Let's just get this clear: I'm not talking about the song, here. Because what we're all about is how good the video is. How innovative the concept, how interesting the form, how likely it is to become a classic.
You know, a classic like Michael Jackson's classics; like the classics of late 1980s MTV; like the classics of, say, Eminem's early career, 10 years ago. They were bawdy, irreverent, and they ripped the piss out of the pop culture into which they'd been subsumed, like nothing else at the time. And now?
Well, now ...
Dear Eminem,
First, let me tell you what a fan I am of your music. I'm not traditionally keen on comedy-rap as a genre, and I'm not generally keen on misogyny and gay-bashing and things, but have to say, for you, I could always make an exception. Because the media said it was kind-of ironically OK for me to do so.
So you can only imagine how excited I was to hear you had a new video. Hurray! I thought. But after watching, I would like, if I may, to take you through some of the concerns I have about this recent effort. (Concerns you will naturally care not a gnat's testicle about.)
"Guess who?" are the words that start the song. Guess who?
It's Bret Michaels, from Poison!
Yes, yes, it's actually you. But you're dressed as Bret Michaels in his newest role: the rock star quarry all the girls are after in MTV shit-fest Rock of Love.
But here of course, you're now the rock star, because "we made you" so, and you're choosing from all the girls.
All the pickable girls, being, of course, highly polished impersonations of all of pop culture's most easily ridiculed targets.
There's a fat version of Jessica Simpson, a bootylicious version of famous-for-nothing reality star Kim Kardashian, a mid-breakdown, Gimme More era Britney Spears ...
The first single from The Eminem Show was "Without Me" (with appearances from Osama Bin Laden, Batman, Dick Cheney and, um, Moby); Encore's first single was "Just Lose It" (with impressions of Michael Jackson, MC Hammer and such). Those videos were basically exactly the same as this one.
In fact, the first single from The Marshall Mathers LP was The Real Slim Shady, which may have had less impersonations, but it certainly had enough celebrity-baiting, and even cameos, to be going on with.
Sure: it's a first-single "hey look at me, look at my new album, wherein I'm going to tear it all down. YEAH, muddyfunsters!" thing, but you're not really raging against the oak tree of the establishment here, are you? You're more farting on the low-hanging fruit.
Blake and Amy for example. It's not that it's offensive – though you can't image she'd be that keen on the image of her possibly soon-to-be-ex husband licking her diseased teeth – it's more that it's, you know, last year. Or the year before. Seriously, who cares any more?
Then we also have:
Tabloid favourite on/off couple John Mayer and Jennifer Anniston; there's fat Jessica Simpson again; Sarah Palin, and Elvis.
Yes, that's right ...
Sarah Palin. Who surely stopped being amusing or relevant at least six months ago.
Of course, it's not all outdated. There's also your take on Star Trek ...
Which is good, well done, because the new film version is out soon, and ...
Rain Man. Which ... No, I've just checked, doesn't have a new version coming out any time soon, and remains a 21-year-old reference. Well done.
A newer reference, meanwhile, is the one about the relationship between Ellen Degeneres and Portia di Rossi.
You know, the one where you complain about what Portia sees in Ellen rather than you. Well, she's still famous and popular, constantly in the public eye, arguably funny ... Oh, and a woman. What with both of them being lesbians, it's a bit of a slam-dunk. (I know that doesn't rhyme, and that's why you wouldn't use it, but all the same.)
It was at least more relevant than your complaints about how Lindsay Lohan should break up with Samantha Ronson.
Since they have broken up already.
Still, the Kim Kardashian bit was very convincing, well done. Though I wasn't completely convinced by the contrasting claims she's a man and has an inflatable bottom.
But the whole feeding her into a wood-chipper and watching dollar bills fly out thing? That's a classic image, for sure. Just that one though.
Not the rest of them. They all seem a little tired, a little bored, and a little like someone who doesn't care any more, but would like some more money now please.
And then in the last few moments of the video, where you just shrug, and sigh, and walk away?
You kind of look like that, too.
Early retirement is a really popular choice right now, dude (actually, so is swine flu). Go with it.
Love and kisses!
Anna
xxx
