounders - Liam Livingstone, Moeen Ali, Sam Curran and Chris Woakes - have made a contribution of note with the bat. In fact, in six matches, there have been just five English scores of more than 50 and Harry Brook, who made the most recent of them, has only played one of the three games since.
And then there’s Ben Stokes, whose 10-ball duck in the face of Mohammed Shami’s awesome spell on Sunday, in the words of Martin Tyler, sums it all up, the talisman’s contribution of 48 runs from 91 balls in three innings is so far removed from the expectation at his unretirement that they surely belong to a masquerader.
Still, somehow, England are not mathematically out but knowing there is another trip to India for a gruelling Test tour in the New Year, now is surely the time to pull stumps on Stokes’s return, to blood Brook in what’s left of this World Cup and allow the 32-year-old more time to rest his troublesome knee. Silver linings are, after all, in short supply right now.
