GIMME FIVE
Well, that was rather straightforward. This was built up as a brutal, menacing encounter, England entering the furnace of the Rajko Mitic Stadium and forced to navigate The Tunnel, the venue’s 240-metre long quirk – labelled as “terrifying” by one of the tabloids; “not so agreeable” by the more reasonable Thomas Tuchel. Chuck in Tuchel’s readiness to embrace the enduring spirit of Rory Delap and you would have expected a Royal Rumble in Belgrade, the visitors unlikely to look all that pretty in pursuit of victory.
Yet England sparkled in their 5-0 rollicking of Serbia, turning a potentially thunderous night into a Sunday morning walkabout. They peppered more than 20 shots at goal, had possession hovering close to 70% and produced one particularly beautiful move: Morgan Rogers’ first-time flick was the perfect accompaniment to Noni Madueke’s burst into the middle for the second goal, confirming the direction of the evening. They moved on from the laser pen directed at Ezri Konsa while another, more serious scene took place in the stands: the ire directed by home supporters at the government and the arrival of riot police.
But, hey, let us retreat to our bubble. For Tuchel, this was another reminder of how it goes. Ninety glorious minutes have provided him proper love from Big Website and others, rounding off a summer that began with a 1-0 win over Andorra and a friendly defeat by Senegal, when he may well have clocked the toxicity that comes with this rather thankless job. Heading into the encounter with Serbia he had four wins from four competitive matches, not a goal conceded. Yet the demand was for more thrills, the same way Gareth Southgate was constantly ordered to Release The Handbrake, even when aesthetics are overrated in the short-sharp world of international football. This victory provides Tuchel some breathing space before the next inevitable and confected crisis.
England look on for a trip to USA USA USA but the World Cup dream is pretty much over for the Republic of Ireland, who suffered the embarrassment of a 2-1 qualifying defeat by Armenia, 45 places below them in the world rankings. “After this performance it’s difficult to be optimistic that we will go to Portugal [their next qualifier] and win,” sniffed manager Heimir Hallgrimsson to RTE, not intent on trying to add any spin to the showing. Asked what went wrong, he replied: “Almost everything.” It is 23 years since their last trip to the biggest show and the wait goes on. Solace will have to be found in Saipan, the upcoming film detailing the Roy Keane v Mick McCarthy fallout in 2002, a prelude to their run to the knockout stages. Here’s to an award-winning performance by Steve Coogan.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
I like to say that people who go to the stadium are lucky enough to just come to see a show and not know what goes on behind the scenes. Honestly, if I didn’t have this passion, the world of football would have disgusted me a long time ago” – Kylian Mbappé, there, sounding like he’s all out of love with the beautiful game at the grand old age of 26..
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
It’s great to see that Tommy Tuchel has finally found what he was looking for … an opponent worse than Andorra. By the way, as well as finding out that Only Fools and Horses was extremely popular in Serbia, perhaps it might be worth Big Website tapping up its Serbia expert to also explain why they have frequently been so much worse than Croatia despite having a population that is 70% larger?” – Noble Francis.
Regarding Kev’s letter in yesterday’s Football Daily: if we are referencing sit-coms in Australia, look no further than the late 80s. Although I’m not sure if Forest are about to get their ‘Acropolis Now’ or ‘Apocalypse Now’ moment. Should be entertaining either way” – David Bell.
England were pretty good last night, so heaven knows why I was so absorbed with the pitch-side advertising. I wonder when ‘the UK’s #1 piles treatment’was last promoted at a match in Serbia? With perfect timing, the ad popped up (out?) straight after Harry Kane made himself a pain in the collective Serbian @rses by scoring the opener” – Phil Taverner.
Regarding Ange Postecoglou’s record of second-season heroics, can we expect a trophy next year or does he need two full seasons to win something?” – Craig Limesand.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Phil Taverner. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
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