A tragic young dad took his own life after being overwhelmed by depression during lockdown and was just months away from his wedding day, it emerged today.
Ross McCarthy, 31, had been battling depression for more than two decades but during the third lockdown he felt like each day was 'Groundhog Day,' according to his fiancee.
In a heartbreaking letter to his three-year-old son Charlie he said he could 'live through Charlie' and that his son was 'me without the faults'.
His fiancee Charlotte Aspey-Kent, 26, said they were due to get married on April 16 and spoke about the big day constantly before he took his own life last month.
She and his grief-stricken family have declined to give full details of when and how he died.
But they said,after the third lockdown, his depression was exacerbated as he was unable to go out as much and felt each day becoming increasingly more difficult to endure.
Charlotte, who met Ross six years ago, said she still plans to change her name to McCarthy as she feels like she will always be a part of the family.
She said Ross was the 'most amazing dad' who never let Charlie know he was down and always put in an effort even when he was battling his own haunting demons.
In the letter, Ross bravely asked the family campaign for mental health issues to be normalised as he would be proud if it saved 'even just one life'.
Charlotte said she felt lucky she met Ross and that she could still see him every day when she looked at their son Charlie, who is his 'little twin'.
Charlotte, from Stockton-on-Tees, Durham, said: "I think the summer lockdown was easy as we could go for walks, he liked running and going out.
"He knew what he had to do to make himself feel better, but this last lockdown has been so challenging as he couldn't do that.
"It was hard to see him upset when he was down, but even when he was down he'd still make the effort to make us all laugh. He was still the great dad and husband we loved.
"He never wanted Charlie to see him down, he was strong for the two of us.
"He was the most amazing dad and I'm so grateful for that."
Charlotte said from the day they met they never had a dull moment and, when Charlie was born, it felt like 'everything slotted into place'.
She said Ross was always 'full of life and full of love', and even in his final letter his main concern was to make sure everyone else was alright.
In a heart wrenching eulogy, Charlotte said: "For anyone first meeting Ross, you would realise he was the life and soul of any room.
"He was an 'excitable puppy' from the 6am morning dances with myself and Charlie blasting music, to running round Sheffield causing a stir in nightclubs .
"Ross was a kind soul, he cared more for those around him than anything else. Wanting to help as many people as he could. He could never see someone struggle.
"But through all this Ross struggled himself, more than any one of us could possibly comprehend."
Ross, who worked as an industrial engineer, wrote in his letter he wanted his family to campaign for more mental health support.
His sister Laura McCarthy, 29, said it is now the family's mission to help people in this battle against what they have called the 'cancer of the mind'.
Laura, from Sheffield, South Yorks., said: "One line in his letter was addressed to me and our brother Tom asking us to continue to fight.
"I've taken it to heart. It has allowed me to survive the last few weeks. It's my new mission.
"He fought so bravely and I'm so proud of him, and I will spend my life making sure as many people are able to get the support they need."
Suicide is the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK, and Ross' dad Michael McCarthy said he wants to find out why this is.
The 63-year-old retired reporter said: "Men see vulnerabilities as weaknesses. But Ross wasn't weak.
"He had a terminal illness, and it was difficult for him to get the support he needed.
"We're keen on changing that. As a man I can say we need to understand that vulnerability isn't weakness.
"We just need to understand why this is happening, why so many men in particular are affected by this horrible, horrible disease.
"Depression can steal your future, especially if it's not treated in a timely, effective way, it can steal a family's future.
"What made the tragedy worse is that he knew all the good things he had in life. He had a beautiful wife and child. Our whole family was very close.
"Knowing all of that and feeling guilty that he still felt terrible despite that - he couldn't go on. And it's so difficult for me to grapple with that."
They have set up a fundraising page in Ross' memory to raise money for the Campaign Against Living Miserably.
You can donate here.
If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operates a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email Jo@samaritans.org if you'd prefer to write down how you feel. You are not alone.
