Elton John has a new album to promote, and to celebrate he's been delivering some choice words regarding Madonna. If you saw Tantrums & Tiaras, or even if you didn't, you'll probably find it useful to picture a furious Elton delivering all these lines in tennis gear.
"She's such a nightmare," he opines. "Sorry, her career is over. Her tour has been a disaster and it couldn't happen to a bigger cunt." Laughing boy continues: "If Madonna had any common sense she would have made a record like Ray Of Light and stayed away from the dance stuff and just been a great pop singer and make great pop records, which she does brilliantly."
Actually, that's fair enough – perhaps we're reading too much negativity into the first quote. Except: "She looks like a fucking fairground stripper." It seems like harsh judgment, but at least Elton is still having No 1 albums.
Elsewhere this week pop's premiere misanthrope Morrissey wrote to fans that he was "unable to watch the Olympics due to the blustering jingoism that drenches the event. Has England ever been quite so foul with patriotism?" He went on to criticise the royals and misuse the word "empirical".
It's important to remember that Morrissey is the comic creation of former Smiths singer Stephen Morrissey, who exists only to satirise 80s musicians in the same way Steve Coogan skewers deluded radio hosts with Alan Partridge. But in the popstar insult arena it also prompts one to yearn for the warmth and charm of a Gallagher brother put-down.
Liam delivered one cracker last week in relation to Wayne Rooney ("I'm not having it – he looks like a fucking balloon with a fucking Weetabix crushed on top"), which means Noel should be up next. Anytime before next Wednesday would be great.
