Former England cricketers and fans have begun what promises to be a long and painful postmortem into how the team slumped to the quickest ever Ashes series defeat in Australia after only 12 days of cricket.
England legend Ian Botham said he was “embarrassed” after they capitulated to defeat by an innings and 14 runs on the third day of the third Test in Melbourne on Tuesday morning with only their captain Joe Root – as usual on this tour – showing any application with the bat.
Australia retains the urn inside 12 days. England spent longer quarantining on the Gold Coast. #Ashes
— Sam Landsberger (@SamLandsberger) December 28, 2021
Geoffrey Boycott, another former England captain, called for Root to step down from the role. Writing in the Telegraph, Boycott said: “Now Australia are 3-0 up and the Ashes have gone, will Root please stop saying Australia are not much better than us? I don’t mind him living in cuckoo land but stop trying to kid us.
“If he really believes what he says then maybe it is time he gave up the captaincy of the England cricket team. The facts are staring us all in the face, except Joe doesn’t want to see it … It’s every cricketer’s dream to captain England and Joe has had 59 test matches to mould and stamp his authority on this set of players. He has had 13 tests against Australia with only two wins and nine losses.”
Already 2-0 down in the five-match series, England needed a big score in the second innings to have any hope of fighting back but slumped to 68 all out – their lowest total in Australia for 117 years.
Australia wrapped up the Ashes in 852.3 overs from the first Test to the end of the third, the quickest of any side for a five-Test series Ashes Down Under. England are well on their way to another 5-0 series whitewash to match those suffered in 2006-07 and 2013-14, with the remaining two Tests to come in Sydney and Hobart.
However, the consensus among ex-players, commentators and fans was that the class of 2021-22 is one of the worst, if not the worst, ever sent to contest the Ashes in Australia.
If anyone in Melbourne is looking for super quick test results just go to the MCG.
— Spirit of Carlton (@SpiritofCarlton) December 28, 2021
“I’m a little embarrassed,” Botham told the Seven Network in Australia. “To lose the Ashes in 12 days, I don’t know if that’s the fastest, but it’s got to be very close to it.
“I just think that England have lost their way.”
Steve Harmison, whose fast bowling feats helped England to win the Ashes in 2005, also said he was embarrassed and that it would be a difficult inquest process.
“That’s embarrassing, I’m sorry,” he said in the wake of the defeat. “There’s going to be a big inquest, there’s going to be people’s careers on the line”.
"That's embarrassing, I'm sorry"
— Cricket on BT Sport (@btsportcricket) December 28, 2021
"There's going to be a big inquest, there's going to be people's careers on the line"
Strong words from @Harmy611 after an annihilation by Australia#Ashes pic.twitter.com/PLLflOi4Mf
Another former England captain, Michael Vaughan, said the pandemic meant that England had not had a good preparation for the series but the real reason was more glaring.
“For some time now, this Test match team has not been good enough,” he said on Australian TV. “They’ve not focused enough on the Test match team, the focus has been more on white-ball cricket – and it delivered a World Cup [win in 2019].
“I honestly don’t think our system allows young players to develop and give themselves a chance of playing at this level.”
England nowhere near good enough .. they will know that .. but seeing a 32 yr old on debut on his home turf with the Crowd going berserk is what makes Sport so special .. Well done Australia .. Far too good for England .. #Ashes @FoxCricket
— Michael Vaughan (@MichaelVaughan) December 28, 2021
The television presenter and cricket fan Piers Morgan said the defeat occurred in the “most humiliating manner imaginable”, adding: “I feel sick”.
England all out 68 - and the Ashes are gone in the most humiliating manner imaginable.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) December 28, 2021
Congrats to Australia on being way too good for us, and to Scotty Boland - who I’d never heard of a week ago! - on one of the all-time great Ashes bowling performances.
I feel sick. pic.twitter.com/aY6oUC27g2
Morgan admitted that he, like many England fans, had never heard of the Australian bowler Scott Boland before he ripped through England’s batting in Melbourne, finishing up with six wickets for seven runs. His efforts contributed to England recording another set of ducks and now have a world record 54 for the calendar year.
Another astonishing fact proving popular on social media was that in this calendar year, England’s third highest top scorer has been extras.
Extras an absolute lock in the England team. One of the first players selected #ashes pic.twitter.com/wdUq65JNt1
— David Scutt (@Scutty) December 28, 2021
England fans had their say in emails to the Guardian’s over-by-over blog. Lawrence Di Bartolo, of Brisbane, who described himself as an ex England cricket team supporter, said his worst fears about the outcome of the tour had come true, and summed up the mood of many.
“This tour has been a train wreck waiting to happen,” he wrote. “Unfortunately such is the pathetic state of English cricket that it will be glossed over and normal transmission will resume with the same losers in charge of the wreckage that is English cricket. Until someone stands up and states that this is not good enough English cricket will continue to be the laughing stock of the cricket world and kids will not want to play a sport full of gutless losers.”
Another England fan, Tom Paternoster-Howe, was searching for silver linings.
“The only good thing about how pathetic and embarrassing this shower that passes for an international test team are, is that at least their incompetence will annoy 140,000 Australians who had tickets for the last 2 days.”
