The funniest item of clothing I’ve ever owned
My mum gave me a red bonnet for Christmas one year. It had three woollen phalluses bouncing off the back. She was really offended when I didn’t wear it on Boxing Day.
The funniest standup I’ve ever seen
John Early. He’s an American comic who can literally say anything and I’m in tears. Of laughter.
The funniest sketch I’ve ever seen
A sketch that Sheeps did in their first show called Splay, where Alastair Roberts played a man whose organs are on the outside of his body. Extraordinary.
The funniest book I’ve ever read
Cold Comfort Farm is genius. I’m jealous of that book. Can you be jealous of a book? I am.
The funniest TV show I’ve ever seen
Totally Scott-Lee. It was an MTV reality show in the early noughties about Lisa Scott-Lee of Steps fame trying to relaunch her solo career.
The funniest film I’ve ever seen
Basil the Great Mouse Detective. Really pushing the boundaries of realism.
The funniest person I know
My friend Al Green. In a very dark and sinister way. Will he end up killing me? Maybe.
The funniest meal I’ve ever eaten
Big plate of grey rice.
The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had
I was desperate to be trendy when I started university, so I tried to shave an undercut. But I was a coward and shaved too small a patch, so I just looked like I’d been lobotomised.
The funniest dream I’ve ever had
I dreamed I had to identify my brother’s body after a shooting. When I got there, however, the bodies were just fillets of salmon wrapped in blue puffer jackets. Dreams, eh?! Absolutely wild.
The funniest joke I’ve ever heard
Q: What do you want for Christmas?
A: A new bum, cos mine’s got a crack in it.
