England's World Cup squad

'Some of England's players were unsure which bus to take to the World Cup,' chortles Conor Hurley Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Darren Bent can't make Capello's final squad – can he?' pleads Mark Redfern Photograph: guardian.co.uk

Finn Connolly uncovers the real reason why the Capello Index was shelved Photograph: guardian.co.uk

Al Balmer takes it upon himself to find a new role for David Beckham in South Africa Photograph: guardian.co.uk

Nathan Simpson also spares a thought for the players who didn't make it Photograph: guardian.co.uk

The Capello Index makes a reappearance, courtesy of Bert Ayers: 'Postponing Fabio's business venture was a good decision, it would probably have failed to inspire confidence' Photograph: guardian.co.uk

Oliver Sparrow summons the spirit of 1966 – and all of his Photoshop skills – as he manages to turn Bobby Moore into a believable Rio Ferdinand Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Seeing as though he didn't have enough pressure on him already, Fabio put his No1 player in charge of the England's World Cup song,' parps Patrick Spragg ... Photograph: guardian.co.uk

... before Rooney suddenly morphs into Marilyn Monroe. We're not too sure what John McDonagh's trying to say here either Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'One Man ... One Team ... One Dream. Get ready for this summer's blockbuster.' Thomas Coupland's clearly been watching too many war films Photograph: guardian.co.uk

And here's Tom Nycz-Losi to round things off: 'With the initial squad announced, John Terry decided to use Fabio's latest technology to rate the Wags' beauty on a scale of one to 10' Photograph: guardian.co.uk