Not for the first time England find themselves in a bit of a pickle in St Lucia. They have never played a Test here but they have been involved in two significant World Cup matches on the island with contrasting outcomes.
In 2007 England were comfortably beaten by New Zealand by six wickets in their first 50-over game. Well, that happens and it is a match long since forgotten unlike the immediate aftermath of that defeat, which involved Freddie Flintoff, a pedalo and the subsequent headline “Prats of the Caribbean”.
Flintoff had just led England’s Ashes expedition, losing the Test series 5-0, yet was a key member of the side that won the one-day series. He had been drinking excessively on that tour to the extent that Duncan Fletcher, head coach at the time, had to abandon one practice for fear of injuring his still-inebriated captain with another skier.
In the West Indies, Flintoff was vice-captain to Michael Vaughan. In their first match of the tournament Flintoff had been dismissed first ball – though he had subsequently taken a brilliant catch and bowled a very economical spell. Afterwards his determination to stay in his room at Rodney Bay, where England are staying now, wilted.
By 1.30am he was well lubricated and he subsequently revealed – to Piers Morgan on TV – that he then decided to get on a pedalo in search of the boat Ian Botham was staying on in order to share a nightcap with him. This ambitious plan did not work out quite as hoped and the following day a hungover Flintoff was hauled into a meeting by a furious Fletcher and then into a press conference for a public shaming.
So England will prefer the current sort of crisis in which they find themselves in St Lucia, which stems only from bad play rather than bad behaviour. There is no need to recall the cricket director Ashley Giles, chief executive Tom Harrison or chief selector Ed Smith to the Caribbean to sort it all out since the problems are merely cricketing.
Trevor Bayliss and Joe Root can deal with them. This should be of some comfort to the England setup, though there is an alternative view: this squad is as conscientious as they come; they train with a dedication that occasionally verges upon obsession. They are not malingerers. And yet they are still playing so poorly.
Back in 2007 the World Cup expedition was doomed, as Andrew Strauss recalled: “The negative publicity that surrounded that week with camera phone pictures being sold to the newspapers sounded the death knell for what was already a futile bid to win the World Cup. We performed pitifully in every respect throughout the tournament.”
In 2010 the situation was rosier by some distance. England played the World T20 semi-final at what was then the Beausejour cricket ground – it has been renamed the Darren Sammy National Cricket Stadium in honour of St Lucia’s only Test cricketer, one of just three West Indies players born on the island – and they strolled to victory against Sri Lanka by six wickets. They went on to win the tournament in Barbados three days later after defeating Australia just as comfortably.
Can this England squad take any solace from that? Before the tournament there was a problem at the top of the order, a familiar headache, and it was resolved rather brilliantly by tossing the wildcards, Michael Lumb and Craig Kieswetter together. And somehow this worked with Kevin Pietersen, the man of the tournament, batting superbly at No 3.
If only it was so easy to resolve England’s current difficulties. In the short-form game it is possible to carpe the diem, to ride on the crest of a wave for three weeks and end up as world champions, which is what England managed so well in 2010. The demands of Test cricket are more rigorous; there is so much more time for structural weaknesses to be revealed; there is no hiding place. It is possible – just – that Rory Burns and Joe Denly will morph into a substantial opening pair but they will need more than a surge of momentum to do that.
They will be assisted by the fact that the West Indies attack will be weaker in St Lucia because of the suspension of their captain, Jason Holder, a decision that makes the game look ridiculous. There are those who proclaim “them’s the rules”. Would they say the same to a motorist speeding towards a hospital with a sick child in the back seat? It’s all about context, or it should be, rather than a rigid application of the regulations. The match in Antigua finished on the third afternoon with more than two days to spare. If any spectators were short-changed it was because of the ineptitude of the England batsmen rather than the slowness of the West Indian over rate.
We all prefer brisk over rates. But the simple truth is that in the vast majority of cases the days when overs are left unbowled have produced riveting cricket because of the comings and goings of batsmen; on drab 260 for two days the over rate is usually more than acceptable.
There are enough officials at a Test to distinguish between a deliberate slowing of over rates in an attempt to save a game and a fall in the rate as one side press for victory with pace bowlers. The latter might lead to a substantial fine, if necessary, the former to a suspension. It is not difficult for an old cricketer to make that judgment. Holder’s absence diminishes England’s first ever Test in St Lucia, a gross injustice at Gros Islet.
