As the countdown to the World Cup reached its final few seconds, viewers watching German television were treated to a Burger King advert starring Oliver Kahn sitting on a park bench pretending to look happy. Cut to the real action in the Olympiastadion, and there was Olly on another bench, warming the dugout. Can you blame him for cashing in on his footballing misfortune?
And so the action got under way, and the B-list hacks watched on from afar as we waited in Gelsenkirchen for Poland v Ecuador. (Big cheer goes up in the press tent for Costa Rica's equaliser as I write.)
Incidentally I've just spotted a familiar face - the former Paraguayan goalkeeper José Luis Chilavert, whose habit of taking free kicks and penalties made him the all-time top goalscoring keeper. He's in the press box doing TV interviews and being mobbed for autographs by Ecuadorean journalists who rather sweetly are all wearing their team's yellow shirt. I don't know what he's been up to but he's tripled in size in three years - he makes Micky Quinn look like Peter Crouch.
Anyway, Poland v Ecuador may not be the most glamorous of opening day matches, but English fans might find it a useful exercise to watch for future reference. If England manage to win the group, there is every chance they will meet either the Poles or Ecuadoreans.
Poland, of course, England know plenty about from regular tussles. So what of Ecuador? Their organisation served them well in qualification, but they do not possess an overabundance of Latin flair. They are also wound up and very ready to play, the result of a ban on sex since May 22. One of the players, who was having some trouble containing himself, took to reading. But that wasn't sufficient to calm him so he went to talk to one of the team doctors. He was told the secret is to avoid spicy food. On passing this information to his team-mates, most of them believed him.
Watch out Poland?
